by Sammie J
I sense a rush of air and then Jacob’s arms loosen from around my neck. I’m snatched out of his grasp and into the arms of Juan. All I can hear is the overwhelming screams that ring out into the night. Juan collapses to the floor with me still in his arms and he holds me against him so I can’t watch what is happening in front of me. My cheek vibrates on Juan’s chest as he speaks, “Noah, please stop. Fight the hunger. Don’t let it overtake you.”
I shift my head slightly and I can hear the sounds of groaning, slurping and the suckling of someone enjoying their food. “Peppa I’m going to have to put you down for a minute so I can help Noah.” He rests me back against the counter and I watch as he crawls over to Noah.
I notice Jacob isn’t moving anymore and I know in my heart that he is dead. I hear Juan say, “Noah he’s gone, his heart no longer beats.”
And then he leans over Noah whispering to him and the words must have had an effect as they both fall away from Jacob’s body and hold on to each other crying. I break down at this point, everything that has happened tonight hits me like a punch in the face. I crawl up into a ball and cry a river of tears. Somewhere in my distant thoughts I hear my name and then I feel arms embrace me and whispered words of, “I’m so sorry Peppa.”
I sense warmth at my back and more arms enclose around me and a kiss is placed to my head and Juan tells me, “I was scared I was going to lose you.”
No more words are spoken as we hold on to each other for dear life. All you can hear are our cries of distress, pain, revelation and the torment that comes with that. Juan’s phone rings, but he didn’t move. It rings again, but still he does nothing. By the fifth ring he removes himself from me and sits up to answer it.
“Cruz, shut the fuck up and listen, cancel the gig for tonight. I don’t fucking care about the reason, just do it. I need you to tell Saul to get a hold of Jade and tell her to come to Café Net with a car. For fuck sake Cruz, stop moaning. This is serious. I also need you and Saul to come too, we have a dead body.”
My eyes flicker over to Jacob’s body and I frown at myself, because I feel nothing for him. Not one part of me aches for his loss. Juan’s voice floats to me as he mutters away to himself, “This is all my fault, I could have lost them both. I should walk away, I have brought them nothing but pain.”
An anger so deep builds inside of me. I’m not sure if it’s the residue left from Jacob’s attack, but I don’t leave it to fester. I move away from Noah without looking at him and use my hands to push myself off the floor and twist my body so Juan can see my face. His eyes widen as I lean in closer and the words just pour out of my mouth, “Don’t you dare take this upon yourself, that monster over there is to blame.”
My finger points in the direction of Jacob. He shakes his head and sadness fills his eyes as a tear falls. Our heads turn to the front door as we hear a car pull up, and Juan rushes to the door. Noah pushes himself upright too, only to find himself back on the floor when Cruz attacks him.
“You stupid fucker! Do you realize what you have done?”
My anger still rides me and my blood boils with rage. I throw myself on top of Cruz thumping his back shouting, “Don’t hurt him, let him go!”
I’m suddenly lifted in the air and Juan speaks into my ear, “Please Peppa, calm down. You need to leave now, we will sort everything out.”
Saul grabs a fuming Cruz by the scruff of his neck and hauls him off Noah. He proceeds to march him to the other side of the room where an argument erupts. Noah’s eyes find mine and I read the anger and sorrow clearly written on his face. His pain creeps up on me and I sob out a moan just as Juan’s pain joins the fray.
My eyes are ripped away from Noah’s as Juan strides to the front door taking me with him. He lets me go and stands me next to Jade. “Peppa, Jade is going to take you back to her house. Wait for us there, we need to sort this mess out.”
My body starts to shake as my stomach turns over as I realize they are going to get rid of Jacob’s body. To make him disappear. I dash outside and empty the contents of my stomach on the sidewalk. Jade holds my hair back out of my face and when there is nothing left but dry heaving, she helps me into the car. I stare out of the car window, back into the café, to see Noah standing there. He cuts a lonely figure standing by himself, and my heart aches for him. I raise my hand and rest it on the car window to let him know I’m thinking of him. He steps forward and his figure blurs and comes to a standstill outside of the car. He lifts his arm up and his hand presses up against mine through the glass. He mouths the words ‘I love you’ and I mouth them back, then Jade starts the car and pulls away.
I don’t remember much of the car ride, I tried to blank out my thoughts, but they kept creeping back in. Jade showed me into the house and I head straight for the room that Noah and I had made love in the other night. She spoke to me, but I didn’t hear a word at that point. I crawl onto the bed and close my eyes, trying to block the flickering pictures that play in my head like a slide show. I have an emotional overload of denial, anger and guilt. It’s the guilt that plagues me the most. I toss and turn into the coming hours. I shed tears for Noah, Juan and myself but no tears are spilt over Jacob. My body shuts down as exhaustion takes over and my eyes draw heavy as sleep finally takes me.
“PEPPA, PEPPA. Come on wake up.” My shoulders are being shaken as I’m conscious of the voice trying to wake me up. My eyes flutter open and I need to rub them so I can focus on who has disturbed my sleep. “Peppa, please hurry, Juan needs you.”
My mind picks up on the mention of Juan’s name and my heart races. Everything comes rushing back to me like a freight train. I open my mouth to ask what’s wrong but Jade pulls on my hand trying to drag me off the bed, “I don’t know the details. Saul phoned me and gave me directions and said I need to get you there quick.”
I frown at her, I can see the concern on her face and it scares me, “Do you even know if Juan is ok?”
“I’m sorry Peppa I don’t, please let’s just get you there.”
I let her know that I need the bathroom first and five minutes later we are on our way. I try to push away the memories that keep flooding back to me but all I see is Jacob’s body lying there stiff as a board. Jade’s phone rings and she answers it by putting it on speaker phone. Saul’s distressed voice clearly comes through, “Have you left yet? Please tell me you are near?”
I don’t let Jade get a word in, “What the hell is going on Saul?”
I hear Saul take a deep breath, “Tonight has pushed Juan over the edge, and he’s a babbling mess. He’s sitting on top of a hill talking about meeting the sun.”
Jade sucks in a breath and then it sinks in at what that means. My eyes widen and my jaw lowers. Jade answers Saul, but I don’t hear what is said as anger starts to seep out of every fiber. Last night is soon forgotten as my attention is now fully on Juan. I can sense the bitch inside of me waking up, waiting to be released.
When the car slows down I’m out of the door before it stops and Cruz and Saul are suddenly standing in front of me. Saul’s hands land on my shoulders and I glance up into his frightened face, “Bring my brother back Peppa, please I can’t lose him.” I’m pulled closer into him and he sobs silently in my arms, “Don’t let him die, fuck Peppa, save him from himself.”
Every muscle in my body stiffened and I let out a whimper because Saul is scared which in turn makes me fearful. I push myself away from Saul and with no idea how I’m going to deal with this I storm over to my two men who are sitting, staring out at the stars. Noah’s head twirls my way as I approach, which causes my heart to miss a beat. His whole being is clearly distressed as tears run down his face. His hands reach out for me and I take them. I lower my body to the ground to sit between them both. I stare out at the horizon and take a deep breath and slowly exhale. I swallow down my anxiety and blurt out the first thing that comes to me. “Well this is nice. Our first time watching the sunrise together. Thing is most people then go home and have breakfast or go back t
o bed. But that’s not going to happen for us is it? Because I will be the only one walking away from this. Is that what you want for me Juan? To sit here and watch the two men I worship go up in flames and burn?” Noah’s hand tightens around mine and my resolve breaks as the waterworks spring free.
“You and Noah are the best thing that has happened to me in all my years on earth, but since we met nothing has gone right. I have had to lie to you, caused you pain and tonight led to you being attacked. I could have lost you Peppa and I could have lost Noah to the blood lust. I watched my brother suffer from it and I can’t go through that again.”
My head snaps to Juan and I wipe the tears from my face, “Surely, if Noah is lost, he wouldn’t be sitting here now. Forgive me, as I’m not up on your vampire’s ways, but wouldn’t he be out there killing to get his fix or even feasting on me right now? I was attacked, nearly raped and heard someone die. Yes, things could have been very different, but I’m alive Juan. You and Noah made sure of that. I don’t blame Noah for killing Jacob. I’m glad the bastard is dead so stop blaming yourself. What was the point of saving me, if you are now going to take yourself out of the equation?”
Noah shuffles closer to me and my heart shatters as I await Juan’s answer. I lean my head on Noah’s shoulder. Silence is what we are greeted with and my heart sinks and I sob out the next words, “Do you love us Juan?”
It didn’t take him long to answer that, “Yes I do, love is the beauty of the soul and I have found that with you both. I’m a vampire Peppa and I do things differently. I need to protect our race, but in doing that I have to protect you. I have let you down time and time again and I have destroyed us because of that. How do I go on Peppa? You will be better off without me.”
I close my eyes and everything inside of me stops working, I struggle for breath and my stomach drops. A fury that I have no idea existed inside of me builds and I react by tearing myself away from Noah, screaming and leaping on top of Juan causing him to fall flat on his back. My hands ball into fists and I beat them down on his chest while hollering at him, “Don’t say that! I love you! You can’t leave me!”
Juan lets me hit him time and time again and I cry harder each time my fists make contact. Tears spring from his eyes and his hands move to cover his face and he shakes his head from side to side calling out my name. My hands are stopped in mid-air by a pair of stronger hands as I try and land another punch.
Noah’s sadness comes through as his voice cracks with his next words, “Please stop Peppa, this isn’t getting us anywhere. You are both causing me so much torment. I can’t take anymore. I’m walking away, I’m getting in that car and I’m choosing to stay.”
Noah drops my hands, pushes himself away from the ground to stand, and peers down at us both. Panic starts to rise in me and I reach out for him. He smiles weakly at me then glances at Juan, “My soul belongs to you Juan, you know how I feel. The world goes on and I intend to live in it. I want to get married and have some kids. I want a future with Peppa. Please think on that, because you belong in that future too.”
He then storms away, leaving us alone and my heart goes with him. Marriage and kids isn’t something I have thought about, but I wouldn’t rule it out. I close my eyes out of relief that one of my men is safe and once I watch Noah open the car door and get in I collapse on top of Juan and let my emotions show. My body trembles in apprehension. I know this is my last chance to get Juan to see sense. His arms curl around me and I lift my head to rest my chin on his chest at the feel of them. His eyes rest on the skyline avoiding mine, “Juan, please look at me and tell me what you see?”
He closes his eyes and his head slowly moves downwards. “Open your eyes and look into my soul.”
His eyes snap open and he looks inside of me. Tears gather at the corner of his eyes, “What do you see Juan?”
A strangled sound leaves his mouth and then he says, “Fear.” and I say, “What else?”
His eyes close again and he sobs out, “Love.” I move my head so my lips are in line with his and his eyes open wide as I place a soft kiss to them. “Take another look Juan, you're missing one more thing.” I make sure he senses what I want him to through the connection and his arms embrace me tighter as he bursts out in tears.
“I forgive you Juan. Noah’s letters made me realize the reasoning behind the lies and I forgive you for that, I really do. Forgetting the hurt I feel because of your actions is the problem I’m finding hardest to let go of. But I will get over that Juan, with your help. No more lies, no more taking all of our problems on and bottling them up. There are three of us in this relationship. I don’t want you to protect me from everything Juan: talk to me, to us. You are not alone in this, we are in it all together.” My eyes start to leak again and the tears fall onto Juan’s face where they mix with his.
He opens his mouth and quietly lets out, “You really forgive me? Are you sure you can move on from this?”
I push myself up so I straddle his lap and I wipe away his tears. “I love you Juan Cassidy. Forgiveness doesn’t change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”
I then push myself away from him to stand and peer down at his beautiful face memorizing it. I point over to the car, “I’m walking away now, and your future awaits you in that car. Now you have to decide if you want it.”
I put one foot in front of the other and begin to stride away and I hear what can potently be his last words to me as he says, “I love you Peppa Thorne.” I barely hold myself up right as my heart breaks, but I keep on walking and I mutter back to him, “I love you too Juan Cassidy.” I walk past Saul and Cruz and say, “It’s up to him now.”
When I reach the car, I turn back to take one last look at the man who stole my heart to see him now standing, gazing out at the fading stars and moon. I close my eyes and shed more tears only to sense a rush of air and a hand to my face as it brushes them away. Lips meet mine and I open them for him knowing his taste and I let his desperate kiss take me over and I melt into his arms. He pulls away first and I take gulps of air as he completely stole my breath away.
His forehead comes down to rest on mine, “Who needs the sun, when I have you and Noah to burn me up and set me aflame. I’m not perfect Peppa none of us are, but I want a future where we can be happy and hopefully have that family Noah mentioned. I want to be that man that you can trust and I will work on building that up and I promise I will never break it again.”
A cough comes from behind us, “Sorry brother, but can you finish talking in the car? Sunrise is coming and I really don’t want to fry. Although, I could fry your dick off for this stunt.”
Juan gives me a quick kiss and asks me to get in the car and he quickly turns to grasp Saul and pulls him into his arms. I leave them to it and open the door only to be pulled against a hard chest and Noah weeps in my arms causing my heart to burst wide open.
The passenger’s side door opens and all I hear is Cruz’s voice as he shouts out, “Thank fuck for that! We can’t play O2 next Saturday night without our drummer.”
Groans come next as Juan and Saul both shout, “Shut up Cruz!”
They all pile in the car and Juan’s arms engulf Noah and me. We all whispers words of sorry and I love you through our tears. Cruz groans, “Jade put your foot down and get us back to your house ASAP. I’m going to need a bucket soon with all the love going on back here.”
It’s funny, because with that sentence it causes a ripple effect between the three of us and we all end up laughing. Jade does put her foot down and Cruz didn’t seem to want to shut up and lets me know he paid a visit to Detective Payne. Everyone else chips in with what happened when I left Café Net but my biggest surprise is how Juan disposed of Jacob’s body. Dawn is approaching fast and when we made it back to Jade’s everyone quickly said their goodnights. I find myself sandwiched between my men, where I belonged, where I felt safe.
Noah kisses me first, I can see his eyes are getting heavy, “Thank you for bringing him back to us. Marry
me Peppa Thorne be…” the next thing to come out of his mouth is a snore and I’m left shocked to the core.
Juan closes my gaping mouth and presses a kiss to my lips, “That was said in the heat of the moment. Prepare yourself Peppa because when a marriage proposal does come, it will be from the both of us.”
My eyes literally pop out of my head and Juan chuckles and closes my mouth once again. His face then turns serious as he lets out a yawn. “You saved me tonight. I couldn’t see straight and you steered me back onto the right path. Love will never be enough to show you what you mean to me. Goodnight my forever.”
Tears roll down my cheeks as Juan is taken away from me in sleep. One of my arms wraps around Juan’s waist and the other around Noah’s. And I cry for what I could have lost tonight and I cry for my future because I know these two men are it for me. But with that comes another question and I fall to sleep knowing the answer to that. I just needed Noah and Juan to understand my reasoning.
Chapter 19 (JUAN)
I'm not looking forward to this one bit, facing your lover’s father to hear them explain where they have been is one thing, but I'm not sure what Noah is willing to keep secret or what he is going to share. Noah is pacing in the room when I arrived. He is muttering away. It sounds like he is having a one way conversation with himself. He keeps saying, “I can do this, it’s only my father.”
I say, “Hello.” He acknowledged I am there by taking my wrist, biting it and sucking away. He takes a lot so I know I have to pay Dolly a visit later. “Ok, I’m ready, let’s go.”
He walks to the door and I mutter under my breath, “Hello Juan, how are you.”
Still nothing, he is lost in his own thoughts. About a mile away from Devil Records I can smell them, humans and a lot of them at that. Noah is oblivious that I called out to him a few times, but I have to grab him and force him to stop running. “Noah for fuck's sake, take a sniff of the air, use your senses.”