by Eleri Stone
“I cheated,” she said, voice subdued. “My mom made meatballs today. I stole some and picked up rolls at the grocery store.”
“Sounds good.” He put the bag on the table. “Sit, I’ll get the plates.”
The scrape of a chair, the rustle of clothing as she sat. “Fen.”
Shit. He grabbed his good plates, the ones he’d grown up using, seventies brown with paler stone flowers around the rim. One had a chip that perfectly fit the curve of his thumb. He turned around and accidentally looked her straight in the eyes. Double shit.
“I think we need to talk.”
“About the runes,” he ventured hopefully, crossing the room and taking the seat across from her. Safer to leave at least one chair between them.
“About Christian.”
He winced. “Christian is my friend.”
“That’s why I’m asking you about him and Elin.”
He let out a shaky breath, relief and annoyance mixing bitterly in his stomach. He’d thought maybe... Well, hell, it didn’t matter what he’d thought. “Maybe you should ask Christian about that.”
“Yeah.” She hesitated as if she might say more but then nodded once. “You’re right. I hoped we’d have time to talk this afternoon, but Lois was waiting for me at the house.”
He took the split roll she handed to him. Her fingers brushed briefly against his, making the skin tingle all the way to his wrist. She was soaked in power. It leaked from her, but that was all she had access to—this bit that seeped through that enormous barrier.
“What did Lois want?”
“One of the stones had been disturbed. It was causing an imbalance with the wards.”
“Because of Rane.”
Rocky finished chewing and swallowed. “I should have gone back to check. She wanted to make sure I knew I’d made another mistake and that she’d fixed it for me.”
“Witch.”
“Yah. At least one of us is.”
“Aw, come on. You’ve got loads of potential.”
Those sweetly mobile lips quirked up at the corners. “Big steaming piles of it.” He laughed and she jerked her head up. “What? You think it’s funny?”
He held up his hands in surrender. “My first pity party. I didn’t know there were rules.”
“This is serious.”
“It’s not. The future of our clan is not resting on your shoulders. If you can’t control your power, then we get a new witch. If the fault begins to fail, we evacuate and relocate. Either way it’s not the end of the world. Your pride’s on the line, that’s it.”
“Rane—”
“Is safe and healing. Everyone goes to sleep curled up next to their loved ones, alive and well. It’s not a tragedy.”
She got up and helped herself to a soda from the fridge. Her expression was brittle and he hated it. Hated that she was hurting. Hated the tension in her shoulders. Hated most of all that there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. She toyed with the tab on the can. “Elin is his lover, isn’t she?”
Fuck. That’s what this was about. He should turn her away gently and send her to Christian. She should hear this from him. But she must have seen the truth in his eyes. Her face crumpled and he stood, torn between wanting to comfort her and needing to keep his distance. Boundaries. They needed boundaries.
Ah, she’d started to cry. He took a small step in her direction, because he couldn’t just stand there and do nothing. Holding his arms open and giving her plenty of time to escape, he wrapped her in a hug, swallowing a groan as her arms circled his waist. He tucked her head under his chin and grinned like an idiot when she wiped her face on his shirt. He was an idiot. A wretched, masochistic fool.
“They’re not together now,” he said.
“He still cares for her.”
“Of course he does.”
She didn’t make any move to pull away. Her body fit against him perfectly. Slender, lithe, as warm and sweet as he’d imagined. He touched the back of her neck, gently rubbed the tight muscles there and then stroked his open palm down her spine, learning the curve of it, forcing himself to stop when he reached her waistband. Comforting a friend, not copping a feel. Boundaries. Fucking boundaries.
“Will he screw around on me?”
“He’ll honor you,” he said, almost regretting that it was the truth. “Honor is important to Christian. He will respect his wife.” Or Fen would kill him with his own hands.
“Honor isn’t love.”
“He’ll love you.” He almost choked on the words. Damn her for making him say them. Damn Christian too. He had this fucking precious gift in his hands that he’d done nothing to earn and the lucky bastard didn’t even seem to realize it. But Christian was a smart man. He’d figure it out and he would love her. How could he not?
And Rocky would get over these nerves and fall for Christian just like everyone else did. Fen would be happy for her too. Christian would give her children, normal not-cursed children. He’d make her happy.
Fen started to move her away, but she lifted her face, eyes bright, hair a god-awful mess, tendrils sticking to the tracks of her tears. “He kissed me today.”
“Rocky...”
More tears leaked from the corner of her eyes and he cupped her cheeks to brush them away with his thumbs. “You should go be with Christian now. Talk to him about Elin. About all of this.”
She sniffed and leaned forward, setting her cheek against his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist. She sighed...the same kind of sigh he made when he slipped into bed bruised and battered from the hunt. The sound of someone reaching a safe shelter. And he wasn’t—couldn’t—be that for her.
“That’s the thing,” she whispered. “When he kissed me today, it felt wrong. And when I saw him with Elin... I should be upset about that. But that’s not why I’m crying.”
“I saw the way you looked at Alan’s. You were upset. I wanted to go to you.”
“It stung my pride.”
“You’ve only known him a few days.”
She’d stopped crying, but made no move to unwrap herself. He should do that, untangle her arms.
“I’ve only known you a few days.”
He closed his eyes. Bending his head, he touched his lips to her temple and breathed her in. He stroked a hand through her hair as he considered how to respond. He didn’t want to, didn’t want to acknowledge this at all. “You’ve never met a friend you felt like you’ve known forever? It happens sometimes.”
She fell silent. He should set her aside now, step back and start putting some distance between them. But...he couldn’t seem to do it. Not yet. When would he ever hold Rocky like this again? Never.
When he let her go tonight, he’d let her go.
“I thought about you.” Her voice fell to a bare whisper. “When Christian kissed me, it felt wrong because I wanted it to be you.”
He felt it like a shot to his gut. The pain hit first before it turned into something else. Something that caused his arms to tighten around her shoulders. Rocky tipped her head back to look at him and he stared at her lips, parted slightly, trembling. For a second, he let himself imagine it—bending his head to claim her mouth, sinking inside her heat. He wanted to know the taste of her. His skin tingled like it did before a shift, when he was holding back the magic from washing over him.
“I don’t want to marry Christian.”
As if a gaping hole opened under his feet, he fell into that sentence. His mouth opened, but he clamped it closed. What could he possibly say? This was his best friend’s fiancée, and he didn’t want a mate. He didn’t want children who would grow up and have to deal with this shit. Didn’t want to take the risk of handing his soul over to another person and then spend the rest of his life hoping they didn’t change their mind.
He was still falling when the phone in his back pocket began to vibrate. It was enough of a jolt for him to close his eyes and pull away. He dug the phone out and glanced at the number before answering. Aiden.
>
“Is it Rane?”
“No,” Aiden said, sounding tense and frustrated. “Another surge. Gather your men, pick up Lois too and meet us at the house.”
“Will do.”
Rocky was close enough to hear. “I’ll come too. The rune stones...Lois said she fixed the last one this afternoon. There shouldn’t be a surge. If there’s something wrong with the—”
“No.” Fen would have let her ride along if he didn’t need the space so badly. Her lips firmed, but she didn’t argue. “Now’s not the time to try to figure it out. When the demons are dead and it’s clear, then you can go look at the stones. Maybe Lois missed something.”
“Maybe Lois missed something on purpose.”
The accusation shocked him and apparently Raquel read that on his face, because she blushed and shook her head. “I’m sorry, no. I shouldn’t have said that. Lois wouldn’t place her own people at risk to discredit me, I know that. I’m the one who screwed up. Again.”
“Raquel—”
“Just go, Fen.” She gave him a gentle push toward the door. “I’ll clean up here.”
He keyed the emergency text as he walked out, not looking back even though he knew she was standing there watching him leave. He had a job to do. He wasn’t running away from her.
* * *
Christian was walking toward the barn beside Elin when Fen arrived at the house. Of course he was. He’d probably come back here after dropping Raquel off to keep Elin company as she sat by Rane’s bedside.
Fen had told Rocky the truth. Christian had broken things off with Elin months ago—as soon as Raquel’s family contacted him to make final preparations for the ceremony. Christian was friends with any number of his ex-lovers scattered through the town. And Rocky was perceptive enough to see it. He didn’t think she was confident or forgiving enough that it wouldn’t bother her. Especially not when she’d already overheard him telling Aiden that he only saw her as an obligation.
“You dropped Rocky on me again so you could run back here.”
Christian stopped walking, turned slowly. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about your fiancée risking her life so she can take her place here and coming to my house to cry about you.”
Christian glowered. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re fine. She said she was fine. We’re getting to know each other. These things take time.”
Fen knew he should shut up and walk away. He knew it. But he still took a step closer. Still got in Christian’s face. “She needs more from you.”
“I’m marrying her.”
So she should be grateful? “And she’s marrying you. You can both walk down the aisle lockstep like good soldiers.”
Christian’s hand was on his sword and Fen could feel the magic gathering around his own body. He hadn’t been this close to an uncontrolled shift since puberty.
“I’m doing the best I can,” Christian said. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
Fuck.
“Love her.” It was the simplest thing in the world. Why couldn’t Christian grasp such an incredibly simple thing? Christian would love her and then Fen could stop.
Christian went very still, but his hand fell away from his sword. Elin stood there gaping and Fen felt suddenly sick. He thought about letting the change take him, shred through his clothes and favorite jacket. Sink into that altered state where everything was sharp and clear and simple.
“Is there a problem here?”
He swung around. Aiden was dressed in full leather armor and already mounted on his horse. His expression hard and unhappy. “We need to go. Fen, most of the hounds are already here and changed. They’re out creating a perimeter around the break. We need you.” His eyes flicked up to focus on Christian. “And you. Can you put whatever the hell this is aside for the moment?”
Not waiting to see how Christian answered, Fen turned and walked away. He stripped off his clothes and tossed everything onto the porch in a heap. They’d all seen him buck naked countless times—a hazard of being a hound, one that had long since ceased to bother him. Elin, far more polite than he was, walked away to make her own transformation. The crows...well, he’d never seen them shift before and not for lack of trying. And not, like Rane teased, to sneak a peek. Purely a professional curiosity.
He loved Rane and Elin, but not in that way. He didn’t understand why it didn’t bother Christian to have a relationship with a woman who’d been childhood friends with his great-grandmother. Letting the change take him, Fen felt some of his helpless anger ease.
He was told that the change appeared to be almost instantaneous, but it didn’t feel that way on the inside. He’d seen video in high school science class of the birth of a star, matter collapsing in the blink of an eye and then shooting outward in every direction. A blaze of fire and light. Shifting felt like being at the center of that. Not painful exactly, but shattering.
And then he was on four paws and his world continued to expand for several seconds as he adjusted to his heightened senses. He could hear the demons stumbling through the woods, feel their hunger in the stench of their sweat. He felt his pack, Ben taking down an outlier. Daniel and Jake moving to seal the break in their circle. The wind tasted clear and sweet and he swallowed it down before letting it erupt from his throat in a long shuddering howl.
Christian mounted and joined the other riders. Elin already circled lazily overhead. No room for thoughts of Rocky here. No doubt or guilt or shame. Only the hunt. Aiden signaled them forward and Fen threw himself into a headlong run, quickly outpacing the huntsmen to join his hounds.
The pack was coming and joy welled up inside him, lifted from his throat to the night sky. Beth’s horse shifted nervously as Fen darted off in the direction of the pack, taking the lead and letting himself fade away until there was only the rhythm of his paws hitting the ground, the blood pumping through his veins, and the huff and draw of each breath. He was the hunt. Death bringer and night stalker. He needed no one.
Chapter Twelve
Raquel hadn’t expected her experiment to work, but watching Fen take off as if his tail was on fire and leaving her alone with the awful revelation that she wanted him made her need to do something distracting. And what was more distracting than finally taking control of your life?
She wasn’t completely reckless. This time she warded her bedroom first and made sure there wasn’t anything flammable in the circle. Well, except for her. But how much damage could she do with a marker and a damp washcloth?
When she’d gone back inside Fen’s house, she’d found the new design in his sketchpad, laid out on the coffee table all ready to go. She’d cleaned up dinner, putting the meatballs in the fridge and leaving the rolls on the counter. It took all of five minutes, and while she’d briefly considered waiting for him to come back, she remembered the expression of relief on his face when the phone rang. She shouldn’t have said anything. It wasn’t really Elin that had brought her to the decision about Christian. She hadn’t been crying about that—she didn’t know why she’d broken down. Everything was such a big tangled mess and she had no idea how to unravel it. But once she’d spoken the words out loud to Fen—I don’t want to marry Christian—she hadn’t wanted to take them back.
When she grabbed her coat on the way out, she’d seen the sketchpad again and on impulse took it with her. No one was at the house, her mother and Audrey on some mysterious shopping trip into town. She didn’t want to sit there alone and useless while Fen and Christian and even Lois risked their lives.
There was something she could do tonight.
She traced Fen’s design with her fingertip. As agreed, he’d taken Audrey’s suggestion and replaced the amplification rune with one that would mute her power instead. It went against every instinct. All witches wanted more power. It was a matter of pride and rank. But if she had to cripple herself to make this work, then she’d do it. She frowned at the sketchpad for a long time before unca
pping the marker and setting to work.
She’d never been particularly good at art and trying to draw on herself was...difficult. She gave up on her arm and worked on her thigh instead. Her leg was more accessible and a much bigger canvas to work with. She didn’t worry about fancy. She placed the runes exactly as Fen had drawn them, in the exact alignment. When she finished, she could feel the hum of power coming off them like the other night. She wondered if she would get used to that once she had the markings permanently tattooed onto her flesh. She would get used to it. If they worked the way they were supposed to, she’d find a way to adjust.
Closing her eyes, she centered herself as she’d been trained, closing out every extraneous thought and bringing herself to that well of power inside her. Easy to find it, but again she was standing on the outside of a great wall. The Hoover Dam of magical blocks.
It felt different tonight. The surge might account for that. With more of their native magic leaking through the fault, it made their magic here on earth more accessible. A good night to try this. Perfect.
Except Fen isn’t here to stomp out any fires if I fail.
She pushed that thought away hard. She’d already asked far too much from him. She’d seen that clearly on his stricken face right before he ran. He wouldn’t betray his friend, and she couldn’t ask him to. He might be attracted to her, but he didn’t really want her. If she could figure this out on her own, he’d place the tattoo and she’d let him go.
Tonight there was a tension across the wall, like a hand barely touching still water. She paused as she considered the barrier—a force pushed outward, but something also pulled her in. A subtle current, but she focused all of her attention on following it. She came to a place that felt almost like a fault, the ragged edges knit together imperfectly. The seam was there. The source of that trickle of magic. Slowly, with extreme care, she pushed forward.
It was like bursting a bubble. Once she broke through that fragile skin, she was pulled inside a vortex. A blaze of power raced up her arms and flooded her mind, caused sparks to burst behind her eyelids as magic raw and unfiltered sang down every nerve. Her muscles began to shake as every circuit overloaded and began to shut down. Until she couldn’t even feel her body, couldn’t see her room, or hear herself screaming. She could only feel the energy coursing through her. There was nothing to anchor her.