by Emelia Blair
“She’s adorable,” Debra tells me, sincerely.
I can’t help the smile form on my face. “Thank you.”
She studies me with a critical look and then asks, “So, you’re Elise, huh?” After a brief pause, she looks over at her brother and says, “She’s too pretty for you.”
My cheeks turn red and with a sinking feeling, I realize that the sister is worse than the brother.
Debra is grinning at me now. “Lucas can’t stop talking about you. It took me a few months to figure out that he hadn’t even asked you out yet.”
“Deb!” Lucas looks horrified. “Shut up!”
Debra ignores him, putting her arm around my shoulders in a very conspiratorial manner and guiding me to another table. “My brother has the sweetest crush on you. It is just adorable! Are you coming to the wedding? Has he asked you yet?” She glances over at a gaping Lucas who looks like he’s been punched in the balls. “What are you waiting for? Ask her already. It’s been a year!” Then, she turns back to me. “I’m a fashion designer. I have a few outlets in the city center. You should come to the one in Pentagon City Mall. I work from there, personally. I’ll give you the family discount.” She takes a step back and beams at me. “It’s so great to finally meet you. I was almost starting to believe that Lucas made you up in his head!”
I’m completely bewildered by all this information hitting me at once.
Lucas has a crush on me?
His sister knows about me?
He’s liked me for a year?
I’m gaping at Debra, completely stunned and finally stammer out, “I-it’s really nice to meet you too.”
That sly look on her eyes doesn’t disappear and she introduces me to her fiancé, Riley, who seems to be a sweet natured man.
“All right. We have a reserved table on the terrace, so well leave you two alone. Meet me for lunch sometime, Elise!” With that, Debra vanishes up the staircase, dragging her fiancé behind her.
I sink into my seat, staring blindly at Lucas. “What was that?” I breathe out, the force of nature that was his sister, having blown me away completely.
Lucas looks chagrined, an expression I’ve never seen him wear before. “How much of that conversation do you think you can ignore?” he finally asks, slowly.
I stare at him, my expression flummoxed beyond belief. “Which part?” I take a heartbeat to settle myself before breaching the subject, “I-I knew you might be interested in me but your sister said – for a year? – You’ve wanted to ask me out for a year? You never said anything!”
Lucas observes me, and then lets out a heavy breath that he’s been holding in. “Of course I’ve been interested in you, Elise. It’s always been you. I kept looking for the right moment but then you got pregnant and I didn’t want to upset you or make you uncomfortable. At the moment, I didn’t know where Sophie’s father was in the picture. And then, after hearing of your awful experience with him, how could I put you in a position to have to choose between me being your friend or pursuing you. You clearly needed a friend more than a lover, so I decided to put my feelings aside.”
My heart beats faster and faster at his words and it’s getting harder to breathe as he confesses his feeling before me, looking so defeated.
“But you’re – you’re asking me out now?” I ask, hesitantly.
He scowls at me. “Of course! I only backed off because I knew there wouldn’t be any other competition while you were pregnant. You wouldn’t even look at a man. But now, you’ve had Sophie, and I can’t have you dating somebody when I’m right here. Besides, you’ve somehow gotten even hotter now. Men look at you everywhere you go. I’ve been trying to make my move but you’re so determined to play deaf, dumb, blind.”
I’m trying to sort through his words, my mind all over the place and I pick up on the most inconsequential part of his speech. “I thought you backed off because you thought I needed a friend. You just said—?”
Lucas groans and then standing up, he strides over to me, and winding fingers in my hair, he tugs my head back and plants his lips on mine.
It’s like a shock of electricity when his lips touch mine and I immediately feel helpless under his experienced hands. His kiss is desperate and ravenous, and my own hunger ignites at the way he’s devouring my mouth, his tongue pushing past and seeking entrance.
He tastes me in a filthy way that has me moaning.
I’ve never been kissed like this. My lower abdomen quivers in need and tightens, wanting something bigger and thicker. His grip in my hair is tight and I can’t move as he positions me to his liking. All I can do is helplessly obey.
He’s licking into my mouth, tasting me and then he sucks on my tongue and my nipples tighten, almost painfully and I know that had we been in private, I would have let him rip my clothes off and take there and then.
It’s only when I feel lightheaded and have a desperate desire to breathe that he releases me, his hooded eyes staring into mine with unconcealed desire.
Desire that he’s had pent up for more than a year now apparently.
I’ve always read about women that have amazing sex that blows their minds and yet, I’ve never had such an encounter. All my experiences have been subpar. To be very honest, the two men I’ve slept with never got me off.
But right now, as Lucas grips my hair and stares down at me, I have a feeling that not only would he be a fantastic lover, he would have me screaming his name all night long. “I—?” My voice is a little rough, and I clear my throat, “That was— I wasn’t expecting-“
Whatever he sees in my eyes satisfies him, because he leans down and presses a sweet kiss to my lips and then rounds the table to his own seat. And then without thinking, one of his hands starts rocking Sophie’s pram.
I don’t know what to say or do.
My feelings for Lucas are there. How can I not feel something for him?
However, I’m also scared of what this means for me, of being forced into the same situation again. I know that Lucas isn’t Darren. I know that. But I can’t help the irrational fear brewing inside of me. “Lucas—”
“If you’re going to reject me over what happened with Darren, then I don’t think that’s very fair.”
I freeze at his words.
How did he know?
I stammer out, “When – I mean how did you—”
“I’ve had my suspicions for a while. And I found out bits and pieces. And then I saw the contract that you left out the other day when you were drunk.”
The raging fury in his eyes makes me tremble.
“I would never hurt you like that or abuse you like that. I don’t know what exactly he did to you, but you should know I’m not capable of something so vicious and cruel.”
My mouth is dry and my heart is hammering against my ribcage.
He knows about the contract?
What else does he know?
I should be angry that he read the contract, despite it being confidential but instead of anger, all I can feel is a sense of relief. Relief that someone aside from me knows what I’m being forced to go through.
My eyes close momentarily and I let out a shuddering breath.
“Elise, why didn’t you tell anybody?” Lucas’s voice is gentle.
My lips curve in a humorless smile that is bitter. “Who could I tell? The terms of the contract were clear. I wasn’t allowed to breathe a word. I didn’t – I don’t know much about legal things but Darren brought a lawyer to officiate everything after he forced me to sign it.”
“What do you mean, ‘forced you to’?” Lucas sounds a little too calm.
I open my eyes to see that same cold gleam in his eyes I’d seen a few days ago. It chills me to the bone. My lips part and suddenly I’m telling him of how Darren cornered me, of the knife in his hand.
When I’m done, Lucas is shaking with fury but his tone is balanced. “So, he never threatened you? He just showed you the knife?”
I nod.
His eyes nar
row as he comments, “He’s smarter than I gave him credit for.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you ever contest this contract, you can’t say that he verbally threatened you with a weapon. He simply had it in hand.”
I pause at this and then I stammer out, “A-and if I had not agreed to sign it, would he have hurt me?”
Lucas doesn’t say anything for a few moments then he replies, “I don’t know yet. Maybe. Or maybe he would have found a way to harm Sophie without being implicated. The man doesn’t sound like a fool.”
“I don’t regret it, you know.” I rub my hands over my face. When Lucas looks at me for an explanation, I clarify, “I mean signing the contract. I never wanted Darren to come anywhere near Sophie, nor do I want anyone to think of him as Sophie’s father. I don’t want his money or for him to have any role in Sophie’s upbringing. I don’t like the way he forced my hand but in a way, this contract binds him as well. And I don’t regret having Sophie.”
Lucas watches me, silently for a few minutes, “But people know. They know about your and Darren’s relationship. And they know that Sophie is his child.”
My jaw clenches in anger. “They know his twisted version of the story. I know I can’t speak my side of the story but even if I did, who would believe me?” A sound of discontentment is torn from my lips, “Lucas, just because you know part of what’s going on doesn’t mean I want you to interfere. I can protect Sophie. Besides, after three weeks, she’s going to go to the daycare center. Out of sight, out of mind.”
Lucas doesn’t look very happy with my words but at the end of the day, I don’t want to drag him into my problems. I know how to fight my battles. No one could call me weak.
After a long stretch of silence where he doesn’t meet my gaze, his brooding one resting on his unfinished cup of coffee, I say, hesitantly, “I know you’re nothing like Darren, Lucas. I just – I just don’t know why you’re even bothering to pursue me. I have Sophie now. She’s part of the package. Do you really want a child added in the mix?”
“How is that a bad thing?” His tone is sharp as a blade.
I fall silent.
I try to say something but he cuts me off with a glare. “I’ve been through your whole pregnancy, weird cravings and all. I let you nearly crush each bone in my right hand during your delivery. I was there when Sophie was born. How could I ever consider her a burden?”
I can’t find the words to fight him on this because he’s right.
“Look, I’ve had feelings for you for a very long time, Elise. I don’t have a problem spending my time trying to convince you to change your mind. However, if you don’t want me, tell me no to my face and mean it.” He’s looking at me very seriously.
I open my mouth to do just that, to tell him to back off, that I don’t want him, that I’m not looking for any relationship at the moment, that my experience with Darren has left too terrible of a mark on me to trust any man.
But nothing comes out.
My mouth snaps shut and I press my lips together.
Lucas waits and when I say nothing, his lips curl into a satisfied smile. “So, that’s how it is.”
I shift in my seat, not knowing why I’m feeling so awkward. “I mean, I’m not – We can do the date and take things slowly.”
The smile he’s wearing is both smug and cheerful, and he nods his head. “Oh, absolutely. I really need to get Debra another wedding present. Interfering little brat.”
The sudden happiness inside of me is warm and although I have no idea what’s going to happen next, this unexpected flare of joy has me reeling. It’s been a tough year and despite my reservations about dating or men in general, I don’t know why I feel like my heart has never been lighter than today.
This constant conflict in my mind is starting to give me a headache. And it’s honestly starting to become annoying. If I had thought I needed to make up my mind before, now it’s been settled for me.
Lucas has been a solid center for me through everything, even going so far as doing the tiniest of things for me that I wouldn’t have noticed. Although I’m grateful for each and everything he has done for me, my feelings for him go beyond that. Maybe they always have and I’ve just been trying my best to ignore them in an effort to protect myself. But now, knowing that he feels the same, or perhaps more, how can I not accept the hand that he’s offering me?
The man makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he knows how to get under my skin and he knows just how to brighten my mood. Whenever I’m around him, I’ve always felt safe. And he makes it hard for me to concentrate when he gives me one of those looks while filling my head with all kinds of inappropriate fantasies.
Initially, I had never looked too much into why Lucas was so friendly and attentive. Then, when I got knocked up, his friendship was valued even more so because at a time when I needed someone the most, he stood by me and became my rock. There had been times when he had gone overboard and I’d suspected that it was more than just friendship but he had never offered anything more and my worries had subsided. And when he had finally asked me out, I don’t know why but it had struck me that it might be out of pity or just a friendly outing under the guise of a date.
Then his attitude started shifting. The kind friend began evolving into a man who looked at me when he thought I wasn’t looking and when he touched me, his hands lingered for a while longer. I had always found myself flustered around him because of my small crush but now every time he approached me or looked at me, my heart would beat so loud I would fear he could hear it.
Now this.
This is new territory for me and I’m floundering. This seems like a huge risk and yet, my chest is tight in anticipation.
Lucas drops me home later on.
His mood is vastly improved since we went to the café but he isn’t too pleased about me not wanting to discuss my current situation.
“I don’t want to cause too much commotion at the office,” I had told him. “I’m playing it low key and that’s fine. If I don’t respond to the jabs and comments, the women will back off.”
But as I enter my home, I know that’s not the whole truth.
I’ve always considered myself an independent person and whatever I’ve faced, I’ve overcome by myself. I don’t want to lean on someone to help me. I’m not good at asking people for help.
Despite everything, Lucas might want to date me, but what if it doesn’t work out? What if he decides that we just don’t fit each other?
Staring at myself in the hallway mirror, I glare at myself. “Were you always this pessimistic?”
What started out as a pep talk didn’t go anywhere because I just stared at myself. My irate expression winding down to a helpless one before I glance at Sophie, admitting quietly, “I’m just scared.”
I know if I don’t protect myself, I’ll fall head over heels in love with this attentive man who treats me like I’m the most precious thing in the world to him. I’m scared of getting hurt.
The weekend passes fairly uneventfully. I take Sophie to the park on Sunday since the sun has come out for a while. The air is still a little cold but not that much so.
I spend the rest of the day looking at job listings.
It’s not that I’m actually considering leaving; I just want to have a backup plan. Besides, it takes weeks and months for companies to get back to applicants. It’ll be a good enough time for me to determine whether I can continue at Starr Industries or not.
Because… I lied to Lucas.
I did have this niggling feeling that Darren wants to drive me out. While I don’t plan on making this easy for him, I have a child to think about so I’m going to cover all my bases. As I circle another job advertisement, I feel a little guilty for some reason. Lucas’s face flashes in my mind and I hunch over the kitchen table, muttering, “It’s not like I’m going behind his back or anything.”
But the guilty feeling persists until Monday when I see him walking in, first thing in the m
orning.
“I don’t remember you being this early before I went on maternity leave,” I call out in greeting.
He looks up from his phone which is another new one.
Does this man eat his phones? How does he keep losing them?
Lucas looks delighted to see me and as he approaches me, I see that his hair is once again, uncombed, and his tie hasn’t even been knotted.
A piece of burnt toast with some spread on it is clenched between his teeth, and he quickly swallows it. Halfway between choking, he lets out a small grunt.
Panicking, I rush over and start thumping him on his back. I turn to quickly pour him a glass of water.
After taking a few small sips, he clears his throat, “Hi.”
“You okay?” I ask, anxiously.
Even Sophie watches us, her little face serious, as if sensing the atmosphere.
“Yeah, yeah.” Lucas waves off my concern. His face is a little flushed and he checks the huge clock in the lobby, frowning. “How come you’re always here a half hour early?”
“The bus runs on a schedule,” I explain as I round my desk and lean my elbows on it. “If I take the later one, I’ll be arriving a half hour late. This works for me. What about you?”
There’s a shift in Lucas’s expression and he airily says, “Just some work stuff. But it can wait.” He comes over and tugs at Sophie’s toes and she gurgles happily, clapping in a clumsy fashion.
I eye his clothes. “Are you sure it can wait? It looks like you were in quite a hurry when you left your home.”
Lucas blinks and when he sees his tie, he makes an odd face.
I’m instantly curious, never having seen this particular look on his face before. “What?”
He doesn’t meet my eyes. “Oh, I forgot about this. I’ll do this up in my office.”
Suspicion rouses its sneaky head in me and I suddenly see the beginnings of an opportunity to get back at him for teasing me so mercilessly over these past few days. Innocently, I ask, “You do know how to tie a tie right?”