“Absolutely. But I’m sufficiently in touch with my sensitive side to agree to share the blankets should the offer be made.”
“It’ll be made… When I’ve tired of watching you sit, uncomfortable and cold on the beach, I might let you share the blankets.”
“So good of you. I promise to behave.”
“How reassuring,” she said archly. “And how unnecessary. In case it’s escaped your notice, my son is lying between us both.”
“Your son… Believe me, it hadn’t escaped my notice. I’m fully aware of that fact. But, you know, I’d have behaved anyway.”
“Right!” she scoffed. “Mac, your reputation precedes you.”
“Susie, my reputation is exaggerated.”
“Yeah, right. Liz was telling me the other month about how you disappeared with Dallas’s nanny at Callum’s wedding.”
“Oh yes, I remember her. Nice girl. I spent a very chaste night listening to her life story.”
“Yeah, right!”
“You don’t believe me.” He shrugged. “I don’t blame you, but it happens to be true. It’s hard to get rid of a reputation which one’s worked so hard at acquiring. But if there’s one thing about me that hasn’t changed, it’s that I never lie.”
She didn’t respond immediately. “No.” Her voice had changed suddenly—it was so soft it seemed to float to him on the soft warm breeze. “No, you don’t. Perhaps you have changed if you no longer need to seduce every woman you see.”
James swirled the wine around his glass, trying to lessen the pain of her accusation by focusing his attention on how the firelight flickered, lightening the ruby red to flashes of orange. “Yeah. It was what I did for a long time. Like some people drink too much, some people become obsessed with sport, well, seduction was my sport.” He turned ruefully to Susie. “A sport I was good at. But a sport that’s lost its allure.”
“You’ve definitely changed.”
He turned away again and focused on the lazy roll of the waves on the shore. All he could see was the intermittent flare of white surf as it broke on the sand. Silence settled around them like a heavy blanket. The occasional call of a nocturnal bird and whisper of the wind in the flax were all that pierced it. Suddenly he felt the tentative touch of her hand on his. He didn’t dare move because he didn’t want her warmth to leave him.
“Or, rather, you’ve changed back to what you were like before. You’re the boy I once knew, the boy I had some happy times with.”
He licked his lips that were suddenly dry. She hadn’t forgotten about their time together, nor how happy they’d been. A happiness he’d taken for granted, a happiness he’d trashed, a happiness he had no right to now. “It’s a wonder you can remember him. It was a long time ago.” She withdrew her hand and he felt the chill of the air where her hand had been. He rubbed it, needing that warmth still.
“Not so long, really. Not if you’ve got a good memory.” She looked up and caught his gaze in the darkening light. “Not if you don’t want to forget.”
An exquisite tension, pure and strong, gripped his heart. “And you don’t?”
She looked away and smiled, a sad smile. “Some of it, maybe. But not all. Not the firelight, the jokes, the cold nights and hot days, the laughter…” She cleared her throat. “They’re the times I like to remember.”
“But not later?”
“No. Not later.” Her words were cool and clipped and hurt all the more because of it.
The grip that had taken hold of his heart twisted a little. He looked up, above her, at the dark movement of the leaves against the dark sky and cleared his throat. It was time to do what Tom had told him to do, what his conscience told him to do. “I’m sorry, Suse.”
He didn’t think she’d heard him at first because she didn’t move. But then she reached out for his hand that he hadn’t realized was tightly curled into a fist, and caressed it. “I know you are.”
He frowned, examining her hand in his. “And how do you know this?”
“Because I know you, I know what you’re like.”
His smile faded. “You know what I’m like,” he repeated, his gaze fixed on the stars that seemed to throb and pulse lighter with each passing second. “Then tell me, because I don’t even know what I’m like any more.”
“Oh, James.” The unexpected note of tenderness in her voice nearly undid him, as did the use of his given name. Apart from when Tom or Pete were present, it was the first time since they’d met up again that she’d used it, instead of Mac. It seemed to denote a shift towards intimacy. “You were always kind. Always. I remember watching you with your brothers. Callum and Dallas would always be needling each other, competing, fighting. But you, you’d be looking around and you’d see me, watching you from the bushes. You defended me to your parents, talked them round, stuck up for me. Always.”
He swallowed and licked his lips. “You were like a little puppy, all arms and legs and fierce eyes. You didn’t care what anyone thought. Someone had to do the talking for you.” He watched the shadows the darting flames of the fire cast on her face. “You were a funny wee thing. Haven’t changed much either.”
She threw a hunk of bread at him. “I may have been small but I wasn’t funny. Anyway, we’re talking about you, not me.”
He picked up the bread and took a bite. “We’ve moved on to you.” He had no choice but to move on to her if he was going to rid himself of the unwanted straitjacket of emotions that imprisoned him, which made him vulnerable. “Small and funny. What else? A great cook. I remember the cook-ups you’d do on the campfire.”
“So I can cook—not that you’re ever going to taste my cooking again until you display a little more of this legendary charm I keep hearing about.”
“And you light up any room you’re in.”
She dropped her hands to her lap and fidgeted with her nails. “Now that is a total exaggeration and I was just beginning to believe you.”
He frowned. The light atmosphere had suddenly disappeared into the dark night. “I’m not exaggerating. Why would you think I am?”
“Because I’m plain and ordinary and definitely don’t light up rooms.”
“That’s… that’s rubbish.” James could hardly get the words out. Why the hell was she saying such things? “You walk into a room and I can’t keep my eyes off you.”
“That’s because you’re you.”
He shook his head. “You’re kidding me, right? You do know how sexy you are, don’t you?”
She spluttered and coughed as a crumb went down the wrong way. “James, please. You don’t have to—”
“What? Tell you the truth? He rolled carefully onto his side, avoiding Tom who’d snuggled down lower and was sleeping peacefully. She lay on her back, the outline of her forehead, nose and lips just visible under the combined light of the stars and the fire. “I do have to tell you the truth because it seems you have no knowledge of it. Look at me.” She glanced briefly and tried to look away but he caught her chin and lightly held her face so she had no choice but to look at him. “When I look at you the first thing I see are your eyes.” He softly touched her brow, following its line around her eyes. She closed them and her long lashes tickled his finger. “I love two things about them.”
She glanced at him from under lowered lashes. “Only two?”
He smiled. “But they’re two big things.”
“In that case…”
“First, they’re beautiful. Your lashes are darker than your hair and… I don’t know how it works but, although you don’t wear makeup, your lashes form a line outlining your eyes, framing the hazel-green eyes like a portrait. A Mona-Lisa—except much prettier—watching me now, only me.”
“I can see why you’d like that.”
Desire tightened in his gut and lower. “But it’s more than their shape and color. They see, really see things for what they are. No fooling those eyes. They see more than they should, perhaps.”
Her hand came up to grasp his, held
it for a moment and then dragged it off her face. “That’s fanciful.”
He sat back down but didn’t take his eyes from hers. “No it’s not. Your eyes affect me like no one else’s. I can’t hide when you look at me, I don’t want to hide. Somehow… you release me.”
They held each other’s gaze for a long moment, during which the only sounds were the rustle of leaves on the land that rose steeply behind them and the soft sweep and drag of the waves on the sand. Then she shook her head. “I can’t release you, James. Only you can do that.”
The truth of her words hit him hard and he turned away as despair engulfed him. Could he never rid himself of the blank emptiness that filled him? An emptiness he was always trying to fill with women, with activity, with company, drink and travel. An emptiness that always returned.
Her hand reached out for his and he turned towards her. “You’ve lost your way, James. You knew it as a boy but, somehow, it’s gone, you’ve lost it.”
“Freefall, Suse.”
“What?”
“I’ve been in freefall, nothing below me, nothing above me.”
She pushed her fingers through his and closed her hand over and around his. “I have you now. Just for now.”
And it felt so right. He could smell her perfume—not some packaged expensive fragrance, but the lemony scent of shampoo in her hair and the smell of fresh air on her skin. Just in that lungful of her, he felt absolved of guilt for the life he’d been leading. She was redemption to him. He couldn’t mess it up. All he wanted to do was to turn to her and take her in his arms, to fill her with himself, to lose himself in her, mentally and physically, to come home to her. But he couldn’t. Not just because Tom lay curled up at their feet, but because it was too soon.
He sighed and lay back, reveling in her warmth and tenderness. “Just for now,” he repeated.
The words hung in the air, as Susie’s breathing deepened and she drifted into sleep. He lay, his hand still in hers, and watched the imperceptible shift of the Milky Way overhead and listened to the lazy drag of the sea, which continued as if everything were normal, as if nothing had changed.
Chapter Six
It was cold when James awoke, his arms wrapped around Susie. Despite the discomfort, he’d not so slept soundly in years. They’d all snuggled closer together in the night but the slowly lightening sky was bringing a chill to the air. Within seconds of awakening, Tom had jumped out from under the blankets. Susie groaned and turned away, pulling the covers over her head.
“The tide’s at its lowest now, I’m going looking for oysters. Coming?” Tom was pulling on his sweater and beanie against the chill.
“Later, Tom, later. Perhaps when the sun makes an appearance.” He glanced at Susie who made no answer or sound. “Looks like your mum’s not interested either.”
“Pikers!” shouted Tom from over his shoulder as he ran towards the sea.
There was no answer from Susie. The covers had been pulled down from where Tom had leaped up. James shifted closer and pulled the cover over her shoulders. He lowered his head to hers. Even though she was fast asleep, she shivered. He shifted closer to warm her with his body and she snuggled back into him, her bottom finding that part of him that grew harder with every moment. He tried to think of something else, anything to keep his lust in check because it was that, that had gotten him into trouble with Susie in the first place. He wasn’t here to seduce her again. He was here to make amends before he left to start a new life. But his body refused to co-operate.
He looked across to Tom, who was happily peering into the grey rock-pools that the receding tide had exposed and then looked back at Susie. She frowned in her half asleep state and rubbed at her cheek where a strand of hair tickled. He shifted it off her face and the frown relaxed and her breathing deepened once more. He sighed, lay back and held her in his arms, never wanting that moment to end.
She woke up with a start and turned her face suddenly to his. He could still see the mist of dreams in her eyes. “James,” she whispered.
He smiled. “Expecting someone else?”
“No. Where’s Tom?” At that moment Tom scooped up something in the net and held it up to them. She waved. “Busy as usual. And you…” She turned to him. “I wasn’t even expecting you to still be here.”
Her smile was sweet and unguarded. He wanted to lift his finger and trace the upward curve of her lips but he didn’t.
“Nowhere else to go, sweetheart.” He might have been able to keep his hands in check but the endearment slipped out before he knew it. She frowned slightly. “Besides,” he added quickly, wanting to see her relaxed smile once more. “I wouldn’t get far on my own. I need you to navigate.”
“So.” She grinned. “I have power.” She stretched out and he enjoyed the length of her arms and the rise of her breasts, so close to his body. She wriggled a little closer to him and looked into his eyes with a cheeky expression. “It feels good to have power.”
He plucked a strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear. “Women always have the power. You just haven’t realized it.”
“Yeah, right. So powerful, the man always hogs all the bed clothes.”
“That’s because we’re bigger and need more of them.”
“Size isn’t everything, you know.” He grinned and she tutted in mock disapproval and poked him in the chest. “James! I know what you’re thinking.”
He grabbed her finger and held it tight. “Really? Then tell me.”
She didn’t try to move her finger, but held his gaze. He watched as the laughter morphed into something more intense, more sexual. He pushed his fingers through hers and brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. She shook her head but didn’t say anything. He continued to hold her fist to his mouth, brushing his lips against her fingers. Then he moved away and released her, watching her fingers stretch out, pale and slight beside his own.
“James, I…”
“It’s okay.” He reached out with his other hand and stroked down her hair that was mussed at the side. “Unlike your hair.” The tension dissipated, just as he wanted it to and she laughed, lost her balance and rolled towards him. In one movement his hand slipped around her body and brought her tight against him. He could see the precise moment when she felt his erection against her. A shutter came down on her expression and she shifted away.
“Not much I can do about that, Suse. I have a beautiful woman in my arms.”
She turned abruptly from him and sat with her back to him, pulling on her shoes. “It’s automatic with you, isn’t it?”
“Waking up in the morning wanting sex?” He sat up and began to reach over for her, wanting to touch her, to reassure her, but withdrew his hand before she noticed. “I can confidently predict that 99% of men are the same.”
She glanced over her shoulder at him. “It wouldn’t matter who you were with, then.”
“Sex, maybe not so much. But making love?” He shook his head. “Making love’s different. That’s not automatic.”
“Semantics. I’m not interested either way.” She jumped up and peered out at the lightening beach, watching as Tom dragged the net to the far side of the bay. At that moment the sun began to rise up above the wide horizon, casting a ruffled red glow across the pale sea, illuminating the beach under its steady light. Birdsong filled the air.
He looked up at the shadowy trees above and stopped himself from replying to her with the truth. What good would it do her, or him, if he told her that she was the only one he wanted to make love to? He tried to smile reassuringly, as if nothing had changed. It had, but it made no difference.
“We should get going soon. Tom’s got homework to do before he leaves for Auckland tonight.”
“Tonight then, Suse. Dinner. Just you and me.” He had a question to ask, a question she could only answer without Tom being present. And she knew it.
She didn’t turn round but he saw the tension in her shoulders as she delayed her reply. Then she nodded. “Sure.”
“Good. I’ll pick you up at seven. Now… let’s go and see what Tom’s dug up for our breakfast. Last one there gets to eat it.”
Susie had hardly said a word on the drive to the restaurant. She’d retreated from their earlier intimacy. That was okay, but he was going to find out what he needed to know, whether she wanted him to or not.
Even now, on the terrace of the exclusive restaurant, she’d rather look at the view—which he had to admit was amazing. The setting sun shed a soft raspberry glow through the low cloud that had settled over the Gulf. Center-stage was the volcanic island of Rangitoto, which sprawled across the Gulf like some sleeping giant. To the left, further still, were the lights of Auckland, topped by the Sky Tower.
He watched her as she checked out her surroundings with a professional eye—from the manicured lawns, clipped hedges and expensive, uplit artworks. She’d caught the sun at the beach. The flash of pink across her nose and cheeks, together with the green top she wore, made her eyes even brighter, even more striking than usual. She turned to him suddenly and it was his turn to look away.
“I haven’t been here in ages.”
“I like it.”
She shot him a dark look. “I knew you would. It’s smooth, sophisticated and so not what Whisper Creek is.”
“It could be.”
“James! It would lose its character.”
“Okay. Let’s leave it at that and we can talk it through with Guy. So… are you hungry?”
She took a sip of wine and shook her head. “I’ve already eaten with Tom.” She sighed.
“Sad to see him go?”
“Always. But it’s for the best. I can’t keep him here with me on the island. He loves his aunt and she adores him and he gets the best education I can afford and plenty of friends to play with.” She smiled a quick brave smile. “It’s for the best. It really is.”
“I’m sure it is. Even if you don’t really believe it. Anyway…” He pushed away the menu. He’d suddenly lost his appetite and topped up their glasses with wine instead. “Thanks for letting me tag along with you and Tom. I had a great time.”
Second Chances Boxed Set: 7 Sweet & Sexy Romances in 1 Book Page 39