“I ain’t sure what I done, but I am sure I need to see her. Now, are ya gonna move?”
“No, I don’t think I am…not until you tell me why.”
“Etta, darlin’, this ain’t got nothin’ to do with us. Let ‘er in,” Harry spoke calmly, as he walked up behind his wife.
“No, she is my friend, and I wanna know what…”
“Let ‘er in,” Harry said with authority, his eyes on Rayne.
Etta looked behind her shoulder at her husband then stepped back. She shook her head and walked away, leaving Rayne and Harry standing there.
“She’s upstairs, third door on the left,” Harry looked Rayne over. “Seems like a fine woman.”
Rayne took her hat off, nodded at Harry, and walked in. She took the steps two at a time. Once at the door to Lisbet’s room, she knocked and waited.
Lisbet opened the door. Rayne assumed the red eyes were from crying, as she watched Lisbet step away with her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Lisbet walked deeper into the room.
Rayne closed the door and followed with her hat in her hand. She spoke softly, “I’m sorry…”
Lisbet spun around and responded incredulously, “You’re sorry…that’s all you have to say? I…” The tears began to fall again, freely. “How could you do this to us?” Pain and anger rang in her voice.
“Look, I cain't tell ya why I got this feelin’, but I feel like my entire world just came crashin’ down at my feet. I feel I should remember much more than I do, and I don't know why. Can you tell me?” Rayne asked.
“I'm…you're askin’ me what exactly?” A frown creased Lisbet’s brow, and she shook her head slightly.
“I'm askin’ why I feel you're important to me…” Rayne said, lost and confused.
“Oh God, this just keeps gettin' better. Why am I important to you? I'm sorry Rayne, but I don't think this is the time for playin’ games.”
“I ain't playin’ any sorta game,” Rayne snapped. “I have been dreamin’ of you, and…and a ranch, a little black-haired boy. I know in my heart that we was happy. But I don't remember the boy's name. Hell, I cain't tell ya why I knew yours when ya opened my door, but I did. I know that I feel like I love you and that we was happy. But I don't know that for a fact. I don't remember.”
Through sobs and falling tears, Lisbet stood and stared as she seemed to listen to what Rayne was saying. With angry swipes at the falling tears, she said, “Fine. I'm important to you cuz I'm your wife…at least in our hearts and our eyes, we are, or rather were, married. That little boy you say you cain't remember is our son, Ben. Actually, he is your brother's son, but we are raisin’ him as ours.” She paused and shook her head. “I can't believe I'm actually havin’ to tell ya all this. I must be crazy.”
“No…No, ya ain't, please don't stop. The ranch, it’s ours ain't it?”
“I…I can't do this.” Lisbet shook her head and put her hands up as if she were trying to stop something. “I don't believe you right now. Pretendin’ you don't know…”
“I didn't…I don't know what happened.” Rayne watched the tears fall and knew she was responsible for the hurt Lisbet was feeling. “I…Honestly, I didn't know what I was doing.”
“Oh really? Well, let me tell you what you did. You took another woman to bed…”
“That's not what I meant,” Rayne said, louder than she had intended, as she walked towards the blonde.
“Don’t! Don't you dare yell at me, and don't come near me. I wasn't the one that allowed someone else in my bed. I wasn't the one that let all those nights of loneliness get to me…in fact, I wasn't the one that insisted on leaving our home and everything we had for this,” Lisbet threw her arms open to encompass their surroundings. “Remember you promised me that you wouldn't forget about Ben and me, about our family. You promised that you'd come back to us. Or was that just a line you used to get what you wanted? Ya tell me that ya don't remember me... us...I don't see how any of this is gonna work. I was a fool to think it could.”
“No Lisbet, please. I honestly don’t…you said I promised to come back to ‘us’. That’s you and the boy…our son. Jesus why cain’t I remember this?”
“I can’t, I can’t do this.” Lisbet shook her head as she looked at Rayne, disbelief etched on her face.
“I… so we’re a couple,” Rayne said as she rubbed the back of her neck, “but why would Maddie, why would I be with her.”
“You’re askin me? I…”
“She said her and I were together. Why…”
“No, I’m not doin this, how can you be standin’ here askin’ me all this? I need you to go.” Lisbet choked back her tears, her hand going up as if to push Rayne away.
“I’m tryin’ to understand. I understand I’ve hurt you, I’m tryin’ to figure out how... why this happened.” Rayne said as she took a step towards Lisbet.”
“Ya wanna know why, because you bedded another woman. That’s why, you’re standin’ there tellin’ me you don’t remember me, us…and ya want me to tell ya why this is happenin’.” Lisbet let out a disbelieving laugh. “I need to get out of here… I, what am I doing?” She walked towards the bedroom door.
“Wait Lisbet, no don’t go. I gotta…I can’t, please don’t leave.” Rayne pleaded.
“I can’t see you anymore, I don’t want to look at you.” Lisbet replied in a sad, tearful voice.
“I can make this right,” Rayne softly said, even as she felt her heart sink into the pit of her stomach. “Ya gotta forgive me,”
Lisbet stopped in her tracks and looked over her shoulder at the tall, dark-haired woman she couldn't imagine living without, and quietly replied, “You…I don't know that I can forgive you this.” Lisbet walked out of her room.
Rayne stood there watching Lisbet walk out the door, unable to move as her own tears started to fall. She didn't know what to do, so she sat on the bed. She honestly didn't remember everything, but she instinctively knew that what Lisbet said was true. All she had to do was look at the blonde, and she knew they had married each other in their own eyes and hearts. She knew that they had been happy, her heart told her that even without having the memories. She stood and walked to the window and looked at the meadow below. The blonde was walking hand in hand with a little boy. Ben. Lisbet had said his name was Ben, and he was their son. How could she have forgotten that?
Harry tapped on the door with his knuckle before entering. “She was mighty upset. Etta is on her way out the door. Looks to me like things are in a mess.”
Rayne looked at the man she considered her friend and unconsciously reached into her pocket for the brown bottle. She twisted the lid. “How can I not remember everything?”
“I'd say let’s go into the parlor and have a drink, but I'm thinkin’ it's best we’re not here drinkin’ when them two come back in. So let's head to the saloon.”
†
The two walked into the saloon and Harry hollered, “Hey Jonas, a bottle of whiskey and two glasses over here,” then proceeded to a table in the corner. When a couple of girls walked towards them, he shook his head no, and they found another table to approach.
“So, we ain't had a chance to talk here lately, have we?” He took a seat.
“No, we ain't.” Rayne took her seat as well.
“How's the shoulder?” Harry acknowledged Jonas and signaled with his eyes that the man should just head back to work.
“It's better. Let me tell ya, I cain't says I miss the soreness none.” Rayne rotated her arm. The one thing she made sure she did was rotate it now and then, otherwise it would get stiff as hell.
“I noticed you’re still takin’ laudanum.”
“Helps with the headaches.” Rayne took a shot of the whiskey and watched Harry.
“Yup, I can imagine. Ya know, I remember hearin’ that Doc Holiday used it quite a bit. Some said he couldn't make it through the day without his bottle.”
“What are you gettin' at Harry?” Rayne felt herself getting defensive.
“I use it, but I ain’t dependent on it like Doc.” Rayne sat her glass down a little hard.
“How often ya get them headaches? And don't go gettin' your hackles up. I'm just catchin’ up with ya is all.” Harry reached for the bottle and poured them another shot.
Rayne relaxed. She took her glass and sat back in her chair, as she stared at the amber liquid and thought. “Honestly, seems like I always got one. Sometimes it's worse than others though.”
“Yup, I remember once Old Butch and I got into a punchin’ match, and I took one to the head. Felt like someone was in my brain with an ax.”
“I'll tell ya there's times I wish someone would put me outta my misery.” Rayne chuckled.
“I bet Maddie takes good care of ya, though, if ya know what I mean. Ain't nothin’ better for a headache than a little lovin’.”
Rayne felt a little uncomfortable at the mention of the redhead. So much so that she looked over her shoulder. With a sense of relief, she let out a low sigh when she didn't see her.
“Come on, ya can tell me. I gotta live through you. Etta would kill me if she even thought I was consortin’ with that hellfire.”
“We're friends, right Harry? I mean if I tell ya this is tween us, it stays tween us, right?” Rayne sat forward and lowered her voice.
“Of course. I may be an outlaw, but I'm a man of my word, and ya got my word.”
“Maddie is a little…seems like there's only one thing on her mind. Sorry, make that two things. She's been naggin’ me about us movin’ into a small house, and it's always right after or right before we, you know. And Jesus, the woman is always rarin’ to go.”
Harry laughed. “I've heard that about Maddie. What's the matter? Most are happy that she’s always willin’.”
“Ya gotta talk sometimes, though. Lisbet and I always talked and laughed,” Rayne said without thinking.
“Well, hell yes, there's more to life than fuckin’. Etta and I are…well she knows me better than anyone. She knows my moods, ain't nothin’ I cain't tell her.”
“Exactly. Maddie, she ain't interested in knowin’ about my day, or how I'm feelin’.”
“You and Maddie, ya'll started kinda quick didn't ya. I mean, one minute you’re savin’ for a ranch out here, workin’ with Hawks, then you're movin’ into town and all cozy with Maddie.”
“Harry, before I was shot, were you and Etta against Maddie and I bein’ together? Maddie said that we was already becomin’ a couple, but that you and Etta didn’t want us together, so we was keepin’ things quiet. That true? Is that the reason ya didn’t visit me after I was shot?”
Harry’s surprise showed on his face. Rayne quickly spoke again, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anythin’.”
“Look, Rayne, I ain’t sure what all Maddie was thinkin’, nor what you was doin’ when you weren’t at the house. But I do know when we was together, there was nothin’ more important to you than buyin’ some land and starting your ranch so you could get Lisbet and your boy here. Hell, you lived and breathed Lisbet and that ranch.”
“So, I wasn’t courtin’ Maddie?” The color drained from Rayne’s face.
“Not that I was aware of. Hell, ya went to work and was back after, always at the house or out lookin’ at land with me or Hawks.”
“I don’t feel so good.” Rayne paled.
Harry jumped to his feet and reached for Rayne. “Come on let’s get some air.”
As they were walking towards the door, Maddie approached them. Harry stopped her with his hand before she was able to wrap an arm around Rayne. “Not now, Maddie.”
“Why? What’s wrong with Rayne? Rayne, honey, you alright?” she asked. When Harry stepped between her and Rayne she spoke louder, “Hey, you can’t keep me from Rayne, not when she’s sick. It’s my job to take care of her.”
Harry had almost had enough and was about to speak when, from the corner of his eye, he saw Rayne sort of spin and fall to the ground. He quickly knelt down beside his friend and loosened her vest and the top buttons of her shirt. “Get Doc Granger.”
Maddie positioned herself on Rayne’s other side and attempted to take over. When Harry reached out his hand and grabbed her arm, their eyes locked. He coldly said in a low voice, “Until I hear differently from Rayne, I suggest you get away from her right now.”
“How dare you?” Maddie began to shout, only to stop as Doc Granger appeared.
“Let me see her, Maddie,” he said as he approached. “What happened?”
“She was walkin’ out with Harry, and she all of a sudden collapsed,” Maddie spoke.
“Harry, what happened?” Doc looked at Harry.
Maddie angrily said, “I just told you.”
“Maddie, I need to know what was goin’ on before she collapsed. Unless you were sittin’ or walkin’ with em, ya don’t really know.”
“She was having a bad headache and took some laudanum followed by a shot or two of whiskey. We was talkin’ about things, and she all of a sudden said she didn’t feel good. I suggested some fresh air, and next thing I know she went down. I loosened her vest and the top buttons of her shirt, hopin’ that would help,” Harry said in a rush.
“Alright, let’s get her to my office, so I can examine her.”
“My room’s closer,” Maddie spoke, as she turned her head to a group of men.
“Boys, help her to my office. I’ll be right behind you,” Doc ordered.
“But my room is—”
“Maddie, I ain’t got time nor patience to argue with you. Let me do my job.”
The group entered the doc’s office, and he started barking orders at his wife. “Get me a cold cloth. Give her some room boys. Thank you. Harry, ya can stay in the waitin’ room if ya’d like. I’ll let ya know how she is soon as I can.”
†
It was about half an hour later when the doc came back into the outer office. Harry stood as soon as he heard the door open. “How is she?”
“She’s awake. Seems she’s been takin’ more laudanum than we knew, and the whiskey today didn’t settle too well with her. I felt like I was walkin’ up to a tense minute between you and Maddie. Wanna tell me what that was about?”
“Doc, I ain’t much into tellin’ other people’s business.”
“I’m aware of that Harry, but unlike most small-town doctors, my patient’s welfare is deeper than just providing some medicine. I ain’t into tellin’ tales either, if that helps any.”
“Let’s go into your office,” Harry said, as he looked around.
Once behind closed doors, Harry told the doc about Lisbet, Rayne, and Maddie and how Rayne told him what Maddie had told her about their courting.
“Oh Lord, I was afraid Maddie was up to no good.” Doc sat back in his chair and drummed his fingers on his desk. “You say that Rayne told you she didn’t really remember much about before the shootin’?”
“Yeah, she told me she felt more than she remembered, and when we was talkin’ about her relationship with Maddie, she unconsciously compared it to hers and Lisbet’s. It was like she didn’t even realize she was doin’ it.”
“Anything else you can think of that might be of help?” Doc sat forward and placed his elbows on his desk.
“Not that I can think of. I ain’t really seen much of Rayne since she got shot, and when Etta has seen her, Maddie’s been with her and she ain’t really talked.”
“Alright. And you say that her wife, Lisbet, is in town?”
“Yeah, arrived last night with their boy. Shoot, I suppose I should head home and let both her and Etta know what’s happened. She gonna be alright, Doc?” Harry sat forward in his chair getting ready to stand.
“She should be, yes. I’m worried about what appears to be her reliance on the laudanum. If she is addicted, it’s gonna be tough for her to shake. Trouble with a wife and woman on the side ain’t gonna help
none. Especially if one of the women is Maddie. Lord, that woman would make a saint turn to drinkin’.” Doc scratched his head. “I’m gonna keep her here tonight and keep an eye on her. With me and the misses around, we can better keep Maddie at a distance, at least for a little bit.”
“Alright, Doc, then I’m gonna head back home. If there is anything ya might need, be sure to let me know. I’m gonna see if I can talk Lisbet into comin’ to see Rayne.”
“That might help, you never know.” Doc stood and walked Harry to the door.
†
Etta walked with Lisbet and watched as Ben ran chasing a butterfly. “I just don’t understand it; you’re sayin’ she is claimin’ she don’t remember you or Ben?”
“That’s exactly what she said, although she said she felt that we are important to her and that she wouldn’t do anything to hurt us.”
“Do you believe her?” Etta leaned over and picked a dandelion.
“I don’t know. The look on her face makes me believe that she believes it, but…I’m so hurt, I don’t know that I can believe her.”
“Lisbet, I can’t tell ya what happened after she was shot. Like I said, Maddie made it impossible for me to see her. But before that she would go to work and come home. When she wasn’t workin’, she and Harry, and sometimes the sheriff, were looking at land. She was intent on findin’ the right piece of property for you and Ben.”
“Findin’ property ain’t gonna happen when she’s spendin’ time in bed with another woman.” Lisbet wiped a tear away.
Lisbet and Etta were still in the meadow when Harry arrived back home. He walked out to tell them about Rayne. Lisbet was still too hurt and angry, and refused to go into town to see Rayne.
†
“Harry, what do you think really happened between Rayne and Maddie?” Etta asked, as she brushed her hair.
“Ya want my honest opinion?” He stretched out on the bed.
“Well, of course.”
“I believe Rayne is one confused gal. I don’t believe she knew what she was doin’.”
“Really, how do you not know you’re cheatin’ on your wife?”
Faith in Rayne Page 9