by Holt, Mina
“They hate me,” I wailed and smoothed my hair down, trying to avoid looking like a troll doll in the papers.
“They’ll love you when they see how much I love you” he said and kissed my hand.
I took a deep breath and we left the store. Immediately we were surrounded by reporters asking questions and taking photos.
“How do you feel about your family’s decision?” one guy yelled with a mic in our faces.
“Are you going to leave Sarai now that you’ve been disowned?” a woman screamed in our faces with a cell phone held out in front of her like a cross in front of vampires.
I ducked down and locked the store. I slipped the key in my pocket and turned to Gavin. I thought we were going to take off but Gavin grabbed my hand and held me next to him.
“I do have something to say,” he told the assembled media. His handsome face was lit up and he was laying on the charm inches thick.
They all went quiet and listened though, he was a charismatic guy and knew how to hold their attention.
I pulled slightly and he squeezed my hand. I turned back towards him and looked up at his beautiful face. My breath caught in my throat as he continued to speak.
“My family’s decision is regrettable. I can’t speak for their motives, but I will say I am hurt by them. I refuse to be bullied though, I refuse to live my life in black and white without the woman I love. When I’m with her, my life is in full color, and once I had a glimpse of it, I couldn’t go back to my former existence.”
I was distinctly aware of my heart beating in my chest and the rest of the world falling back out of my vision. Gavin was in the center and his face was highlighted for me. It was the only thing I saw.
As if in slow motion, he continued to speak as he turned towards me. “I love Sarai and I can’t imagine my life without her now.”
He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a little velvet box. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move.
Tears sprung to my eyes, sharp and happy, as he dropped down in front of me, down on one knee. “I had hoped to do this in a more romantic fashion, but I think the world needs to see it now. Sarai Britton, you have changed me. You have made me a better man and you have helped me become whole. I came home when I found you and I want us to be joined together in love and in name. I want my family to understand how much you mean to me, I want the world to know how much you mean to me, but most of all I want you to know. Sarai, will you marry me?”
The crowd of reporters collectively gasped, waiting for my reply. My mind was racing a million miles a minute as I tried to find the words to tell him how I felt.
Nothing came to me.
Chapter Thirty Seven
I could feel the weight of expectation from the media and I could see the worry in Gavin’s eyes as I struggled to find my voice.
Finally it all came out of me in a great rush of sound. “Yes!” I started to cry, “God, yes! Of course!”
He took my hand and slipped the ring on my finger. It was an outrageously large diamond cut engagement ring, it was breathtaking and must have cost entirely too much.
For once in my life I allowed myself to indulge in the luxury though. I admired it on my finger and I looked down at him.
He gave me a goofy smile, jumped to his feet, swept me up in his arms and spun me around. “She said yes!”
The media snapped hundreds of photos as he spun me, and for once I didn’t care what I looked like. I was captured in my moment of pure unadulterated joy, and I wanted the world to see it.
He set me down and cupped my face in his hands, he looked me in the eyes with his face full of love, and he kissed me.
The crowd started to clap, photos were snapped, but they apparently loved this special moment.
He pulled back and said, “Let’s get home, we’ve got dinner with Jane and Ethan later.”
“Do we?” I asked and held his hand as we walked down the street away from the paparazzi. They were frantically updating newspaper blogs and gossip sites with the latest instalment of the life of Gavin James.
“We do,” he replied and held the door of his car open for me. I bent to get inside, stretched out my hand and looked at my ring, turned around and kissed him again.
“Thank you, fiancé,” I said with a big grin on my face.
“You’re quite welcome, fiancée,” he replied and smacked my butt as I slid inside his little sports car.
It was all surreal, the ride home, the quick shag in the shower, getting dressed for dinner and rushing into the restaurant fifteen minutes late. Our cheeks were flushed and we were giggling when we found our seats.
“You two have been up to something,” Jane laughed as we sat down.
“We have been,” I smiled and glanced at Gavin. He moved his chair closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders protectively.
“Do tell,” Ethan said and sipped his martini.
“Well, it happened today,” I said and kept my hand under the table.
“Oh dear, I’m sorry about Gavin’s family,” Jane said, her eyes clouding with concern.
“It’s nothing to do with that,” I replied, nothing could get me down today.
“Then what?” she asked, “I do hate guessing games.” She laughed and begged me to tell.
“I’ll think about it,” I said and placed both hands on the table. She glanced down, frowned and looked cross that I wasn’t letting her in on our secret.
Then recognition crossed her face and she smiled. She grabbed Ethan’s shirt sleeve and tugged and pointed at my hand.
“What is it, Lassie? Is Timmy down a well?” Ethan laughed at Jane’s wordless gestures.
“No,” she finally managed to croak out, “Look at her hand.”
“Ohhhh,” Ethan said, “You two got engaged! Congratulations!”
“Waiter,” Jane called out, “Your best champagne please!”
I let Jane oooh and aaah over the gigantic rock on my finger, and I made her promise to be in my bridal party.
It was exciting, planning something like this. I’d never been the type to care, in fact my old cynical self had thought things like brides magazines and wedding TV shows were ridiculous, but now I could see the appeal.
All in all, it was an exciting and amazing night, time spent with friends and time spent getting used to the idea of being Gavin’s fiancé.
It didn’t take me long though, I fell in love with being his as hard as I fell in love with him.
***
Jane and Ethan surprised us all a few weeks later by announcing their own engagement. It soon became obvious why they were rushing a wedding, Jane was pregnant and positively glowing from it.
“I’m jealous,” I told Gavin on the morning of their wedding.
“Why on earth would you be jealous of anything?” he asked and kissed me as he adjusted his bowtie. He was the best man, and I must say he looked incredible in his tuxedo.
“Jane’s got a huge family,” I said and applied my lipstick slowly, deliberately. “It just makes me think about Auntie G and how much I miss her.”
“And how shitty my own family is,” he finished my thought. “I’m sorry they are, love.”
“It’s not just that,” I said and turned to face him, “I feel lost sometimes, like I forget that she’s dead. I keep thinking to myself that I forgot to tell her about our engagement. And then I remember she’s gone.”
“Would it be easier if we moved back into the house?” he asked.
“Not at all,” I said, “I was even thinking of giving it to Marta.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“I can’t go back there. Trent’s trial is next month, and if he’s convicted I can put the whole thing behind me. But if I keep living in that house, I’ll never move past it.”
“I wish I could do something to make you feel better,” he said and wrapped his arms around me.
I pressed my face against his chest and said, “You do. Every day. You
love me and that’s more than enough.”
“I’m glad,” he whispered and leaned down to kiss me.
“My lipstick!” I exclaimed as his lips got closer.
“Fuck the lipstick,” he growled and kissed me anyways.
Afterwards I slashed a streak of cover across my lips and wiped lipstick off his face. We had to get dressed again, but we definitely looked better than we had before. Sex always seemed to energize the both of us, it always gave us a bright energy and shared secret grins.
The church was downtown near the water. We took a car service and were immediately swamped when we got out. I hadn’t realized how much media would be attending, hundreds of them were yelling questions and taking pictures all at the same time.
We walked the red carpet up the stairs in front of the church and I had a glimpse into what life as a celebrity must be like. We were halfway up when Marta and Sylvie joined us. Sylvie had a gorgeous young man on her arm and was eating up the attention, waving and posing for photos.
Marta looked grim, she took the football approach, hunched her shoulders and walked with a determined gait. She just wanted to get past the chaos.
“Why are there so many people here?” I asked Gavin.
“I suspect it might have something to do with the guest list,” he replied, “Ethan and Jane both travel in social circles that include a lot of actors, musicians, models, you know the type.”
“I guess I do,” I laughed and hung onto his arm.
We were almost at the top of the stairs, I clung to Gavin and Marta was pressed up against me on the other side. Sylvie and her date were just behind us. I heard my name being called from the sidelines. I was startled, turned and saw Jenny frantically waving her hands at me.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I groaned and stopped. Gavin saw where I was looking and immediately stood straighter and stiffened up. I glanced at his face, he had a calm look but I could see his jaw twitching in anger.
“We have to get security to get rid of her,” he said, glaring in her direction.
“We can’t do a damn thing about it,” I said and sighed. “Anything we do will end up on all the gossip blogs. Let’s just keep our heads high and keep moving.”
Sylvie stuck her face over my shoulder and said, “What’s the hold up?”
“Jenny’s here,” I said and shrugged in the direction where Jenny was now trying to break through the line of guards and get to us. I shuddered when I saw the look in her eyes, she seemed obsessed. Crazy.
“Gavin!” she screamed, “I did it because I love you so much Gavin James!”
“Fuck this shit,” Sylvie said and broke away from our group. She stomped over to Jenny and slapped her in the face hard enough that I heard the smack from where we were standing.
“That’s right, get her!” Marta laughed and clapped her hands.
Sylvie stood with her hands on her hips and her feet firmly planted on the steps. “If you want a story, talk to this bitch! She’s the one who told the world about Gavin James, it was never Sarai.”
By the time Sylvie walked back to us she had a huge grin on her face and Jenny was surrounded by a crowd of angry reporters. The world hated the person who had almost broken us up, and now her identity was public.
Jenny would be fodder for the gossip blogs now, and I couldn’t be happier.
“Thank you,” I said and laughed as the five of us walked into the church.
The ceremony was beautiful, and I cried like a baby as they said their vows. I knew it was probably just PMS but the emotions seemed to race through me and take up residence in my heart.
Maybe love did this to a person. Before I met Gavin I was a bit of a jerk when it came to romance, now everything I saw made me think of my relationship and it often ended in tears.
The reception was held a couple hours after the ceremony, we had to leave Marta and Sylvie to go take wedding photos at a nearby beachfront park.
The entire day was perfect, from Jenny being outed, to the beautiful weather on the beach, my body was filled with love and peace.
And happiness. I almost felt guilty at how happy I was, guilty that Auntie G wasn’t here to enjoy it with me.
I guessed that’s what being alive meant though. Growing up I’d allowed myself to become so closed off and almost relished my unhappiness as a testament to how much I missed my parents.
That’s what Auntie G had meant that last day we’d spent together. Finding love and happiness didn’t mean I loved my dead family any less, in fact it honored their memories by living a rich life.
Auntie G would smile if she saw me now, so I let myself go and I let myself laugh and love.
Gavin and I danced together and I fell in love all over again. The way he held me in front of everyone, like I was the most delicate and precious thing he’d ever had, it just solidified the feelings I had for him even more.
Made them more real.
That night in bed, I curled into the crook of his arm and simply enjoyed the moment. There was nothing else in my head but love and Gavin.
And it was perfect.
My life was perfect.
Epilogue
Life wasn’t always perfect, there were times when Gavin pissed me off by forgetting to pick up milk or leaving the toilet seat up so I hit the ice cold water with my ass at two in the morning.
But more often than not it was.
This morning it sure felt like it. We’d been together for two years and had recently purchased a larger place, still downtown and still on the water. It was a four bedroom penthouse with the most spectacular three hundred and sixty degree views I’d ever seen.
We had moved in last week and I was sitting on the toilet with a pregnancy test in my hand.
In the rush of moving and traveling with Gavin for work, I hadn’t noticed how late I’d been.
I took a deep breath, peed on the stick, finished up, washed my hands and went into the bedroom.
“Well?” Gavin asked his face lit up with joy.
“We have to wait,” I said, “It takes a couple minutes.”
“Dear god this is going to feel like hours,” he complained and I playfully punched his arm.
“It’s going to feel like years for me, you ass,” I said, “I’m the one who’s going to be carrying this baby remember.”
“I’ll be the one going out at midnight for ice cream,” he laughed.
“Yeah, yeah,” I smiled and he kissed me.
It was a passionate kiss, but tentative because of the nervous energy we both had coursing through our bodies.
We were going to be parents, I was sure of it. We’d been married last year, a private secret affair in Bali, and hadn’t been really trying, but it had happened.
Obviously we’d wanted it to happen, buying the big apartment and all.
I was nervous that our lifestyle wouldn’t suit a baby. I still ran the bookstore, but had mostly handed the reins over to Sylvie. Marta was still there a couple times a week, but she mostly did tarot readings in Auntie G’s house. Well, I should call it Marta’s house, I’d given it to her shortly after Jane and Ethan’s wedding. She had cleansed the energy and it felt fresh and clean.
I could even visit her now without being haunted by everything that had happened there.
Ethan and Jane were expecting again, so this baby would be perfect timing in that sense. I could go through everything with my best friend who was also experienced in all of this.
“Can we check it yet?” Gavin asked, breaking into my daydreaming.
“Yes,” I said, “Are you ready?”
“Of course,” he said and grabbed my hand. We walked together to the bathroom and I picked it up.
I turned to him with a grin, held it up and said, “Congratulations, Daddy.”
He had tears in his eyes when he picked me up and swung me around, laughing.
I had tears too, tears of joy to match his. I was breathless with laughter by the time he set me down.
; “Shit, I shouldn’t do that again,” he said, “It’s not good for the baby.”
“I’m pregnant, not sick,” I told him, “I can still do pretty much everything I used to except eat sushi. Or drink wine.”
“I’ll swear off everything you can’t have,” he said and kissed me on the tip of my nose. “I love you, Sarai. I can’t wait to tell the world.”
“I love you too,” I replied and wondered what his family would say.
***
I was heavy with my pregnancy and crankier than I thought humanly possible. Of course I would have to get knocked up just in time to enjoy the hottest summer on record. I didn’t know if it was the heat or the humidity or my swollen ankles that would kill me, but I was positive it was one of them.
I was lying on our deck overlooking the ocean, wearing a loose white shift and no shoes, when the doorbell rang.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” I grumbled. Gavin was home, so I let him get it. It must be the baby monitor I’d ordered, but usually the doorman would take parcels for us. I’d have to remind him that I was a bloated, angry pregnant woman who didn’t want to be disturbed the next time I saw him.
A cool breeze swept over me and I closed my eyes to enjoy the day. It wasn’t that big of a deal, I probably wouldn’t say a thing. My crankiness was simply hormonal and discomfort. I didn’t need to punish anyone else for it.
I heard Gavin talking in the apartment and realized there were a few voices. I opened my eyes and struggled to get up off the chaise lounge. I managed to get sitting up when Gavin came onto the deck.
“Sarai, love,” he said with a huge smile, “I’d like you to meet my family.”
“Family?” I said, not comprehending what he was saying.
People flooded out from behind him, Madeline was in the lead with a grin. “You don’t have to introduce me,” she said, “I know Sarai.”
She was right, she’d been at our wedding and a huge support since Gavin had been cut off.
I didn’t recognize the rest of them, although I saw bits of Madeline in the elegant older couple standing awkwardly a few feet away. I recognized Gavin’s siblings, spouses and their children from photos on Madeline’s Facebook account.