The Care and Feeding of Stray Vampires

Home > Humorous > The Care and Feeding of Stray Vampires > Page 26
The Care and Feeding of Stray Vampires Page 26

by Molly Harper

Page 26

 

  “Indeed. ” He cleared his throat, and all mirth was leached from his voice. The bluish moonlight gave his face a more skeletal, otherworldly shape. I was reminded of Hades, god of the Underworld, lurking in the shadows … I needed to knock off the Greek mythology books before bedtime. “The situation is becoming more serious, Iris. I saw on the news today that there was a fire in a college dorm near Seattle. Four people are dead. ”

  “And what does that have to do with you?”

  “I looked up the story online,” he said. “The school boasts a state-of-the-art sprinkler and alarm system. All of the other residents managed to evacuate, but somehow four people in a single room died of ‘smoke inhalation’ and were burned beyond recognition. This is the Council’s work. They’re covering up another attack. The question is: how were the vampires in this case poisoned if all of the tainted blood was recalled?”

  I shuddered, forcing the images from my mind by cataloguing the various chores I needed to complete around the garden. Mulching, weeding, pruning, training. I toyed with the idea of putting a vegetable garden in the far corner of the yard, a particularly important project if Gigi persisted with her threat to become a vegetarian. I could see the rows of zucchini and squash. And, like most of my neighbors, I would never be happy with my tomato plants—

  “Iris?” Cal nudged me. “Iris, focus, please. I need more time here. I need to stay off the Council’s radar, and the best way to do that is to stay still, to stay somewhere they’ve already looked for me. Will you let me stay? Until I decide it’s best for me to leave?”

  I nodded slowly, rubbing my hands over my arms, warming them, despite the balmy spring evening. “How many more times do you think they’ll get away with covering up attacks before the human government starts to notice?”

  “Not many. And if that happens … it could be worse than it was just after the Coming Out. The delicate peace that we’ve reached with the humans will be shattered. The human press will demonize us. There will be protests and convenient fires that somehow claim entire houses full of vampires. Iris, if that happens, I’m going to have to disappear. No good-bye. No exchange of e-mail addresses. It will be like you never met me,” he promised. “Most of the older vampires will do the same. Hell, some of them haven’t come out of hiding since the last time the humans turned on us. It would be better for you that way. None of your neighbors would know that you had a vampire living with you. You wouldn’t be snubbed by your community. ”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, glaring at him through hair that had flopped into my eyes. “Yeah, that makes a lot of sense … with the exception of the part where I will be broke and jobless because all of my vampire clients went underground. Not to put any pressure on you, but are you making any progress?”

  “I’m finding lots of interesting little pieces to the puzzle, but so far, none of them fits,” he admitted. “I’ve made lists of possible suspects, of vampires who would be bold enough to break into my home and attack someone connected to me. But the list keeps expanding, and I keep going around in circles. The good news is that the files for Vee Balm have proven to be very useful. Vee Balm appears to be some sort of combination preventive vaccine and cure for the poisoning. The national Council has just completed safety testing and deemed it safe for use. Council offices all over the country will be ordering it in massive quantities, to protect the vampire population from this ‘previously unknown vulnerability. ’ The whole endeavor has involved some significant financial approvals from the international office. ”

  “What’s in it?”

  “I have been studying this report for two days, and I have to say … I really don’t know. It identifies multiple botanical compounds. I’ve been trying to track them by chemical trace, but that’s very time-consuming. And it’s only helped me narrow down a list of suspects, so to speak. If only I knew someone with a background in botanical studies. ”

  I snorted. “Why didn’t you just ask me for help?”

  “You made it clear that your door was closed to me. ”

  “And you’ve never heard of knocking?”

  “Vampires aren’t used to … knocking. ” He tensed at my side, cocking his head as if listening for some noise in the distance.

  I frowned at him. “Are we still talking about knocking, or does ‘knocking’ mean something else?” When he was unable to answer, I sighed. “Can we talk about this later? I have a teenager to scar psychologically. ” I heard a car pull up in front of the house. I nudged him with my elbow. “Relax. It’s just Gigi’s date, Ben. ”

  Cal’s face went blank and then drew into a fierce scowl. “Date?”

  —

  Cal apparently forgot the part where he wasn’t supposed to be seen at our house. He followed me into the living room and stood at my heels while I let Ben in through the front door. Ben stood awkwardly in the foyer, its sunny yellow paint reflecting none of its intended warmth as Cal stood, arms crossed, staring him down.

  “Hi, Miss Iris,” Ben said, his apple cheeks blushing red.

  Ben was tall for his age, but he still only came up to Cal’s shoulder. Cal took full advantage of this, glaring at him with the hardened stare that had probably made ancient soldiers piss their leather skirts. Fortunately, Ben played a lot of violent video games, so he was immune to that sort of thing.

  I rolled my eyes. Honestly, why didn’t Cal just break out a shotgun and clean it in the living room?

  “Um, hi,” Ben said, squeaking slightly but stretching his hand out for a manly shake. “I’m Ben. ”

  Cal arched a brow, glancing down at the outstretched (sweaty) palm as if Ben was trying to hand him a pair of sweaty gym socks. I none-too-subtly nudged his ribs with my elbows. Cal cleared his throat and finally deigned to shake hands. “Cal. ”

  “Are you a friend of Miss Iris?” Ben asked carefully.

  Cal smiled, his teeth white and sharp and not exactly friendly. “A very close friend of the family. ”

  “Oh, well, that’s nice,” Ben said, relaxing but shifting his body away slightly.

  “Tell me, Ben, what are your plans for the evening?” Cal asked, smoothly leading Ben over to the living room and pushing him into the Report Card Chair. Cal stood over him like a mob enforcer in a Scorsese movie. Ben cleared his throat and wiped his hands on his jeans. I stood behind Cal and tried to make calming gestures.

  “Um, Gigi made the plans,” he said. “I think we’re supposed to go to the movies and then get some ice cream at the Dairy Freeze. ”

  “And when you drive Gigi to and from your destination, you will, of course, obey all traffic laws, both written regulations and common sense,” Cal said. Ben nodded dutifully. “And you will drive directly to and from your destination, without even pausing along the way?”

  “Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir … which answer means I won’t be stopping to take Gigi to Half-Moon Point?” he asked, flushing even redder.

  “I didn’t mean to fluster you, Ben,” Cal said, clapping a hand over Ben’s shoulder. “But Gigi’s health and safety are very important to me. Should she come home in any condition other than the one in which she leaves the house, even if that condition is mildly disappointed, I can only say that I would feel very sorry for the young man who let her down. ”

  He bent low and murmured something into Ben’s ear. I couldn’t hear all of it, but I made out “back roads” and “shovel. ” The redness drained out of Ben’s cheeks, leaving him a sick chalky color.

  And suddenly, I was very glad that Ben didn’t know that Cal was a vampire. He might have soiled himself.

  Gigi descended the stairs wearing formfitting jeans, a black T-shirt with a deep V neck, and a pretty pink floral scarf knotted at her throat. She smiled sweetly when she saw him. “Ben!”

  Ben relaxed slightly, as if having one more witness in the room made him feel safer. “Gigi, you look great!” Cal shot him a hard look. Ben stammered, “I—I mea
n, really pretty. Um, very attractive, in a completely respectable, nonpervy way. ”

  Gigi turned to me, a confused expression marring her carefully made-up face. I shrugged. “You all set?”

  Ben’s happy grin nearly cracked his cheeks, but I wasn’t sure whether it was my sister’s influence or the idea that he was getting away from my “friend. ” Gigi asked, “Can I borrow your gray jacket? The theater’s always cold. ”

  I nodded, ducking into the kitchen to grab it for her. I felt a hand close around my arm and yank me back. “Yipe!”

  Stupid vampire speed.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered, shrugging Cal off as he skulked behind the refrigerator door and watched Ben’s every move. The poor kid could hardly produce a sentence without stammering or blushing. And Cal was staring at Ben like the boy was directly responsible for the discovery of karaoke.

  “I don’t think I like that boy. ” He growled, glaring for effect, just in case I hadn’t figured out his oh-so-subtle interpersonal cues.

  “He’s a sweet kid,” I insisted, folding the gray blazer over my arm.

  “He’s a teenage boy,” Cal said, his dark eyes narrowed. “They’re all sexual deviants under the surface. I should know. I was a teenage boy once. ”

  “Thousands of years ago,” I countered.

  “Times may change, but testosterone does not. ”

  “I’ll be sure to write that on Gigi’s Affirmation of the Day Calendar. ” I snickered, closing my refrigerator door and starting for the living room. Cal hooked his arm through mine and dragged me back.

  “OK, this is becoming annoying. ” I huffed, reaching into the fridge for a ginger ale.

  “You know, in my time, girls Gigi’s age were already married and bearing their second or third children. Girls didn’t ‘date. ’ Their marriages were arranged by their families. Personally, I think we should go back to that system. ”

  “Yes, taking away their right to choose whom to spend the rest of their lives with would be a huge step in the right direction,” I retorted. “This is so not the subject for you to expound on. No matter what you say, you’re bound to piss me off. ”

  “I should distrust any young man who thinks he’s good enough to court her. ” Cal touched my arm again, lightly this time, his voice quiet and steady. “She’s a good girl with a sweet disposition. I wouldn’t want anyone to take advantage of that. I don’t think I’ll rest easy tonight until she’s safe at home, maybe under lock and key. ”

  I tugged on his shirt, pulling him close and giving him a brief hug.

  When he was gone—because he would leave the moment he could; he’d made that much clear—I would be alone again. But for that moment, it felt so good to have someone to share my family with. Yes, he was obnoxious and high-handed, but he was also decent and very good to Gigi, when he didn’t have to be. He made me laugh, which was something previous lovers hadn’t bothered with. And he listened when I had a good idea.

  Of course, he pitched a fit if those ideas put me in harm’s way, and he’d written some really hurtful things about me. I was going to have to let go of that if I was going to survive the next week or so. Cal didn’t know me then, and now he did. And I think he was aware that if he said anything like it again, he was in for a whooping.

  “And if I happened to imply that should anything happen to Gigi while in his care, it would take every law-enforcement resource available in this backward little hellhole of a state to determine what I’ve done to his body, well, that might just lessen the chance of his doing something regrettable. ”

‹ Prev