by Judi Curtin
‘I simply love doing charity work,’ simpered Cathy.
‘Me too, I simply love it,’ said Andrea, sounding like a pathetic little parrot.
‘When is this photo shoot happening?’ asked Cathy.
‘Tomorrow,’ I said. ‘If you go to the newspaper office tomorrow at three, the talent scout will decide if you have the look they want.’
At the words ‘talent scout’ Cathy looked like she was going to fall into a faint, like a princess in an old movie. She recovered quickly though. She jumped down from the wall and began to flap her arms madly in the air. I wondered if the jingling of bracelets had ever made anyone go deaf.
‘I’ve got to get my hair done,’ she said breathlessly. ‘My highlights need freshening up.’
‘I wonder if there’s time to get a spray-tan done on my back,’ said Andrea. ‘I haven’t had mine done for three weeks, and it’s starting to fade.’
This was better than I could ever have imagined. I knew if I didn’t leave, there was a real danger I was going to laugh in their faces. So, keeping my face as straight as I could manage, I grabbed Kate’s arm, got up and walked towards the beach.
‘Have fun girls,’ I said. ‘We’ll try not to be too jealous.’
‘Hope it’s the start of a wonderful career for you both,’ said Kate.
Then she whispered to me. ‘Those two are always totally mean to us,’ she said. ‘Why would they ever believe that we’d help them?’
‘That’s the great thing about people like them,’ I whispered. ‘They’re so busy being horrible, they don’t have time to wonder if anyone is going to be horrible back. That makes them perfect bullies – and perfect victims when payback time comes around.’
And then, as soon as we were far enough away, Kate and I threw ourselves down on the sand and laughed until our faces hurt.
The next evening, Kate and I managed to walk right up to Cathy and Andrea without getting a single insult thrown at us. Both girls looked sulky and cross. Cathy’s face was red, like she’d been scrubbing it for a long time.
‘So how did the photo-shoot go?’ I asked.
Neither Cathy nor Andrea answered.
‘I can’t wait till that special moment when I see the posters,’ said Kate. ‘Can you, Eva?’
‘Barely,’ I said. ‘I’m sure that moment is going to be the highlight of the whole summer. At last you two girls are going to get the attention you deserve.’
And for once in their lives, Cathy and Andrea hadn’t a single word to say.
Kate and I were lying in the sun in her garden the following day, when Patrick came back from the shop.
‘I brought the paper,’ he said. ‘Who wants it first?’
‘Oh, good,’ said Martha, who was sitting in the shade of a tree nearby. ‘I want to read the death notices.’
Kate rolled her eyes. ‘Can we have a quick look first, Martha?’ she said. ‘We want to read about the Lavelles.’
Martha didn’t object, so Kate and I took the paper and read the article.
‘That’s so cool,’ I said. ‘At last everyone in Seacove knows the truth. Jean-Marc’s name has been cleared and all the people who thought badly of him will have to change their opinions.’
‘Most of them are dead and buried, you know,’ said Martha. But then she smiled at Kate and me. ‘That’s not the point is it though?’ she said. ‘You two girls did a great job, and you should be proud of yourselves.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, feeling suddenly shy.
I was just handing the paper to Martha, when I remembered, and pulled it back.
‘OMG,’ I said. ‘We nearly forgot. There’s something else we have to see in today’s paper.’
I was so excited that my hands shook as I laid the paper on the grass and flicked to find the centre pages.
‘Let’s see,’ said Kate, and I moved over to make room for her.
I turned one more page, and what I saw there was so brilliant, I hardly dared to believe it was true.
There was a huge black headline – ‘Seacove Annual Anti-Litter Campaign’. Underneath the headline was a giant full-colour photo of Cathy and Andrea.
‘OMG,’ I said. ‘It’s even better than I imagined. It’s totally hilarious,’
Kate made a funny snorting noise, and then collapsed onto her knees on the grass.
‘I think I might actually die,’ she said.
I knew how she felt, but I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to waste a second of this magical moment. I gave a big sigh as I feasted my eyes on the picture.
Andrea was dressed up in a really weird owl costume. Her nose was covered with a huge pointy orange beak, and she was wearing a hat made of floppy brown feathers. She was holding a banner saying – ‘Give a hoot, don’t pollute.’
Even better though, was Cathy. She was dressed up as a burger, and it was hard to tell if she’d had time to get her highlights done, because none of her hair was visible. Her head was draped in gross red and brown lumps that were meant to look like mustard and ketchup. Her face was dotted with what I was guessing were meant to be sesame seeds, but instead looked like lots of dodgy blackheads. She looked like she wanted to thump someone – probably me for setting her up.
‘OMG,’ gasped Kate after a while. ‘I can’t laugh any more. My head hurts, and my throat hurts and my sides hurt.’
‘Not as much as Cathy’s pride hurts, I’m guessing. What do you think, Kate? Result?’
She grinned. ‘Definitely. Result.’
Chapter Seventeen
The next day Lily came back from her holidays.
‘So what’s been happening while I was away?’ she asked when we’d all finished hugging.
Kate and I told her all about Daisy and the diary, and Georgina and the pardon and everything.
‘Wow,’ she said when we were finished, and before she could say anything else, Kate and I launched into the story of Cathy and Andrea and the photo shoot.
Lily had to wipe away tears of laughter as I described the picture in the newspaper.
‘You should have seen their faces the next day,’ I said.
‘I know I was friends with Cathy before,’ said Lily. ‘But I’ve seen the way she talks to you, Kate, and she totally deserved what you did to her. That was such a brilliant idea. It sounds like you two have been having an amazing holiday.’
I looked at Kate. She hadn’t mentioned that Zoe was thinking about going back to London, so I knew I couldn’t say it either.
‘So what are your plans, Lily?’ I asked.
Lily sighed. ‘Mum’s business is crazy busy for the next few weeks, so I’m going to have to spend a lot of time helping her.’
‘That’s a pain for you,’ I said. ‘But great for your mum. She’s really worked hard to get that business going, hasn’t she?’
Lily sighed an even bigger sigh. ‘Yeah, but Mum gets totally stressed when she’s got too much work to do. And trust me, when my mum is stressed she is not fun to be around. I’ll escape as often as I can.’
‘Oh, I forgot,’ said Kate. ‘You’ll have to escape tomorrow. It’s Simon’s birthday and Zoe’s making a special cake to celebrate. She says you can come over if you want.’
‘Brilliant,’ said Lily, rolling her eyes. ‘I’ll talk to my manic boss and see if I can arrange to get thirty seconds off.’
While she was talking, the beginnings of an idea were coming to me.
‘You should get your mum to drop you over to Kate’s place tomorrow,’ I said.
Lily made a face. ‘There’s no way she’ll do that. She’ll go all sarcastic and ask if my legs have fallen off and when I say no, she’ll just tell me to use them to walk over to Kate’s.’
‘But your mum has to bring you,’ I protested. ‘It’s really important.’
‘Why?’ asked Kate and Lily together.
I hesitated. It was too soon to tell them what I was really thinking. ‘Er … because I heard Zoe telling Martha that she hasn’t seen your mum for ages, an
d it’s time they met up for a good chat,’ I said.
‘Even though Zoe and Lily’s mum have never met?’ asked Kate with raised eyebrows.
I sighed. ‘That’s just a minor detail. Trust me, girls, won’t you? And do what I say?’
Kate and Lily looked at me like I was an idiot, but neither of them argued, which was a fairly good start. I decided to continue while they were half on my side.
‘Lily, you get your mum to drop you over tomorrow, OK?’ I said.
Lily nodded and I turned to Kate. ‘And you make sure that Zoe comes to the door and asks Lily’s mum in for a cup of tea.’
Kate nodded too and I smiled. ‘I’m glad that’s all settled. Now who’s coming for a swim?’
I was already in Kate’s place the next afternoon when the doorbell rang. While Kate and Zoe went together to answer the door, I took Simon in my arms, and tried to stop him from stuffing my hair into his mouth. (Eating hair is totally gross anyway, but since Simon’s mouth was full of mashed banana and yoghurt at the time, gross wasn’t a big enough word to describe what could have happened.)
When Kate and Zoe came back, Lily and her mum, Roma, were with them. Zoe and Roma looked kind of embarrassed, the way adults do when they’ve let their kids bully them into something.
We all sat around the table and for a while everyone made small talk, mixed up with lots of weird, long silences. Roma admired Simon, and the curtains, and the bunch of wildflowers on the windowsill. Zoe admired Roma’s blouse and her hair. Everyone looked like they’d much rather be somewhere else.
My plan was turning into a total disaster, and I didn’t know how to save it.
In the end, Roma stood up.
‘It’s been lovely,’ she said so convincingly that I almost believed her. ‘But I’m afraid I have to go. I’m catering a fortieth birthday party tomorrow, and I have lots to do. I should be finished the cake by now, but I’ve been so busy, I haven’t even started it yet.’
I was beginning to wonder if my plan had been totally pathetic, when Zoe jumped up from her seat too.
‘Speaking of cake,’ she said. ‘Why don’t I bring in the one I made for Simon’s birthday?’
‘Cake!’ said Simon, and we all laughed a much-too-grateful laugh.
When Zoe arrived in with the cake, there was another silence – a nicer one.
‘OMG,’ said Lily in the end. ‘That has to be the most amazing cake in the whole wide world.’
She was right. Zoe’s cakes were always totally cool, but this one was the best I’d ever, ever seen. It was covered in blue icing, and shaped like a toy-box. The lid of the box was half open, and all kinds of toys were tumbling out. There was even a perfect miniature copy of Simon’s favourite toy duck.
Roma put on her glasses and gazed at the cake for ages – almost like it was a work of art that should be in a fancy gallery somewhere.
‘You made that?’ she said in the end.
Zoe laughed. ‘Guilty as charged.’
‘So you’re a professional baker?’ asked Roma.
‘Absolutely not,’ said Zoe. ‘It’s just a hobby.’
Roma touched the miniature duck. ‘How did you make its beak?’ she asked.
And after that there was no stopping them. They moved from Zoe explaining how to make the duck, to Roma asking her to help her with the cake for the fortieth birthday party, to Zoe agreeing to make all of the celebration cakes Roma needed. Then, when it was looking like things couldn’t get any better, Roma told Zoe how she was struggling to keep her paperwork up to date.
‘I know exactly how to help you,’ said Zoe. ‘My boss in London always struggled with that kind of thing too, but I found a perfect software package, and it made everything so much easier. I’ll show you if you like.’
Roma didn’t argue, and soon the two of them were sitting at the computer, and Zoe was explaining how to file orders, and keep track of costs, and profits and all kinds of totally boring stuff like that.
‘Looks like we’re not needed here any more,’ said Kate, grinning. So the three of us took Simon for a long walk, and when we got back, Zoe and Roma were still chatting like they’d known each other all their lives.
The next day, Kate, Lily and I watched as a truck pulled up outside the local shop. Two men climbed out and carried two ladders from the back of the truck. They propped the ladders up against the big advertising space near the shop, and began to pull down the faded old ad for the local newspaper.
‘OMG,’ said Kate. ‘Are you thinking what I’m thinking?’
I giggled. ‘If you’re thinking that these nice men are getting ready to put up an anti-litter poster featuring our two “friends” Cathy and Andrea, well yes, I am thinking what you’re thinking.’
We watched in silence, as the men used sweeping brushes to cover the whole billboard with paste. Then they took two huge rolls of paper from the truck, and stuck them to the board. No one said anything as the photo of Cathy and Andrea dressed up as an owl and a burger, appeared, bigger than life size, at the most popular spot in the whole village.
I found my voice first. ‘It’s brilliant,’ I said. ‘Everyone is going to see that poster.’
‘Actually it’s kind of cool,’ said Kate. ‘I love dressing up. I wouldn’t mind being in that poster – especially since it’s for a good cause.’
‘Me neither,’ said Lily.
‘And me neither,’ I said. ‘But that’s not the point. The three of us have a sense of humour. We know how to laugh at ourselves. Cathy and Andrea just see this as a public humiliation – that’s why it’s so fantastic.’
‘Don’t you feel a tiny bit sorry for them?’ asked Kate.
I felt like hugging her. Even after all the horrible things Cathy and Andrea had said about her, she still didn’t hate them. I realised once again what a nice person she is.
‘OK,’ I conceded. ‘I do feel a tiny bit sorry for them – but not enough to let it spoil this moment. Andrea and Cathy will get over it – and maybe they’ll learn a lesson too.’
‘What lesson will they learn?’ asked Lily, and Kate grinned at her.
‘A very valuable lesson,’ she said. ‘Never mess with Eva Gordon.’
Chapter Eighteen
As we got close to Kate’s place, we saw a man walking along the lane in front of us.
‘It’s Miley,’ said Kate.
I slowed down immediately. Miley was a local farmer, and even though he’d helped us to save Jeremy, I was kind of scared of him. (I’m funny that way – men with wild hair who carry big sticks and shout a lot always make me nervous.)
‘I wonder what he’s doing here?’ said Kate.
Miley must have heard her voice, as he stopped walking and turned around to face us.
He shook his stick in the air, and I couldn’t tell if he was waving at us or threatening to kill us.
‘Hey, Miley,’ said Kate. ‘How are things?’
He smiled, showing us a big mouthful of brown and yellow teeth.
‘I read about you girls in the newspaper,’ he said. ‘And how you solved that old crime about the chalice. You’re very clever aren’t you? Very clever indeed.’
‘Maybe he wants your autograph,’ whispered Lily, and that set me off in a fit of nervous giggles.
‘Er, thanks, Miley,’ said Kate.
Miley stepped closer. ‘I can be clever too, you know,’ he said.
I wondered, since he was so clever, why he couldn’t find a belt to hold up his trousers, instead of an old knotty piece of string. But then I felt mean, as Kate smiled kindly at him, while we waited for him to say more.
‘About twenty years ago, one of my lambs got lost,’ he said. ‘It took me two whole days to find her. She’d gone and rambled far away, right into the next parish and then didn’t she fall into a ditch and get stuck.’
I resisted the temptation to look at my watch. My holiday was nearly over, and I didn’t want to waste a second of it listening to a crazy old farmer telling us a boring, twenty-yea
r-old story about a lost lamb in a ditch.
‘Myself and the wife had to make a sling out of old rope,’ he continued. ‘And in the end we managed to pull the poor creature out. She was as good as new, despite her ordeal. That’s the lamb, I mean, not the wife. The wife pulled a muscle in her shoulder and she went on about it for months until I had a pain in my head from listening to her.’
‘Er, that’s a really interesting story,’ said Kate, and she stepped forward, and tried to walk past him. Miley waved his stick at her.
‘Don’t go,’ he said. ‘I’m not finished yet.’
Kate stepped back again, and Miley went on. ‘As soon as the lamb ran off, I saw something in the ditch. It was like an old tin bowl or something.’
I held my breath. Could this story be going where I thought it was going? I looked at Kate, and her face told me she was thinking exactly the same thing as I was.
‘So I pulled it out,’ said Miley. ‘And I sez to the wife, that might be handy for feeding the dogs or something. So we took it back to the barn.’
‘And where is it now?’ I asked.
Clearly Miley was enjoying his story, and he didn’t let me rush him.
‘For a few years, the dogs ate out of it.’
‘And then?’ asked Kate.
‘And then it was thrown at the back of the barn for another few years.’
‘And then?’ I asked, half-afraid to hear the answer.
‘And then it ended up in the old hen-house. One of the white bantams liked to sleep in it.’
‘And then what happened?’ asked Kate.
‘The white bantam died last year,’ said Miley. ‘The wife was very sad about that. She was her little pet, you see.’
‘And the bowl?’ I prompted.
‘I read about the lost chalice in the paper,’ said Miley. ‘And I sez to the wife, I wonder could that old thing in the hen-house be a chalice? And she sez, maybe it could and all, and I ….’
‘And where is it now?’ I asked.