by Cass Kim
“I know, but I’m just worried…” Renna trailed off and stood to hug her friend as Alyssa approached the table, nose pink from the cold. Tim Tam trailed behind her, pausing to sniff at a grain of rice on the ground.
“Ahhh, that’s the stuff!” Alyssa clung tightly to Renna for a moment too long, soaking in the extra body heat radiating from her. “Damn, I’d consider going Wilder just to become an oven too, at this point! Think we could get some insulation in these tents?” Alyssa wrapped her hands around the warm bowl in front of her as she took her usual spot.
Renna smiled overly brightly, “You said that like two weeks ago, Lyss. How’s Benjamin?”
Alyssa shrugged, forcing a tight smile back. “You know. The same. Well, I think he listened a little more today. He might’ve even grunted a kind of laugh at one point.” The tightness eased from her smile as she poked Emerson to make sure he was listening. “I told him the story about the witch broom.”
Emerson snorted across the table, barely pausing in his food shoveling. Through a mouthful, he replied, “Makes me wish we had an extra broom out here to hide around corners.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha.” Renna stuck her tongue out at both of them and popped a small bite of the plain food into her mouth. With how many extra calories her body burned now, she always felt hungry. But once the food touched her tongue, she struggled to force it down.
“It would be better with an over-easy egg on it.” Emerson nodded at her encouragingly.
“Or some ketchup.” Alyssa nudged her with her elbow. “Seriously, Rennoodle, if you don’t start eating more I’ma start feeding you like a toddler– open up for the airplane!” Alyssa drove a heaping scoop of rice through the air before landing it in her own mouth and giving Renna a cheek-stuffed chipmunk face.
Renna swallowed her own bite. “Yeah, no. please don’t do that, Lyssa. Anything but that!” She played along, popping another bite in and returning the chipmunk cheeked look. When the face didn’t elicit the loud laughter she’d expected, she turned to Emerson and gave him a meaningful look.
He nodded and quickly set his spoon in his empty bowl, leaning forward. “Hey, so, Alyssa, you up for a supply run? We’ll take a small group. Thought you might be good, since you’re not, uh, sensitive to electronics. You could go into the bigger stores with huge freezers better.”
Alyssa stilled, carefully studying him. Finally, she looked at Renna. “How long will it take?”
Renna shrugged.
Emerson answered for her, “We don’t know yet. We gotta go around and get the list, talk to the head honcho types and get the group.”
Alyssa stirred her food, eyes glued to it. “Is Renna coming?”
“No, I—”
“Then I’m not going.” Alyssa’s gaze, accusing now, pinned Emerson across the table. “We can’t both leave her here. She needs us to make sure—”
“Oh, no. I don’t think so.” Renna cut her off in return. “I don’t need you to protect me, Lyssie. I’ll be fine. I’m Wilder strong now, remember? You need to get out of here for a while. Maybe even get some cute warm clothes.”
“With what money?” Alyssa exploded then hastily lowered her voice as heads turned. “Renna, you sure as shit don’t need to remind me that you’re Wilder strong. You’re also science experiment skinny. And don’t you forget that we don’t have anything out here. We don’t have money, I can’t use my cell phone to contact anyone. People think we’re dead. Our parents probably think we’re dead.”
“Lyssie—” Renna tried to butt in, but Alyssa steamrolled on.
“And you, you wanted to wait until Benjamin got better to go tell your Mom, but he’s not any better, not really. And we’re not allowed to contact our parents because you waited too long and now there are all these rules applied to us. And you haven’t even gone to see Benjamin in a week! A week, Renna! So don’t you fucking tell me that this is going to be some fun trip to go get cute clothes like everything is fine. Nothing is fine.” She held up a hand in Renna’s face to stall her protests. “And if I go, who will talk to Jammin every day? You? I doubt it.” Alyssa jumped to her feet and shoved her bowl to the middle of the table before turning her back and exiting the tent.
Renna stood, Wilder fast, but Emerson was there before she could follow, blocking her.
“Just give her a minute. She’ll calm down.” He gestured to her still full bowl on the table. “Sit. Finish your rice. I’ll talk to her.”
“She’s my best friend, not yours.” Renna frowned up at him.
“Did you forget the time she and I spent bonding at your bedside?” Emerson reached out a hand as if to touch her face before aborting the gesture, dropping his gaze to the floor. “Look, Renna. I need you to eat. We need you to eat, to be healthy. Not just for the world but… we just need you to try.” He stepped back, gesturing again at her dinner. “So, you eat. I’ll talk to her. If I’m not successful, she’ll still be here when you finish.”
“I… yeah. Okay.” Renna plopped gracelessly back into her seat. “But I’m serious Emerson. She’s my best friend. I need her.”
Emerson nodded, grabbing the forgotten glow stick from the table, and headed out the side Alyssa had exited moments earlier.
“And maybe I need to show her more how much I need her.” Renna muttered to herself as she pushed the food around in her bowl. Tim Tam hopped onto the vacated chair, staring at Renna. He still wouldn’t sit in her lap yet. Renna reached out, slow and calm, to scratch the sweet spot under his chin.
Alyssa’s words played back in her head, accusing. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see Benjamin. Of course she did. He was her big brother. It was just that she couldn’t.
4
Alyssa
Alyssa swiped at her eyes as she marched from the tent. She hadn’t meant to yell at Renna, but it was all too much. Besides, Renna should be checking on Jammin. He was her brother. If the situations were reversed, he’d be talking to Renna every single day. Hell, he’d probably brave the scientist’s wrath and give her a teddy bear or something, somehow. Plus Renna always looked so tired. Washed out and just sitting around waiting to see what she was told to do next. Ugh. Even when she’d saved the world she was still wishy washy and kind of following wherever she was told to go.
“Alyssa!” Emerson’s voice was not far behind her.
Knowing it was fruitless, she picked up her pace and pretended she hadn’t heard him. With his Wilder speed he’d catch up to her in no time, but she didn’t care. She needed space. Alyssa forced her tired legs into a full sprint, dodging between the last two tents to get to the smooth path between the woods. The path where she’d lost her stupid footing and changed Renna’s fate forever.
Gritting her teeth, she pushed hard into her quads, shoving her feet into the ground with force. Stupid ground. Stupid camp. Stupid darkness. Stupid half-pocalypse. Stupid Emerson for trotting up behind her and then easily pacing her as if she couldn’t hear his footsteps behind her.
She whirled to face him. “What? What do you want?”
He stopped and held his hands up in front of his chest. “I just want to talk to you.”
“About what? What is there to say? ‘Sorry I turned your best friend into a Wilder and then started taking up all of her time’?”
He shrugged and nodded, lowering his hands before pulling the glow stick from his pocket and holding it out to her. “Yeah. Okay. We can start there.”
Alyssa shook out her long hair, looking up to try to stem the tears forming in her eyes. “Jeez, Emerson. You couldn’t argue just a little?” She sniffed, blinking rapidly. “You know, like just yell back a bit?”
He raised one dark eyebrow. “You want me to yell at you? Right now? While you’re crying? I mean, I get that I’m not exactly human, but last I checked I’m not a monster.” He reached out and gently pushed her shoulder, tucking the ignored glow stick in his back pocket. “Come on. Let’s walk for a while, or you’ll get too cold to think.”
“Doesn’t
take much brains to converse with you anyhow.” She sniffled again, a single tear trickling down her cheek.
He huffed to cover a chuckle as he peeled his jacket off, handing it to her. “Yeah, yeah. There’s the Alyssa I know and sort of like.”
She slid the warm jacket over her hoodie as they started walking, her hands tucked in the longer sleeves. They moved along the path toward the Kim cabin in companionable silence as Alyssa gathered herself. Inside the sleeves, her hands clenched and unclenched, nails biting little crescents into her palms. After blowing out a long breath, she scuffed her feet along the dirt trail, debating how to explain to him all of her feelings. If she even wanted to try. To stall, she held out a hand for the glow stick. He plunked it in her palm wordlessly.
A few more steps and the silence became less companionable. It was awkward. Her sniffling stopped, but she didn’t talk. He kept taking a deep breath as it to start a sentence before huffing it quietly back out.
“Look, Emerson, whatever you’re thinking about saying, just say it alright? I can take it.” She arced the glow stick through the air like a magic wand.
“Uh, yeah, okay. So, I was going to say, that before you ask, Renna wanted to follow you. I told her you might need some space.” Emerson glanced over. When she nodded, he continued. “I just didn’t want you to think she doesn’t care. I just. Well. Look, okay, I know it probably seems like we’re always together, but we’re not, you know.”
Alyssa shook her head, “I didn’t mean that.”
“I think you probably did. But mostly she’s getting tests run. And mostly I’m doing the same busy-work chores I was usually doing before this all happened.”
“I don’t need an explanation.” She stared hard at the ground, using the eerie yellow light in her hand to pick out roots and rocks as they moved past the Kim cabin.
“You seem like you do.”
“Ugh, shut it. No, I don’t.” She bumped him with her hip to show that, while she did feel left out, she got it. “It’s cool. After all, when Jeremy and Renna started dating they kind of forgot about me for a while too.”
“Jeremy? Who’s Jeremy?” Emerson hip-nudged her back, then had to reach out and catch her as she stumbled over a root. “Sorry.” He cleared his throat. “It doesn’t matter, because we aren’t dating anyhow.”
“Oh. My. Gosh. You guys are idiots, then. Besides, I’m not even that mad about it. It’s whatever. I was feeling a little overwhelmed, but it’s cool now.” She gave him a big, cheesy smile. “See? All good.”
He frowned, dimples appearing on either side of his chin. “Yeah, okay. If you’re not going to talk to me, fine. But I wanted to tell you why Renna hasn’t been visiting her brother.”
“Wait, you followed me so you could make excuses for her? No thanks.” She held the glow stick out to avoid tripping as she picked up her pace again. “Real friends make excuses to each other’s faces. And then they get called out for their bull and tell the truth.” She paused, placing the glow stick in her mouth while she scooped her hair into a ponytail, securing it with an elastic from her wrist. Grabbing the light from between her teeth, she began her brisk pace again. “I’ll just talk to her about it a little later. She’ll give me the answer. She always does.”
“She won’t this time.” The chin dimples remained in place bracketing a frown, but Alyssa wasn’t looking to see them. “She told me not to tell you, but I think you should know. Just so you don’t end up resenting her a little more every day.”
She stopped and faced him, holding the glow stick up between their chests, forcing him to squint. “So you’ve actually talked about not telling me things? Jeez, you aren’t leaving me out of anything, huh?” She bit out the sarcastic words with a sneer, inching the glow stick higher out of spite. Her topaz eyes met his reflective pupils. “Alright, then. Tell me this top-secret information.”
Emerson studied her face for a long moment, brows furrowed as he refused to squint in the light. “I don’t know if I should tell you if you’re just going to be angry about it.”
Exasperated, Alyssa threw her hands up and started walking again. The trees loomed along the trail as it narrowed, forcing them to brush against each other. Shoving at his shoulder when it bumped her and picking up her pace, she said, “Fine. Don’t tell me. I don’t really care what the excuse is anyhow. Because that’s all it is. An excuse.”
“No, it’s not.” Emerson’s voice hardened and he sped up with her. “Fine. She didn’t want to tell you that every time she goes near her brother or the other Wilder tents, they go crazy. Like they can sense her or something.”
“Well why wouldn’t she just tell me that?” Her breath came out in short burst as her feet ate up the ground.
“Do you remember the one time she went with you to visit Benjamin? And he went absolutely berserk? Slamming into the walls, growling and clawing at the sides? How he didn’t stop until she backed away?” He easily kept pace with her, annoying comfortable with the speed and the forest. He stepped slightly in front of her gesturing to a dip in the path she couldn’t see.
She brushed past him and his stupid warnings, bluntly refusing to believe what he was saying. “Yeah, I remember that. But that was weeks ago and he’s so much better now. He never slams into the tent side anymore.”
“Maybe not with you.” He let her remain in the lead.
“He does still with Renna? She’s gone recently. And he did that still?” She stopped abruptly, facing him again. Glow stick politely at her side.
He nodded. “She went five days ago. That’s when she decided she can’t go anymore.”
“And he went crazy? The exact same way? Just as bad?” She swallowed hard. Renna must be heartbroken about that.
“Yes. Every single time. They all do.” Emerson pressed his lips together in a firm line.
“… Oh.” Alyssa didn’t know what to say.
“Yeah.” He shrugged, helpless. “So, that’s why she doesn’t go with you. Why she doesn’t go at all now. She thinks she’s setting him back.”
“Oh. Oh, now I feel bad. Poor Renna. I feel really bad.” She turned around, picking up her pace to a near-jog despite the limited light and the poorly groomed trail.
“Alyssa! Where are you going?” He stood in the path, watching her.
“I gotta go find Renna! You just stay here… or, somewhere. I don’t care, just don’t come with me. We need friend time.”
5
Renna
Renna was sitting at the table, mechanically forcing down the last gluey bite of her rice, when something slammed into her back. A long blond ponytail slung over her shoulder as Alyssa wrapped her in a hug, still panting.
“Why didn’t you tell me!” by the tone of Alyssa’s voice, Renna knew she was in trouble. And she was pretty sure she knew what Emerson had said.
She sighed heavily. “I guess I know now how not great at keeping secrets Emerson is.”
Alyssa unwrapped her arms and picked up Tim Tam, sliding into her former seat before scooting closer to Renna. She pulled the glow stick from her back pocket with a grimace and tossed it on the table before settling back into the seat.
“Don’t be mad at that well-meaning idiot, Rennoodle. I get it. You’re trying to protect me, he’s trying to protect you. It’s one great big circle of idiocy really.”
Renna bit her lip to keep from grinning. There was her Alyssa. “Yeah. Look, I’m sorry, Lyssie.”
“You don’t have to hide things from me, Renna. I mean it.” Alyssa held her gaze, face unusually open and serious. “I can handle it. You aren’t here alone. I’m here because we’re best friends. You’re not alone, I’m not alone. Just… just don’t get so caught up in trying to hide the hard stuff that you end up with us both being alone.” Alyssa squinted, looking off to the side for a moment. “What was it you told me back when my parents first started arguing so much?”
Renna shrugged. She’d said a lot of things back then to try to make Alyssa feel better. It was hard to
say which one Alyssa had held on to the hardest.
“Oh yeah! You said, ‘I feel really dumb when I know something’s wrong and I can’t figure it out, so stop being such a dummy and tell me what’s wrong so I can feel smarter.’”
Renna burst out laughing. “You are definitely making that up, Lyss.”
“Nope. We were like eight and you were really obsessed with getting good grades on the standardized testing that year. I mean, like really obsessed.”
“Yeah, okay. Maybe I did then.” Renna was so relieved to see Alyssa smiling a real smile that she would’ve agreed to having said anything.
Alyssa reached over and grabbed her hand. “Renna… is it really that bad still? Does he really just go berserker mode every time you go over there?”
“Yes. All of them get really wound up and slam their bodies into the tent sides. Just like Benjamin used to do when I first woke up. Only now, he only does it when it’s me.”
“Every single time? What about the others? Like Emerson or Dr. Kim?”
“Just me. And yeah, every single time. All times of day or night. As soon as I get close enough to… I don’t know. Smell, maybe? That’s the current hypothesis that Dr. Kim is working with.” Renna held her breath to stop the lump that was forming in her throat.
“It will get better. It has to get better.” Alyssa squeezed her hand, giving it a little shake.
Renna slid her hand from Alyssa’s carefully. “You don’t have any cuts on your hands, right?” She looked over her own hand carefully, studying it for scrapes or hang nails or anything that could expose her friend to the virus.