“Why did you pick tonight to tell me?”
The soft question coupled with several days’ worth of no sleep loosened the gag on his typically guarded emotions. “I’ve carried that with me for years, and it stood between us. I had to know if it would make you walk, had to get it out of the way. I don’t want to lose you. Not now.” He fell silent, the only sound the hum of the wheels on the road. “And here I’ve dragged you out without any backup. You keep me from thinking straight.”
Andrea remained quiet, and Josh wondered what was going through her head. Finally, she said, “You’re trying to make atonement. That’s why you’re here.”
“If you’d have said that yesterday, I’d have agreed. I fully believed it was my fault Lauren and Brendan died and now God wanted me to make it right.” Josh squeezed the steering wheel, choking the voice of the old lie that threatened to creep up once again. “Now I’m here because I want to be. We’ve come too far for me to walk out on you now.”
Another car appeared behind them, and Josh slipped back into the moment at hand, whipping off at Victory Drive without using the blinker. The other car slipped past on the way to post. “Far as I can tell, nobody’s following us.”
“That’s good. But what’s waiting for us when we get there?”
She fidgeted with the door locks, then opened and closed the glove box, all nervous energy. “I never dreamed I’d see a day when I was afraid to go to my own office.” She sat back in her seat, fingering the hem of her pale gray workout shirt.
Without taking his eyes off the road, Josh reached over and took her hand again, determined not to let go. “It’s going to be okay.”
As soon as he touched her, she stilled. “I’m choosing to believe you.”
The next couple of minutes passed in silence. Josh fought hard to keep his foot even on the gas pedal. He wanted to slow down and take in every bit of the surroundings, but creeping along the nearly deserted road would make them stand out like a rookie in Fenway Park on opening day.
Beside him, Andrea leaned forward, gripping his hand tightly as the parking lot came into view. “Empty.” She sat back as they slowed. “He’s not here.”
Josh slowed the car early and pulled into the gas station next door, parking near the road. He let go of her hand to switch off the engine and fought the intense urge to pick it up again.
“What are we doing?” She sat back and clasped her hands between her knees.
“If we pull up over there, any interested party who drives by is going to know exactly who we are. We sit here, maybe it won’t be so noticeable.” He tapped the screen of his phone. “I still think we should call—”
“I want this over with, and if it means I have to do something reckless, well then, call me reckless.” She turned to stare at the gas pumps, treating Josh to a view of the back of her head. “Besides, I’ve got you on my side.”
Her words struck Josh somewhere between his rib cage and his heart, like a line drive he once took to the chest. It had knocked the wind out of him and laid him flat on his back, filling his vision with blue sky and black spots until he could get a good breath again. He swallowed the old habit of telling her again how wrong she was to trust him. Closing the space between them, he ran his fingers through the back of her hair, separating the waves and wrapping one ringlet around his index finger. It was softer than he’d expected. “I’m not going anywhere until this is over or God says my part in it’s done.” He surprised himself by believing the words.
Andrea turned, trapping his fingers in the curls at the base of her neck. When her eyes met his, every ounce of exhaustion faded into the background, every bit of caution faded. His fingers tightened reflexively as if they were afraid she’d pull back and force him to let go.
“Josh, I… You’re…” The whispered words sparked electricity into the air.
Josh didn’t really hear what she said, he was so caught up in the way her lips moved. The upholstery of the seats rustled beneath them as he awkwardly pulled her closer with his left arm and leaned to meet her halfway.
She didn’t resist. But just as he could feel her breath against his lips, she tensed and scrambled backward, tearing his hand from her hair and fumbling for the door.
Had she lost her mind? “Don’t go charging—” The door slammed behind her, and she took off at a run. At first, he thought the mad dash was to get away from him, but then he saw the man skulking toward her building.
Pressed backward into his seat by the danger and helpless to do anything from where he sat, Josh reached for the door handle and hit the ground running.
*
“Dutch!” Andrea shouted across the space between them, realizing too late she’d just exposed herself to anyone who might be watching.
The older man stopped in the middle of the parking lot, twisting like he was going to bolt across Victory Drive and into the tree line on the other side of the road.
Andrea jogged toward him, gulping deep breaths and fighting to regain her footing.
Even though she was completely out in the open right now, her priority was getting Dutch out of harm’s way. If something happened to anyone else because of her, she’d give up without a fight.
When she reached Dutch, he tucked his fist into his oversize coat pocket like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
Alarm bells shot off in Andrea’s ears and all thoughts of angry assailants fled. She propped her hands on her knees and tried to catch her breath. “Tell me—” she gulped in a breath “—tell me I didn’t just catch you drinking.”
Confusion scattered across his face before his usual open expression set in. “I’m a better man than that, Miss Andrea.” Lines tightened his face, and he shoved his hands into his coat pockets as footsteps pounded the pavement behind her.
Josh drew up beside her and asked Dutch, “What are you doing here?”
Dutch took a step back and eyed the younger man warily. “You’re still here?”
Josh flicked a look at Andrea and directed the question to her. “Tell me again why you trust him?”
Andrea finally caught her breath and straightened, thinking irrationally that she sure wasn’t in the shape she used to be in if she couldn’t sprint two hundred yards without her lungs burning. “He’s safe.” She shoved her hair behind her ears and looked toward Josh, although she couldn’t quite meet his eyes, too afraid of what she’d see there.
Josh nodded at Dutch before he spoke to Andrea. “Don’t you think it’s a little less than smart to be standing here in the middle of the great wide open?”
“Why would it be dangerous to stand in her own parking lot?” Dutch’s ears practically perked up. “I knew it. I knew something was going on.” He gripped Andrea’s arm, and Josh stiffened beside her. “They came back after you, didn’t they? Those guys who were here the other night. They’re why I’ve been hanging around more this weekend, checking the place out to make sure it’s safe.”
Andrea laid a hand on his and gently loosened his fingers from her wrist. “You can see for yourself I’m fine but Dutch, I need you to get somewhere else right now. The last place you want to be is anywhere near me. Especially out in the open like this.” She dropped her hand and turned at a sharp angle, making for the relative safety of her office, praying no one was pulling surveillance on her building.
“Miss Andrea!” A new voice bounced off the brick building.
Her fists balled against the cotton of her yoga pants. No. No. No. Not one more person to be hurt. Please. She turned. “Mr. Miller, you have to go back to the store. Now.” At best, Wade was going to run for the hills when he saw the parade trailing her. At worst, someone would die in the next two minutes.
The cup of coffee in Mr. Miller’s hand dipped with the corners of his mouth as he huffed to a stop. “I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong?”
“You didn’t do anything. But please. Go back into your store where it’s safe.” Andrea turned to Josh as the stronger of the two of them, beggi
ng him silently to intervene.
“Sir, it’s best if you go. Now.”
A scowl whispered across Mr. Miller’s face before he sighed. “Is this about what happened the other day?”
Andrea hesitated before she nodded.
“Then I’m calling the police.” Before Andrea could stop him, he turned and pulled his cell phone from his pocket, lumbering away faster than Andrea thought the little round man possibly could.
She moved to go after him, but Josh grabbed her wrist. “It’s too late, anyway. If Cameron saw any of this, he’s already long gone.”
This was it. The stress of carrying everyone else’s lives on her shoulders was three seconds from splitting her in two. A dull pain gouged at her temple, threatening to force tears. If some shadowy person wanted her to stop doing what she loved, fine. But she couldn’t hold up any longer, couldn’t watch any more people place themselves in the crosshairs. “I quit. I’ll give them what they want. They want the file? They want me to stop counseling? I’ll shut down. They win.”
“You quit what?” Josh grasped her shoulders. “Stop it. You can’t let them do this to you.”
Dutch stepped up, reminding her he hadn’t left yet. “I’m not sure what all is happening here or who they is, but I’ve got your back. And I think this boy here does, too. Don’t let a few bad apples steal what you’re doin’ here, Doc.”
Her head ached with the tension of decision. “Just leave me alone.” Turning on her heel, she practically marched toward the front door. There was no reason to look back to know that both men followed her. Josh’s purposeful, precise step and Dutch’s slight shuffle kept time with her.
Her hand was in her pocket for the keys when Josh gripped her upper arm and dragged her backward to a stop. Her back collided with the solid wall of his chest and, despite the situation swirling around them, she definitely noticed.
For a few breaths, he held her tight against him, then leaned down to whisper against her ear. “Your friend is carrying a weapon.”
Andrea’s heart did its best to squeeze between her ribs. It was a fight for her next inhaled breath. Josh had to be wrong. Why would a guy like Dutch need to carry? Where would he even get a gun? Once again, the world tilted, and everything she knew to be true was distorted as though reflected in a fun-house mirror.
Dutch stood too close for Andrea to ask questions. From this angle, she couldn’t read either man’s face but knowing Josh, a plan already whirled in his head.
Before she could react, Josh released her and spun on Dutch, backing the older man against the large window at the front of the counseling center, his left forearm to Dutch’s neck, right arm tucked protectively close to his side.
Dutch’s eyes hardened in that initial instant as Andrea gasped and stepped back, torn between shielding herself and defending her friend. As she watched, the mask slipped into place, and shock tinged Dutch’s expression.
Josh pressed farther, forcing Dutch’s chin up. “Who are you, really?”
“I’m…I’m me. I’m Dutch. Just a homeless guy.” His gaze shifted frantically to Andrea. “Tell him who I am, Doc.”
Andrea couldn’t even move. The whole scene was so incongruous to everything she thought of as reality.
“Don’t talk to her.” Josh leaned in closer. “Talk to me. Your average homeless guy doesn’t carry a gun. It wouldn’t be allowed in any shelter I know of.”
“I’m not—”
“You are. I saw it ten seconds ago when you reached up to shift your ball cap.”
A car engine hummed closer across the parking lot. Andrea swallowed hard against a rising tide of new panic. “Josh. It’s Detective Simmons and another police car.”
Josh didn’t even look her way. “Good. She can deal with your friend.”
Detective Simmons stepped out of her car and stood behind the door, surveying the scene. “What’s going on here?”
“He’s got a weapon.”
“I don’t have no weapon. And he assaulted me.” Dutch was suddenly all motion, fighting Josh. “I didn’t do nothing. Arrest him.”
The detective stepped closer. Her eyes narrowed, and she reached toward Dutch with the swiftness of a striking snake. When her hand reappeared, a gun came with it.
Andrea gasped and stepped back as Josh tightened his grip against the older man, eliciting a grunt.
“So this isn’t yours? You tripped and it fell into your waistband?”
Lines appeared around Dutch’s eyes and mouth, but he said nothing.
“Okay, fine.” Simmons handed the gun off to a nearby officer and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. “Unless you can produce a concealed-carry permit, you’re under arrest.”
Andrea’s fingers chilled as Josh stepped back and an officer hauled Dutch past her. He never even looked in her direction.
“Now…” The detective turned her attention back to Andrea. “Mind telling me why the two of you are here? Seems like an odd place for breakfast.”
Andrea straightened her shoulders. “Do you want to accuse me of something else?”
A summons from the officer who had custody of Dutch stopped whatever Simmons was going to say next. She turned and followed them, speaking over her shoulder as she stepped from the sidewalk to the pavement. “We’ll find out if he’s one of the men trying to harm you. Until then, go home. We’ll talk about what you were doing here later.”
“She’s right.” Josh gripped Andrea’s elbow. “All of this activity likely scared Wade away, anyway.”
Pressing a finger to her lips, Andrea nodded and watched the police car pull out of the parking lot. She felt trapped in a whirlwind of events blowing by in mere seconds. Had the man she’d trusted so completely been about to kill her?
THIRTEEN
The car ride back to her apartment bogged down in a silence so heavy it blocked every effort to dispel it. If she listened hard enough, the car’s engine probably revved higher under the added weight of her spirit.
Dutch. Armed and present when he’d never been to her office on a Monday before. If he was truly guilty, then no one in her life was above suspicion. As far as Andrea was concerned, Dutch’s arrest was one more betrayal in a growing mountain of lies. Had he been snooping in her office, going through her stuff under the guise of helping? Her entire life felt like an illusion.
Maybe she was dreaming. Hopefully she’d wake up soon and find out all of this was the result of bad Chinese food before bed.
Except Josh. If only she could banish the rest of her life as a nightmare and keep him. It had been so long since anyone had gotten close, and he’d managed to kick down the barriers she’d built like they were made of a child’s wooden blocks. Her entire life since her brother’s death had been dedicated to helping soldiers like him, the wounded who came back with scars no one could see, who self-medicated until they could care less whether or not they ever felt again. For the first time, Andrea was tired of doing it alone.
“There something on my cheek?” Josh’s words cut the threads of her twisted musings.
It took a second for her to remember where she was. “What?”
“You were staring at me.” Though he didn’t turn to her, his expression held a slight amusement, like he’d been able to read her mind.
“Actually, I wasn’t even seeing you.” Not really. “My mind was somewhere else.” Great. Now he’d want to know where it was. She turned her attention back out the window and shrugged, hoping he’d buy her nonchalance. “I think I’ll see about getting a window in my office.” She turned her gaze out the side window.
Josh clicked the blinker to get off the highway at her exit. “So you’re not giving up the center after all?”
“No. I’m not. Whatever is going on, I won’t fail my brother or anybody else who’s dealing with that pain. I can’t.” Seeing Dutch hauled away hadn’t dimmed that passion. It had only stoked a new blaze of determination. “No matter what any two-bit criminals try to throw at me, keeping that place open is
what I’m supposed to do.”
“And the window?”
“When I leased the building, I thought not having one added privacy. Lately, with all that’s happened, it just feels like the walls are closing in.”
“That sounds like it’s got more to do with your life than your office.”
“True.” Andrea sniffed and dragged her index finger along the edge of the window, fine dust smudging her fingertip. “So Dutch has been up to something this whole time.”
“Nobody said that.” Josh’s voice fell flat. “He could be carrying that pistol for protection. It’s likely it had nothing to do with you. He probably sleeps under a bridge at night. Without it, he could be dead.”
“You sure didn’t seem to trust him earlier.”
“I don’t trust anybody who’s armed around you right now. But I’m saying you can’t jump to conclusions. He could just as easily be innocent of any of this.”
“He could be.” She was powerless to stop the sarcasm from tingeing her words. “But it doesn’t do a thing to keep me from wondering who else is lying to me. Or about me.” She tossed a hand in his direction.
“I haven’t lied to you.”
Her reply congealed and stuck in her throat. The comment was too intimate for the moment, loaded with subtext and emotion. It took a second for her muscles to loosen, and they were approaching her apartment complex when she came out of suspended animation. She dug the card for the gate out of her pocket and held it out to him. “Not yet.” It was more bitter than she’d intended, but his statement had ripped away her filters.
Josh slipped the card from her hand and slowed to a stop in front of the gate. He swiped the card and handed it back. “I don’t have any plans to start lying to you, either.”
The hurt in his voice tempered her bitterness and loosened her tongue. Her hand found his neck, rested tentatively then kneaded out knots she knew her situation had tied. “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right.”
“No, it didn’t.” He sat with his left hand tight on the steering wheel and didn’t speak again until he pulled into a space in front of her building. “I’m trying not to take it personally.” He surveyed the area, never once looking at her.
Love Inspired Suspense January 2014 Page 75