Later, slipping into our driveway, I see Chase’s car parked on the road. He’s leaning up against it.
Pulling into my bay, he’s already standing next to my car when I get out. He opens my door for me but doesn’t say a word, like he’s waiting for me to speak first. I’m feeling uncomfortable, so I clear my throat and force my features to knit into a smile. “Hey, Chase.”
He’s sees through my fake smile immediately. “What’s going on, Kate?”
I just need to get away from this city and all the accompanying nightmarish events of the past nine months. To get miles away from Dominic and just shut out the horrible visual of another woman in his arms. A new town, a fresh new start. I can’t tell Chase the present reason my fragile heart is so choked with anguish. This isn’t his problem, not his burden to bear. He’s lost his brother, and I’m not about to come between a friendship that means so much to Chase.
Avoiding his eyes, I busy myself with fumbling around in my handbag for the apartment keys.
I know he’s watching me intently.
“Kate, this is such a turn about. Can you please tell me why you’ve made a decision like this virtually overnight? Dominic says—”
“Chase, I do not want to talk about Dominic right now, okay?”
I’m now clenching my jaw and swallowing down the hostile words which are bubbling up automatically, knowing if they leave my mouth, the bitter edge to them will be a dead giveaway to there being so much more to my decision to leave town than meets the eye.
“I’m not trying to be an ass, Kate. Something just doesn’t add up. I’ve known you for over five years, and in all that time, I’ve never known you to make a rash decision like this. You’re close to your family, to us. Why are you up and leaving now? What’s brought this on?”
I look away quickly as I feel one stupid tear breach my defences, and roll down my cheek. I bat it away before running my hand through my hair.
“I, uh, need to find myself again, Chase, and it needs to be away from here for a while at least. There are too many memories, too many triggers. I need to be away from these aftershocks. Each and every one of them is a reminder of what happened and I’m reliving it all over again and again.” At least this part of my reason for leaving is true.
“And I’m one of the triggers that gets to you still,” he says sadly, eyes downcast.
“N-no, Chase, not at all. I’ve grown to love your similarities to Dan. When I’m around you, it’s nostalgic in a way. I love you for who you are as an individual. I will always see a shadowing of Dan in your eyes, hear a hint of his voice in yours. These are no longer painful reminders, they’re a comfort to me.”
Chase just stares at me. He’s not convinced. I can see it in his eyes.
“I can understand that babe, and get your reasoning in wanting to leave Christchurch itself for a while. It’s the timing, Kate, that’s just…odd. You’ve been doing so well, picking up your life with a new job.” He sighs. “You looked happy Kate for the first time in months. I know Domin—”
I cut him off. “Chase, look. This hasn’t been an easy decision for me to make. Please just leave it at that. I really don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
Chase knows when my mind is made up, and dejectedly pulls me to him. He holds me for what seems like ages, then pulls back to rest his hands on my shoulders. He’s looking down at me quizzically. He knows me well enough to guess that there is something I’m not telling him, but he doesn’t push.
“I’ll give you your space, but you keep in touch with me every week. Agreed?”
I nod silently.
“Where will you be staying?”
“I’m not sure, but I’ll be in a B&B for a few days. I’ll let you know as soon as I settle.”
I have no intention of giving him my physical address. I certainly don’t want Dominic pitching up on my doorstep.
This is so hard. I love Chase dearly. He’s the brother I never had. I’m going to battle being away from him for an extended period. I love him so much. He’s always been there for me and has been the best brother to Daniel. But, this is something I need to do.
I cup my hand over Chase’s cheek and go up on my tip-toes to kiss him. He grips both my wrists so that our faces are a few inches apart. The emotion in his eyes makes mine start to burn.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” he says softly.
“Ditto,” I whisper back to him, as I mentally prepare to close the door on this town, the past I shared here with Danny, and the future I thought I had found with Dominic.
I love you Danny, but this is me trying to live, baby.
Chapter 26
SHOW TIME
~ Kate, four months later ~
Staring at my reflection in the dressing-room mirror, a face I don’t recognise looks back at me. My hair is in curls and ringlets, spilling over my shoulders. My mouth is primed with bright cherry-red lipstick, eyeshadow dark and smoky, contrasting with the pale green of my eyes. The make up is intentionally heavy for the stage. I’m wearing a red and black lycra two-piece, red platform shoes with six-inch heels. I look like a true showgirl.
This is the façade I’ve hidden behind for months, masking the guilt and heartbreak of the past year that has become etched into my features. There’s a hardness to my face that was never there before, and an impenetrable wall around my heart that no man will ever again breach.
I lose myself in each dance performance. Alone on that stage, one pole, one body, one song combining to create a gracefully sensual form of art that provides me with an emotional release. I feel as free as a bird on stage. I’ve been practising for weeks. Tonight I make the transition from a subtly erotic choreographed routine, to an outright sexy freestyle performance.
A slow seductive song is playing right now, adding to the anticipation of my impending act. Locking eyes with my refection, I take a deep breath.
No backing out now.
A soft rapping on the door stalls my thoughts.
“Kate, It’s me, can I come in?”
I cross the small room and open the door. Rob, the owner of the club, whistles while giving me the once over. “Oh wow, babe. You look smokin’ hot. There’s a huge crowd on the other side of that door, sweetheart. You ready for this tonight?”
“Sure am, Rob.”
“The girls are upfront, prime seats. Leisha says to remind you not to forget the floor-work you worked on together.” I smile.
“Like she’d let me forget. I’ve been grilled for days on those new moves we added to the basic routine. The rest will be freestyle, Rob, no set choreography.”
“All good. This is it. You’re on in two minutes.”
The club lights are dimmed. The stage plummeted into semi-darkness. I emerge from the screen flanking the side of the stage to a chorus of whistles. The effect from down on the club floor is just a silhouette of my body sashaying across the stage to get into position. I brace myself as one lone spotlight flips on, suddenly illuminating the pole that I’m gripping with whitened knuckles.
This is it. Breathe, Kate, breathe, I tell myself.
More whistles signal the start of my routine as the anticipation mounts. I hear a few of my pole girls wolf-whistle at me and call out my name from their seats closest to the stage.
Trying to slow my erratic breathing, I seductively roll my neck as The Brian Jonestown Massacre’s sultry “Anemone” starts up, sending a sexy reverberating thrum across the bar.
I can do this. I can do this.
Reaching up to grip the pole while hooking my bended kneed around the lower section, I push my hips forward and twirl into a front hook spin, hair cascading over my left shoulder. Landing fluidly, I immediately switch sides, pivoting into a back hook, arching my back and closing my eyes, shutting off my jittery nerves, and just letting the music instinctively coax my body into submitting to its sensual rhythm.
Stepping up the seductive act, I start handling the pole like it’s a man’s body under my touch. I tau
nt it, I tease it, turn my back to it, while shimmying down the length of the pole, flipping my hair down over my right shoulder as my hips undulate rhythmically. The clapping and whistling competes with the music. My body satisfies every voyeuristic fantasy these men have. They’re lapping it up. Although I have the eyes of a club full of men on me, I can’t shake the uneasy feeling that someone is watching me a little too enthusiastically. A tendril of fear slips along my spine as I breathlessly cut my eyes through the growing throng of men encroaching into the stage area. My timing falters and my heart trips, as my eyes collide with a pair I’d never forget.
Oh God. It’s Dominic.
Something flits across his features briefly as recognition dawns. What is he doing here? In this club? I’m surprised he recognises me. My hair is now a pale blonde, my face plastered in heavy stage makeup.
He’s as gorgeous as I remember him to be. His black hair now a little longer on top, still closely cropped. That sculptured jaw shadowed in sexy stubble. Yep, as Bar-fly Bimbo had said of him that night: Sex. On. A. Stick. He still is. Ironically, I guess that description would be more accurate of me right now. Scantily dressed as I am, draped around a pole.
When Danny died, a huge chunk of my heart died with him. I’d opened up just enough for Dominic to take what was left of it. He had me. Exposed. Vulnerable. I was at his mercy. He had the power to gently nurture it, hold the fractured pieces together, or squeeze his fist closed and destroy it, thus finishing me.
He almost did too.
I haven’t seen him in four months, not since the week I found him in the arms of another woman.
My heart reacts to seeing him again and angry tears burn behind my eyes. The undeniable proof that I’m still in love with him, despite the circumstances that ripped us apart.
I chance another glance over to where he’s sitting. He’s watching me intently, occasionally taking sips of his beer, but his eyes never leave the stage. His piercing eyes rake across every inch of bare skin I have on display, tracking my every move. His eyes glide across my scantily covered body causing my traitorous body to tingle. Then two men, one including Chase, join the group he’s sitting with. My breath catches.
God I miss Chase. I’d basically dropped off the radar after promising him I would keep in touch. I just couldn’t do it. Couldn’t face the questions I knew he’d eventually start asking. Couldn’t handle anymore talk of Dominic. I had cut ties with my past in order to find the inner strength I needed to move on. And I did.
As shaken as I am at seeing Dominic and Chase, I can’t rid myself of the odd sense that I’m in danger. I make a point of re-directing my focal range to scan across the mass of lusting men. For what, I’m unsure. The men are cheering and shouting out suggestive comments. I’ve grown accustomed to this. They’re mostly strangers, just nameless faces in a sea of beer and brawn. But my intuition, sensing a menacing presence in this room, has me off kilter.
I can feel Dominic’s eyes laser into me. I catch his expression. He has the audacity to appear angry. WTF?
I recover quickly slipping into an inverted “V” and finish my dance to an eruption of cheering, whistling and applause. It’s a heady moment. I need to be off the stage though, knowing that Dominic is in such close vicinity as its making me really anxious and emotional, yet something has me feeling very uneasy.
What is Dominic doing back in Hanmer after all these months?
Feeling the combined effects of the adrenaline rush from my performance, and an inexplicable fear, I step back into the dressing room, joining Sherry, who is getting dressed in preparation for her routine. Sherry was one of the first dancers I met when I started working here three months ago.
“Wow, listen to them, babe. They loved you!” she gushes as I close the door behind me, dulling the noise. I plaster a smile on my face as I take a long sip of water.
“Hey, you okay, Kate?”
Damn. Why are we women so annoyingly perceptive to the moods of others?
“Yeah, just a little overwhelmed. I’m fine.” I walk over to adjust her corset, brightly adorned with many sequins.
“You look stunning, Sherry. Bring them to their knees, hon.”
We both look up as her stage name, Lulu, is announced as the next act.
“Will do.” She winks, and turns on her heel towards the stage door.
“Kate?”
As I exit the dressing room into the passage leading to the club office, I stop at the sound of my name being called from behind me. On hearing his voice again, tears prick the back of my eyelids immediately. With my heart hammering in my chest, I keep my back to him.
“Dominic. What are you doing here?”
“Hey, you’re not permitted to be back here, mate,” Aaron, our bouncer, says to Dominic as he steps into the passage.
“Its okay, Aaron, I know him,” I say, partially glancing over my shoulder but not yet facing Dominic fully. Aaron looks between us, reluctantly nods, and then exits the passage, closing the door behind him. Steeling myself, I take a deep breath and slowly turn around, looking up into eyes that are drilling holes into mine.
“Four months. No contact, nothin’. Knowin’ now what you’ve been doin’ all this time, it’s—” He stops himself, shaking his head. “They payin’ you well, sweetheart? That ‘show’ was worth a couple hundred at least, right?” The way he said the word “show” was laced with bitterness and sarcasm.
“Damn you, Dominic. What gives you the r—”
He cuts me off.
“Why are you strippin’, Kate?”
“What I do with my life is none of your business. And for the record, it’s not stripping, it’s pole-dancing. There’s a huge difference.”
“Not from the way I see it. You’re seducin’ men for fuckin’ money.”
That hurts. My hand reflexively flies out with its aim to make contact with his face. But moving faster than me, Dominic blocks my wrist in a firm grasp. Breathing hard. A muscle in his jaw twitches. The anger is rolling off him in waves.
“Do NOT be hittin’ me. The truth hurt, sweetheart? A year ago, I fought to get in…into your life. Into your heart. You pushed me away. My God. Since then, how many hundreds of men have seen you just short of naked? How many have seen you nude, huh?”
“You betrayed me, Dominic,” my voice, a strained whisper.
He flinches at my words and glares down at me.
“A reminder sweetheart. YOU pushed ME away. Scraped me off. I gave you space, but you never gave us chance. Now you’re puttin’ yourself out there, barin’ your body for men to get off on. How is it that I betrayed YOU?” he booms. The physical edge to his words hit me squarely in the chest.
Tears prick my eyes, and the words are out of my mouth instantly.
“Just a few weeks after we returned from Hanmer, I discovered you in the arms of another woman.” I say, my hands now shaking. “Just leave, Dominic. Please.”
Dominic looks like someone has just punched him. Leaning into my space, dropping his voice to a sinister whisper. “What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Just. Say?” he asks.
Swallowing what feels like a stone clogging my throat, I manage to speak. “You heard me. Deny it all you like. I don’t want to hear it. Just get out of this club and leave me the hell alone.” The emotion in my voice is causing it to tremble. Damn it. Stay strong here.
A noise comes from deep in Dom’s throat. He’s just a few inches from my face, and his eyes are blazing into mine. “That is one hell of an accusation, Kate. For the record, I didn’t touch another woman while we were involved. I’m not that kinda man.”
My chest heaves as tears breach my eyes. “Why are you lying to me Dominic? I saw you with my own two eyes. I came up to your house to…to talk to you. I saw her. In y-your arms. Kissing you, and touching you. And you’ve got a fucking child, too!”
An image of that woman in his arms flashes through my mind, renewing my hurt and anger once more. Stifling a sob, Dominic now swims in my vision, I turn to grab the d
oor handle as his hand closes over mine.
Taking all I have not to fall apart, swallowing thickly, I turn to him and meet his glare.
“For your information, Kate, it was not what it looked like with Lisa. If you’d trusted me enough to ask, I could have easily explained to you why she was in my apartment that day, and more importantly why I was consolin’ her. That baby isn’t mine, but you never gave me the opportunity to explain, did ya? You didn’t believe enough in me. In us. Just assumed the worst and cut me off. God knows, you meant everythin’ to me.” His voice sounds tortured. His beautiful blue eyes pained.
My breath catches. The last five words ripping through my heart with a devastating force.
You meant everythin’ to me. Past tense. Finality proclaimed in those few words. He’s moved on.
Lifting his hand from mine as if the contact with me physically hurts him, he takes a step back.
“Don’t think I ever knew the real you. That sweet vulnerable girl I was just starting to get to know is gone. You locked her down, and all that’s left is a hardened woman quick to judge, and now, paid to seduce.” His voice is cold and abrasive.
With that, he flings the door open, and stalks away.
Reaching out to steady myself against the passage wall, the impact of his words slam into me. I slide down onto the carpet, pull my legs up, and sob into my hands. Months of pent-up emotions flow from my eyes.
The door opens again, and I hear Rob and Leisha enter. Leisha is one of my fellow dancers who has become a very good friend over the past few months. The laughter dies in her throat the minute they find me in the floor.
“God, what’s wrong Katy? Who was that guy we just passed?”
I can’t speak.
Leisha sweeps me up, and folds me into a supportive hug. I cling to her while trying to stem the flow of tears, my breathing coming in ragged shudders.
“Aaron!” I hear Rob bark into the intercom.
“Do you know what happened back here that’s got Kate in such a fucking state? Some guy just exited the rear office door. Who the fuck was he?”
“Lets get you into the office, honey. I’ll fix you a drink and you can tell me what the heck is going on and why you’re so upset,” she says softly as she leads me towards the back office, supporting me around the waist.
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