The doctor laughs and says, “Well, lucky you that the damage isn’t worse.” Yeah, lucky me.
When the doctor leaves the room, I say, “Can we just go home now? I can see my regular doctor there.”
Mom shakes her head no and says, “Listen kiddo, you’ll get fixed up here and then we can get the hell out of here and go home.” I’m a thirty-year-old man, but apparently, I am unable to make decisions for myself.
When the nurse comes into the room with a wheelchair, I look at her like she is crazy. Her tan skin is weathered, and she looks like she’s about sixty. She smiles and says, “Whats wrong, you don’t like the chair?”
I say, “I don’t need it.”
She says in a seductive tone, “Come on good looking, please humor me. I have to take you to x-ray and they’ll have my ass if I allow you to walk.”
I get up and sit in the chair, look at Mom and Lyrics and say, “There, happy?” The nurse snickers and pushes me out the door.
She wheels me into a room that is not the x-ray room and says, “The doctor wants to have a word with you privately.”
I find it odd but say, “Thank you, ma’am.” She smiles and says,
“Always wanted to be called ma’am. I’ll see you in a bit.” The doctor comes in and closes the door behind him.
He says, “While I examined you, I noticed nail marks going down your neck. Maybe you didn’t want to speak in front of your Mom or your lady, but do you want to tell me what really happened?”
I half laugh and say, “Dude, if I told you, you’d never believe me. Really, I just want to get the fuck out of here.”
He looks at me and says, “Okay, just wanted to make sure.” Without prying any further, he wheels me to the exam room. When the doctor leaves, I lie down on the bed and just want all this noise to silence.
I keep reliving scene-by-scene what happened. I know why the two guys were there, but I can’t wrap my head around why Jennifer would want to do this to me. What a sick and twisted bitch. Truthfully, I don’t give a shit about the two goons; they were going to do whatever she asked of them so they could have their way with her. Jennifer is a different story. All she has in life is her career. She has no family that give two shits about her. She has no real friends. All she has is her bullshit fake image that her fans adore her for. She doesn’t care if she lives or dies, but she does care about her career. When I get through with her, she will have nothing left! I plan on destroying every bit of her career, one sponsor at a time. Don’t know how yet, but I damn sure know that when I’m through with her, she will be alone and nobody will hire her ever again.
The x-rays show a clean break in my nose and the doctor thinks he can easily set it. He steps up to me, sets his hands on either side of my nose, counts to one and snap! I hear the gasp from both Mom and Lyrics and then feel the shock throughout my body and before I can even react, he has tape tightly stretched across my face.
I look at him and say, “Thanks Doc, can I get the hell out of here now?”
The doctor looks at me for a long few seconds, pats me on my knee and says, “Go on, get out of here.” Both Mom and Lyrics stand up and we meet Chip in the waiting room. It is obvious how stressed out he’s been by the dark circles under his eyes.
I tell him, “Clean break, Doc says it’ll heal fine.”
Chip says, “That’s great news.”
Mom chimes in with, “So are we sightseeing or getting back to Texas?”
I reply, “Mom, I’ll get you a room if y’all want to stay.”
Lyrics shoots me an evil look and says, “Are you fucking kidding me? I’m going where you go.” I try to smile but right now I really want to be alone. She says, “Do you not want me with you?”
I lie and say, “Of course I do.” If I wanted to be around anybody, it’d be her, but this rage is just so much and I don’t want to lash out at her.
She gently takes my hand and says, “Babe, I’m right here for you. Where you go, I go.” I lift her face up and softly kiss her lips. She tastes like memories, safety, and home.
Mom says, “Tanner, let’s go home.” I take a deep breath and nod my head.
Chip looks at us and says, “I’m gonna stick around a little bit. Seems I have unfinished business here.”
I look at him and say, “Chip, you’re a real friend and I know you did everything in your power to make it bearable with Jenzilla. I don’t want you losing your shit over this. Go home or to your next gig, please. Jennifer will get what’s coming to her and the two guys are not even worth it. So how about we all just get the fuck out of here?”
Chip takes a deep breath and says, “Alright, if that’s what you want, I’ll leave. I have some big connections in this industry that I’ll be speaking with today. Jennifer Temple is nothing without her modeling, and I am going to make it my mission that she is blackballed by every photographer worth a damn.”
I half smile and say, “Man, we are eye-to-eye on this but forget about her. Hell, that’s what I plan on doing. She’s in England by the way.”
Chip quietly says under his breath, “I’m already on it.” I was lying through my teeth, but I really don’t want Chip involved. He is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, sure doesn’t deserve what this mess is going to bring.
Chip hands Mom his Gap expense card and tells her to book first class seats for the three of us, regardless of expense.
Mom nabs the card and says, “Oh honey, you don’t have to tell me twice.” Lyrics smirks and nuzzles up against me. She has been so quiet, which is almost freaking me out.
I whisper, “You okay?”
She shrugs her shoulders and says, “I will be when you are.” I can’t hide anything from her. Fuck, I just want to shake this feeling and get back to normal. This feeling of nothing is driving me crazy. When I look her in her eyes, I can see the pain she’s holding back and it’s killing me. I have no idea what she saw on those pictures, and, hell, I don’t want to know. I just don’t know how she’ll ever see me in the same way. I don’t even see me in the same way. I feel weak and dirty, absolutely pathetic.
Guess money really does talk. Mom gets us a flight that leaves in three hours. We rush back to the hotel to grab our bags. There is nothing that I want to take home with me, except the clothes from Germany that Lyrics picked out.
I say, “I’m ready, let’s get the hell out of here.”
Lyrics looks around the hotel room and asks, “What about all those clothes, you don’t want them?”
I quickly snap, “No, I mean hell no!” Mom begins to say something and I already know what she’s going to say. I abruptly cut her off and say, “Mom, I said I’m not taking them.”
She grabs her purse and bag and says, “Okay honey, let’s go.”
Chapter 4
‘Your presence leaves me lonely.’
Lyrics –
After an eighteen-hour flight, we finally arrive back in Austin. Tanner’s Dad is waiting at the airport to pick Mom up and take her back to Beaumont. Seeing the sadness on Tanner’s face as his Dad pulls him in for a hug nearly breaks me.
His Dad says, “See son, you never broke your nose playing football.” Tanner forces a chuckle and Mom looks at me and rolls her eyes.
Mom says, “On that note, we are going to head home. Dylan, make sure he gets an appointment with Dr. Simon and let me know when it is, please.”
I nod my head and give her a hug as I whisper, “Thank you.”
I can tell she is holding back tears as she says with a cracking voice, “He’s going to be fine.” I wish I could believe her.
The ride back to the apartment is filled with a thick layer of awkward silence. As we pull into the parking lot, Tanner says, “Six months and nothing has changed here.” I didn’t know what to say to that. I place my hand on his and give him a small smile.
I say, “I really haven’t stayed here too much; been at Mom’s mostly planning our wedding.” He squeezes my hand and begins to get out of the car. I take a deep
breath and get out of the car as well. I glance at Tanner and he looks like hell. His hair is shaggy, facial hair is way past a five o’clock shadow, and his eyes are cold and sad. We manage to walk to the apartment without running into anybody. I open the door to my apartment and it feels as if I’m walking into a stranger’s place. He drops his bag at the side of the door and stands there as if he stepped in wet cement. I look at him and say, “Whats wrong?”
He looks down and says, “Where are they?”
Knowing damn well what he means, I say, “Where are what?”
He says in an apologetic voice, “The pictures. I need to know what you saw. It’s fucking killing me not knowing.”
Quickly, I say, “In the trash where they belong. Why would you want to see those?” He walks over to the trash can and begins digging through the trash. I was so mad at myself for not taking the trash out before I left.
I yell, “Tanner, please stop! I don’t want to fucking see those again. Once was enough to last a lifetime, believe me, you don’t want to see them.”
He stands up and says with tears streaming down his face, “Lyrics, I have to see them. I am so sick of imagining what you saw, please, I need to know.” The thought of him looking at the pictures makes me sick to my stomach, but I guess I can understand why he wants to know what I saw.
“If it’s something you feel that strongly about, go ahead. Everything is in the trash can.” The room begins spinning, so I sit on the couch and watch the scene unfold as if I’m watching a television show, I feel completely disconnected.
He flips through one picture after the other and then finally glances up at me. He jumps up and rushes to the sink where he begins vomiting. Tears pour out of my eyes like a leaky faucet. I get him a glass of water and gently rub his back.
Tanner steps back and says, “How can you even look at me? They’re so graphic, I can’t fucking believe this is happening. I just wanted to get home to you, and now this. I’m home and I feel like a fucking monster. How could I have let this happen?”
I pull him into me and say, “You didn’t let this happen; it happened to you. I just want to erase it and move forward. She wants this to break us, but that’ll never happen. Tanner, please look at me. You have been my best friend for what seems like forever, and after seventeen years of being in love with you, do you really think that I would let you go because of this?” Without a word, he tilts my head up and places his hand behind my neck bringing his lips roughly over mine. He backs me into the kitchen wall, his body is pressing hard against mine and his tongue owns my mouth.
He backs his mouth away only long enough to whisper, “I love you, Lyrics.” His big soft hands slide under my shirt, gently grazing my stomach which gives me goosebumps as he pulls my shirt over my head. His eyes aim directly on my almost naked chest and he allows his mouth to find the nape of my neck. With expertise, he unhooks my bra, his hands immediately cupping my breast as he drags his mouth to consume my hard bud. From deep within his throat, an unplanned moan comes which brings me to the present, the here and now. I can almost forget about the pictures, the rape, and everything awful that has happened. His kisses are growing more wild and animalistic as he threads his fingers through my hair and yanks my neck backwards. Pushing me harder against the wall, almost pinning me there, he drags my pants down with force. Tanner grabs my hand and brings my arm backwards to his body.
He places his engorged cock in my palm and says, “I am only for you. This is only yours.” The lump in my throat prohibits me from speaking. I try to contain the tears but they stream down my face. I feel myself stretching as he enters me. His thrusts grow deeper and very intentional. It’s clear that he’s making a point to me or more likely himself. His lips seal on mine while plunging himself into me. He puts his mouth to my ear and growls, “I’m gonna cum, oh shit, this is all yours, baby.” I can feel the warm fluid pulsing into me and dripping down my shaking thighs as he remains inside of me. He buries his head against my shoulder and stays there for what seems to be an hour.
Not the homecoming I was looking forward to, but I guess nothing has really played out the way I imagined it would. It dawns on me that we didn’t use a rubber and neither of us know if that skank is diseased or not.
I push Tanner back and say, “We need to call the doctor and get you tested.” He nods his head and kisses me on the cheek. He walks into the room and grabs my notebook on the nightstand.
As he thumbs through it, he stops and asks, “No new songs?” I shake my head, no. He tosses my notebook down and says, “I wanna get drunk tonight, I mean fucked up completely.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
He raises his voice and says, “I’m not a child. I just want to feel something besides pathetic. Maybe I just want to feel nothing at all. Are you coming or what?”
I stop myself from saying anything pissy and say, “Sure, but are you ready for all the questions?”
He snaps at me and says, “Ready? Who fucking cares? I don’t owe anybody answers.”
I hold back an eye roll and say, “Let me take a shower and get ready.” I look at him and wonder who in the hell I’m looking at. There is nothing I don’t know about this man. I’ve seen him through all his moods but this is way different. He is cold and distant.
He says, “I’m going to my apartment, haven’t been there in six months. I’ll be back in a bit and then we’ll leave.” Before I can reply, I hear the front door slam. I take a breath and tell myself that it’ll be okay. Actually, getting shit-faced sounds fucking amazing right now!
Chapter 5
‘Everything I once knew seems to be just out of reach.’
Tanner –
Finally, I have my own space. Walking around my apartment gives me a little sense of peace; feels like the first time in days that I can breathe. I walk into my kitchen and open the cupboard above the fridge and there she is…a beautiful shiny bottle of Jack Daniels smiling directly down at me. I grab it like a long-lost friend that I haven’t seen in ages. This will silence the spinning in my head for at least a little while. As soon as the cap meets its last thread, my lips press against the opening and an amber stream of numbness flows down my throat. My head tilts back in an almost euphoric state as the whiskey sends the most beautiful burn down my throat and straight to my head. Haven’t eaten in over a day, so I’m sure this golden lava will work quickly. I take the bottle into my room as I head straight to the closet. I thumb through my clothes on the hangers and enjoy the fact that every item I own is either black or a dark shade of blue or gray. Never again will a Gap, piece of shit, pastel-colored item touch my body. I grab my favorite jeans and my Willie Nelson concert shirt, and throw them on top of my bed. Never have I wanted to redneck out so badly. As I pass the mirror, I stop and realize that I look like hell. Fuck it, I couldn’t give two shits. This tape stretched across my face gives me an excuse not to shave, and I may like having a beard. I take a big swig and my head begins to settle down. This is the feeling I’ve been searching for. I get dressed, down the rest of the bottle, and head back to Lyrics. I open her front door and she’s standing in her doorway just looking at me.
She raises her eyebrow to me and says, “Your Willie shirt huh? Come here.” I make my way to her and she smiles and says, “Guessing you polished off that old bottle of Jack?” God, I love this woman. I stroke her beautiful golden hair and fall into her. I’m starting to feel the alcohol hard now.
“Let’s go. Are you gonna get fucked up with me, babe?”
“Yeah, I think that will definitely happen. “I’ll call a Taxi.” I just want to get the hell out of this apartment.
I roll my eyes and say, “How about you drive my truck? We can get a ride home. I’m sure Tyler will be more than happy to take you home.” Even in the state I’m in, I know that was fucked up to say.
Lyrics says, “I know you’re drunk and angry, but I don’t deserve that.” My heart feels like a vice is squeezing the whole thing. She doesn’t deserve
any of this, I mean, Lyrics is the best person I’ve ever known. She grabs my keys and says, “Ready?” I don’t say anything and head toward the door.
“Can you stop and get me a fifth?”
She looks at me and says, “We’ll be at the bar in ten minutes. Don’t worry handsome, you can afford the drinks at the bar.”
I snap at her and say, “I wasn’t fucking worried. I just don’t want to lose this comfortably numb feeling I have going on right now.” Lyrics turns up the volume and I lean my head back and close my eyes. As soon as I feel the gravel of the parking lot underneath my big ass tires, I pop up and yell, “Hell yeah, it’s been too long, baby. Let’s get in there.” I wrap my arm around Lyric’s waist and she keeps me balanced. The music seeping out of the doors brings life back into me and I pull Lyrics a little quicker to get inside. As the door opens, I notice all the Christmas decorations and it drops on my head like an anvil that Christmas is in ten days. It’s crowded for a Wednesday night. We walk about five steps before a group of people gather around us, just like the paparazzi did.
One guy, who is a regular here, says, “Sup playa. I haven’t seen you in a while. Heard you did some big-time modeling thing or something.”
I grab onto Lyrics hand and she tugs me forward but not before a pair of arms wrap around me from behind.
A high-pitched voice says, “Damn Tanner, even with a broken nose, you’re still a smokin hot piece of ass.”
I am too drunk for this shit right now. Before I can turn around to meet the voice, Lyrics pulls me to her. I smile as I fall into her and wrap my arms around her. I whisper, “Just like old times.”
Lyrics mumbles under her breath, “Yep, sure is.” I don’t think she means it in a nice way. We make it to the bar and I order two double shots of Jack and two Shiner Bocks.
Trying to lighten her mood, I look at the shot and say, “Up for some competition?” She smirks at me and puts her hand on her shot. We tap the shot glass on the bar and slam it, then grab the beer and pound it. For the first time, she wins. I see Lyrics looking across the bar towards the stage and she waves her arm. I quickly order another round for myself; got a feeling I’m about to need it. Tyler struts over and leans into Lyrics and kisses her cheek.
Soul-O (Music & Lyrics #2) Page 2