She gave him a look that held a good measure of self-mockery. “The day of Harvey’s funeral, my sole reason for coming, as requested, was to ask you for a divorce.”
“Divorce?” He gripped her arms, the pressure making her wince. As if he realised he was hurting her, he eased the force of his grip. “You intended to divorce me?”
“Is that so inconceivable? Our marriage was defunct.”
Something shifted in his eyes, his expression hardened and his mouth thinned to an aggressive line. “So why did you return?”
For several long moments she just looked at him. A slow smile curved her mouth and she began to enjoy his baffled anger. “Did you really think you were the only one with any pride, Jared? Or a sense of responsibility.”
“Responsibility?” He spat the word out as if it tasted disgusting.
Suddenly, Winsome realised that what she was doing made her little better than Gaelen. And that recognition shocked her as nothing else had ever done.
“I could never live with myself if through me you were forced to sell Totara Park.” She gripped his arm, forcing him to meet her contrite gaze. “Don’t sell your stocks and bonds, Jared. Sell my house and car if we must, but leave the stocks as a buffer against any future disaster.”
For long fraught moments their gazes locked and she thought he was about to refuse when something shifted in his expression and the hard glitter in his eyes faded.
“Okay, we’ll do it your way,” he said with resignation, meeting her eyes. “Transfer all the stocks and bonds to our new partnership, and sell our surplus assets. Agreed?”
Suddenly the enormity of what she was about to do struck Winsome. Should she do so, there would be no turning back.
Silly, chided an impertinent inner voice. From the day Harvey died the die was cast and there was no turning back.
“It’s a deal,” she agreed in a husky voice.
For a moment Jared hesitated. Was he too, ambivalent about this whole situation? Then he held out his hand and Winsome solemnly put hers in it and they shook on it
She wasn’t foolish enough to underestimate his resentment and bitterness. Harvey willing her half of his birth right and Jared being compelled to sink his pride and seek her help to get the farm on its feet again was a huge blow to his self-esteem.
His acceptance of her help was a tiny start in creating a joint future.
Time had shown her how shallow their marriage had been. Now she needed much more than what they had once shared. Such a marriage wasn’t going to come easily. It would require hard work and commitment from them both.
“Is Totara Park in danger of foundering, Jared?”
“No, we’ll make it. It means watching expenses for a year or so. Grazers will generate an immediate cash flow and buy us time until we can get another herd of breeding cows together.”
“I’m glad.” She laid an impulsive hand on his arm, her smile relieved.
And she was. Nothing would upset her more than Jared being forced to sell the land he loved. His hand covered hers, his searching gaze brought fiery colour up under her skin. “You’ve grown up.”
“Of course I’ve grown up,” she retorted with considerable asperity. “Having sole responsibility for a child makes you grow up.”
The words carried an unmistakable sting of condemnation.
“It was your choice to walk away, lady.” His blunt words were a direct challenge.
The sheer injustice made her angry. “It was a choice Gaelen forced on me.”
Jared stopped in mid-stride. Seeing his harsh expression Winsome felt a frisson of apprehension slide up her spine.
“Don’t judge my mother solely by her reaction the day of Dad’s funeral.” Looking grim, he caught both of her hands in a tight grip. “She had a right to be furious.”
“She had the right to threaten me?” Winsome stared at him, eyes wide and incredulous. “To cast aspersions on Lacey’s parentage?”
“No. That was wrong. And don’t think I condone her behaviour. I made that plain at the time, didn’t I?”
Jared had stood between her and his mother that night. Honesty forced Winsome to admit this. But what about all the times when he hadn’t been there to protect her? She struggled to free her hands.
“Dad betrayed her and us.” His grip tightened, preventing her from pulling away. “He had his own agenda in all this.”
Something in his tone made the hairs stand-up on the back of her neck. “What do you mean?”
“The only reason he could hand Totara Park on to me was because of the money my mother brought with her when she married him.”
“What?” She stared at him in horrified fascination.
“Dad married my mother for her money,” he said tight lipped.
“So when he banished her…” Winsome’s words faded as she was gripped by a dread that crept in tiny increments through her entire body.
“He stripped her of her dignity and position.”
Money? This was about money and power? By stripping Gaelen of the home her money created and manipulating Winsome’s return, Harvey had created a devil’s brew.
Looking across paddocks of waving grass, she shivered.
The southerly blast that stripped dead leaves from the oaks and made bare branches dance against the cold pewter sky was warm compared to the stark chill that gripped her soul.
This is not finished. Gaelen’s words filled her with foreboding.
She huddled further into her warm jacket stealing a look at Jared from beneath her dark lashes. He was frowning darkly, hands buried in the pockets of his jeans. What was he thinking behind the heavy frown?
Lacey frisked ahead, exploring the fascinating secrets of the hedgerow. Somewhere a fire burned, and as she smelled the tang of fruit-wood smoke Winsome was filled with an old, curling anxiety.
Chapter Seven
“THE LIVESTOCK BROKER’S agent will be here at eight thirty in the morning,” Jared said, walking into the lounge where Winsome was reading Lacey a bedtime story. “He’s bringing the dairy orders for the first two hundred heifers. Will that suit you?”
Winsome looked up with a frown. “Lacey has kindergarten in the morning.”
“Drat.” Jared smacked a fist into the other palm, the soft thud echoing. “I’d forgotten.”
“I could leave it tomorrow if you’d prefer,” she suggested, knowing how critical accepting grazers was to their financial survival.
The past month had been hectic with visits from farm advisers, farmers, stock agents and visiting their lawyer to have grazing contracts prepared so they were ready to sign as the heifers arrived.
Jared’s frown darkened. “No, Lacey’s schooling is important.”
“I could leave her with Catherine and Quentin for the day. Catherine won’t mind taking her and babysitting until we’re finished.”
Jared hesitated then nodded reluctantly. “Perhaps it would be best. I need you to keep the records.”
“I’ll do that.” Winsome finished the story and Lacey slid off her knee. “Kiss Daddy goodnight and then off to bed.”
Lacey, on the go all day in the fresh air, complied without a murmur of protest. Jared gave her a kiss and a hug. Winsome’s heart ached as she watched his tenderness with the little girl.
Once she’d been on the receiving end of this gentle sensitivity, now it was like living with a very different person. Often she was gripped by the sensation that everything she said and did was being weighed and evaluated on some hidden scale.
As she tucked her in bed, the little girl pulled her close in a strangling hug. “I’m glad we came to live with Daddy. He’s nice.”
“Of course he is.” Winsome laughed softly, a catch in her voice betraying her heartache. “Didn’t I tell you that?”
“Yes.” Lacey snuggled under the blankets, yawning widely. “Can I feed the hens and get the eggs in the morning?”
That made Winsome smile. She ruffled Lacey’s hair. So quickly, feeding the hens h
ad become the highlight of her day. “If you go to sleep now.”
Lacey looked up at her, a worried frown on her face.
“What’s the matter, pumpkin?” Winsome asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I miss Grandpa,” Lacey said sadly. “Won’t he ever come back?”
“No sweetheart, he’ll never come back. And I miss him too.” Winsome smoothed the tawny-gold hair away from Lacey’s troubled face, mentally asking forgiveness for the lie.
Far from missing Harvey, she’d like nothing better than some time with him to tell him what she thought of him and his manipulation.
“He’ll always be here,” she touched her chest, “in our hearts.”
“Does he know we think about him?”
“I guess he does, but we really don’t know.”
“I hope so.” Lacey yawned again and her eyelids drooped.
Winsome stood up. “Goodnight, pumpkin.”
“G’dnight, Mummy.” She raised her voice, “G’dnight, Daddy.”
“Good night,” Jared called from the other room.
Winsome went back out to the lounge.
Jared, after one look, asked, “What’s the matter?”
This uncanny knack at divining her moods was very unsettling. She spread her hands and sank onto the floor, holding them out to the warmth of the fire.
“Winsome?”
“Lacey’s upset.” She lifted her head and looked at him.
“What about?” Jared eyed her narrowly and her heart missed a beat and then started to race.
“Missing her Grandpa,” Winsome gave a bitter little laugh. “She wanted to know if he knew we were missing him.”
“And how did you answer that?”
There was no mistaking the hard, bitter edge. Winsome shivered. Every time Harvey’s name came up she noticed a change in Jared’s attitude and mood. It was almost as if he was accusing her of something, but what?
“What could I say?” she asked with a shrug. “How could I tell her what I think?”
“And what do you think?”
For a moment she just stared at him and then angered, she got to her feet and met his eyes. “I think he was a calculating manipulator who thought nothing of using other people to achieve his own ends.”
“And yet you went crying to him to help you run out on our marriage?”
Something hard moved in Winsome, and with a lift of her chin, she met his accusing stare full on. “You have a share of the blame for the breakdown of our marriage, Jared.”
For several moments he met her angry glare and then dropped his eyes. “According to Caroline, two women in a house is trouble.”
Caroline? Who the hell was Caroline? His casual words winded her, but were they that casual?
“When I tried to tell you that,” Winsome said evenly, “you dismissed it as childish nonsense.”
“You were childish and very immature.”
The brutal words were said in such a soft tone it took a second for her to comprehend their meaning. “Not too childish or immature to share your bed and bear your children.”
Her words sat in a pulsing silence but she met his gaze her chin high, eyes steely with pride.
“I’m sorry.” He pulled her into his arms. “That was a low blow.”
Stiff with resentment, she stood erect within the circle of his arms, not prepared to be pacified. Jared had never taken her concerns seriously and his words revealed he didn’t take her seriously now.
He let her go with an impatient huff and went into the kitchen to make coffee.
Winsome’s resistance surprised him.
Once, she’d melted in his arms without a backward glance.
Discomforted, he recalled how often he’d dismissed her concerns as childish. When he returned with the coffee tray he found her staring into the fire, her expression closed and brooding. Silently, she accepted the cup her gave her.
“Did you ever discuss your future with Dad?” he asked as they sipped their drinks.
Startled, she looked up. Taking a deep breath, she nodded.
“Now why doesn’t that surprise me,” he muttered cynically. “What did he promise you? Did you know he was gifting you half of Totara Park?”
“I had no idea what he intended.” Winsome pushed a strand of dark hair away from her face.
The smothered sound he made set her heart racing and his slanted, assessing look increased her panic. Jared in this mood was an intimidating man.
“He’s certainly ensured I support you in the manner to which you’ve become accustomed.”
Winsome flinched, put aside her mug and stood up unable to bear being confined to one place. “I didn’t ask him to, Jared. Believe that if nothing else.”
“Why?” One dark eyebrow rose as he stared at her his expression dark and shuttered. “You’ve proved to be extremely dishonest.”
“Dishonest?” Her heart stopped then raced, sounding loud and disordered in her ears. What was he getting at? What did he know? Dear God. What had he discovered?
As she stared at him, horrified, the room tilted strangely and everything faded.
“Winsome.” Jared’s gravelly voice was close to her ear.
Confused, she leaned against him.
Glancing up, Winsome was shocked to realise she was close enough to see the stubble of his whiskers and the pores of his skin. She was in Jared’s arms, leaning on him and they were both kneeling on the floor. “What happened?”
“You fainted.”
“I never faint,” she whispered, shaking her head and pulling away.
She’d never been granted that luxury.
Not with her father. Not with Gaelen.
“You had a dizzy spell then,” he conceded with husky gentleness.
He rose to his feet, a supporting arm around her waist as he helped her to rise.
“Sit down.” Gently, he pushed her into a chair. “You’re as white as a sheet.”
With no strength to voice a protest, Winsome sank into the armchair. Jared crouched in front of her, his face pale and etched with concern as he chaffed her chilled hands between his warm ones. He handed her the coffee and as she sipped the hot beverage, her colour returned.
“Are you pregnant?”
Panic, tinged with a strange grief, raced through Winsome. She wasn’t pregnant. So far she’d been lucky. Lucky?
“No,” she said, her voice a mere whisper of sound.
“Then what is it?” A hard edge crept into his voice.
Too shaken by the unprecedented event, she was unable to give any answer. She shrugged expressively.
“Is the work too much? Are you overtired?” Jared watched her, his amber eyes dark with concern. “Do you need a medical check-up?”
Winsome managed a shaky chuckle.
“No, no and no.” She lifted a hand then let it fall back into her lap.
The man looked as shaken as she felt.
For long, tense moments he weighed her words and at last he nodded. He covered her hand with his, lifted it to his mouth and kissed it. The tender gesture brought her to the brink of tears. This was more like the gentle passionate man she’d married.
“Why not have an early night?” He asked sitting on the arm of her chair. “You’re wound as tight as a drum.”
“It’s too early for bed,” she protested instinctively, her fingers playing nervously with a button on her jacket. She didn’t want to go to bed, didn’t want Jared to make love to her, she realised. She didn’t want to feel his skin close to hers.
Which was stupid.
They’d been lovers and slept together for several weeks now.
“Is it?” His face came alive with such genuine amusement and Winsome knew he’d divined her hesitation. “Tomorrow promises to be hectic. If you don’t want to go to bed, why not relax in the tub?”
Suddenly the tension of the past few weeks caught up with her and Winsome felt incredibly weary. A soak in the huge spa-bath sounded so tempting, but sud
denly apprehensive she darted him a wary look.
“Alone?”
For long tension-filled moments their gazes met and then he shrugged and spread his hands in an expressive gesture. “Is that what you want?”
Unable to answer, or give an adequate reason even, she just nodded.
“Okay. Do you want me to run the water for you?” He gave her such a heated glance that a violent blush flooded the entire surface of her skin.
“No.”
Jared laughed sending fiery sensations coursing through her entire body. “Go and have your bath.”
Winsome escaped and as she filled the bath and sprinkled scented salts into the water, she pondered that strange scene. For years she’d dreamed of being reconciled with Jared. But in her imagination there’d been no tension or this awful bitterness. With a heavy sigh, she undressed and slipped into the scented water. Oh but she’d been so young and naïve.
With an impatient movement she pushed the buttons and let the swirling water massage and soothe tension from her weary body. She’d been young, but how she’d loved Jared. Winsome shook her head in wry amusement.
How could she not have loved him? He’d been the embodiment of every young girl’s fantasy.
Where had it gone so wrong?
She’d been too young and love-struck to realise that if Jared’s family were as wonderful as he claimed, he would never have sprung her on them as he did. Their marriage would never have happened had Gaelen or Harvey known beforehand.
With a sense of shock, Winsome finally admitted what she’d known for years. Had Jared known this, too?
Sighing, she rested her head on the cushioned headrest of the spa bath. Even now, she recalled every detail of that fateful first meeting.
Lonely and alone in the world, one of the older girls at the youth hostel where she’d lived encouraged Winsome to join the ice skating club in Hamilton East, where Jared, an affluent bachelor farmer from nearby Cambridge, was also a member.
Such were the threads of destiny—
—she was wearing the sky blue skating dress she had saved so hard to buy, a mad extravagance for someone on a junior word processor’s salary.
Her heart nearly stopped when she first saw him.
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