by Ml Rodriguez
I turn towards Zane and see a smile on his face. I guess he’s not weirded out by my best friend; that’s good.
“Um, I don’t think I’ve picked up a man, Julia,” I say. “I mean, Zane knows me already and he knows I have two girls, plus he’s seen me do some really dorky things. I really don’t think he wants to pick me up … you know, that way.”
“Faith, for being so smart, you can be so clueless at times. He’s lookin’ at you like you’re a big fat juicy steak and he’s a starvin’ man. You have the best luck in men; first Jake and now this yummilicious man. If I didn’t love you so much, I’d be jealous and hate you.”
“You’re wrong. He doesn’t want me that way,” I say and turn to Zane to get his agreement. I see him chuckling and his next words leave me speechless.
“She’s right,” he whispers in my ear sending chills down my spine. “I do want you. I’ve caught you now and I ain’t letting go.”
Oh, dear Lord!
I stop dancing and stand there. I’m in the middle of the dance floor in Zane’s arms, and I’m stunned speechless. Finally, they take pity on me.
“Take her and go talk some sense into her,” Julia tells him. “I’ll be fine.”
“You sure?” he asks.
“I’ll be fine. Go explain the situation to my bestie,” she tells him when she sees he’s reluctant to leave her alone on the floor. “Don’t worry about me. Look, here comes Josh—I’ll be fine with him until y’all come back.”
Zane quickly but calmly guides me off the dance floor. He takes me to a booth located in the back but still within sight of the dance floor in case he has to go back for Julia. He sits me down and climbs in next to me, keeping me on the inside so I don’t make a run for it. He’s not taking any chances tonight.
Finally I get some sense back into me and I start talking. “Um … I think I might’ve misheard you earlier. What do you mean, Julia’s right and ‘now you’ve caught me’?”
“What part don’t you understand, beautiful? Do I have to spell it out for you?” he asks.
“Apparently,” I inform him. “Zane, you can’t want me. How … I mean, look at you and look at me. You’re single, attractive, and I know you don’t lack for female attention. I’m … well … me. At the soccer game, you let me walk away and I haven’t heard from you in three weeks. Three whole weeks, Zane! Please, help me understand because I just don’t see why you would even care to try.”
“This is all wrong,” he says with a trace of frustration in his voice. “I asked Jackie for your number, since you have the habit of runnin’ away before I can ask for it. I was going take you out. I wasn’t plannin’ on talkin’ to you in a club. My plan was to take you out on a proper date and tell you I want you and I want to be with you.”
“Well, why are you here if you weren’t plannin’ on talkin’ to me at a club?” I’m starting to sound a bit bitchy, but I just can’t help it. I’m confused and don’t like it—that just makes me testy.
“I’m here because you’re here,” he says as if it’s obvious. “I’m not about to let some random guy put his fuckin’ hands on you. Shit, I about flipped the fuck out when Jackie showed me your picture earlier at dinner. You look fuckin’ hot and you’re here alone with Julia. You know the shit that can happen to two lone women? Most of these guys are dicks and can’t understand the meanin’ of ‘no.’ No way in hell was I gonna to let that happen. No fuckin’ way.”
“First, how did Jackie get a picture of me? And second, what I do is none of your concern,” I tell him, refusing to let his high-handedness slide.
“First, Josilyn was at your house and she knows how I feel. I’ve been at their house almost every fuckin’ day hopin’ you’d show up. I ask lots of questions about you, and they’re not fools. Second, you’re my concern. Everything you do is my concern after today. Faith, I want you and I always get what I want. I’ve worked too damn hard and waited too long.” That last part baffles me, but I continue on since I’m already all worked up.
“So, just because you say you want me, you’re gonna have me?” This just pisses me off even more. I take a deep breath before going on. “What the hell, Zane? That crap doesn’t fly with me. I’m not a piece of property you can just take and conquer at will. You barely know me and I barely know you. What if I couldn’t stand to look at you, huh? What then?”
“Faith, don’t lie to yourself and don’t lie to me,” he says through gritted teeth. “You want me. You’ve wanted me since the moment you first saw me that afternoon—you couldn’t look away from me. I know you felt it because I felt it too. You ran away from me then and you ran away from me every time after. I let you go to give you time, but that stops now. No more runnin,’ babe,” he tells me.
“For your information, babe, I’m not one of those bimbos you’re used to havin.’ The ones that come to you every time you crook your finger. I won’t be used and tossed aside like yesterday’s trash. I have two girls to think about, I have to set an example, and I will not bring someone into their lives who’s not dependable,” I inform him. At this point, I’m steaming hot and ready to take him on. Our faces are so close, our noses are almost touching.
“You’re right, I’m used to bimbos, as you call them,” he fires back. “I haven’t been a saint, and yes, I’ve fucked around a lot. So much, that I know what I want and what I don’t want. I’m done with that shit. I don’t want easy. I want classy, beautiful, and a body that can bring me to my knees and I can worship for hours. I see the way you are with your girls. I see how much my sister and niece respect you. And, I’ve also seen you make a fool of yourself and you just laugh, not lettin’ it get to you. I like that and I want it. I. Want. You.”
Oh my … what can I say?
He’s completely right. I do want him. I want him so much it scares me, but it’s not just me; I have my girls and I have to set a good example for them. I can’t have one-night stands; I have too much respect for myself, my girls, and for Jake’s memory to lose myself in that. And Zane looks like the type of man that doesn’t do relationships, that doesn’t do permanent—even his own mother is worried he won’t settle down. I want him, but I can’t just indulge for one night. I wouldn’t want my girls to do that and I would be ashamed if they ever found out that I had … I just can’t.
“Those three weeks you didn’t hear from me, I was thinkin’ real nice and hard—did I want to take that responsibility on? I knew I wanted you from the very first moment I saw you, but you came with more than just yourself. I had to get my head on straight. I understand there’s more to this than just you and me, there’s the girls,” he tells me. “Yes, I want to fuck you; I want you any way I can get you. But, I also want to spend time with you. I want to own you, possess you. I want only my hands and my lips on your body. Just the thought of someone else with you makes me want to commit murder.” His hand gently caresses my cheek as he looks me in the eye. “I’ve never felt that before with anyone. And I wanted you to get used to the idea of me.”
Hearing his words sends a thrill down my body, but I need to stand strong. I have the girls to think about and I’m also scared—what if I come to care about him so much and then I lose him? Or worse.
“The first time at the stoplight, I just wanted drag you out of your Jeep and bend you over my bike and fuck you raw. I wanted to own you from the very first moment,” he tells me passionately. “Then, I saw more of you and your personality. I know you’re more than just an easy lay. My sister would have my balls if I messed around with you and then high-tailed it. And, I have more respect for you than that. That’s why I had to think long and hard, and I realized that you are worth so much, and I need to be a better man to deserve you. I’m going to give it to you straight. I want you—I want to know you in every possible way. I want to meet your girls and get to know them. Things won’t be easy, I’m warnin’ you now; I like things my way and I can be an asshole. There’ll be times when you want to slap me and leave, but I won’t let you leave, never.
I’m gonna say and maybe do shit that will piss you off. But, I will never intentionally hurt you. I have a past and I haven’t been a choir boy, but that stops now. I’ve pissed off a shit-ton of people and fucked around a lot, but I’ve never made an effort to be a better man until now. Until you.”
I don’t know what to say, so I just sit there taking it all in. I do want him and I want to get to know him. He fascinates me, but he also scares me—not a bad scare where I’m afraid he’ll physically hurt me, but scared that he can hurt me emotionally, and where would that leave me. I’m scared of the feelings he evokes, the feelings he’s awakened in me. I’ve loved with all my heart and I’ve lost that love, leaving me in a pit of despair that I never want to experience again. What if he just leaves? I’m normally not insecure, but my situation is different. I come with responsibility; I won’t say baggage, because my girls will never be a burden, but most men aren’t ready for a ready-made family. Shit, most of them run away at the first sign of responsibility; the ones who’ve never had relationships, the ones that usually just fuck around. The fuck-em-and-leave-em type. Men like Zane.
“I can almost hear that brain workin’ overtime, baby.” He gives me a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Let’s go dance. Enjoy your night, but I’m gonna be here the entire time takin’ care of you; dancing with you, anything and everything. Tomorrow, we’ll talk. Tonight, I want you to have fun and I’m gonna have my hands on you, holdin’ you. Look at me, Faith.” He takes my face and looks me in the eyes. “Tomorrow we’ll be us; tonight is for you to have fun.”
Just as he brought me to the booth, he takes my hand and leads me out. I’m still digesting everything he’s told me so I let him lead me without a fight and I miss that sneaky “we’ll be us” part of the conversation. He takes me to the bar and gets me a drink. The whole time we’re at the bar waiting, he doesn’t let go of me. He doesn’t leave my side.
The bartender brings my drink and Zane hands it to me. I take a sip and start to relax. I can do this, I tell myself. I can let this go for tonight and have fun. Tonight is supposed to be my night to put all my worries aside and just drink, dance, and have an amazing girls’ night with my best friend. And that’s what I’m going to do. If Zane wants to stay here and watch over me, then so be it; I’m not going to stop him. I’m going to go back out there on the dance floor and dance my heart out.
With that decision made I turn to him. “You’re right, Zane, I do want you, but you know what? Right now I’m not going to think about that or how much it scares me. I’m gonna go back out there and dance my heart out with Julia. If you want to stay, stay. I’m not gonna stop you or make a big deal out of it. I’m here to have fun.” He smiles his sexy smile and my heart skips.
I quickly finish my drink and head back to the dance floor and Julia, leaving a smiling Zane at the bar. What I didn’t realize was I shouldn’t have told him I was scared; now he was going to do everything in his power to make that fear disappear and with it, my resistance. This time around, I’m the one that needs convincing to take a chance. I’m the one that needs to take a leap of faith—that needs to believe. It isn’t just me that could get hurt because now, I have my girls.
Zane
She said it—she wants me. That’s half the battle: getting her to admit it. She went on and on about her fears and reasons why we shouldn’t be together, why I shouldn’t want her, but I’m a guy. We only hear what we want to hear and for me it was, “Stay. I’m not gonna stop you.”
And that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to stay beside her, keeping her in my arms and never letting go.
Because this is my time now.
After making my way across the dance floor, I finally reach Julia, who’s now dancing with some random guy. I manage to get her attention and she sends him on his way. She grabs my hand and then she leads me to a booth—the same booth Zane and I used. She sits me down and slides in next to me. Once again, I’m stuck on the inside and have nowhere to go. So I decide to take the offense.
“What happened to Josh?” I ask her.
“He still has to work. He just came to collect his dance and then headed back. I didn’t want to interrupt y’all’s conversation so I decided to grab a dance partner and dance with him till you came back. Now enough about me. Spill. What did he say to you?”
“What did he say about what?” I try to play dumb.
“Don’t fuckin’ mess with me, Faith. I’ll get rough with ya if I have to. Now talk, and don’t leave anything out,” she growls and for a few seconds, I fear for my life.
I softly chuckle at my friend. Man, I love it! The suspense is killing her and I’m tempted to drag it out, but I know she’ll throat punch me and then wait for me to stop choking for me to talk. Nope, don’t want to be punched, so I better spill the beans. I take a deep breath and start telling her what he said to me, leaving nothing out. Not my fear, not the fact that wants me, nor the fact that he wants to meet Rylee and Skylar.
“Holy shit! He said all that?”
“Yeah, he did. I’m really scared, Julia. I’m not one that can sleep with someone and not become invested. I loved Jake with all of my being and I haven’t had anyone after him—I haven’t felt the need and I also have the girls—but Zane’s different. He makes me want him. I don’t know if I’m ready for this. I’m attracted to him, but I’m scared of the feelings he’s awakened in me. I deal with attractive men on a daily basis and he takes the prize, but it’s not just his looks, there’s something else. Something I can’t explain.”
“It’s okay to be scared, Faith. No one expects you to jump in without havin’ some fear. Talk to him and explain what’s goin’ on in your head. He wants you, chica. He wants you bad and he seems to be the type of person that gets what he wants. Let him know that he’ll have to work for you—your trust, and for you to trust him with the girls. Let him know that the girls are the main priority here. Regardless, babe, I think he’ll be good for y’all. Right now, though, don’t think about anything and just have fun. We came here to dance, so start getting your groove back on.” She gives me a hug. “I love you, Faith, and I’ll always be here for you.”
“I love you too, Julia,” I say, getting all teary-eyed. “I’m so lucky I have such an awesome and amazing best friend, and I’ll always be here for you too.” She grabs my hand and pulls me out of the booth and onto the dance floor.
I do what Julia tells me and I start dancing with her. We get our groove back on, oblivious to the looks from the men and the jealous glares from the women. As we’re dancing, Zane returns with another Tequila Sunrise for both Julia and me. I take it, thank him, and continue dancing as I’m sipping my drink. “Vivir Mi Vida Remix” comes on, reenergizing the whole club. I grab Julia and really start getting into it. This song is just what I need; I need to laugh, I need to dance. I’m going to live, and I’m going enjoy my life. Look to the future and not the past. I have to let go and really move on. I have to be brave and take a chance. Take that leap and not let the fear control me.
As I’m thinking about my life and dancing, I feel Zane put his arms around me and pull me back towards him. I allow him to and lean back, moving my hips in a seductive figure eight. As dance, I lift my right arm backwards and place it behind his head. I pull him closer to me and continue dancing; our bodies so close together, every bit of them touching and moving in sync.
Since Jake, I’ve danced with other men at family gatherings and weddings, but none have felt this natural or seductive. It’s been years since I really enjoyed dancing with another man; years since it’s felt so right.
One song leads to another and another, and it’s just Zane holding me and not letting go. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Julia switching partners every other song. She’s here to have fun and not get laid. She doesn’t want to lead anyone on, so she switches out. I see no problem with that, so I just keep an eye on her in case she needs help.
As for me, I don’t know where this is leading but it feels wonderfully. Bei
ng here with him, feeling every bit of his body against mine feels so good. It’s amazing; calming yet exciting, and feels so right. Everything else disappears and it’s just the two of us. If only life could be so simple without worries of whether I’m doing the right thing or not. I push that thought out of my mind and go back to just the two of us.
“You having fun, baby?” He whispers in my ear and I feel chills go down my body. His normal voice is so smooth, so manly, so him. His whisper is all that and so much more, almost taking me over the edge. Oh, God!
“Mmmm hmmm,” I softly reply, turning and leaning my head back so he can hear me.
“That’s good. I just want you to relax and stay here in my arms. Keep dancin’ with me until you’re so tired you want to fall from exhaustion. I’ll be here to hold you and catch you, Faith. I’ll always be here for you, love.” He softly kisses my neck.
Oh, that feels so good.
He kisses me again and then takes my chin and gently turns my head to him. He brings his lips closer to me and kisses me. One soft kiss, then another, followed by more until I’m almost begging.
“Please …”
I somehow manage to turn my body to face him and we kiss. His lips take mine, I let him in and he explores my mouth. We get closer to each other, my arms around his neck, and his arms around me pulling me closer, like we want to become one.
We stop dancing and just kiss. This is the first time in so long that I have felt a man’s lips on mine. It feels different and yet so natural, so right.
We finally separate, both breathing hard. We look at each other and he places his forehead to mine. We remain like this, just taking each other in and breathing. We don’t separate. I don’t want to let him go and I don’t want him to let me go.
“This is what I’m talkin’ about. This here … it needs to be explored. That one kiss was fuckin’ amazin’ and mind blowin.’ I’ve never felt that before. I like it and I want more of it. I knew it would be like this with you from the beginnin’; I felt a pull towards you. If we feel like this after one kiss, Faith, imagine how good it will feel when I have you in my bed. When I’m explorin’ every part of your body with my hands and my mouth. Imagine my fingers trailin’ down your body, my fingers playin’ with your nipples; teasing them, pullin’ them gently, rollin’ them between my fingers, drivin’ you crazy. My lips on them, takin’ ’em in my mouth and suckin’ ’em, then bitin’ ’em.”