by Toni Aleo
What the hell did I just do?
And shit, why do I want way more?
Phillip is going to kill me.
But I don’t care at the moment—not when her lips are moving with mine as I roll her to her side, holding her tightly to me. How can I worry about that? I have the woman I have been wanting in my arms, and yes, things are about to get very complicated, but I don’t have to worry about that yet. All I have to worry about is making her come over and over again.
Well, until I have to go get the boys.
Her eyes burn into mine as she moves her nose against my nose. “Gah. Thank you.”
I open my eyes, confused. “Thank you?”
She grins at me. “Lord knows I needed that.”
Oh.
Moving my hand up her hip, I squeeze it. “Did you want it?”
“Oh, yes, so bad.”
Oh, there is still hope.
“But you were right. I’m glad I didn’t waste a fuck on someone who didn’t matter.”
Nope. There went the hope out the window.
As she kisses my nose, she rolls out of the bed and reaches down. When she sits up, she has her vibrator in her hand; it’s still going like crazy. “This thing is loud,” she says with a giggle, but I’m still flabbergasted.
Because I’m pretty sure I was just used.
Chapter Fourteen
Vera
“Oh no. What did that asshole Simon do now?”
Taking in a shaky breath, I shake my head quickly, though Riana can’t see me. No one can. I’m hiding in my bathroom after Lincoln just left to get the boys from practice. I couldn’t face him. Oh, my God, I’m disgusting. “No, it’s not him.”
I can’t believe what I said. I can’t believe that I’m basically hiding in the bathroom and not coming out. I’m just so damn embarrassed.
“What? Then why are you calling me crying? Do I need to come over?”
“No,” I cry, dropping my face into my hands. I want to curl into a ball and melt into the floor. I know it’s impossible, but damn it, I wish I could. “I think I messed everything up with Lincoln.”
Riana goes silent. “Shit, V. What did you do?”
My lip wobbles. “I slept with him.”
She takes in a quick breath. “No way.”
My eyes fall shut, the embarrassment rushing over me. “I did, and oh, my God, Riana, it was perfect, honestly. I’ve never felt so alive in my life, but when we were done, he’s looking in my eyes, ready for round two, and all these emotions hit me like crazy. I thought I just wanted to fuck someone, but I could honestly go at it with him over and over again and be okay with that.” I groan, my body still vibrating from his touch. “Actually, more than okay.”
“I don’t understand what’s wrong, then…”
“I can’t lose him as a nanny, Riana. He is amazing, and I finally got Simon to accept him, and I thought I was just crushing on him, but damn it, I felt something in his arms that I haven’t felt in a really long time.”
Her voice is full of such concern, and all it does is rattle my soul even more. I can’t believe I just fucked this up. “For fuck’s sake, V. What the hell did you do?”
I cover my face once more, groaning as my tears run down my face. “I freaked and said I was glad I didn’t waste a fuck on just anyone.” She groans, and more tears roll down my face. “I know.”
“Why would you say that?”
“’Cause that’s what it needs to be—a fuck—and I was ready to accept that, but Riana, his eyes said so much more, and when I said what I did, he looked as if I’d slapped him.”
“Oh, Vera. Why…” she groans.
I shake my head, squeezing my eyes shut. “I don’t know. I’m an idiot.”
“You are.”
“But I was so worried that he’d be the one to say it and break my heart.”
“So you say it? Jesus, couldn’t just wait it out?”
“I’m an idiot, remember?”
“Damn it. Where is he?”
“He went to get the boys.”
“What did he say when he left?”
“We really didn’t say anything after I dropped that bomb. I got up and went to the bathroom, and then after a bit, he came to the door and said he was gonna get the kids.”
“Ugh, Vera.”
“I know.”
“You gotta talk to him.”
I shake my head. “I don’t even think I can ever face him.”
“You have to.”
“Then what do I say?”
“I don’t know, but you better figure it out!”
Closing my eyes, I wish I saw the rubber duckies and not his eyes that were swirling with rejection. I’m not the type to make people feel like that. I’m not fucking Simon! I just freaked. My insecurities came out of nowhere, not believing that he’d want me again. I still can’t believe he took me the way he did, with such determination. Such need. I was on a high, but when he looked at me, I freaked. What if it was just the heat of the moment? What if he is the one using me? But I know none of that is true. I was such a jerk.
I’m sure Riana agrees.
Her voice is strained as she says, “When I said to sleep with him, I meant it because I knew that you guys would be good together. I never thought you’d tell him he is just a fuck! He must feel so used.”
I groan loudly. “I know. I’m an awful person. I don’t want him to feel like that.”
“You’re not an awful person, but don’t try to make excuses. You’re scared, for good reasons, but crap, V, think before you speak!”
“I’m out of practice—”
“Come on, Vera. If you don’t want to be this person you’re acting like, then fix it, because if you don’t, you’re for sure ruining things with him.”
“I know.” She is absolutely right, and I don’t want that. I like Lincoln a lot, and that scares me. He made love to me. He didn’t just fuck me, and I think that’s what scared the hell out of me. I haven’t been done like that in years, but what the hell am I supposed to do? Apologize, and then what? I don’t know.
Damn it.
I’m waiting in the kitchen when the boys and Lincoln walk in. When the twins see me, their faces break into grins. “Mom!”
My heart fills with joy as they come to me, wrapping their arms around me. Even Charlie is smiling. “I thought you were working late.”
I hug the boys tightly. “Well, good news, I moved my schedule around, and now I’ll be home early on Thursdays and Fridays to be with you guys!”
“Really!” Louis gushes, as Elliot asks, “Promise?”
“Yup! And to celebrate, I wanted to take you guys to dinner. How does that sound?”
“Awesome!” they both cheer.
“Well, where are we going?” Charlie asks.
I glance over at him. “You guys choose.”
“Pizza!” they all agree in unison before running up the stairs to shower and dress.
And to think, I didn’t even have to coax them.
But with them rushing up the stairs, it leaves Lincoln and me alone.
I look up at him, my face flushing red as I clear my throat, but before I can even try to say something, he goes, “I’m going to head out. I’ll see you in the morning.”
He won’t even look at me, but I have to stop him. “Actually, I was going to ask you to join us. My treat.”
He shakes his head before turning most of his body to the door. He wants to leave; his body is basically screaming that. “I’m going to pass. I got stuff to do tonight.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” he says simply, tucking his hands in his pockets. “So I’ll—”
“Can you cancel them? Figured it would be fun to celebrate, and I wanted to talk to you.”
He shakes his head. “No, I can’t.”
“You can’t, or you don’t want to?”
He looks back at me then, and I swear the hurt is swirling in the depths of his gray eyes. “I don’t want to.”
That hurts more than it should.
Biting into my lip, I ask, “Can we talk now, then?”
“About what?” he asks, his eyes holding mine.
“About what happened earlier.”
He shakes his head. “Why?”
“Because I feel we left a lot unsaid.”
“There is nothing to talk about,” he answers, and I can see that there is; he just doesn’t want to talk about it. “Usually when you—” He pauses, looking up the stairs before glancing back at me. His voice is low as he says, “When you fuck, it’s usually a one-time thing unless both parties want to do it again, and I don’t think that’s a good idea. Do you?”
“I don’t know,” I say, and he gawks at me, almost like he’s disgusted with me. Looking down, I swallow past the lump in my throat. “I feel we need to talk about it still.”
“Why? It’s over. I’m going to do my job, and that’s that. Got it out of our systems, I guess.”
“No, that’s—”
But before I can finish, Elliot is running down the stairs, coming to a halt in front of Lincoln. “Linc, are you going to come?”
He shakes his head. “Sorry, bud, I have things to do tonight, and plus, you can spend time with your mom! I know you’ve missed her.”
Elliot’s smile grows as he nods. “Yeah, true, but I want you there.”
Lincoln wraps an arm around his neck. “I’ll see you in the morning. Tell your brothers bye for me.”
“Okay.” He laughs when Lincoln starts to give him a noogie. “Bye.”
But as Lincoln walks off, he doesn’t spare me another look like he usually does.
Or say goodbye.
Yup, I fucked up big-time.
Chapter Fifteen
Lincoln
“So Mom is going to get a weekend with us now, Linc!”
I look in the rearview mirror at Elliot and nod. “Is that right?”
“Yup,” Louis says with a grin on his little face. “And we get to go to Universal.”
“Wow! With your dad and Kaia?”
“Yup,” they both say.
I don’t miss the way Charlie mumbles something. “Are you not excited?”
“I want my mom to go,” he says simply, looking at me. “She said that she’ll take us later, but I know she wants to go.”
“But she promised, Charlie,” Elliot says. “She said she isn’t mad.”
“Yeah, but—”
“She isn’t,” I interject. I could hear the dismay in Elliot’s voice. “She told me that she wants you guys to go since she’d have to work anyway.”
Charlie looks down at his phone as he mutters, “But she had to give it up to have a weekend with us.”
“And that is her choice.”
“What is?” Elliot asks, and I shake my head as I pull into the driveway.
“Nothing, bud. It’s all good. I’m excited for you guys.”
He beams as Louis bounces in his seat, but then he stops suddenly. “Sucks, though. Mom will be bored while we’re gone.”
“Yeah,” Elliot says sadly as I turn off the car.
Everyone files out as Charlie says, “She’ll probably just work the whole time.”
“But when she gets home, she’ll be lonely,” Louis explains as we walk up the walkway.
“I’m sure she’ll find something to do,” Charlie decides, but then I notice that Elliot is staring at me.
“What’s up?”
“You should come hang with Mom while we’re gone,” he says simply. “You can cook her dinner.”
Louis bounces beside me. “I have fifty dollars! I can pay you.”
I smile as I wrap my arm around his neck. “You’re a good kid, Louis.”
“I have a hundred,” Charlie says then, and I glance back at him as he shuts the door, a bit surprised. “She’ll be hungry, and she probably won’t clean ’cause she’s busy.”
Vera has no clue how lucky she is. “Keep your money, guys. Buy me something nice in Universal. You know I love me some Simpsons.” All three laugh, even Charlie, and I grin back at them as I nod. “But I’ll talk to her and see if she wants me to come over.”
“Thanks,” the twins gush as they start up the stairs.
“Start packing for your dad’s.”
“Okay,” they agree as they run up the stairs, but then I notice Charlie is not running with them.
“Are you not going up?”
“I wanted to ask you something.”
“Sure,” I say, leaning against the back of the couch. “You okay?”
He nods but then toes the hardwood. “There is this girl at school—”
I probably shouldn’t have smiled as wide as I did, but I couldn’t help it. But when he starts to walk away, mumbling something along the lines of “Forget it,” I stop him, laughing as I pull him back to me.
“There is a girl?”
He looks nervous as he tucks his hands into his pockets. “She’s really pretty, and I want to ask for her number. How do I do that?”
My heart almost can’t take it. Within seconds, I’m back to the moment when the oldest Ellenton kid, Matthew, asked me the same thing. But this isn’t Matthew. It’s Charlie. Sitting back against the couch, I clap my hands together. “Do you guys have class together?”
“We do.”
“Can you pass her a note?”
He shakes his head. “No, I want to do it face-to-face so if she turns me down, at least it’s to my face and not with her stupid friends or something.”
I laugh. “Smart man. Okay, so walk up to her locker and smile.” He eyes me, but I keep smiling. He waits, but I’m still smiling very obnoxiously at him.
“Why are you smiling at me like that?”
“I want you to smile.”
He groans loudly and gives me a fake smile.
“That will not get you a number.”
He scoffs, but thankfully I’m rewarded with a smile that mirrors Vera’s.
It takes my breath away, but I ignore my heart and say, “There you go. Now go to her, smile like that, and tell her that you like whatever you like about her, and when she smiles back, ask for her number.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“And it will work?”
“It will.”
“Cool, thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” I say as he heads up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Sitting there, I can’t help but think about Vera. I hope like hell it goes different for my main man than it has for me, but I sure do like when I’m rewarded with Vera’s smile.
A lot.
Letting out a long sigh, I glance at the clock, surprised Vera isn’t home yet. I could text her, but I don’t want to. I’ll just wait. But by the time Vera walks in, it is with Simon, and I’m annoyed.
“I’m so sorry I’m late, guys,” she complains as she comes to each boy, hugging them tightly. “There was a wreck in the city, and I couldn’t get to the train. When I did, there was maintenance. I’m really sorry.”
“There was maintenance when I went through earlier today too,” Simon says then, gathering the boys’ bags. When he looks over at me, I stand up a little taller. I know he doesn’t like me. “Hey there, Lincoln.”
I nod. “Hey.”
He makes a face before going to the door. “You guys ready?”
I can tell they aren’t, but Vera can handle that. This is my cue to leave. “I’m gonna go.”
Vera holds out her hand, stopping me. “No, can you wait? I have payment for you.”
Fuck.
“Yeah,” I say simply as she continues to say goodbye to the boys. She doesn’t want to let them go, and I don’t think they want to leave either. I hate that she isn’t home in time to spend more time with them, but I’m pretty sure I don’t hate is as much as she does. I can see it all in her eyes.
With one more hug, they start out the door, and I notice Simon hands Vera an envelope.
“Thank you.
”
“Yeah. I’ll see you Sunday.”
“Have a nice weekend, guys.”
As she shuts the door, she looks back to me. “Let’s go to the kitchen.”
“Don’t you have the check?”
“No, I haven’t filled it out.”
Ugh. I really want to go. Walking behind her, I try so damn hard not to look at her ass, but I fail miserably. There is something about this woman’s backside in a dress that gives me the ultimate hard-on. As she goes around the island, she takes out her purse, stuffing the envelope in it before she reaches inside. I assume she is getting a check, and when she does, I see there is something bright green stuck to it. She sets it down on the counter and slides it to me. I’m confused.
Reaching for it, I see that it’s a green sticky note on an already filled-out check.
I’m sorry.
I look up at her as I rip off the note and crumple it up. “Nothing to be sorry for.”
“Actually, there is.”
“What?”
“I should have never said what I did, because I don’t feel that way at all,” she says quickly, her eyes never leaving mine. “I have lusted for you since I met you, and when I got what I had been literally dreaming about for the last couple of weeks, I panicked.”
Keep yourself in check, Scott. This means nothing.
“Panicked?”
She looks down, moving her fingers together. “I felt all sorts of things, and I wasn’t sure I was supposed to.”
Leaning on the island, I capture her gaze when she looks at me. “Like what?”
Her face changes, her cheeks getting redder by the second. “Like I didn’t want it to end and I didn’t want you to leave my bed. How I still want you more than my next breath and that I was nowhere near done exploring you. I hadn’t even gotten to taste you, deep down my throat, and I wasn’t sure how to handle that. I wanted you so damn bad, and I just freaked.”
Everything went red hot. I couldn’t control my body if I wanted. “Is that right?”