by Ann Hunter
She finished fixing dinner, wondering if it would kill her grandfather to order a pizza.
If I stay, I'll be safe, right? Alex thought of Mr. North as she explored the farm. But he's bound to find out what I did if he hasn't already.
She stopped dead in her tracks. What if he already knows?
No police coming for her. No social workers intervening. It just didn't add up.
Her legs went all Jell-o-ey. She gripped a fence post and tried to breathe. The world swirled for a moment. She closed her eyes tightly and swallowed back the sick feeling in her stomach.
When it subsided, she bolted for the training barn, hoping to find a place to get away from these crazy people and sort out her thoughts. Venus Galaxies's stall was vacant. Maybe the mare was out to pasture for the day like Promenade had been. Alex peeked inside the dim stall. Clean, knee-deep fluffy straw packed the stall corner to corner.
This got Alex thinking. North knew everyone's secrets, but on the other hand, all of his charges, employees and horses, seemed to be well taken care of.
Would North try to protect her if he knew? Hillary didn't seem to trust him, but if North was going to find out anyway, should Alex just tell him her secret?
She kicked the stall door, the rattle it made reverberated down the entire barn aisle. Why would anyone want to protect me? Leaning against the stall, she folded her arms over her chest. Stupid.
"Well you're not hard to find, are you?"
Alex looked over her shoulder. Brooke strode past her with a smile. "Come with me," Brooke said. "We've got work to do."
"Who's we?"
Brooke paused a few stalls past her and smirked. "Oh, sorry. I didn't realize how busy you were. My bad."
Alex rolled her eyes. She followed Brooke down the aisle until they turned into a room. Brooke flipped on the light and illuminated racks upon racks of saddles, bridles, and trunks full of colorful gauze.
Brooke rummaged through one of the trunks, tossing a few items to Alex. "Idle hands are the devil's playground and all that, right?"
Alex caught them awkwardly. She looked down at her hands; a jar of leather polish in one, a scrubbing brush in the other.
"At least that's what Pop says." Brooke straightened, grabbing one of the saddles off the rack and carrying it over to the corner near Alex. "Sit."
Alex squinted at her.
"I don't have all day, greenie."
Alex moved to the corner and sat. Brooke dumped the saddle into her lap. It was much lighter than it looked. She took the brush from Alex, applied some of the polish, and showed her how to scrub. The leather brightened beneath her touch. She gave the brush back to Alex and grabbed another saddle, brush, and polish for herself.
Alex scrubbed a small spot on the saddle in her lap. "Is Pop the guy you were talking to this morning? The one with the timer?"
Brooke sat beside her and started working. "Yeah. We live together. I take care of him, not the other way around, and he knows it." Brooke grabbed more polish and moved to a new spot on the saddle. Alex noted how fast she worked. "Won't admit it though, the old fart."
Alex worked quietly, concentrating on trying to make the spot she scrubbed look as bright as the first. "Why do you take care of him? Don't you have a mom? Who takes care of you?"
Brooke smiled wryly. "I guess I take care of me. My mom passed away from cancer when I was eight. She and I both lived with Pop then anyway, but I had to learn to cook and clean and do everything in a big hurry. Angie taught me."
"Angie?" Alex watched Brooke hang up the saddle she finished cleaning and grab another.
"North's sister. She sort of took me under her wing for a while." She plunked down beside Alex and leaned her head back against the wall behind them. She stared into the distance as though remembering, and smiled. "Gosh, she was such a cool lady. I miss her." She rolled her chin to her shoulder and gazed at Alex. "You kind of remind me of her."
"Why? I'm nobody."
"Something in your eyes." Brooke studied her a long time. Alex wanted to squirm beneath the stare. Brooke sort of jumped after a moment, brush madly scrubbing over the leather. "Anyway."
Alex's brow knit. "Wait. What happened to her?"
Brooke spit on an extra-grubby spot of the saddle. "She died just over a year ago. No one's really been the same since. North most of all. He took it pretty hard. They were like twin souls. Now it's like he's got this hole in him he doesn't know how to fill. I don't know if he even realizes that everyone can see it."
As Brooke sat down with a third saddle, Alex wondered if she would ever finish polishing this first one. How did she move so fast? "Is there a trick to this?"
Brooke chuckled. "Yeah. Start when you're seven."
Alex's shoulders slumped. She blew a stray hair away from her brow, and finally finished polishing her first saddle just as Brooke sat down with her fourth. They fell into a silent working pattern for a while until Brooke asked, "Sooo… where are your parents?"
"Tell me more about Angie."
"Are they alive?"
"I don't want to talk about me."
Alex pretended not to notice Brooke chewing her lip. The silence thickened.
"She was a jockey," Brooke finally said. "And a good one. She and North made a great team."
"What do you mean?"
"They invested in bloodstock together, and kinda started custom designing racehorses. North knew bloodlines, Angie knew the biomechanics, conformation, that sort of thing. They even bred Venus Galaxies together."
Alex rose to hang up the saddle and grab a third, but her hand paused in mid-air between the racks when Brooke hummed, "Sooo… Super cazh. Parents?"
Alex's eyes were daggers on her at once. What part of 'I don't want to talk about me' does she not understand?
"Oh and Laura and I are gonna watch a movie, you wanna…"
Alex chucked the brush into the nearest trunk and left.
"See you in the morning, yeah?" Brooke called after her.
FIGHT FOR HER
Alex blew steam off by visiting the weanling barn. The young horses were just being led in. She followed behind Promenade who eagerly tucked into his bucket full of oats. When his handler was out of earshot, Alex leaned her head against the cool iron bars of the stall and let out a long breath. "Hey, dumb horse."
Promenade looked at her and swished his tail with a snort before diving back into his bucket.
Alex closed her eyes, allowing the soft rustle of hay and warm scent of horse seep into her. That magic calm she liked washed over her. "What's-her-face is pretty nosy, huh?" She said half to herself and half to the colt. "Needs to mind her own damn business. Shoulda told her 'Nunya'."
Promenade stamped his hoof.
"Oh, like you wouldn't have done the same." Alex listened to the steady crunch of the colt's chewing. "My name's more than I should have given any of them. They can't know." She shook her head. "I dunno how long I can stay here." Her eyes opened and she exhaled. "I don't want to go back up to that house tonight. No sense in getting used to a bed if I'm just gonna leave. Not like I've been sleeping much lately anyway."
She let herself into the stall. "Mind if I crash here?"
The colt snorted, like I couldn't care less.
Alex eased down in the straw near him, letting random bits of grain fall into her lap from Promenade's bucket as he munched. She reached for his chest and scratched it. His warmth and the rhythm of his heart was a balm beneath Alex's fingers.
When the lights in the barn dimmed, Alex stretched out. The last thing she expected was for the colt to drop beside her and rest his head against her chest. He looked at her with soulful eyes.
Alex tugged one of his ears and he nipped the crook of her arm half-heartedly. She smirked. "Don't get too used to this." She tangled her fingers in his mane. "And definitely, absolutely, no matter what don't get attached to me. Cuz this…" she motioned between them. "This can never last."
Promenade's skin twitched with pleasure beneath
Alex's scritches and affection. He gave her a throaty whicker as if to say, No. Don't get attached to me.
Alex fought sleep, too afraid to face Ashley's death once again. The nightmares were no good for her. She tried to push them away with what little she had left of Ashley. Faint flashes of memory.
Alex woke to Laura and Brooke's voices.
"I found her," Laura called softly to Brooke.
"Figures."
Promenade got to his feet and shook off straw, leaving a cold spot over Alex's heart.
"What are you doing out here? You'll get sick again. It's cold," Laura chided.
Alex grimaced, slowly becoming aware of the birds singing their morning song.
"Why don't you come back up to the house?" Laura asked.
"We wanted you to watch a movie with us last night, but you weren't around at dinner."
"We knew you hadn't left, though, cuuuuuz… security cameras."
"Yeah, like everywhere," Brooke huffed.
"We don't even get away with pranks anymore."
Alex opened the stall door, muttering under her breath. She pushed past them roughly.
Brooke charged after her. "Where are you going?"
"Away from here."
"But why?"
"I… I just can't stay, okay?"
Laura caught up to them. "Of course you can stay. Stay as long as you want."
"Stay forever," Brooke said adamantly.
"Yeah, we could use a third musketeer."
Alex paused in the middle of the barn aisle, glaring at them. "Please, don't make this harder than it has to be. I'm leaving. Don't try to stop me. I don't belong here. I don't want to…" she gritted her teeth, palms burning.
"Don't want to what?" Laura asked.
"Don't want to drag you down," Alex snapped.
Brooke reached for her hand, but Alex snatched it away. Brooke frowned. "Look, I don't know what you've been through, but it must have been tough. You can trust us. We want you around."
Alex didn't like how they were blocking her way. A panic rose in her. Instinctively, she pulled back her arm, about to send a balled fist sailing into Brooke who just couldn't quite mind her own business.
Brooke grabbed Alex's fist and pushed back against her, locking eyes. "Listen to me. I don't make many friends. I'm a band geek at school and don't have much time for a social life outside of the farm. When I make a friend, I hang on."
Laura pulled Alex's arms behind her with a resilient, "So do I."
Alex struggled against them. "You people are freaks. Why does everyone want to keep me here?" she yowled. "With your dumb horses and your weird prayers and creepy boss. Let me go!"
"Should we let her go?" Brooke grunted.
"Nah." Laura pushed back against Alex, trying not to slip. "Let's hug it out of her."
Alex hollered, spooking some of the horses. "I hate you people. Don't touch me!"
Laura and Brooke's arms wrapped around her tight enough to take her down in a tackle. The older girls laughed. "This is called a hug, Alex," Laura said
"They are one hundred percent normal."
"This one's on the house."
Alex crawled out from under them. She crab-walked several feet until she was well out of their reach, chest heaving.
"You don't seem to have a grasp on normalcy," Laura said worriedly.
"I don't think you do either," Alex spit.
Brooke rolled over and brushed a few stray stalks of straw from her sleeve. "We're a family here. We eat together, work together, pray together. I'm sorry if that creeps you out, but it is what it is."
"Pray together. Pray to who? A God that sits back and does nothing?" Alex snarled.
Brooke and Laura exchanged looks.
Alex got to her feet. "You wanna know where my parents are?" She approached the girls. "So do I. You wanna know where I come from?" She stabbed a finger at Brooke. "I came from Hell."
"What are you talking about?"
"This thing you call God doesn't give a damn about us. If he did, bad things wouldn't happen to good people."
Brooke sighed and looked at Laura who nodded back at her. "You know what?" Brooke clucked her tongue. "That makes just as much sense as living in a world where miracles happen every day and saying God didn't will it. They're called miracles for a reason."
Laura nodded in agreement. "There has to be a bigger force in the universe. There's too much beauty, too many good things, for there not to be. We just happen to call that force God."
"I mean have you seen the toothpick legs on racehorses these days?" Brooke asked. "The fact that a thousand pound animal can run on spindles, and not snap, I think that alone is a miracle. Every time they come back safely to Pop's barn, that's a miracle. I've seen thousands of foals born, and I'm blown away every time."
Laura turned her head to one side. "So you can't convince us there isn't a God. Cuz if there wasn't, you wouldn't be here. You're here for a reason."
"As much as you fight to get away, we'll fight to keep you here. Your life must have been real rough to want to keep running from it, but just this once… stay," Brooke begged. "When was the last time someone fought for you?"
It took a lot of convincing, but Alex eventually made her way back to the Showman's house. Stuck. Again. Alex grumbled. Couldn't a runaway catch a break?
Hillary was inside slicing tomatoes and cheese.
"Did you have a nice morning? I just came in to fix sandwiches for Cade and I. Would you like one?"
"You don't have to do that."
Hillary shrugged. "I'm already doing it. Sit down."
"I really shouldn't."
Hillary looked over her shoulder and gave her a stare that could turn someone to stone. Alex swallowed and took a seat.
"It's pretty boring around here," Alex said after several minutes of silence.
"Being bored is a personal problem. Work never stops around North Oak, except on Sundays. We don't work on Sundays."
"You people get weirder and weirder."
Hillary shrugged, back still turned to Alex. "Well, you keep trying to run away from anyone who wants to give you a home. Do you know how weird that looks?"
Alex sneered and slumped in her chair, keeping one eye trained on Hillary.
"And you haven't told me anything about you. I don't even know if you're going to like this sandwich. How am I supposed to put up with you for ten days if I don't even know your favorite sandwich?"
"You know about the ten days?"
Hillary glanced at her. "I'm a mom. I know everything."
Yeah right, Alex thought, her snark-o-meter going into the red. "So, Maaaaawm. If you know everything, how long do you think I'll stay?"
"I don't think you'll stay to see a week, dear."
Alex chewed her lip. Reverse psychology? "Is that a challenge?"
"Do you want it to be?"
Alex's foot pumped against the chair leg nervously. "I think you're playing me."
"You want to call my bluff? Go right ahead."
Alex straightened.
Hillary glanced back to her again. "Oh, yeah. I'm on to you, sister. You don't want me to pretend to be nice, so I'll be straight with you. There are things that go on around here that you don't know the half of. I think North is going to try so hard to keep you here, that he'll end up pushing you away. In fact, I'm counting on it."
"Why?"
"Let's say he knows more about you than you probably know about yourself. He's like that with everyone. He makes a point of knowing who works for him and where they are at all times. Living at North Oak is the ugliest, most dysfunctional family you'll be in, and Steven North is its Godfather. I wouldn't blame you if you ran away tonight."
"Why would you say that? Can't you move somewhere else?"
Hillary shook her head. "It's not that easy. Once you're in, you're in deep. North Oak may be dysfunctional, but we're still a family. You take the good, and there's a lot of it here, with the bad."
Alex squirmed as hard
as the emotions fighting inside her. Stay. Go. Warm beds, safety, food, Creepy Mr. North… she was definitely on the fence now.
Hillary slid a plate laden with food toward her.
Alex leaned forward, peeling back a corner of pumpernickel bread from her sandwich to inspect the insides. "The meat's only half on this thing."
Hillary simpered. "Yeah, well. It's trying to run away."
Alex sighed, fixed the sandwich, and tucked into ham and Swiss cheese with tomato, lettuce, and spicy mustard. There was also an apple and a glass of milk to complete the meal. It was almost more decadent than Hillary's meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and peas.
With a full mouth, Alex garbled out a sullen thank you as Hillary took a sandwich back to the den to enjoy while she checked her e-mail.
THE FLASH
Steven pointed the remote at his television, rewinding footage of a horse race and watching it repeatedly. He hunkered down in his favorite recliner, toes curling as a bay filly and jockey in North Oak's colors wove between horses on the screen.
He broke from his trance when his wife squeezed his shoulder, lowering a plate of brownies to the end table beside him. "What are you doing?"
He rewound the footage again and played it. "She only got to ride her a few times."
The horse and jockey wove between the pack again.
"Did you see that?" he asked, waving the remote wildly. He rewound the footage, and played it on quarter speed. Frame by frame the horse and rider bounded into a hole that hadn't been there a moment ago, then shot out of it just as quickly. It closed behind them. They overtook the horse in third, then second, and started chewing up the distance between them and the leader stride by stride. Steven grinned. "God, she was good."
"They came out of nowhere."
He stopped the replay just as the two athletes drew abreast with the leader at the finish line. Steven bowed his head and rubbed his temples. His wife stroked his hair. Steven's voice was strained when he spoke. "She was like a flash of light. Blazing. Brilliant. She had so much potential. So much life still ahead of her." His shoulders tensed, then shuddered. "And then God took her away," he choked. "I feel like I've been grasping at straws ever since."