I caught Nadine’s arm as Adrienne marched off without even a second glance at Hunter.
“Why don’t you come with me and Tina?” I whispered.
Nadine shook her head. “You’re leaving in a few weeks, Ruby, so maybe you can take the pain she’s going to give you from now until then. But I can’t. And listen, when I don’t talk to you on Monday, don’t take it personally. I actually really like you.”
As Nadine left I saw Hunter watching me thoughtfully. “You’re pretty brave,” he told me. “She’s going to be out to get you now.”
I shrugged. “All I did was ask Tina to the party.”
“I’m glad you did. She’s a cool chick,” Hunter said.
“Really?” I replied. “But you never talk to her usually.”
“I like the theatre stuff she does. Her last play was really good. I’d Join if…well, you know why I can’t.”
I shook my head. “I don’t, Hunter. First Nadine and now you. Adrienne is just a girl. A pretty scary one I’ll give you that, but only because we all let her be. We give her power.” I laughed, feeling suddenly free. “I mean, you’re her boyfriendl Don’t tell me you’re only dating her because you are frightened not to!”
“I’m not actually really dating her at all,” Hunter said. “We’ve never actually gone out on a date. She finds me completely boring, and I’d rather kiss a frog. Have you ever seen us hold hands? When I got the part in Hollywood High Adrienne thought if we said we were dating in real life it would be good for our profiles, and she was right. We got a lot of press. I kept going along with it because I hadn’t met a girl I really wanted to date…until now.”
“Right!” I said, getting on my high horse. “In that case you should tell Adrienne that your fake relationship is off and ask out the girl you really like right away.”
“You think so?” Hunter asked me, a slow smile spreading over his face.
“I do,” I said firmly.
“OK,” he said. “Ruby?”
“Yes?” I replied, suddenly feeling my cheeks ignite.
“Would you go to the Valentine’s dance with me?”
HI Rubes!!!!!
I am sorry that I haven’t sent you any e-mails recently and if you’ve sent me some I’m sorry that I haven’t replied either. Our computer broke and Mum has grounded me totally except for school and work so I couldn’t get to a cyber caf. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you all about it when you get back.
Hope you are OK about Danny. Me and Anne-Marie were so surprised. One minute he was, “Oh, I miss Ruby” and the next he brought this girl Melody to the caf for hot chocolate. He’s just not like Danny any more, it’s weird. She is boring Ruby. Anne-Marie says if she is a Melody then she must be a lullaby because every time she sees her she wants to fall asleep!
They have started to show the trailers for your film at the cinema and on telly. It’s very exciting! No reviews here yet. I hope you don’t think I was in a mood with you because of the Sean thing. I wasn’t ever because I know you. You are sometimes a thicko, but mainly you are the best person I know, and the best friend anyone could have.
Ooooh I have so much to tell you and you are not here! Hopefully Mum and Dad will get to Currys and buy us a new PC soon. I don’t think I’ll ever be allowed a mobile phone again (same long story). Come back sooon!
I miss you
nyds
Chapter Sixteen
I read Nydia’s letter for about the hundredth time because whenever things got really terrible it cheered me up for a few minutes. Although you might think that being asked to the Valentine’s dance by the best-looking boy in school might be the furthest thing from terrible that anything could be, you’d be wrong.
Well not wrong about Hunter asking. That was nice, if confusing. It’s Just that from the moment he did it, everything I had just about managed to hold together until then started to disintegrate in front of my eyes, along with my life. Or at least what I thought was my life. That of an actress, a celebrity, maybe even a film star.
At first I just sort of stood there and stared at Hunter, looking probably quite a lot like a very surprised bunny rabbit about to be flattened by a large truck. I should have learnt by now that boys generally appreciate a direct answer and preferably within two or three minutes of asking. Standing and staring never usually gets you anywhere. It also gives them far too much time to reconsider.
After a while Hunter laughed which unnerved me even more than him asking me to the dance.
“Ruby, you sure know how to make a guy squirm,” he said with a rueful smile that made my face turn a lovely shade of beetroot.
“But you’re going with Adrienne,” I said. He shook his head.
“Not any more. Look, on Monday you’re going to be at the top of her most hated list. I thought you could do with some company there.”
“I feel like I’ve started a war. All I did was invite Tina to the party and not let Adrienne get off with my friend’s boyfriend.”
“That is starting a war in Adrienne’s eyes,” Hunter told me. “You’ve threatened her position of power. She doesn’t like that. She’ll want it back. You’re her rival now. I think you’ll need all the friends you can get.”
“And you’d go to the dance with me knowing she’ll do the same to you?”
“I like you, Ruby,” Hunter said, taking a step closer to me. “So – what do you say? Will you go to the dance with me or not?”
I took a step backwards and nearly fell off my heels.
“I don’t know, Hunter,” I stuttered. “I’ve only Just split up with my boyfriend. I might be on the rebound. I don’t know if I’m on the rebound because he was my first boyfriend and I don’t know what it’s like to be on the rebound. I just know that you’re not supposed to go out with people when you are on it because it always ends in disaster.”
“It’s just a dance, Ruby,” Hunter chuckled. “You’re going back to the UK in a couple of weeks. I’m not asking you to marry me!”
“Oh, right,” I said, feeling a little bit deflated. “Well, OK then. Yes, I will go to the dance with you if you’re sure it’s just as friends.”
“Well, I didn’t say that,” Hunter said before disappearing into the crowd.
Of course he knew how to make an exit. He was a drama-school kid.
I worried about going to the dance with Hunter for the rest of that day and all night, about whether or not it was a good idea for him to make Adrienne his enemy, about what he meant by asking me to go with him. If he really was being just a pal or if at some point in the evening he might want to kiss me. I thought it might be nice to kiss Hunter, even on the rebound, but I was still worried about it. I have only ever kissed three boys. Justin de Souza and that was a screen kiss, Sean Rivers and that was by mistake and over in three seconds, and Danny. What if Hunter tried to kiss me and I was rubbish, or cried or something because of Danny?
That was what I worried about the night after the party when everybody else was celebrating and congratulating each other.
But I shouldn’t have bothered worrying about any of it because I was about to find out that I had a lot worse things to worry about.
The press reviews came on Sunday morning. The papers and magazines were delivered to Jeremy’s house at the same time as Sean was flying back to normality and home.
Normally, there are several previews of a film before it is released to the general public so that reviews and critics can write about it and so give it more publicity. But sometimes, when they think that the film is bad, or if as with The Lost Treasure of King Arthur, there has been negative publicity surrounding it, they don’t screen previews because they don’t want anything bad written about it before it is released.
Maybe the waiting made the film critics angry, or maybe they Just had it in for Art, like Jeremy said when we first came out to Hollywood. Maybe they really did hate my film because not one review was good. Not good about the film, not good about Imogene, not good about Jeremy or even Sean and, especially
, especially not good about me.
As I read them I began to feel exactly like that time when I was in the cubicle in the girls’ loos and heard Menakshi Shah and Jade Caruso talking about me, only a million times worse. What Menakshi and Jade had said was old news. What the American critics thought about me and my acting was all horribly, painfully new.
At first as I scanned the page all I felt was anger on behalf of Art and everyone else. They weren’t writing about the film we made. And it was not the film that I had heard an audience clap and cheer with a standing ovation at the premiere.
And then I saw my name on the page and it was like having the worst kind of nightmare and realising that you are awake. I forced myself to read on.
Newcomer British actress Ruby Parker showed early promise, one paper wrote. But it was a promise that soon faded as she turned in a wooden and lacklustre performance, making me feel I’d eaten a very heavy visual meal that had given me indigestion of the eyes. It is inconceivable why Dubrovnik chose to cast this drama-school amateur when he could have had his pick of a host of talented professionals.
I didn’t realise I was biting my lip until I tasted blood on my tongue. This wasn’t Just critical, it was vicious.
“‘Over the hill and overdramatic’, he called me,” Jeremy said, gently taking the paper from my hands. “I know it hurts, Ruby, especially when you’ve given something your all, but I promise you it’s just one person’s opinion. The critics say what they like, not what’s true. Especially rags like these.”
“He’s right, Rube,” Mum said, putting her hands on my shoulder, but I shrugged her off and picked up another paper, searching for my name before reading out loud.
“‘Young Miss Parker obviously tried her best as Polly Harris, but her best was very far from what was required to save the film from the doldrums. The role was too big for her to handle and she failed to light up the screen with even a spark of charm or any acting ability. She would have done better to audition for the lead in the school play. Or perhaps she did and they turned her down.’”
“Well that’s simply not true!” my mum exclaimed. “Please, Ruby, don’t upset yourself. This is just a blip.”
“It is true,” I replied faintly, not really hearing her. “I’ve never been given the lead in a school play.”
I snatched up another review, in a magazine this time. Mum stood looking at Jeremy wringing her hands together.
“‘Ruby Parker might be a big deal on Brit TV, but it looks like she’ll be small potatoes on the silver screen over here. She did nothing to improve the turkey that not even Art Dubrovnik could save. My sources tell me we’re soon to see her in hit show Hollywood High. Let’s hope she doesn’t sink that like she did The Lost Treasure of King Arthur. Lost treasure? If you ask me it should have stayed lost.’”
I went to pick up another paper, but Mum took it away.
“Ruby, listen to me,” she said firmly. “You know about this. They prepare you for this at school and you know that if you want to be an actress you have to be tough, thick-skinned. Part of what you do is allowing people to judge you. When you make a film or a TV show that part of you is public property. People feel they have the right to say what they like about you. It doesn’t mean it’s true. It doesn’t mean it’s right. You have to remember that and get on with things just as before.”
“Your mum is right, Ruby,” Jeremy said carefully. “Gosh, I’ve had some terrible reviews in my time, much worse than these. But it wouldn’t surprise me if in a few years time these same critics will be praising you in the very work they slated.”
“Besides,” Mum said, smiling encouragingly, “Lisa called early this morning and told us that it looks as if the takings over the first weekend are set to make back production costs already! So it doesn’t matter what the papers say, people are going to see it.”
“They are going to see Sean Rivers’ last movie, or because Imogene Grant’s in it,” I said flatly. “They’re not going to see it because I was good.”
Even though I had Just got up I suddenly felt incredibly tired. “I’m going to my room,” I said, picking David up.
“Ruby!” Mum called after me, but I didn’t stop. I ran up the stairs, shut the door and sat on the floor, leaning my back against it.
I had never had a review written about me before. When I was Angel on Kensington Heights sometimes I might get mentioned in a summary of soap plots in the Radio Times, but never in a really cruel way. “Poor old downtrodden Angel,” they’d write, “the most unfortunate teen in soap.” Never anything horrid about me, Ruby Parker.
I felt like every part of my body was bruised, on the inside as well as the outside.
There hadn’t been one good review, not one. And all of those writers couldn’t be wrong, even if that’s what Mum and Jeremy wanted me to believe. If they all thought I was a terrible, talentless actress then they had to be right. After all, how did I get here? How did I get to Hollywood? Was it really because of any talent? No.
I got the part in Kensington Heights without even trying when I was six years old and they only cast me because I was cute, not because I was talented.
I got the part in The Lost Treasure of King Arthur because I had been in Kensington Heights for so many years. Art Dubrovnik told me that himself when he offered me the part. He said that my experience counted for a lot. I wasn’t the best girl he auditioned. I was just the most experienced he could find at short notice.
And I got the part in Hollywood High because of a TV interview I was doing for The Lost Treasure of King Arthur. OK, I passed the audition, but it wasn’t because I was right for the role. It was for the publicity that surrounded me after I let slip Sean’s hideaway.
I dragged myself up from the floor and went over to the mirror. As I stared at my reflection I suddenly realised something.
I wasn’t meant to be in Hollywood at all. I was the wrong girl in the wrong place at the wrong time. I wasn’t meant to be a film star or a TV star or any kind of star. I wasn’t even meant to be an actress, because I wasn’t nearly good enough. I was Just a girl who liked acting and who by some terrible, terrible mistake ended up in the limelight where she didn’t belong.
I knew exactly what I had to do. I had to put things right straightaway.
I ran back downstairs and found Mum. “I’m ready,” I told her urgently.
“Ready for what, darling?” Mum asked me. “Breakfast?”
“Ready to go home,” I told her. “Remember? You promised when I said I wanted to go home that you would take me. Well, I want to go home now, Mum.”
My mum put down her cup of tea and put her arms around me.
“Listen, Ruby,” she said, “this is hard for you, I know. What those people wrote about you was so unfair. But in a few days all those reviews will be in recycling bins and no one will remember them. You’ll feel better, I promise.”
“Why are you so keen for me to feel better, Mum?” I asked, pushing away from her. “Better over Danny, better about these reviews. Better over you and Dad. Well, maybe I’m not ready to feel better. Maybe I shouldn’t feel better because what they wrote about me was true. I’ve been thinking about it and it suddenly clicked. I can’t really act at all.”
“Rubbish!” Mum’s snap surprised me. She was trying hard not to be angry with me. “Look, Ruby, in another couple of weeks you’ll be finished on Hollywood High. Then we’ll take stock and see what our position is.”
“NO!” I half shouted and half sobbed. “NO! Don’t you understand? I don’t want to go back to Beaumont! I don’t want to shoot any more Hollywood High, I DON’T WANT TO! I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!”
“WELL, YOU CAN’T!” my mum shouted back, shocking me into silence. “You have a contract, Ruby, a contract that I signed on your behalf, and you will fulfil that contract because that is what you do when you are an actor. You meet your commitments and you don’t give up! So what if you’ve had a few knocks, a couple of bad reviews. Well then, you pick yourself up,
dust yourself off and you do the best work you possibly can on Hollywood High. And you show everybody, everybody, that they are wrong about you.” Mum took a breath and attempted a smile. “That is what you are going to do, Ruby. Do you understand?”
“But, Mum,” I said, feeling tears thicken my voice. “Mum, I Just want to go home.”
“Not yet, Ruby,” Mum said, kissing the top of my head and giving me a stiff hug. “Look, I don’t mean to upset you. I’m Just trying to show that if you want to be in this industry, you have to be as tough as it is. Do you understand?”
I nodded. “I do,” I said because she was right.
What I didn’t know how to do was tell her that I didn’t want to be in the industry any more. I didn’t want to be in show business. I had no talent. It was official.
But I didn’t want to let her down, partly because I wanted her to be proud of me and partly because I was afraid to. So I let her give me breakfast and I plastered a smile back on my face. Just a few more weeks, I told myself. I just have to stick it out for a few more weeks and then it will be over.
And what would happen after that?
I couldn’t even think about it.
Chapter Seventeen
When I decided to stick it out, I hadn’t counted on Just how bad it would be at Beaumont.
As Mum dropped me off on Monday, Tina and Hunter were waiting for me.
“We thought we’d walk you in,” Tina said.
“Yeah,” Hunter told me. “Tina is introducing me to the ranks of the disaffected.”
“Dissa-what?” I asked him.
“Kids ostracised by Adrienne.”
“Ostra-?”
“People she hates,” Hunter said, chuckling at me.
“I knew that,” I said, feeling myself blush. It was stupid really. I’d known him now for several weeks. You’d think my skin would have got immune to him by now, especially when I had far more important things to worry about than random blushing. “Does Adrienne know that she hates you yet?” I asked Hunter.
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