by Holt, Mina
I’d never really heard such high praise from my aunt. She tended to be more practical and would generally compliment me on my skills in the kitchen or my mean Scrabble abilities. To hear her call me beautiful made me blush a little, but also possibly almost believe it for the first time in my life.
My mother had been a beauty, why not me?
“Thank you,” I managed to say before tearing up. I sipped my tea and munched on the heavily buttered toast she set in front of me. Tea and toast, Auntie G’s favourite breakfast.
My phone buzzed and I almost broke a finger grabbing it from the table, I swear. I slid it open and mentally crossed my fingers, praying it was Gavin.
I guess I must have a direct line to God, because it was from Mr. James himself.
“Morning love, did your ark survive the night?”
“Is it him?” Auntie G asked me, “never mind, I can tell by your secretive little smile that it is. I will leave you to call him, or chat him, or sext him…whatever you kids are doing these days.”
“It’s just regular texting,” I said and felt a small thrill at the thought of dirty talking with Gavin James.
“Either way,” she said and stood, knocking a couple cats off her lap in the process, and continued, “I’ll leave you to it. I have a hot yoga class to attend in an hour. Not as hot as your boyfriend’s fine behind, but it will do.”
“Nice one,” I said and laughed. In spite of acting more like a grandmother, she was in such great shape for her age; I was convinced she’d live forever. She was probably teaching the class to a bunch of girls my age for all I knew.
“We made it,” I texted back.
“Did you miss me?”
“Of course.”
“I missed you. I wanted to wake with you in my arms.”
“Maybe tonight?” I backspaced, erased my bold suggestion, then typed it again and hit send before I could back out again. For a few long seconds I sat clutching the phone in my hand, staring at the screen, waiting for his response.
It felt like hours before he texted back, “Not tonight, love. I’m on the way to the airport, assignment in LA.”
My heart sunk. Had he been playing me all along? If he knew he was leaving town, why would he have invited me to spend the night? Had he been planning on forcing me to make the walk of shame this morning? That would have been far more humiliating than what the gossip pages were reporting already.
“It just came up,” another text came through. “I didn’t know about it until an hour ago.”
“How long will you be gone?” I texted back.
“Three days. Can I see you Friday? I’ll come from the airport to pick you up.”
“I guess. That might be nice.”
“I’ll bring you back something special.”
“Just bring yourself and I’ll be happy.”
“Take care, love. I’ll talk to you from L.A.”
I smiled and held the phone to my chest, let the weird, warm waves of happiness wash over me. This was so strange, this feeling of complete joy. I wasn’t necessarily an emo type, I’d never cut myself or had an eating disorder, none of the pathologically normal depressed teen things. But I’d always been a little morose. I can’t lie; I tended towards the sad side of things.
I used to say I wasn’t a cynic, I was a realist.
But cynicism has no place when falling in love, and realism doesn’t belong in a world where I want to curl up under my blankets and drift on fantasies of Gavin and I in the morning light.
Unfortunately my daydreams would have to wait; I had a kitchen to tidy up and a few errands to run before work that night. So it seemed being swept up in Gavin’s arms would have to wait.
***
Jenny perched on the tall stool behind the counter at the bookstore I managed. I know, bookstore, bet you saw that one coming.
It was a small, eclectic, ‘Ma and Pop’ place that sold used titles along with the new and had a small spot for open mic nights and the occasional author signing.
She watched me closely as I shuffled through the bargain table, finding the ones that had been there a while and needed further marking down. The orphans of the store, the ones nobody would adopt.
Inevitably I would feel sorry for the books, the authors who wrote them, and the characters trapped inside, being shuffled about without a place to call home. I always ended up taking them back to Auntie G’s place and finding somewhere in her overstuffed library for them to reside.
Yes, I also think of books as people. Another shocker, I’m sure.
“There’s something different about you,” Jenny finally stated. She had been studying me with those critical eyes of her and I had been bracing for it.
“I don’t think so,” I replied and shoved a dog-eared copy of The Notebook behind a sad looking early edition of Atlas Shrugged.
“You totally look different,” she said, slitting her eyes like one of those Siamese cats on Lady and the Tramp. I half expected her to break out in song.
“I met him like two days ago,” I said, “I hardly think that’s enough time for any changes to have taken effect.”
“I don’t know,” she replied, “you look like you had a good, hard fuck.”
“I told you, we never spent the night together.”
“You don’t need to have a sleep over to get a nice hard pounding you know.”
She rolled her eyes like I was a sexual imbecile. I suppose I wasn’t as sophisticated as she was, I mean in real world terms, but obviously I’ve read a lot.
“I know,” I said, “but we didn’t have time for anything. I told you about the water leak.”
“TMZ certainly thinks you’re boning him.”
“Boning? What are you, a twelve year old boy?” I asked, keeping cool, but inside my stomach flip-flopped. I hadn’t realized our date had garnered such wide attention. The only place I’d seen that awful photo had been on a couple more local news sites this morning.
Jenny ignored my barb, “What if you end up on Tosh.O? He is brutal! I would die, but it would be hilarious!”
Ah, good old Jenny always had my back. “That would be awful, but I doubt it would make that much of a ripple. I’m just a small fish in this big, big ocean.”
“But still, you really should take better care of yourself if you’re going to be on camera.”
“I don’t think I’ll be followed or anything. The only time people will pay any attention is when I’m with him. I don’t know, should I start wearing a bag on my head or something?” I replied. She did have me there; I wasn’t pleased with that awful photograph either.
Jenny arched her eyebrows, looked me up and down and said, “It might be a start.”
“Ha ha,” I replied and busied myself on another shelf, organizing the titles. I could never quite tell if Jenny was really making fun of me, or just trying to make a joke. It never used to bother me, but since meeting Gavin I was feeling especially tender. I knew the world would be judging me, and I didn’t need my supposed best friend to join in.
My phone buzzed on the counter and Jenny dove for it before I had a chance. I rushed to her side and said, “Give it,” as I held out my hand.
“No way,” she replied and turned around, “Oh my god, it’s Gavin. He just sent a pic. Holy fuck, he’s hot.”
“Let me see!”
“No, I’m going to reply first,” she snickered and started tapping away.
I reached around her and grabbed for the phone, but she wiggled away from me and kept typing. Out of desperation I kicked her hard in the back of her leg, on her calf.
“Fuck,” she said, “fine, here’s your phone, you psycho.”
She reached down and rubbed her calf, then handed me the phone. I opened the text, and yes, he was fucking hot. In the pic he was on a beach somewhere, sand clung to his body as though not wanting to let go of him. The sun kissed his face and brightened the tips of his hair so it appeared almost as a crown on his head. His smiled was wide and bright, his eyes were
beautiful and brilliantly shining and he was just overall scrumptious and perfect.
“Thinking of you made me smile,” he had written.
“Thinking of you made me wet,” Jenny had replied.
I blushed from the tips of my toes to my scalp. I felt red-hot heat all over my body, and I thought I might faint. I grabbed the edge of the counter to steady myself and said, “What the hell were you thinking?”
“I was thinking you’re such a prude, you need a little help. I mean seriously Sarai, if you have had two nights with Gavin James and haven’t even fucked the guy, you are obviously doing something wrong.”
There was something else though, something I picked up as she spoke. She was jealous. Not just irritated that Gavin had chosen me, but she was dangerously consumed with envy. I realized I would need to watch myself around her, be careful what I told her and make sure Gavin and I were on steady ground before hanging out with her.
“We’re taking it slow,” I said, “and Gavin is totally on board with that.”
My phone buzzed and Jenny practically leapt out of the chair to grab at it. I pulled back and read it.
“Thinking of you made me hard,” he had written. I’m not gonna lie, I felt my heart pitter patter at the thought of the ridge I’d felt in his pants. “Can’t wait to see you again, love. Next time let me cook for you?”
“I’d love that,” I wrote back.
We carried on for a few moments; just idle chitchat about what we were up to. He was apparently back in his hotel room for the night and sitting around thinking about me.
Gavin James, thinking about me by himself in his hotel room in California.
I couldn’t believe it; honestly, it was all still so much like a dream.
Jenny insisted on knowing the extent of our chat, so I told her.
“There is no way he’s alone right now,” she said, “he’s probably got some hot swimsuit model in there with him sucking his dick while he sends you messages.”
“You’ve got a very shitty view of the world,” I said, “I mean, honestly, even if he was there with a model, we just met. It’s not like we’re exclusive or anything.”
“Then he is definitely spending the night with somebody much hotter,” Jenny crowed triumphantly, “and younger. Get used to it with a guy like him.”
“I’ve got a lot of work to do,” I said and grabbed my order sheets, “I think you should probably leave.”
“You know I’m right,” she said and giggled, “toodles. I’ll call you later.”
“If I don’t pick up, I’m on Skype with Gavin,” I said and let her leave. I wanted to run after her and shake her, make her believe that he was being honest, that he was a genuinely nice guy. Prove to her that he wasn’t lying to me, that there wasn’t some gorgeous young thing at the end of his dick right now.
Truth was, she got to me. Jenny knew me well enough to poke holes in whatever manufactured fantasy I had of Gavin and I. I resented her for it, but appreciated her keeping me on my toes. I couldn’t let my guard all the way down, not just yet, I really didn’t know him.
And from everything I’d read, he’d never been the most committed of boyfriends or somebody to rely on for the long term.
I marked down book orders on my clipboard for the rest of my shift. As I was closing up, sat in the darkened store, right in front of a display of the newest, hottest book plastered with Gavin’s abs.
In the book, the heroine had fallen for the improbably gorgeous hero. In the book she had been frumpy, a virgin and beautiful under her plain Jane clothing and depressing outlook on life. The millionaire CEO with the magic abs had fallen for her anyways, despite a few bumps in their road, they’d ended up together. All in all, it has been a nice story.
I pushed my glasses up my nose and sighed.
I knew real life wasn’t that nice. I knew girls like me didn’t get guys like him in the real world, not in any meaningful way anyhow. I knew it wasn’t going to end well, and he would break my heart after he got what he wanted.
I knew this.
And yet that little part of me couldn’t stop hoping and dreaming that happy ever afters did happen in real life.
And happy ever afters did happen to girls like me.
Chapter Thirteen
We did Skype that night. And the night after. And the night after. He texted me constantly throughout each and every day. I was like his own private Instagram; he sent me pics of his food, his make up artist, the suits he was wearing, and the view from his hotel room. He was sharing as much of his world with me as possible, and I hated to admit it, but I was letting my guard down again.
Not hanging out with Jenny could do that to a girl, allow me to have confidence and hope for a fabulous future with Gavin.
She was pouting though, I could tell. She hadn’t expected her little text to Gavin to open up our communication like that. Now that I think about it, I’m sure she had expected Gavin to be too shocked to reply, or to get instantly dirty and want to use me for a little fun.
Oddly enough though, it has excited him and opened him up to me.
We did dirty talk. Well, dirty Skype, I can’t tell a lie, but it was sweet and hot, no exactly cheap.
He was coming home today, flying in and heading right to my place. I was almost vibrating on the kitchen chair, trying to appear casual as I sipped my morning tea and nibbled my morning toast.
The kitchen had survived the watery disaster, thanks in part to Gavin.
“Your boyfriend coming back soon?” Auntie G asked and peered at me across the table. One of her cats jumped up and started to attack her toast; she swiped it off without even batting an eye. I looked down at my own toast, surveying quickly for cat bite marks or stray hairs.
Surprisingly there were none, the cats tended to stay away from me. I liked them well enough, but my aunt was definitely the center of their universe.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said defensively. Probably spurred on by the fanciful part of me that wished he was.
“Okay, your male friend. Is he coming back today?”
“Yes, he is,” I said and my breath caught in my throat. I couldn’t wait to see him.
“Thank goodness, you’ve been almost walking into walls around here, you’ve been so distracted.”
“I know,” I admitted, “I’m pathetic, aren’t I?”
“Not at all,” she said with a twinkle in her eye, “I think it’s cute. Your mother was much the same way when she met your father.”
“Oh I don’t think it’s that serious,” I replied, maybe a little too fast.
“It might not be serious now,” she said, “but it’s got the making of a serious thing. I can see it in your eyes, and I saw it in his.”
“We’ll see,” I said, “even if I were to admit that I like him, I don’t want to jinx it.”
“Makes sense. I get that,” she said and made some kind of loose sign in front of my face with her fingers. “Abracadabra,” she smiled and went back to her tea and toast.
I nibbled and perused the gossip blogs on my phone. It seemed the one time photograph of Gavin and I coming from the restaurant had faded into the background. Luckily there was enough going on in the world of celebrity stupidity to bump our night off the front pages.
I sighed and looked up at Auntie G. She was watching me with a crooked smile on her face. I screwed up my nose and stuck out my tongue at her. She laughed and picked up an out-dated magazine.
I loved these little moments, where I was secure and content in my little bubble.
But as much as I loved being safe and comfortable, Gavin was a big enough attraction that I dared myself to try it out…see what it felt like to date somebody like him.
I just had to kill the few hours until his return so I could figure out where the heck everything was headed.
***
The few hours felt like days. I paced and cleaned, showered, tried on twenty outfits, then did my make up over and over again. My face was almost ruddy by t
he time I heard a car pull up out front.
He literally had taken a taxi from the airport. I peeked out the window and watched him take our steps two at a time before he rang the doorbell. He seemed as excited as I was; this helped give me a little injection of confidence.
“Hey,” I said as I opened the door.
“Hey you,” he replied and swept me into his arms for a kiss. I folded against him and inhaled his scent, he smelled like the ocean, like warm sunlight and sandy beaches.
He tousled my hair with his hand as he reclaimed my mouth with his as his territory, as if I could have forgotten. I moaned against him and he responded with a small growl. He bit my lower lip as he pulled away.
He stared into my eyes; I hadn’t worn my glasses just for this moment. He ran his hand through my hair and breathed out, “Sarai, I missed you, love.”
“I missed you too,” I replied, even though we’d been in almost constant communication. There was something different though, being next to him in person.
“Do you want to come to my place?” he asked, even though we’d already agreed on it, “I really want you to come to my place. I want to cook for you, to have you in my space.”
“Of course,” I replied, “I should grab my bag.”
He popped in with me and asked Auntie G, “No more water problems?”
“None at all,” she replied. “What time are you going to have her back?”
“I believe that’s up to her,” Gavin said and smiled.
Auntie G had to smile back, she really did seem to have taken a shine to him.
I caught her checking out his ass when he bent to pick up my backpack though, and shot her a little glare.
She shrugged her shoulders and laughed.
“You take good care of her,” she told Gavin as we left.
“Always will,” he said and we were gone.
***