“You want me,” he moaned into her ear.
“No, Justin. No,” she said firmly.
He realized then that she had been pressing her hands against his chest to push him away. She had been fighting his kiss. It made no sense. Her heart beat. Her ragged breathing.
He held her head in his hands and forced her to look at him. “I need you, Shana. Don’t you understand?”
A tiny tear slipped out of the corner of Shana’s eye. She moved her head from side to side, slowly as if in slow motion. Then her eyes rolled back in her head.
“No, Justin.”
Then she fainted.
“Shana?!” Justin was quick to catch Shana as she slumped into his arms like dead weight. Her head was flung backward as if her neck had snapped. Terrified, he scooped her up into his arms and standing in the middle of the conference room, he immediately placed her carefully on the long mahogany and granite topped table. He felt her pulse and checked her breathing.
He assessed that she was not having a seizure of any kind, but she was growing quite cold to the touch.
“Shana!” He rubbed her hands and then her cheeks. He glanced at the tea cart, raced over and grabbed a bottle of water. He rushed back to her, lifted her head in his arms and held the bottle of water to her lips. “Drink this,” he demanded.
Shana was still unconscious.
Fearing that there was something seriously wrong, Justin withdrew his cell phone and called nine-one-one. He ordered an ambulance and gave the hotel address to the dispatcher.
Holding Shana in his arms, he pressed his cheek against hers and whispered into her ear. “Shana, please. Come back to me.”
Shana’s eyes opened slowly. “What happened?”
“Oh, thank God,” Justin said, gathering her into his arms and sitting on one of the chairs still holding her in his lap. “You passed out.”
“Why?” she asked pressing her fingertips to her temple.
“I don’t know. I was afraid you were having some kind of seizure or something. Has this ever happened to you before?”
“Never,” she said truthfully. “I don’t even get colds. Or headaches for that matter.” Embarrassed, she tried to wiggle off Justin’s lap. “I’m fine now.”
“Not so quick. You just rest.” Justin pressed her head to his shoulder. “I called the paramedics.”
“What?” she bolted upright.
“And I’m not calling them off. I want you checked out by a doctor. Something could be wrong.”
Shaking her head, Shana tried to crawl out of Justin’s lap. “Seriously, I’m fine. Just let me get up. I didn’t have much breakfast. I just need some food,” she said, standing and looking down at him.
“I’ll order you a steak. But I still want you to see a doctor,” he said authoritatively.
“Look, Justin. I’m fine. Okay? If it weren’t for you kissing me like you did, nothing would have happened in the first place.”
“So you’re saying my kisses make you sick?”
“Not exactly,” she said teetering on her high heels. She touched her temple again. Then she touched her throat and then her abdomen.
“What’s wrong?” he asked suddenly alarmed at the ghostly white pallor he saw in her cheeks instead of the radiance he’d seen earlier.
He stood up and put his hands on her shoulders. “I should take you up to my room where you can lie down.”
“Oh,” she harrumphed. “And where you can have your way with me again?” Shana said feeling hot all over like she always did when she was this close to Justin. Only this time, she felt a cold sweat start at her hairline and rapidly cover her back and breasts. Her stomach lurched.
“My what?”
“Way…”
Shana wove back and forth like she was drunk. She didn’t know what was happening to her.
Then she bent and vomited all over the pant legs of Justin’s Ermenegildo Zegna suit.
Her hand flew to her mouth. “I’m sorry! Your suit!”
“You have the flu,” he said dourly and took out a monogrammed linen handkerchief and handed it to her.
“No, Justin. I don’t think it’s the flu. I think I’m pregnant.”
He stared at her with shock in his eyes, his mouth hanging open. “Pregnant? Pregnant.” It wasn’t a word he’d ever paid any attention to in his life. It was a word other people utilized in their lives. Justin’s mind quickly assimilated the information and applied it to his current situation.
“I’m not sure. I’m only a few weeks late. This is the first sign,” she said feeling dizzy again. “I better sit down.”
“Yes! Yes. Sit down.” He helped her back into the chair.
Shana looked at Justin and wondered how it was possible that God in all His wisdom had decided that she and this billionaire playboy should become parents together. Was this some sick cruel cosmic joke?
“I want you to have the best doctor in Manhattan,” he said rapidly. “I don’t want you to have one more incident like this. Surely they have something so you won’t be so ill. And the hospital, we’ll go to the best. Wherever it is. Okay?”
“Justin. You haven’t even asked if the baby is yours.”
He looked as if she’d thrown acid in his face. “What?”
At that moment, Shana realized she’d been cruel and unthinking and it wasn’t like her at all. She rushed on. “It’s your baby, of course. I just thought, well, that you might think, since we were, well, just having fun…a fling and all….”
“I know this baby is mine. And we’ll get married as soon as possible.” He took both of her hands and kissed them one by one, the way he always did.
Shana felt the nausea subside. “Married.”
“Naturally. Our child should have both parents. It’s not fair to the baby if you were to raise it by yourself. And what about me? That’s not fair to me either. You will marry me, won’t you?”
He kissed her before she could answer. She didn’t have a chance to say she wanted to think it over. His kiss decided it for her. She couldn’t imagine having Justin’s baby or living another day without his kisses. For three weeks she’d tried to live without him and it was like a slow walk in an arid desert. She’d never felt so alone and abandoned.
Now she had the chance to make all her dreams come true. She was the captain of her destiny. She would find a way to make Justin love her because if she didn’t, she knew her dream would become a nightmare.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The subtle approach never worked with Shana’s mother and now was probably not the time to start. The problem was that there was just no way to soften the blow she was about to deliver to the most loving person she’d ever known in her life. Shana had picked up the phone a dozen times to call her mother and hung up.
“Coward!” Shana groaned feeling the time and the enormity of her predicament weigh on her heart like an anvil.
The sad fact was that Shana herself was still in shock. She was pregnant and about to marry a man who didn’t love her. She was smack dab in the middle of a life-defining moment and she didn’t know how to handle one bit of it. For a person who always felt she had all the answers and advised others about their own lives, she was at a loss.
All her life she’d been the responsible one helping her mother raise her brothers and sisters. This was the first time she would give her mother good cause to lose respect for her. Shana felt as if she were standing at the edge of her universe and that if she were truly blessed and lucky, she’d be swallowed up by a black hole never to be seen again.
“If I just hadn’t gone to Toronto,” Shana admonished herself staring down at her flat belly where a tiny baby was already growing. How was it possible they hadn’t used any protection? Even at the time, the idea of pregnancy never entered her mind. She tried to tell herself now that it had only been the one time but the fact was that they’d been like rabbits. Or worse. Rabbits didn’t have Justin’s stamina.
Shana expelled frustration with herself with a he
ave of her shoulders and a very deep sigh. She picked up her cell phone and was about to punch her mother’s number one more time when the phone rang. She checked the caller ID.
“Mom. I was just about to call you,” Shana stuttered.
“What’s going on? My call log shows you dialed this number three times yesterday.”
“More, actually,” Shana muttered under her breath. “I…I wanted… needed to talk to you.”
Emily Jackson knew her eldest daughter better than she knew herself. She sensed the disconsolation in Shana’s voice. “You haven’t lost your job, have you? And even if you did, it’s not the end of the world. You’re the best at what you do. They’re darn lucky to have you.”
A slow smile of gratitude curved the edges of Shana’s mouth. She felt a warm glow fill her body. This was just what she needed at this moment. Every part of her being screamed for the security and the safe harbor her mother’s love had always given her. Emily had rushed to Shana’s defense without the first fact, which she always did with all her children. Emily was unabashedly over-protective about Shana. She would go to the death for any of her kids and they all knew it. She was dependable and predictable. Shana only hoped she would be half the mother that Emily was to her.
“I’m getting married, Mom,” Shana blurted out.
“To Karl? Did he come to New York? Are you going back to Europe?”
“It’s not Karl.”
“What?”
Shana heard Emily’s sharp intake of breath, which was an indisputable sign of her shock. “It’s Justin Yates, Mom, my boss.”
“I…I don’t understand. You haven’t mentioned him…at least not in that way in any of your emails. I thought you didn’t like him.”
“That was when I first got here and I hadn’t met him yet. He was rather testy all during that time,” Shana said remembering how she had dreaded getting Justin’s text messages. Then he’d kissed her and her world had made a one-eighty. “Then we met and things changed rapidly. He’s wonderful, Mom. He’s just as passionate about the hotel as I am. We work very well together…”
“Do you love him, darling?”
“Desperately.”
“Well, sweetheart, I couldn’t be happier for you!” Emily raced on with joy in her voice. “How exciting this will all be! When I think of the years you have planned your fairytale wedding and now it’s all coming true! The apple blossoms, the gown, your sisters as bridesmaids. Oh, Shana. What fun we will have with your wedding. Do you still want to have it here at the inn? What does Justin think of coming to Arizona for the wedding?”
Shana was silent. She’d forgotten. She’d been so deeply encased in shock that she’d forgotten all the plans she’d made for herself. Since she was a little girl, she’d watched videos of Princess Di and Prince Charles’ wedding dozens of times. She’d subscribed to Bride’s Magazine when she was only fourteen. Working with event planners and hotel managers who knew that weddings were very big business and could make the difference in a hotel’s bottom line, Shana had witnessed hundreds of weddings. She had flash drives filled with the names of gourmet, even famous chefs, florists, wedding planners, private numbers for dress designers and internationally renowned jewelers. Shana had always told herself that she would have the best for her wedding. Now, those dreams vanished like miss-wired holograms. Pixels of the vision sputtered, snapped and died.
“We’re, uh, not coming to Sedona, Mom,” Shana began the horrid explanation that would surely break her mother’s heart. “We’re going to have a small affair here in New York. At the hotel.”
“What? No church?”
“Oh, we’ll have a minister. I’ve already called Bruce Porchant over at First Methodist. He’s agreed to perform the service.”
Emily paused for an inordinately long period of time. “Shana. You have wanted a church wedding since you were three. This isn’t you. Is there a problem with Justin? He won’t let you have a church wedding?”
“It’s not that at all,” Shana replied struggling with the right words, which only managed to jumble in her head like twisted balls of string.
“Then what exactly is it, because I’m not hearing what I like,” Emily demanded.
“Booking a church isn’t easy in New York. Most are booked a year in advance and we don’t have that kind of time.”
“Why not?”
“Mom, I’m pregnant,” Shana said so fast that she didn’t realize the truth was standing beside her like a figure of doom.
“So, that’s why,” was all Emily said.
“I’m so sorry, Mom. I’m so very sorry,” Shana replied starting to cry.
“Sorry? For what? For making me a grandmother? I’m thrilled. I couldn’t be happier.”
“You’re…actually happy for me? I don’t believe this.”
“Why not? Aren’t you happy? You said you love him and he obviously loves you or he wouldn’t be marrying you.”
Shana’s breath hitched in her lungs as the thought hit her. She hadn’t assessed her predicament from this angle. She cocked her head to the side as if the movement would bring things in her life into alignment. “Mom…I never thought of it that way.”
Emily paused again. It was that same long death knell kind of suspended time when Emily processed thoughts, things and emotions and came up with razor sharp observations.
Shana recognized the nearly audible activity of her mother’s brain. She cringed.
“He doesn’t love you,” Emily said flatly like the fact that it was.
“No. He doesn’t.”
“But he’s willing to marry you.”
“Yes, Mom. He is and I love him even more for that. I don’t want to raise a child on my own like you had to do. It wasn’t hard…it was nearly impossible. I want my baby to have both a mother and a father. I want it to have all the love in the world I can give it. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I love this child already.”
“I can. I was just the same with all of you kids. I knew in an instant. I was sicker than a dog. That’s how I knew I was pregnant.”
“It was the same with me. I got sick. Ruined Justin’s best suit, actually,” Shana offered despondently and with just a pinch of guilt. “Then I did the pregnancy test. Four times. I couldn’t believe it. I went to the doctor yesterday and he confirmed it. When I told Justin last night that’s when he told me to call Bruce and start setting the wheels in motion.”
“So, when is the wedding?” Emily asked.
“Less than two weeks. I know it’s short notice, but Justin insisted we move quickly. He doesn’t want anyone to know about the baby right now. I don’t blame him. I know that most people don’t think it’s all that important about which comes first the baby or the wedding, but Justin said he’s old-fashioned. It matters to him. Mom, I know it’s your busy season and you’re probably booked to capacity, but is there any way you could be here?”
“Of course, I will, darling. And I’m bringing your brothers and sisters as well.”
“All of you? That’s not possible!” Shana exclaimed elatedly.
“I’ll have Anna and George take over. We can find some extra day workers to cover things for two or three days. I’ll make it happen, Shana. Besides, I want to check this Justin out for myself. I want to see if he’s good enough for my girl.”
Shana burst into tears. She didn’t know if it was because she was pregnant and her emotions were running high already or if it was that she just needed her mother to hold her. Probably both. And that was okay. “I’ll order plane tickets for everyone.”
“That’s too much, Shana. We’ll manage somehow.”
“Mom, Justin can afford it. He’s a billionaire.”
“Oh.”
************
As clichéd as it was, Shana found she was going to be a June bride. The wedding was set for the last day of June in the hotel’s smallest ballroom. Though she felt that she was being rushed to the altar and that there weren’t enough hours in the day to make the kind
of arrangements she knew were necessary to create the kind of dream wedding she’d wanted, she was astounded at how close she’d come.
Her sisters, Nancy, Elaine and Christy, had sent their measurements to Shana for their bridesmaid dresses. Shana chose the palest pink sleeveless silk dresses with tight waists and straight skirts. They were replicas of the simple silhouette white silk gown Shana would wear. Even though the wedding was small with not quite two dozen guests attending, Shana was determined that it be as beautiful as she could make it.
Shana’s younger brothers, Ethan and Evan, had agreed to be ushers and like the groom, would wear dark blue suits.
Shana ordered white orchids, white Star Gazer lilies and Moonstone roses with their pale pink petal tips for the bridal bouquets and reception flowers. Along with the Lux Hotel head chef, they meticulously devised a dinner menu of filet mignon, truffles in cognac sauce, purple Asian potatoes and micro vegetables. Although Justin told Shana that all the wedding décor and meal planning was hers, he insisted upon choosing the wines. It was, after all, his wedding, too.
He selected Corton Charlemagne Grand Cru Louis Latour with its nose of fresh almonds to accompany the Scottish Salmon and capers appetizer. The Domaine de la Romanee-Conti Echezeaux French burgundy for the main course was obviously expensive, but it was Justin’s favorite wine. The Champagne toasts were to be Dom Perignon, of course.
Although the hotel was still in complete disorder and most of it still under construction, the staff all plunged forward to make the wedding a memorable affair.
The days sped like lightening for Shana. If it weren’t for her odd timing of “morning sickness” which tended to strike closer to one in the afternoon, she was nearly unaware of her pregnancy. She was so happy about the ceremony and seeing all of her family again that those foreboding clouds that gathered unexpectedly and unwanted in her mind were instantly dispelled by her joy. She didn’t and wouldn’t think about the fact that Justin still had never told her that he loved her. He’d been true to his promise to let her do all the wedding planning. Still, she often wished he would ask her about the choices she’d made. Instead, he went about his ordinary daily business. He didn’t appear much to care about the wedding, only the fact that it was taking place.
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