by Eleri Stone
But that wouldn’t matter. If the portal failed, everyone standing here would die. Fen...all of the hounds and huntsmen. She wondered how the humans would explain that. There would be a crater. Would they call it a meteorite even though their astronomical instruments wouldn’t have registered a thing?
She walked a delicate edge, pulling power from the fault, feeding it back into the weave, rebuilding the wall between their worlds, willing the rift to heal itself. She had no idea how long she stood there, didn’t even realize that it was done, that the power she was pulling from the fault had slowed to a trickle, until Kathy slapped her from the trance.
“Stop.” Her tone of voice made Raquel think that she’d said it several times already.
The fault was stable, or as stable as it would be until the wards were replaced. The remaining demons were dead. Alan was tending to an injured hound. Fen crouched naked at his side, arguing with him. She jerked her gaze from that sight and her knees buckled.
“We’re done here?” Christian scooped her into his arms and waited for Kathy’s nod. “Alan, I’m bringing her back to the house. Come as soon as you’re able.”
“Stupid girl,” Kathy muttered. “She shouldn’t have attempted it herself. I had no idea it was so far gone. Your witch shouldn’t have left hundred-year-old wards in place.”
“They were holding,” Aiden said. He and Kathy walked a step behind Christian. Raquel couldn’t muster the strength to open her eyes, let alone enter the conversation. “I won’t be able to discipline Lois formally, not when your apprentice blew the portal open with that stunt.”
“It wasn’t a stunt. Did you see what she did? There’s been no one with that kind of power for centuries. It might have been years before she matured into it naturally. It was your need that pushed her to this. She did it for you—and for him.”
A noise rumbled from Christian’s chest that sounded like denial. Warm and deep, fiercely protective. She was safe. As much as Aiden might want to wring her neck, Christian wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Not yet. She wrapped that security around her like a blanket and tumbled headlong into sleep.
* * *
Ben was going to make it. He’d tucked his chin when he tackled the demon and had driven his head directly into the bony plate of armor that covered the demon’s chest above the heart. It had knocked Ben out cold, fractured his skull and sliced open his scalp. All Fen had known at the time was that Ben wasn’t getting up. But they’d held the demons off for over an hour, exhausted, bleeding and—yeah, maybe with a little bit of help from the huntsmen—but they’d done it.
“He should be fine by morning,” Alan said. “But I’ll stop by all the same. Will you bring him to your house or are you staying with him tonight?”
Alan knew Fen wouldn’t leave an injured member of his pack alone for the night. Casualties were frequent. Deaths, thankfully, were rare. The demons weren’t well adapted to this world and were especially disoriented during the first minutes after having crossed over. So long as they were caught right out of the portal, it wasn’t all that difficult to take them down. But accidents happened. When Fen saw Ben lying on top of that demon, he’d thought for sure...
But he’s fine. No point in worrying over might-have-beens.
Fen looked up to see Christian lift Raquel into his arms and felt another pang of fear. Christian looked grim but not frantic. Aiden and the Colorado witch were arguing about something, but Fen could tell from their body language that Rocky wasn’t desperately injured. Christian wouldn’t have told Alan to come to the house at his convenience if there was anything seriously wrong with her. Fen knew that—he knew it—but all he wanted to do was follow her. He wanted to be the man holding her now.
When he’d seen her standing there covered in blood, trembling with exhaustion and the force of the magic she wielded, he’d been terrified for her. Ripped apart by his need to guard her and a conflicting need to stay with his pack. He’d left Ben sandwiched between Hagan and Brian and moved to stand in front of Raquel. Pure instinct. He’d have to answer to the pack for that.
Nothing should challenge his loyalty to the pack. He couldn’t deny it anymore—what he felt for her went beyond friendship and simple attraction. Part of him already claimed her as his, but she wasn’t his. She was Christian’s. And he had to find a way to break that connection.
“I’ll stay at Aiden’s tonight.” Fen picked up Ben, supporting his head as carefully as he would a newborn baby. “We’ll make it easy on you and keep all your patients in one spot tonight.”
Alan nodded, relief easing his features. He had a wife and baby at home. It had to suck being called out at all hours of the night on top of his regular job. “I’ll patch up the rest here then and send them home.”
Ben stirred and began to struggle until Fen spoke his name.
His eyes opened to slits, but he didn’t seem to have any trouble focusing on Fen’s face. “Did we win?”
“We did. Killed them all.”
This time.
“The wards—”
“Are holding for now.” Ben couldn’t even open his eyes all the way. His head dropped onto his chest, and Fen adjusted his arm to support him better. Ben was a good kid and as close to a child as he’d ever have. “No more questions. You rest, I’ve got you.”
Chapter Thirteen
Raquel turned her head away from the light. It seared through her closed eyelids and seemed to throb in time with the drum beating inside of her head. Her mouth was dry, and she hurt everywhere—her head, her shoulder where she’d been stabbed, her thigh where those runes were now permanently scarred into her skin. Memories from the night before flooded her consciousness along with a hefty dose of guilt and self-recrimination.
It was the morning after from hell. Her stupid mistake hadn’t only affected her, it affected everyone in the clan. She wanted to pull the covers over her head, but she couldn’t hide in bed forever. She had to check the portal, the fault and the wards. They’d held last night, but that didn’t mean that they’d continue to do so. She had to go see how bad it was and if there was any way for her to repair the damage.
Fen. An image flashed in her mind of the horrified expression on his face when she’d made her confession. The way he’d literally run away from her. Her one friend in the whole damn town. Gods, was there anything she hadn’t fucked up last night? Pressing the heels of her hands to her sockets, she groaned and rubbed her eyes before trying to open them.
“Fuck,” she shouted, drawing back. Fen was there, watching her. She waited for her shout to stop echoing around inside her skull. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Thought I heard you waking up.”
She closed her eyes again...just for a minute. She was in Aiden’s house. It was full daylight outside, and she was naked under the covers. Through the floorboards, she could hear the sound of raised voices. She turned her head and squinted at Fen. “Are they trying to decide who gets to kill me?”
He smiled faintly and dragged an old wooden chair to her bedside. It creaked when he sat. “No. Only whether to send you home.”
“Ah.” She swallowed and winced. “There was a hound last night...” She remembered seeing that black shape lying amongst the slaughtered demons. She remembered the pain that’d sliced through her at the thought that it could be Fen.
He poured her a glass of water. “It was Ben. His takedown technique needs a little work, but he’ll be fine. Everyone made it.”
He waved her up and she scooted her butt back on the mattress, holding the sheet around her body and tucking the ends in behind her. Setting the pillow on end, she leaned against the headboard and took the glass. Nothing had ever tasted better than that tap water with half-melted slivers of ice. She closed her eyes to savor the pure poetry of it.
“Kathy and Lois went out to the fault this morning. They say it’s good for now.” He huffed a soft laugh. “Kathy says it’s better than it was, but Lois won’t agree with her. Those two are like c
ats in a bag.”
She could imagine. She turned her head and opened one eye. Fen leaned back in the chair, legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankle. His hands rested on his flat belly.
“I’m a real witch now.”
He inclined his head. “So you are, Pinocchio.”
She rubbed at her face. “I screwed up really bad.”
He said nothing—a world of comment coming from Fen. After they both sat pondering the awesome stupidity of her actions for a few silent moments, he said, “What the hell happened, Rocky?”
“I tested the runes like we’d planned.”
“Like hell you did. We didn’t plan that. We sure as hell didn’t plan on you trying it alone.” She’d never heard his voice so hard and bit back a response, reminding herself that he had every right to be angry.
She’d taken precautions with the circle, used washable marker like they had the other night. But she should have known better. The runes... She pushed aside her blanket and lifted her knee. She could feel Fen’s body stiffen without having to look at him. She almost tugged the blanket back but it was too late and she wanted to see the damage anyway. A loose bandage was taped to her thigh. She worked a nail under the corner and peeled the edge up. Fen rocked forward to get a look. It looked like a brand. Her skin was pink and puffy. The runes themselves were black and oozing, although that might have been some kind of ointment.
“Alan didn’t even try to heal it. He didn’t know how the runes would react to his magic, said that the shoulder was tricky enough.” He tilted his head. “I would have picked the back of your shoulder for the tattoo, right about where the exit wound was.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be permanent.”
“That’s not even my design.”
She blinked back tears. “Your design was beautiful.” It had been. Same runes, same alignment but his marks had been smaller, cleaner with a knotted circle surrounding everything that made it art.
“Hey,” he said gently. She looked up, flinched away from the concern in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
She shook her head. “I’m an idiot.”
“You did a stupid thing. You could have killed yourself.”
She could have killed more than just her. “I’m s-sorry about Ben.”
He left his chair and sat on the edge of her bed. He started to reach for her but then only touched her hair. The lightest drift of his fingers that tickled her scalp. “Ben’s young. He’ll bounce back.” His voice took on a wry note. “I need to teach him to bounce.”
“I didn’t think I would break the circle. I never would have done it if I thought there was even the smallest chance of it affecting the portal. But I should have waited. You’re right, and I know it.”
She couldn’t decipher the mess of emotions that crossed his face. “Maybe you shouldn’t have taken the risk at all. We could have found another witch.”
She frowned. “I’m not sorry that the runes worked. I would have taken the risk for myself. I was taking the risk for myself, but I never meant to hurt anyone in your clan.”
“You destroyed what Kathy says was a self-protective block because of the pressure from my clan.”
Maybe the pressure from Lois was the trigger that pushed her past the breaking point, but she was tired of being deadweight. She had been for a long time. The people of her own clan alternately resented or pitied her and she didn’t want that here. More than that though, she was tired of being split inside, broken, of being separated from her gift. It was past time for her to grow up, to be the person she knew she could be and stop accepting less. She hated the way it had happened and would do everything in her power to make it right for his clan whether they sent her home in shame or not. But in the end, this hadn’t really been about them.
It was about her.
“Kathy kept me from trying this for years, Fen. She always said that I couldn’t do it, that I wasn’t ready. It wasn’t the pressure from your clan or Christian,” she said quietly. “I did this for me.”
His mouth twisted. “You were fine the way you were.”
“This is who I want to be.”
Who she was meant to be. She could feel it inside her, the big still lake of power that had always been there. But now she could walk right up to the bank and dip her hand in the water. She could fucking swim in it if she wanted to. And it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Despite all her aches and pains, the people arguing downstairs and the dark look Fen was giving her now, inside everything was exactly as it should be.
Almost.
“I’m not going to marry Christian.”
Fen didn’t say anything for a long time. When he spoke, his voice was low and rough. “When you decide to take down walls, you go right for the dynamite, don’t you?”
“It’s not right to marry him, not with the way I feel about you.”
His jaw set so tight she could see a muscle twitch in his cheek. She wanted to know badly what he was trying so hard not to say. “And if I don’t feel that way about you?”
“It’s still not right to marry him until I’m sure, arranged marriage or not.”
“I’ll be your friend, Rocky, but I won’t be more.”
That hurt, sliced right into her as sharp and cold as the knife had. Even if Fen didn’t return the sentiment, she shouldn’t be struggling with these feelings while getting ready to marry another man. Christian deserved better and so did she. She cleared her throat, but her voice still came out a whisper. “It’s still not right.”
“Rocky...” He shook his head. “Don’t marry Christian if you’ll be unhappy. I told you once that I didn’t want to see you or him trapped and I meant it. We’ll find a way around the contract, but you can’t leave him for me. Do you understand? How could he see that as anything but a betrayal?”
“Let’s ask him and find out.”
“You respect him. You like him. You were prepared to go through with the contract.”
“Yes.”
“You’ve known me two weeks.”
“But I know you. Better than some people I’ve known my whole life. I could spend a lifetime with Christian and we would still be strangers.”
He hesitated but didn’t deny the weird way they’d become instant friends. Like two pieces of a puzzle clicking in place. “You can’t know that,” he said finally. “If not for me, would you want him?”
“Not like this.” Would she have gone through with the contract? Maybe before she realized how big a sacrifice she was making. But she couldn’t do it now.
“There are only two choices for a hound. Abstinence or slavery. There is no halfway.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” He winced, and it was as if his face crumpled beneath an outside force. She was that outside force, pressing in on him, forcing him to face this. “Fuck. Don’t even answer that. It doesn’t matter. None of this does. We shouldn’t even be having this conversation.”
“Fen—”
He stood abruptly and glanced at the door. At first she thought he’d heard someone on the stairs but then realized he was only preparing to run. Before he did, his gaze locked on hers and she choked down a whimper. Because there was hunger there, raw and blazing. He does want me. But eclipsing that desire was a stone hard determination that shattered her fragile hope. It didn’t matter how he felt or did not feel about her.
“I’m sorry, Rocky. I’m not doing this.”
Before she could even phrase a response, he walked away. She scrambled from bed, calling his name. The sheet fell away, but he didn’t look back. Just slammed the door shut behind him.
He shouted something to the people downstairs on his way out. They were arguing in earnest now. She hadn’t even noticed until she was standing there staring at the closed door with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Someone—Grace probably—had left a pair of yoga pants and a cotton T-shirt on the hope chest at the foot of the bed. This bedroom faced northwest and a blast of
wind made the window shake in its frame. On the news last night, they’d said a storm was coming. There would be snow soon. There was already a foot of it on the ground back home.
The voices below rose. Aiden. Christian. Lois and—oh, God—her mother was here too. She glanced at the window and seriously considered making a break for it. Sliding down the drainpipe and running away like Fen had. Even as the thought crossed her mind, she rejected it. This was her mess.
She dressed quickly, thinking about faults and wards and surges. She tried to accustom herself to the feeling of all that power at her fingertips. She very pointedly did not think about Fen and the look on his face right before he walked out the door. She couldn’t push him. He either felt the same toward her...or he didn’t. She knew he’d never wanted a mate. As a hound, he had valid reasons for that decision. She tried not to take that personally, even though it hurt like hell. If Fen needed space to sort through that, she’d give it to him. Either way, she’d made up her mind—she couldn’t marry Christian.
She walked down the stairs, now close enough to hear the conversation clearly. They were arguing about her.
“The contract stands.” Her heart cringed in shame at the sound of Christian’s voice. “No one was hurt.” Aiden murmured something and Christian spoke again. “No one was hurt permanently and she fixed it. The portal is more stable now than it was when she accidently broke it open.”
“It was no accident,” Lois said sharply. “She was being criminally reckless. I won’t work with a witch who doesn’t know how to control her own power. It was pride and greed.”
Christian swore. “I’ll defer to your expertise on both of those points, but it doesn’t change my decision. A contract is a contract.”
Raquel rubbed a hand over her face. Christian was defending her and she’d just practically thrown herself at his friend. She needed to talk to him as soon as possible, talk to her parents and to Aiden. Regardless of whether Fen ever accepted her, she couldn’t bind Christian like this. And if they wouldn’t release her from the contract? She didn’t know.