‘I’ll look into it and get back to you,’ she said. ‘What’s your boat called?’
‘Whispering Waves,’ he said. ‘It was already named when I bought it.’
‘So it’s big enough to sleep on?’ she asked.
‘It sleeps six,’ he said, suddenly imagining her in the double bed beside him, rocking along with the waves. His body stirred as the blood began to thunder through his veins.
He had to stop this—right now.
‘I didn’t know you were into sailing,’ Lexi said. ‘You never mentioned it when we … you know …’
‘I’d never even been on a yacht before I went to the States,’ Sam said. ‘I got invited to crew for a friend over there. We did some races now and again. I really enjoyed being out on the water so I decided to buy my own vessel. I had it shipped over before I came back.’
‘Do you intend to race over here?’ she asked.
‘I’m not really into the competitive side of things,’ he said. ‘I just enjoy the freedom of sailing. I like being out on the water. It’s a very different environment from a busy hospital.’
Lexi readjusted the strap of her bag over her shoulder, her gaze drifting away from his. She was aware that people would wonder what they were talking about for so long. ‘I’d better let you get back to socialising.’
‘You can probably tell I hate these sorts of gatherings,’ Sam said. ‘I’m not one for inane chitchat.’
‘You just have to get people to talk about themselves,’ Lexi said. ‘Everybody will say what a great conversationalist you are, but really they’re the ones doing all the talking. Believe me, it never fails to impress.’
He tilted his mouth in a mocking smile. ‘Does that come from Lexi Lockheart’s A Socialite’s Guide to Charming a Crowd?’
Lexi gave him another wintry look. ‘It comes from years of experience talking to people with over-inflated egos,’ she said, shifting slightly to one side so one of the residents could make their way past juggling glasses of beer.
‘What’s going on between your sister and Finn Kennedy?’ Sam asked, before she could step any further away.
Lexi looked at him in surprise. ‘What? You’ve heard something too?’
‘Not as such,’ he said. ‘But you’ve only got to look at them together to see something’s going on. They’re like two snarling dogs circling each other.’
‘So you think that’s attraction?’
‘I didn’t say that,’ he said.
‘But you think it’s a sign.’
‘They either hate each other’s guts or they can’t wait to fall into bed with each other,’ he said.
‘So that’s your expert opinion?’ Lexi asked with a cynical look.
He took another sip of his drink before he answered. ‘You know what they say about hate and love and the two-sided-coin thing.’
‘I think he’s totally wrong for her,’ she said, frowning.
‘Why’s that?’
‘He’s emotionally locked down,’ she said emphatically. ‘He can’t give her what she wants.’
‘And you know exactly what she wants, do you?’
Lexi pushed her lips forward as she glanced at her oldest sister. Evie was glaring at Finn, her mouth tight, her eyes flashing as he leaned indolently against the bar with a mocking smile on his handsome face. Lexi frowned as she turned back to Sam. ‘I think she wants what every woman wants,’ she said. ‘She wants a man who loves her for who she is, someone who will protect her and support her but not crush her.’
His brows moved closer together over his eyes. ‘You think Finn would crush her?’
‘He’s got a strong personality,’ she said.
‘But so does Evie.’
‘You sound as if you know her personally.’
‘I don’t,’ he said. ‘I’ve only exchanged a few words with her, but I’ve heard she’s one of the best A and E doctors this hospital has ever seen. I’ve heard she’s ambitious but compassionate. Not unlike Finn.’
‘So you think they’d be a perfect match for each other?’ Lexi asked with an incredulous look.
He gave a noncommittal shrug. ‘I think they should be left to sort out their differences without the scrutiny or judgement of others,’ he said.
‘That won’t be easy in a place like SHH,’ Lexi said, chewing at her lip as she thought of what people would make of her and Sam talking at length. If it hadn’t been for his wretched shirt and his wretched yacht, she wouldn’t have had to speak to him at all.
‘Yes, like most hospitals, it’s a bit of a hotbed of gossip,’ he said. ‘I’m surprised people can find the time to work at their jobs when they’re so busy spreading rumours.’
‘I didn’t realise people would talk so much. I didn’t realise anyone would even remember that we …’ She grimaced. ‘I hope it’s not too embarrassing for you.’
‘It will blow over,’ Sam said. ‘But to tell you the truth, I’m not sure we could’ve been any more discreet back then. We kept pretty much to ourselves. I don’t think we left my flat for the first ten days. Perhaps if we hadn’t ventured out for that take-away meal at the end of our second week, our affair might have gone unnoticed.’
Lexi wondered if he had ever thought about that full-on time over the last five years, the burning-hot lust that had burned like a wildfire between them. The days and nights of passion that had only been interrupted by the necessities of existence—water, sustenance and the minimum of sleep. They had been in such perfect tune with each other physically. It hadn’t seemed to matter that they hadn’t really known each other. Their bodies had done the talking for them. Each kiss and caress, each stroke of his tongue and each stabbing thrust of his body had revealed to her the truly passionate man Sam was underneath that cool, clinical facade he presented to the world. There was a streak of wildness in him that she suspected few people ever glimpsed. She wondered with a pang of jealousy if he had been like that with anyone else.
She looked into the contents of her glass again as the silence stretched and stretched. ‘I shouldn’t have lied to you about my age.’
‘I shouldn’t have believed you,’ he said. ‘You were too young for me, not just in years but in experience.’
Lexi brought her eyes back to his in surprise. ‘So you knew all along?’ she asked.
He frowned at her look. ‘Knew what?’
She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue, her gaze slipping away from his. ‘Never mind,’ she said, wondering if it was her imagination or was every eye in the room on them right at that point? She glanced nervously over her shoulder but everyone was chatting amongst themselves, apart from her sister Evie who was giving her the eye: the older, wiser, big sister look that said, Be careful.
Sam glanced at her empty glass. ‘What are you drinking?’
‘It’s all right,’ she said. ‘I can buy my own drinks.’
‘I’m sure you can, but I’m going to get myself a mineral water so in order to be polite I thought I’d ask if you would like a fresh drink.’
She let out a little breath. ‘I’m drinking lemon, lime and bitters.’
He hiked up one brow. ‘Nothing stronger?’
‘I like to keep my head together at things like this,’ she said. ‘No one likes to see a drunken woman making a fool of herself, be she young or old.’
Sam had heard on the hospital grapevine about Lexi’s mother’s issue with alcohol. It seemed the burden of taking care of the chronically ill Bella for all those years had led Miranda Lockheart straight to the drinks cabinet. Gin had been her choice of anaesthesia. Sam had met many parents who had done exactly the same thing. He didn’t judge them for it. He felt sorry for them. Sorry that there weren’t enough supportive people in their life at that point of crisis to help them through without the crutch of other substances.
He brought their drinks back and handed Lexi hers. ‘Your sister hinted at the reaction your father had to our affair,’ he said. ‘She said he almost disowned you. And that
it was a very bad time for you. Is that true?’
Lexi looked at her drink rather than meet his penetrating gaze. ‘I’d rather not talk about it.’
‘Your father was furious with me,’ Sam said after a moment of silence. ‘He threatened to derail my career. I knew he had the power and the contacts to do it. It wouldn’t have been the first time a trainee has been bumped off the training scheme. I decided to transfer my studies. The way I saw it, it was a case of leave or fail. I figured it was the only way to keep myself on track for qualifying. But I didn’t realise he had directed his anger at you too. That hardly seems fair when I had already taken responsibility for everything that had happened.’
Lexi felt her heart give an almighty stumble. Could it be true? Had her father threatened him? Was that why he had disappeared without a trace, without even saying goodbye to her? She thought of how furious her father had been with her when he had discovered she had been involved with Sam. It had been the first time she had been on the receiving end of his wrath and it had totally crushed her. She had always been the one who pleased him. It was her role in the family: Daddy’s little girl.
Evie was the academically gifted one, the mother substitute who had taken on all the responsibility of looking after the family after their mother had left. The nannies and au pairs their father had organised had had nothing on Evie. She was the go-to sister, the one who had always made sure they got everything they needed.
Bella was the middle one, the chronically sick and incredibly shy child who had not been expected to live past her early twenties, if that. Their father had made it more than clear that he felt repulsed by Bella’s sickness and her shyness was another strike against her. He thought it brought shame to the family name to have a daughter who blushed and could barely string two words together in the company of anyone outside the family.
Growing up without a mother on hand, Lexi had idolised her father. She had come to realise that deep down she was terrified he too might leave if she didn’t please him. Being a social butterfly was her way of feeling needed. She loved being surrounded by people, and parties were a perfect place to showcase her talent at working a room. Even as young as five she had been able to pass around plates of canapés like an accomplished hostess four times her age. And it had only got better as she’d grown into young womanhood. She had lapped up her father’s approval with every event or party she had helped him organise. His praise had been like an elixir she’d needed to survive. It had been the only way to feel close to him.
Maybe Sam was making it up, maybe it wasn’t true. Her father would never have gone that far, would he? The memories, long buried deep inside her, bubbled to the surface—her father’s fury, how long it had taken her to get back into his good books, what she’d had to do to prevent him finding out about the baby … Suddenly, it felt like she had been betrayed by him in the most devastating way.
Her teeth sank into her bottom lip as she looked up at Sam’s face. She had to know. ‘Did my father really threaten to end your career?’ she asked.
Sam’s expression was impossible to read. ‘It’s not important now, Alexis,’ he said. ‘It wouldn’t have worked out between us anyway. I was too career-oriented to give you the time and attention you needed. It was just a crazy lust-driven fling. I should’ve had better control.’
Lexi felt a choked-up feeling at the back of her throat as she looked up at him. If only she had known what had been at stake for him. If only she had known he hadn’t really had a choice but to leave. It was so heartbreaking to think about what could have been if only she had known what had gone on between him and her father.
Her chest rippled with a spasm of pain. Would their baby have had his dark brown eyes and light brown hair, or would it have had her blue eyes and blonde tresses? Would it have been a girl or a boy? If things had been different, their baby would be in preschool now. He or she would be learning to recognise letters, making friends, finger painting, making things with Play-Doh: all the innocent things of childhood.
Lexi had made her decision based on what she had known at the time and it had been the hardest thing she had ever done. She had been so frightened of her father’s reaction to the news of her pregnancy. She had felt so unprepared for the responsibilities of motherhood. She hadn’t been able to talk to anyone about it. She had hidden it from everybody. She hadn’t even told her sisters. Not even Evie, who would have surely helped her and guided her. Instead, she had booked herself into a clinic, miles away in the outer suburbs where her name wouldn’t be connected with the powerful and influential Lockheart name. She had stoically faced the impersonal removal of Sam’s baby, but on the inside she was devastated that she’d had to make such a harrowing decision. The bottomless well of sadness over that time never seemed to ease, no matter how hard she tried to put it behind her.
Lexi was aware that they were still in the bar surrounded by people but she had never felt so utterly alone. It was like a glass wall was around her, a thick impenetrable wall that had locked her inside with her sorrow.
‘Why do you keep calling me Alexis?’ she asked. ‘I don’t understand why you can’t call me Lexi like you used to do.’
An irritated frown carved deep into his forehead. ‘You know why,’ he said. ‘We need some distance.’
‘How much distance do you want?’ she asked. ‘I’m based at the hospital and I’m not leaving just because you’ve flown back into town. You can’t pretend it never happened, Sam. It did and nothing you do or say will ever change that.’
The strong column of his throat moved up and down as if he was trying to swallow a boulder. ‘Don’t do this, Alexis,’ he said. ‘Don’t try and pretend our fling was something it wasn’t. You only got involved with me to get back at your father. An act of rebellion, he called it.’
Lexi looked at him with tears burning like acid at the back of her eyes but only sheer willpower prevented them from appearing, let alone falling. Could this possibly get any worse? As if her father’s threats against Sam hadn’t been enough. Had her father really said that, lied like that? How could the parent she had adored for as long as she could remember deliberately sabotage her relationship with the man she had thought might be the only one for her? It was a devastating blow to see her father in such a light. He had put his own interests ahead of her happiness. What sort of parent did that to their child? ‘Is that what he told you?’ she asked.
He closed his eyes briefly as if this was all a horrible dream and she would disappear when he opened them again. ‘I don’t want to cause trouble between you and your father,’ he said. ‘Our relationship wouldn’t have lasted either way. We had nothing in common. We were on completely different pathways.’
‘You being Mr Ambitious and me being an empty-headed social butterfly with no aspirations beyond shopping and partying?’ she asked, emotion bubbling up inside her like scalding lava.
He raked a hand through his hair in a distracted manner. ‘Alexis …’ He caught her glacial look and amended on an out breath, ‘Lexi …’
‘You think I didn’t have aspirations?’ Lexi said bitterly. ‘You have no idea. Do you think I didn’t want to do well at school and go to university? I could have achieved way more than I did but how could I do that to Bella? Tell me that, country boy. I had a sister two years older than me who ended up in the same class as me at school. She had to stay back because of her illness. How could I outshine her? How do you think that would have made her feel? I had to play down my talents so she could feel good about herself for just a few moments each day. I wanted to do well but she was more important. So don’t talk to me about my lack of ambition. Sometimes there are situations that require sacrifice, not ambition at the cost of those you love. I chose the former, so shoot me.’
It was a great exit line and Lexi used it. She pushed past the knot of people blocking the exit and stumbled out into the street. But home was the last place she wanted to be. She wasn’t ready to face her father after this evening’s revelat
ions.
Right now she desperately needed to be alone.
CHAPTER FIVE
SAM was walking along the corridor after finishing a ward round on the following Monday afternoon when he saw Lexi coming towards him. As soon as she saw him she swiftly turned on her heel and started walking quickly back the way she had come.
‘Lexi, wait,’ he said, increasing his strides to catch up. ‘Can I have a quick word?’
She stopped and turned, sending him a hard little glare. ‘I’m on my way to visit Bella.’
‘Bella’s resting,’ he said. ‘I’ve just been in to see her. She’s having some oxygen to boost her levels. Just give me a couple of minutes, OK?’
She let out a long hissing breath. ‘All right, if you insist.’
‘I insist,’ Sam said. ‘But not here in the corridor.’ He pushed open the door of the on-call room and waited for her to go in.
Lexi brushed past him with her head at a haughty angle. ‘This had better not take long,’ she said.
‘It won’t, I promise.’
Sam closed the door and allowed himself the luxury of sweeping his gaze over her. She was breathtakingly beautiful, dressed in corporate wear that on another woman could have looked conservative and boring but on her looked absolutely stunning. The prim white blouse hugged her breasts and the narrow skirt teamed with high heels gave her a sexy secretary look that was distinctly distracting. Her perfume drifted towards him as she folded her arms across her body and a tendril of hair escaped from the neat chignon she had fashioned at the back of her swan-like neck. Everything about her fired his blood to fever pitch. It was impossible to be in the same room as her and not want to take her in his arms and kiss her senseless.
His body remembered every contour and curve of hers: her sensual mouth and the way it had fed so hungrily off his; her soft hands with their dancing fingertips that had set his skin on fire; the way her long, slim legs had wrapped around his waist as he’d plunged into her hot moistness; the way her body had gripped him tightly as if she’d never wanted to let go; the way her hips had moved in time with his, her breathing just as frantic as his own gasps; the way her platinum-blonde hair had spread like a halo around her head in the throes of passion; and the way she had gasped his name, her body convulsing in ultimate pleasure, triggering his own cataclysmic release. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t remove the memory of her touch from his mind, much less his body. She wore another man’s ring but, heaven help him, he still wanted her.
Sydney Harbour Hospital: Lexi's Secret Page 6