by J. J. Murray
“I am Tony Santangelo,” Tony said. “I write songs as Art E. I have been standing here”—he checked his watch—“for one hour and seventeen minutes while you helped women with fur around their necks and women who wear lots of diamonds.”
“Please forgive me, Mr. Santangelo,” the pencil-thin woman said. “I didn’t recognize you without your piano.”
Tony blinked several times. “You are not forgiven. You should not have to recognize me to sell me a ring. You should have helped me right away. I do not want your help now.” He remembered what Angelo sometimes said. “I want to see your manager.”
“Oh, that won’t be necessary, will it?” the pencil-thin woman asked. “I can most certainly help you find that special ring.”
“No.” Tony stared into her eyes. “I want to see your manager now.”
“Our manager is busy at the moment,” the pencil-thin woman said.
“You are lying,” Tony said. “You do not know where your manager is.” He took out his cell phone and Googled “Union Square Jewelry.” When the list appeared, he said, “If I do not see your manager in one minute, I will tell the media that you did not help me. The media likes talking to me, and I like talking to them. I will then buy Trina’s engagement ring from Cartier, Brilliant Earth, or Edmund R. Weber Jewelers.”
“Oh, you don’t want an engagement ring from those places,” she said. “You want only the best for Trina, don’t you?”
“I will get the best for Trina,” Tony said. “You go get the manager. You have forty-five seconds.”
The pencil-thin woman picked up a phone and spoke in rapid, hushed tones.
“You have thirty seconds,” Tony said.
With a few seconds to spare, a smiling woman bustled up to him. “Why hello, Mr. Santangelo,” she said. “I’m Janine, Magritte’s manager. How may I help you today?”
Tony looked at Magritte. “When you turn sideways, Magritte, you disappear.”
Magritte took a deep breath.
Tony blinked. “Please turn sideways and disappear now, Magritte.”
Magritte rushed away.
“She was not helpful to me,” Tony said. “She did not see me. She should not work here if she does not see people.”
“I see you, Tony,” Janine said. “May I call you Tony?”
“That is my name,” Tony said.
“I understand you wish to buy an engagement ring,” Janine said.
“Yes,” Tony said.
Janine peered into the showcase. “Do you see any rings you like?”
“No,” Tony said. “These are not the right rings for Trina.”
Janine brought a diamond solitaire up to the counter. “This is the classic Tiffany Setting in eighteen karat yellow gold, two and a half carats, and only fifty-two thousand dollars.”
“It is not the right ring,” Tony said. “I do not like it.”
“Maybe you want a bigger diamond,” Janine said.
“I do not know,” Tony said.
Janine placed a pad of paper on the top of the showcase. “Well, what kind of metal do you think she’ll like? Let’s start there. Eighteen karat gold or platinum?”
“Trina is golden,” Tony said. “Gold.”
“Okay,” Janine said, writing it down. “Now we’ll choose the setting. Solitaire, three stone, pavé, diamond band, or side stones?”
“I do not know the difference,” Tony said.
She pulled out a long display of rings. “These are all our settings. Which one do you like the best?”
Tony pointed at a ring. “That one sparkles the most.”
“Solitaire.” Janine wrote it down. “Now we’ll decide on the cut of diamond you think she’ll like. Round, princess, Lucida, square, emerald, oval, or cushion?”
“Round,” Tony said. “Trina has round buttocks.”
Janine smiled. “Okay.” She wrote it down. “Great. We’re making progress. What size diamond do you want?”
Tony pointed at a ring on the display. “Trina has small hands.”
“Oh, but you want the diamond to stand out, don’t you?” Janine asked.
“Yes,” Tony said.
“So, four, five, six carats?” Janine asked. “Seven? Eight?”
“Six and a half,” Tony said. “That is Trina’s shoe size.”
Janine chuckled as she wrote and said, “Six and one-half carats. Okay. What size ring does she wear?”
“She does not wear a ring,” Tony said.
“You said her hands are small,” Janine said.
“Yes,” Tony said. “They are small but strong and brown and warm.”
Janine held up her pinkie. “Is her ring finger about this big?”
Tony stared at Janine’s pinkie. “No. Like your pointer finger.”
“That will make it about a size six,” Janine said. “She can have it sized if it doesn’t fit.” She tapped her pen on the paper. “That’s all I need to know.”
“What color will the diamond be?” Tony asked. “I do not want a regular diamond.”
“What did you have in mind?” Janine asked.
“I want a chocolate diamond,” Tony said.
“You want . . . a chocolate diamond.”
“Yes,” Tony said. “I want a chocolate diamond for Trina.”
“Tony, it is customary to give diamonds like the ones in the display case for an engagement ring,” Janine said. “Chocolate diamonds are traditionally given—”
“I do not follow customs or traditions,” Tony interrupted. “I want a chocolate diamond for Trina.”
Janine raised her eyebrows. “Okay, um . . . let me make a few calls to see if I can locate a six-and-a-half-carat chocolate diamond.”
“You do not have it here,” Tony said.
“No, Tony,” Janine said. “Not in that size anyway.”
“This is a jewelry store,” Tony said. “You have diamonds. You should have chocolate diamonds.”
“We have a small inventory of chocolate diamonds, Tony,” Janine said, “and I know we don’t have one that’s six and a half carats.”
“Oh,” Tony said.
“We’ll have to do Trina’s ring as a special order,” Janine said.
“Yes,” Tony said. “Trina is special.”
“It will take some time for the ring to be made,” Janine said, “most likely in our flagship store in New York. Have you ever been there?”
“I lived in New York,” Tony said.
“I mean, have you ever visited the Tiffany’s in New York?”
“No,” Tony said. “This is my first visit to a jewelry store.”
Janine winced. “I’m so sorry it took so long for us to help you.”
“Thank you for apologizing,” Tony said. “But Magritte and Greta should be apologizing, not you.”
“I’ll call you when the ring arrives,” Janine said, “but I really can’t give you a specific time it will be ready.”
Tony pulled on his left ring finger. “I cannot take it home today.”
“No,” Janine said.
“I can go to New York to get it,” Tony said.
“That won’t be necessary,” Janine said. “We will have it shipped here when it’s ready.”
“I cannot buy Trina’s ring today,” Tony said. He twisted his left ring finger.
“I’m sorry,” Janine said. “It may take a week, or it might take a month.”
Tony pulled and twisted all the fingers on his left hand. “I do not want to wait a month. Why does it take a month?”
“We have to find the diamond first,” Janine said.
“It is lost.”
“It’s not lost,” Janine said. “We’ll locate it most likely in Australia. That’s where many brown diamonds come from.”
Tony blinked rapidly. “You must find the diamond in Australia and send it to New York to make the ring and then send it back here. Trina’s ring will travel seventeen thousand miles before she can wear it.”
“Her ring will have wings,”
Janine said.
“Yes,” Tony said. “Trina is an angel. Her ring should have wings.”
“Because this is a very special order, Tony,” Janine said, “we ask that you put down a deposit of thirty to fifty percent of the estimated total cost.”
“I will pay the total cost now,” Tony said. He took out his credit card and handed it to Janine.
“With a six-and-a-half-carat round brown diamond solitaire in eighteen karat gold, the ring will cost roughly . . . thirty thousand dollars,” Janine said.
“Okay,” Tony said.
Janine tapped the card on the showcase. “Are you absolutely sure you want to get Trina a chocolate diamond?”
“Yes,” Tony said.
“Because we could get you a flawless six-and-a-half-carat diamond in no time at all,” Janine said. “You could have Trina’s ring in a matter of days.”
“I will wait for the chocolate diamond,” Tony said. “It will have a story to tell when it gets here.”
“You’re right,” Janine said. “I’ll only be a moment.” Janine went into a back office for a few minutes.
Tony stared at Magritte. “I see you.”
Magritte moved away.
He stared at Greta. “You are out of shape.”
Greta slinked away.
Janine returned with the receipt.
Tony signed it as carefully as he could.
“Now this is just the estimated cost, Tony,” Janine said. “If it costs more or less, we’ll let you know.”
“Okay.”
“When are you planning to pop the question?” Janine asked.
“What question?” Tony asked.
“Will you marry me?”
“No,” Tony said. “I am sure you are nice, Janine, but I am marrying Trina.”
Janine laughed. “When will you ask Trina to marry you?”
“I wanted to ask her today,” Tony said.
“You still can,” Janine said. “If you describe the special ring you’re getting her, I’m sure she’ll understand why you don’t have the ring yet.”
“No,” Tony said. “It will not be a surprise without the ring. Trina likes surprises.”
Janine gave him a copy of the receipt. “I promise I will call you the second it arrives.”
Tony blinked at the receipt. “I do not want Trina to see this.”
“Don’t show it to her,” Janine said.
“I am not good at hiding things,” Tony said. “If I hide it in my boots, it will get sweaty. If I hide it in a pocket, Trina will find it. She will find it when she puts her hands in my pockets. She likes to put her hands in my pockets.” He nodded. “I will put it in one of my notepads.” He stuck out his hand. “Thank you, Janine.”
Janine shook his hand. “Thank you, Mr. Santangelo. Remember to come back to Tiffany’s for Trina’s birthday, and Valentine’s Day, and your anniversary, oh, and Christmas, too.”
Tony pulled and twisted his fingers. “I do not think I will come back here. It is hard to buy jewelry here. Good-bye.”
Tony caught a cable car at the corner of Post Street and Powell, jumped off and caught another cable car at Powell and California, rode by the Mark Hopkins, thought briefly of Angelo and Aika, got off at Hyde Street, and walked two blocks to the main entrance of Saint Francis. He went directly to the information desk in the lobby.
“Hi, Tony,” Lily said.
“Hi, Lily,” Tony said. “I am looking for Trina.”
“I saw her an hour or so ago,” Lily said. “I am so glad you found her.”
“I have not found her,” Tony said. “That is why I am looking for her.”
“I meant,” Lily said, “I am so glad you came from Brooklyn to look for Trina. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have met Tino. We’ve started dating. He’s a really nice guy.”
“Yes,” Tony said. “Tino is nice. You will make big brown babies.”
Lily laughed. “You’re probably right. Would you like me to page Trina for you?”
“I do not know,” Tony said. “She is visiting friends today. I will wait.”
“Should I at least let her know you’re here waiting?” Lily asked.
“Okay,” Tony said.
“Trina Woods, please call the information desk,” Lily said. “Trina Woods, please call the information desk.”
“You said it twice,” Tony said.
“Just in case she didn’t hear it the first time,” Lily said.
“Trina has excellent hearing,” Tony said. “She hears me when I whisper. I whisper to her after we have sex. I whisper a lot.”
Lily’s phone rang. “Trina? Tony’s here.” She handed the phone to Tony. “She wants to talk to you.”
“Are you okay?” Trina asked.
“Yes,” Tony said.
“Did you have a successful errand?” Trina asked.
“Yes and no,” Tony said. “But it is a secret, so do not ask anymore.”
“Okay, I won’t,” Trina said. “I’ll be down with Naini in a minute. She wants to treat us to Lahore Kahari for lunch to celebrate our new house.”
“What is Lahore Kahari?” Tony asked.
“Google it,” Trina said. “We’ll be right down.”
Tony handed the phone to Lily, Googled “Lahore Kahari” on his phone, and found it served Indian and Pakistani food. He did not know what “tandoori,” “masala,” or “vindaloo,” meant, but he was sure Naini would know.
“Do you have a cast-iron stomach, Tony?” Lily asked.
“No,” Tony said. “My stomach is not made of cast iron.”
“You’ll need one at Lahore Kahari,” Lily said. “Tino has one. He took me there for one of our dates. Stay away from anything that’s spicy and hot.”
“Why?” Tony asked.
“You’ve never eaten Indian food?” Lily asked.
“No,” Tony said.
“It can burn your tongue,” Lily said.
“I do not want to burn my tongue,” Tony said. “It is already tired.”
“Thai Thai Noodle is excellent,” Lily said.
“Thank you, Lily,” Tony said. He left the information desk and stood in front of the elevators as people swarmed around him. When the elevators opened, Trina and Naini smiled and ran to him, each taking one of his hands.
“I would like to eat at Thai Thai Noodle,” Tony said.
“Since when do you like Thai food?” Trina asked.
“Food made of ties,” Tony said.
“No,” Trina said. “Food from Thailand.”
“A land of ties,” Tony said.
Trina and Naini laughed. “Just come on,” Trina said.
“I am funny,” Tony said. “Ha ha.”
“He knew what you were talking about, Trina,” Naini said.
“Yes,” Tony said. “I wanted to make you laugh.”
Trina kissed his cheek. “I wish I could make you laugh.”
They left the hospital and walked toward California Street. “I laugh all the time. Ha ha.”
“I meant really laugh,” Trina said.
“I laugh inside,” Tony said. “I am always laughing in my head.” He looked at Naini’s hand holding his hand. “Trina, Naini is still holding my hand.”
“She wishes you had another brother for her,” Trina said.
“I do not,” Naini said. “I want some photographer to take my picture today. When I hugged you at Johnny Foley’s, they took a picture, and I have never received so many pokes on Facebook. If I hold your hand, they will take another picture. It will be good for my love life. Where are the photographers? My hair looks good today.”
“Did they follow you around on your errand, Tony?” Trina asked.
“No,” Tony said. He winced. “My stomach is laughing.”
“You mean it’s gurgling,” Trina said. “Maybe we shouldn’t eat Thai food today.”
“No,” Tony said. “It is laughing. It is saying rah rah rah rah.”
Trina and Naini laughed.
“That is the sound my stomach is making,” Tony said. “Rah rah rah rah.”
Trina and Naini continued to laugh.
“It would make a funny commercial,” Naini said. “I am hungry. Rah rah rah rah.”
“Stop!” Trina shouted. “Wait. My stomach’s rumbling now. Rah rah.”
“You must say it four times,” Naini said. “Rah rah rah rah.”
Tony smiled at their laughter. He smiled at the people around them laughing at Naini and Trina laughing. He smiled for several people taking pictures of them with their phones. He squeezed Trina’s hand.
Trina squeezed back.
He winked at Trina.
Trina winked back.
Tony decided that it was normal to laugh and hold the hands of two beautiful women.
He wished he could give Trina her ring at Thai Thai Noodle.
But he would wait.
We will laugh again like this, Tony thought. I will wait for more angels’ laughter like this before I give Trina her ring.
Yes.
I want the whole world to laugh when Trina gets her ring.
43
Several calm, blissful, busy days and busier nights later, Tony woke a little after 8:00 AM to watch the weather outside Trina’s front windows instead of watching the weather on television. He saw a long black car pull up in the street, and a tall black man in a black suit with shiny black shoes got out holding a bouquet of red roses.
That looks like romance, he thought. Roses and romance, poses and no pants. Tony smiled. My mind is funny today.
A few moments later, Tony heard footsteps on the stairs and then a knock.
Tony opened the door. “Hello.”
“I have come to see Trina,” the man said.
“Trina is asleep,” Tony said. “I am Tony.”
“I know who you are,” the man said, stepping past Tony toward the couch. “Trina!”
Tony moved around the man to stand in front of Trina’s bedroom door. “Trina is asleep. Do not wake her. She is tired. I kept her up all night. We were making a snowflake child.”
The man’s mouth opened wide. “Well, I am going to wake her up. In more ways than one.”
“You brought Trina roses,” Tony said.
“Obviously,” the man said, shoving the bouquet into Tony’s hands. “Make yourself useful and put these in a vase, will you?”
Tony laid the bouquet on the coffee table. “You are Robert.”