by Gina Wilkins
He let himself out before she could reply. He didn’t see the tears that welled in her eyes and streamed down her cheeks, or hear the incoherent sound she made. As she threw herself onto the couch and buried her face in her hands, she tried to convince herself that she hadn’t been trying to beg him not to go.
JAKE COULDN’T HAVE SAID how he made it through the next week. Somehow he managed it. Oddly enough, the pain he was going through didn’t affect his performance on the job at all. He qualified on the pole for the race in Atlanta, which wasn’t even one of his strongest tracks.
He supposed if racing was the only life he was ever going to have, he needed to make sure he did it better than anyone else.
“Heck of a qualifying run,” Wade said later, when it was just the two of them in the hauler office. “You ran darned near a perfect lap out there. Right in the groove. Set a record qualifying speed. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks,” he replied without much enthusiasm. “I think I’ll go to my motor home for a while. Call me if you need anything, okay?”
Wade caught his arm when he would have brushed past to the doorway. “I know this is none of my business, but are you all right?”
“No,” Jake answered simply. “I’m not.”
“I know how it feels, you know. When Lisa left me and went back to Chicago…well, I felt like I’d been hit by a bus. Like something was broken inside, and I didn’t know how to go about fixing it.”
But Lisa had come back. Stacy had no intention of ever doing so. “Yeah. That pretty much sums it up.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Hell if I know.” He tried to smile, knowing he failed miserably. “I’ve never been dumped before, you know. I don’t quite know how to go about getting over it.”
“Some people would say you were pretty lucky to go this long without ever being dumped.”
“Yeah. Lucky.” Pushing his hand through his hair, he said, “I’ve got to go. See you later, Wade.”
“Yeah.” Sounding unusually morose, Wade watched him leave. “See you later, pal.”
“I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND why you broke up with him,” Andrew said, giving Stacy a searching look from beneath his shaggy bangs. “I don’t see how what he did was so bad.”
“It wasn’t just that, Andrew,” she replied awkwardly. “Even though he knew I didn’t want him to talk about me on the television. You know how much I hate having attention called to me that way.”
“Well, yeah, but it was only because he wanted to share his win with you. We were all so excited about the win. Remember how you and me were jumping around and yelling and everything? Jake was sort of doing the same thing, all carried away and stuff.”
“I understand that.” It was exactly the excuse Jake had used, after all. “I just…well, it annoyed me. But as I said, that wasn’t the only reason I thought it best to stop seeing him.”
“Aren’t you even going to watch the race with Dad and me tomorrow?”
She shook her head. “I doubt it. I’ve never been a race fan—you know that. Besides, Mindy and I are going to be working here tomorrow afternoon to get ready for the carnival Wednesday night.”
She and Andrew were in the large fellowship hall of their church, which was in varying stages of decoration for the annual fall festival. Andrew had helped her carry in the large plywood board, now painted bright blue with happy-looking fish swimming across it, and they were trying to make sure it fit steadily on the stand Nick had built for it. They didn’t want it falling on any little costumed “fishermen” Halloween night.
This was the first she’d spent any time with Andrew since the breakup with Jake, and she had dreaded the questions she knew would come. She hadn’t been able to talk about Jake to anyone else all week, other than to tell Nick and Mindy that it was over between her and Jake.
She wondered if she would ever stop feeling as though a part of her had been ripped away, leaving an aching hole behind.
Andrew sat cross-legged on the floor, threading heavy fishing line through a plastic hook. “Some of my friends have been telling me that I’ve been talking too much about that weekend in Charlotte. You know, sort of bragging about my NASCAR friends.”
Setting the big laundry basket of prizes behind the board, Stacy asked, “Are they right?”
“Yeah, probably. It’s the first thing I ever really had to brag about, you know? The first thing that ever meant that much to me.”
“I’m glad you have those memories,” she told him gently. “And I’m glad I was able to share them with you.”
“Maybe it’s the same way with Jake, you know? He was sort of bragging about you because he knew how lucky he was to be dating you. I mean, any guy would feel that way about you.”
Startled, she dropped a gift bag, having to bend to pick it up and place it carefully in the basket. “That’s a very nice thing to say, Andrew.”
He shrugged self-consciously. “It’s true. And it’s probably the way Jake felt, too. Why he said what he did.”
“Maybe,” she muttered, not wanting to discourage the conversation but growing uncomfortable with its direction.
“He just wanted to share his win with you, Aunt Stacy. It was the thing that mattered most to him right then—and maybe you were the person who mattered most to him. Does that make sense?”
She swallowed hard. “Yes, sweetie. It makes sense. But could we talk about something else now, please? I…well, I just can’t talk about Jake right now, okay?”
He nodded glumly.
Throwing herself into her decorating, Stacy tried not to think about what her nephew had said, though she knew his sweet words would haunt her later.
SHE WATCHED the end of the race. Not with her brother and nephew, but alone in her apartment after she’d returned from decorating with Mindy. Mindy, thank goodness, had carefully refrained from talking about Jake, as Stacy had begged her to do for the afternoon.
Jake finished third, and everyone seemed to think that was pretty good at this track. According to the announcers, he might have even won had he not had a flat tire early in the race. She was glad she hadn’t been there to see that. It would have upset her very badly for his sake.
Though she knew she was torturing herself, she watched the postrace interview with him. He looked fine, she decided. Relaxed and comfortable as always on camera. Tired, of course, but he always looked a bit worn after so many grueling hours in the car. No one could tell by looking at him that he’d had a rough week emotionally.
Maybe he hadn’t taken the breakup as hard as she had, after all, she thought with a rather resentful glare at his breezy smile.
But then he looked directly into the camera, and her heart squeezed tightly in her chest. Forget what she’d just thought. Despite his light tone and bright smile, Jake’s eyes were as sad now as they had been the first time she’d gazed into them. And she had the feeling that she might be one of the few people in the world who would recognize that.
Clutching a small purple plastic car in her hand, she thought of what Andrew had said to her the day before. He just wanted to share his win with you, Aunt Stacy. It was the thing that mattered most to him right then—and maybe you were the person who mattered most to him.
And then something Jake had said. I just want you to know that if I handled everything all wrong, it was because I’d never been in love with anyone before.
Stacy gripped the car so tightly it dug into her palm and lowered her head to her fists. Oscar whined in sympathy from beside her, obviously wishing he could help her.
She wasn’t sure that was possible, even for her beloved pet.
EVEN ON THE FIRST SUNDAY in November, Texas was comfortably warm. Uncomfortably warm in a race car barreling around the pavement. But it could have been worse, Jake figured, strapping on the fire-resistant shoes and heat shields that every driver wore for a race. It could have been Indianapolis in July. Or Tennessee in August. Now, those were hot races.
He had a lit
tle while before he had to go outside for the prerace activities, and as was his habit, he sat in the hauler office alone, mentally preparing himself for the upcoming contest. He’d won at this track before; he could do it again. He wanted that win.
Winning races was the one thing he had to look forward to, he thought in a moment of self-pity that he quickly shook off.
He wondered if Stacy would be watching today. And then he wondered if he would ever be able to race again without wondering if she were watching.
He wondered if he would ever think of her without feeling as though someone had just kicked him squarely in the chest.
Someone tapped on the door, and he scowled. Everyone knew he didn’t like to be disturbed until the very last minute before he had to go out there. He had a good fifteen minutes left yet, and he had planned to spend them putting Stacy out of his mind so he could concentrate on the race.
One look at the person who entered, and he knew that wouldn’t be possible.
“Stacy?” he said, wondering for a moment if he’d hallucinated her. “What—?”
She looked like a petite angel in a pure white long-sleeved blouse and fitted jeans. Hardly the usual track couture, but so very right for her. “J.R. tried to stop me from coming in, but Wade said it would be okay. He told J.R. that you could be mad at him if you didn’t like it.”
“I’m not mad at anyone. I just…can’t believe you’re here,” he said, rising slowly to his feet. Seeing the pass around her neck, he asked, “How—?”
“Lisa,” she explained briefly. “She took care of everything for me.”
“Why are you here?” He wondered if she thought maybe she hadn’t dumped him hard enough the first time and was here to finish him off—but she couldn’t be that cold, could she?
She moistened her lips, looking nervous for the first time. “When I took down Alvetti at that courthouse? Everyone talked about how brave I was. They made a big deal out of that in the news stories afterward. They called me a lion in a kitten’s clothing. A hero. But I knew all along that they were wrong. I’m not brave. I’ve never been brave. I just acted on instinct. Later, when I was alone, I started shaking so hard I could hardly stand up unassisted.”
“Why are you telling me this?” he asked, folding his hands into fists to keep them from reaching for her.
“You scared me,” she answered simply. “More than I’d ever been scared before, I think. You accused me of being too afraid to take a chance on us, and you were right, but I don’t think even you realized just how terrified I was. I was afraid of the publicity, afraid of competing with your career, afraid of the other women who would throw themselves at you. Afraid of not measuring up to your expectations, or that you wouldn’t measure up to mine. Afraid of losing myself in your shadow. Afraid of having my heart broken again—only not being able to recover from it this time the way I had before.”
Maybe it was the way she had worded that somewhat disjointed explanation, but for the first time Jake truly understood why she had been so hesitant to get involved with him. “Those are all legitimate fears,” he said, his voice not quite steady. “I can see why you needed time to confront them. I shouldn’t have been so impatient.”
“And I shouldn’t have been such a coward,” she answered evenly. “I’m sorry, Jake. I hope I haven’t let my fear ruin everything between us.”
Hope began to blossom inside him, but it hurt almost as badly as the anguish he’d felt before she’d come in. He knew how much it would hurt if she changed her mind again just as he’d allowed himself to start to believe…
“You aren’t afraid now?”
“A little,” she admitted. “It’s going to take me a while to get used to this crazy life you live, and to find a place for myself in it. But I got to thinking about something you told me, and it gave me the courage to try.”
“What—” He had to stop to clear his throat. “What was that brilliant thing I said?”
Her smile was a little strained around the edges as she searched his face, trying to read his emotions. “You said you weren’t afraid on the track because you trusted the people around you. Your spotter, your team, the other drivers.”
He nodded.
She shrugged. “I trust you,” she said simply. “It just took me a while to figure that out.”
His throat tightened so hard he had to force his voice out. “I let you down. I stupidly broke my promise to help you stay in the background until you were ready to go public.”
“I didn’t say I think you’re perfect,” she reminded him gently. “You aren’t. Neither am I. We’ll both make a lot of mistakes, since it’s so new for both of us. But I trust you not to hurt me deliberately. And to respect my wishes from now on, just as I’ll try to respect yours. I trust you not to stop loving me, even when I get scared and defensive, just as I won’t stop loving you the next time you say something stupid. Which you probably will.”
He tried to laugh. “Count on that. But I will try to keep my foot out of my mouth. It’s got a real nasty taste.”
He cleared his throat, then asked hesitantly, “Did you just say you love me?”
She tilted her head, the movement reminding him a bit of Oscar. “Should I count that as a stupid question? Yes, Jake. I love you. I wouldn’t have found the courage to be here if I didn’t.”
“You don’t need more time?”
“Not to be sure of that part,” she answered steadily. “As for the rest of it…we’ll take that as it comes. As you said in my apartment, we have a lifetime to figure it all out.”
“A lifetime.” It was almost too much to take in. He had gone from the depths of despair to the heights of happiness in such a short time that his head was sort of spinning. “Is that a promise?”
“It is if you want it to be.”
“Oh, yeah.” He reached for her then, unable to resist touching her for another minute.
The kiss was long, deep, hungry, joyous. It ended only when they both surfaced for oxygen, and then they dived feverishly into another. Jake’s hands were already starting to roam when another tap came on the door.
“Uh, Jake?” J.R. sounded nervous when he spoke through the closed door. “It’s time for you to come out for the race.”
“Oh, man.” Jake drew a deep, shaky breath, resting his forehead against Stacy’s. “For the first time in my life, I’d rather stay in the hauler than go out on the track. That couch looks awfully inviting.”
She reached up to kiss him again, quickly, and then she pulled herself out of his arms. “Go,” she said. “You have a race to run. I’ll be waiting for you afterward.”
They were the most beautiful words he’d ever heard. And if he didn’t get out of there quickly, the cameras were going to catch a macho race car driver with tears running down his face, he thought wryly.
“You can stay in here if you like,” he told her, moving toward the doorway. “You can watch the race on the screen.”
She shook her head and laced her hand with his. “I can take it,” she assured him. “Let’s go win a race.”
As far as Jake was concerned, he had already won.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-0394-9
ALMOST FAMOUS
Copyright © 2007 by Harlequin Books S.A.
Gina Wilkins is acknowledged as the author of this work.
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