by Lila Felix
Ugh—I hate living like this.
And then as the hot water washed away the gross film of transiency off of my oily skin, I thanked whoever was looking out for me for the Black family. I didn’t know if they were working together or singularly and I really didn’t care. Thanks to them I had eaten a decent meal every Tuesday night for the last two weeks. I usually lived on gas station snacks and dollar menu fast food. Let’s face it, there’s just so much culinary magic that can be made in the front seat of a compact car aside from peanut butter and jelly packet sandwiches and my personal favorite, crackers and canned cheese.
And because I didn’t have enough to deal with being basically homeless and all—I was pining for Falcon, like mad.
The first time he came around the bookshelves in the inventory room and called my name, I was so breathless at the sight of him that I swore I had apnea.
He was the poster child for irony—gorgeous, male, shudders down to your toes irony. He had some kind of Mohawk hairstyle, I could see that even under his gray newsboy hat. Tattoos marked his forearms and I could see the beginnings of more hiding under his rolled up sleeves. But he dressed like some kind of tax preparer—a white button down shirt, burgundy tie, khaki slacks and then Converses, back to the irony. But as I looked back up to his face, I noticed the most soothing brown eyes I’d ever seen. He said something and my brain must’ve registered it because I followed him to wherever he was taking me. He yelled something about hiring protocol towards Nellie’s office and she yelled back that he should kiss her ass. I snickered a bit into my own fist.
We went to what I assumed was his office. It was so simply furnished. I didn’t know if he just started or if he liked it this way. He pulled out a file labeled with my name and laid out six or seven forms for me to fill out. And that’s when it hit me.
Please God, don’t make me admit to this guy that I’m homeless.
I stammered and stuttered my way through trying to explain that Nellie and I had already spoken about my situation. More like I told bold faced lies to my new boss. But without an address, I couldn’t get a job. He left sometime in the middle of my freak out and came back in with Nellie. They had some kind of stare down with each other before he wrote his own address on a sticky note and handed it to me to use for my forms.
I tried not to absolutely come unglued at the thought of having his address in my grubby little hands. I would at least wait a week until I let my freak flag fly. That was a little over two weeks ago.
After leaving the dorm, I got to work just on time and walked in through the back. Thanks goodness I had found a safe place to do laundry. I had been wearing my flops to work every day and last week I dropped a book on my foot and the ‘f’ word may have been screamed in the inventory room more than once. So now my feet were semi-protected by an old pair of Vans with clean socks underneath.
I passed by Falcon’s office and rolled my eyes at myself for slowing down to a crawl as I passed by his door. He stared at me as I passed and I blamed it on my sub-par clothing and worn out army green backpack. I said hello to Nellie in passing and went to my cave to work.
Not an hour into working, I realized I was starving, not just hungry, but like my stomach had turned in on itself and started gnawing, starving. I got some water from the break room and Nellie and Falcon sat at the small rinky dink table eating what smelled like the best food ever known to man. And it was then my stomach growled. Forget the hunger; I was going to die of embarrassment. Nellie was on her cell phone, so she probably didn’t hear but Falcon’s head snapped up at the sound. I grinned and shrugged, then turned to walk out, feeling like an idiot.
For the next hour I shelved books and boxed up orders, trying my damndest not to pass out from the lightheadedness. I sat on the floor next to one of the bookshelves to dust the books on the bottom shelf, plus, I just needed to sit down.
Falcon came in and cleared his throat.
“Hey, Nellie ordered pizzas for everyone. They’re in the break room if you want. She ordered some other stuff too in case you don’t like pizza.” He shrugged like it was no big deal.
“Come on, who doesn’t like pizza.”
“My younger brother.”
“What?”
“Maddox, my brother, hates pizza.”
“I don’t like him.” I said as I attempted to get up from the floor.
He laughed and reached both hands out towards me. What was this guy, going out for kind acts of the year award? I put my hands in his and they were incredibly warm—or maybe mine were just ice-cold. He pulled me up and as I stood up I got lightheaded again.
He pulled me to the nearest chair and made me sit down.
“Stay here, I’ll be right back, put your head between your knees.”
He came back later carrying a plate of pizza and soda in a glass.
“How long has it been since you ate?” He almost sounded pissed off but I couldn’t really tell.
“Yesterday.” I said. It was the truth. What I failed to mention, yesterday I ate a bagel and a cup of coffee, all day.
“Well, you need to eat more often.” Yeah, tell that to my wallet, which currently has five bucks in it, reserved for gas.
“Probably so,” I joked but he found no humor in it.
“Eat,” he pushed the plate at me.
He left, satisfied after I took a few bites and when he did I dug in like the ravenous beast that I was. I could’ve eaten seconds and thirds but I was not going to further my embarrassment by going out there.
After my shift was over, I stopped in Nellie’s office and thanked her for the pizza.
“Come sit, Reed.” The first thing that went through my head was ‘oh crap, she’s going to fire me.’ She made a finger-wave motion for me to close the door. I tried to look upbeat as I sat in the chair in front of her desk.
“What’s up?” Suddenly I sounded like a sorority girl on crack.
“You’re not fired, simmer down.” We both laughed and I let myself calm down.
“I didn’t order the pizzas Reed, Falcon did. He said he heard your stomach growling in the break room while I was on the phone. So he ordered pizzas and Chinese too in case you didn’t like pizza.”
“Why would he do that? People’s stomachs growl, big deal.”
“Well, first of all, Falcon is probably the kindest, most giving person I have ever known. One time, a couple of years ago, we saw this lady pushing a toddler in a stroller and the lady had him bundled in tons of blankets because he didn’t have a coat or boots or a hat. We saw this after the lady stopped to sit on a park bench. So Falcon tells me to stay with the lady and make conversation and he took off like a bat out of Hell. Next thing I know, he’s back with six bags filled with coats, sweaters, boots, socks, hats, looking like a ski shop had swindled him. He bought that kid one of everything in every single size they had. That lady probably had winter gear for her son until he was thirteen. That’s just who he is. Plus…”
I sat, still stunned by her story.
“Plus…” I tried to drag it out of her.
“Plus, and he’s going to kill me for saying this, but Falcon is cro-ing on you so hard.”
“What the Hell does that mean? Like a crow? Like he wants to feast on my road-killed remains?” The pizza was coming upstairs for a visit.
Nellie was laughing so hard she couldn’t even form a full sentence.
“Cro-ing, like Velcro, like stuck on you, like has the hots for you, like he wants to…”
“Ok, ok, I get it. Cro-ing, did you just make that crap up?”
“Yeah, sometimes I make words up, drives Owen insane!”
We sat; no words between us, for a few minutes.
“So, why hasn’t he said anything or asked me out or something?”
She shrugged and then answered, “I don’t know. He hasn’t…It’s not my story to tell Reed. But he likes you. I just wanted you to know that.”
Suddenly, she got up and ran out of the room. I could hear her puking in the bathroom nex
t to me and I opened the door to see if I could help. She puked for fifteen minutes and then rested and started puking more. I got some wet paper towels for her and wiped her forehead in between intervals. I fumbled a hairband out of my pocket and put her hair up in some kind of sculpture so it wouldn’t get in her face.
I pulled her phone out of her pocket as she started vomiting again. This was not normal. People didn’t throw up this much unless they were really sick. I dialed Owen and told him what was going on. He said he was in Baton Rouge and on his way, but to call Falcon until then. So I did.
“Eeew, Nellie Smellie, get the Hellie off my phone.” That ordinarily would’ve been funny since she was paying homage to porcelain right now.
“Falcon, it’s Reed.”
“Oh, hey, is everything ok? Why are you calling from Nellie’s phone?”
“We are at the bookstore; she’s vomiting a lot, like a lot, a lot. I think she needs to go to the doctor. I called Owen,”
He finished my sentence, “But he’s in Baton Rouge. I’m on my way; I’m five minutes from the store.” I hung up and went to get her some water. She leaned against me as she drank some of the water. I reached up to flush the toilet, trying to give the girl some dignity.
“Thanks Reed,” she said, flopped out on the tiled floor.
“No problem, tiny sips, ok?” She did as I asked and by the time Falcon got there she had stopped.
“Hey, let’s get you to the hospital.” He picked her up and hoisted her out of the bathroom and headed towards the back door.
“Falcon Livingston Black, if you take me to the hospital I’m going to steal a syringe full of something and kill you.”
“If I don’t take you to the hospital, Owen will beat me to a pulp. Either way, I’m ground meat.”
“Fine!”
He turned and looked back at me and I saw genuine concern on his face.
“You too. You help us when we’re puking, you’re family. Get in the truck.” He smiled when he said it and I couldn’t help but smile back. I wasn’t anyone’s family. But it was nice of him to say it.
We took Nellie to the E.R. and they took her back right away. Falcon and I took seats in those pink vinyl chairs, the ones that are attached at the arms. He looked extremely worried. I acted before I thought and reached over the arm rests between us and held his hand in both of mine.
“She’s going to be fine. She stopped throwing up, that’s a good sign. She might just have the flu or some light food poisoning. Really, it’s probably no big thing.”
I heard the vacuum sound of the automatic doors open and in barreled Owen. He kinda scared me. Falcon was as tall as him, but Nellie’s man had at least fifty pounds of muscle on mine, him, Falcon, I mean Falcon. He went straight to the checkin desk and looked like he was going to lay into the man.
“Owen,” Falcon called and he turned and stalked our way.
“Where is she?” His voice a desperate echo of the voice that I’d heard before.
“They took her back. They said they are going to call us when they know something.”
It was then that he started pacing. And then Falcon got up and paced with him, they looked like knights jousting without the lances or the horses. I shifted in my chair. You’d think hospitals which have concerned people waiting for their loved ones could have better chairs.
“Are you okay?” Falcon sat next to me again.
“I’m fine. Did you call your mom and dad?” Owen must’ve heard me too because they both looked extremely guilty.
“I’ll call them,” Falcon said and hopped up and walked outside the doors to make the phone call.
“Owen Black,” a nurse yelled in front of enormous swinging doors.
He ran over and followed her through the doors to the back. Falcon came in a few minutes later and I explained that Owen went to the back. A few minutes after, Owen emerged through the same doors and called Falcon to join him. Nellie must’ve been okay because he had the biggest grin on his face.
Owen’s parents and Maddox came in later and through the doors they went. I felt like an idiot, a seventh wheel to their already balanced vehicle. I decided to go back to the bookstore parking lot on foot. They would probably be visiting Nellie for a while and then they would be exhausted and need to go straight home without taxi cabbing me around. I got to my car a little before two a.m. I drove down the street to the back of the diner where Falcon took me before. It was well lit and there was a police station across the street, perfect spot for a girl to sleep in her car.
I drifted to sleep and as soon as I got as comfortable as possible in the front seat of a compact car my work phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered, already sounding groggy.
“Where are you?” Falcon
“I walked back,” I answered.
“Oh,” he sounded disappointed but I couldn’t imagine why.
“How’s Nellie, is she okay?”
“Um, here, I’ll let her tell you.” I heard the shifting of legs and then the phone being handed off.
“Reed?” Normal Nellie was definitely back.
“How are you,” I asked.
“I’m fine, except Owen knocked me up.” She laughed and I could hear the chorus of their family laugh in unison.
“Congratulations,” and I meant it. Anyone could see how in love those two were.
“Thanks. Ok, I’ll let you go and I will see you in a couple of days, right?”
“Yeah, definitely. Congrats again!” I hung up the phone and tried to get comfortable again but couldn’t. This sleeping in my car thing was for the freakin’ birds.
Chapter 9
Reed
Laundromats, in general, are a conundrum to me. There are no chairs right by the washers. But if you’re not close, you take the chance of some skeeze trying to jack your skivvies. And if you try to sit on the washer, they look at you like you’re molesting it. Forget the mansion God, I just want a washing machine of my own, please.
I hate when I’m having a dream and my phone starts ringing in real life and then ‘Wham!’ there’s a ringing phone in my dream. I don’t think the elves in my dream appreciated it very much at all.
“Hello!” I answered, eyes still closed.
“Hey, it’s Falcon.”
“Hey, is Nellie okay?” I hoped she was.
“Yeah, they let her go last night. I just got up and Nellie said you’re off today. Do you…Do you want to meet me for breakfast somewhere?”
I wanted to, I did and I was certainly hungry again. But I still wore the same clothes from last night and I could use a sink and a toothbrush, pronto.
“Um, how about an hour?”
“Yeah, anywhere you want.” I could tell that casual dating was not his forte. He could barely choke it out.
“At Theo’s, you know where that’s at?”
“Yeah, see you then.” I hung up and looked at the time. It was only eight. But when you had to beg and borrow to get ready for lunch, one hour sometimes wasn’t enough.
The other day I found a misplaced youth safehouse. I registered with them and though I refused their offer to stay there, it gained me access to shower and do laundry using their facilities. They told me it would be a couple of days before they approved me and as I made my way to it, I hoped their days and mine were the same.
I walked into the building, which looked more like a warehouse with painted over cinder blocks as walls. Some people were playing ice hockey, some people were on the computers. I walked up to the desk, signed my name in and the lady gave me a key to the bathroom. They even provided the soap and shampoo; that was a Godsend. I cleaned up and changed into a jean skirt that had seen better days and a pink t shirt from my old derby team. I threw on some flip flops that I was saving for when my other ones finally bit the dust. I packed my stuff back up and just in time, someone else was knocking on the door for their turn.
I pulled in at Theo’s a couple minutes early, his truck already in the parking lot. I chose a cheap
place on purpose, just in case I had to pay for my own meal but I doubted with a guy like Falcon that I would. For them it was normal, but for me it was weird. Families didn’t get along that well, did they? Not any family that I’d ever been in. The ones that I’d been in were nice enough to get their paychecks from the government to house me, but not nice enough to want me to stay for any length of time. And let’s face it, some of them… I was the one who misbehaved in order to get moved.
I walked in and Falcon was already seated and the waitress had her hip planted on the booth beside him and was a little overly smiley for my taste. His hair was spiked up and despite the flirty waitress; his eyes didn’t leave the menu for one second.
I slid into the booth across from him after sweeping some crumbs away with my hand.
“Good morning.” He said like we were old friends.
“Hi.”
He put the menu down and squinted his eyes at me.
“You gonna order something real or am I gonna have to double up again?” He smiled while he tried to sound so serious.
“Truth?” I sad and then began to twist my rosebud earring.
“Duh.”
“I’m a little short on cash. I’m waiting until I get my first paycheck. But it’s fine. I’ve had to make money stretch before.”
“You get paid Saturday. So you’ve got two days to last. I can help you until then.” He shrugged like it was no big deal.
“I don’t take handouts Falcon.”
“Who’s giving you handouts? I’m talking about working for it.”
My eyebrow bowed up at that response and he snickered. “At my mom’s restaurant, gutter brain.”
“A ‘will work for food’ kinda thing?”
“Yeah, something like that. Until then, just let me buy you breakfast and don’t worry about it.”
“Why?” It was a loaded question on my part.
He exhaled and I smelled cinnamon on his breath, toothpaste. He rearranged the silverware and moved the hot sauce and the salt around a few times before answering.
“I like you. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you. You’re the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen. I can go on.”