by Ml Rodriguez
Zane smiles at her. “Sorry, Rylee. I didn’t mean to scare ya. I’ll keep it down next time. It’s just your mother … well, your mother just … well, you know.”
She laughs. “You didn’t scare me, Zane. I was just wondering what Momma had done this time.” At her words and my offended huff, everyone except me laughs.
Rylee turns to me. “You know I’m right, Momma. You used to drive Daddy up the wall at times with how overprotective of me you were from the very beginnin.’ Remember when I started school and you were worried about the big kids pushin’ me around at break, and how you told me that it was okay to trip and ‘accidentally’ have my foot meet their shins or my fist their face—where do you think I got the advice for Skylar? There was also that time you bought me my first pocketknife and hid it in the secret compartment you made into my backpack—for protection you said—and I’ve always carried one. Except for that night,” she finishes sadly, but then perks up. “Or when you convinced Uncle Duke to teach you how to grapple. ‘You never know when you’ll need to know how to fight from the ground, just in case we’re attacked,’ you explained to Daddy when he walked in to find Uncle Duke in a headlock close to passin’ out, because you just had to know. Or that time—“
“Okay, okay, we get it, Rylee,” I interrupt before she can continue on with more stories of my finer moments.
“As I was sayin,’ Zane,” she says. “I wasn’t scared. I’m not afraid of you or my uncles because I know y’all would lay down your lives to protect us.”
At her words everyone lets out a sigh of relief. We feared Rylee would have a lasting fear of men or contact after Dean’s attack, and we’re happy to know she’s comfortable and feels safe to come into a room where there’s yelling coming from such a huge man, because let me tell you, my Zane isn’t small.
“Zane, why don’t you call me baby girl, like everyone else?” She asks him.
Zane looks at her in surprise for a moment before speaking. “Because that’s what your father called you, Rylee. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries or seem like I’m tryin’ to replace him. I don’t want to offend you.”
“Well, don’t be scared,” Rylee informs him. “You’re part of this family now, Zane. You love my crazy and wacky mother. You treat my little sister like a princess. I’m pretty sure you just did something illegal for me tonight. You’re not my father, but you’ve fallen into the role of father-figure since the moment you met Skylar and me. You’ve taken on a responsibility that you didn’t have to take up, but we’re lucky that you did without any regret because you’ve made my momma happy again. You make her smile that smile she used to smile when Daddy was alive—back when we were a whole family.
“No one will ever replace Daddy because he was a man larger than life in my eyes and my hero—I was his little princess and Momma was his queen. But, he was taken from us too early and I know he’s now in heaven, smilin’ down on us. Because you’re here with us now and takin’ care of us. You treat Skylar like Daddy treated me and you look at her with eyes full of love. She never got to meet him and she never got to experience what it’s like to be Daddy’s little princess, but now she has you and for that, I’m forever grateful. Because you love my Momma, you love us, you put up with our crazy extended family, and because Momma is still breathin’ after you found her doin’ whatever crazy momma-bear thing you found her doin.’ Because of all that and because I love and respect you, when you feel comfortable, I want you to please call me by the nickname Daddy gave me.”
“Okay, baby girl,” Zane tells her, his voice thick with feeling.
Rylee looks at him.
“I won’t ever be able to call you Dad or Father because that was all Daddy and I’m sorry,” she says, “but I wouldn’t mind introducin’ you as my stepfather and if Skylar ever decides to call you Daddy, Dad, or anything like that, I won’t be upset. You deserve all that. I’m just sorry I can’t do that for you—I was my Daddy’s little princess and one half of his world, Zane. Please understand.”
“That’s okay, Rylee,” he answers. “I understand and I’ll be honored to have you as a stepdaughter.”
“Okay.” She clears her throat and gives him a hug. “Now it’s time for you to deal with my Momma. Y’all should talk without an audience. Aunt Julia,” she says, looking at her, “can you come with me to my room and give them space? I don’t think they need you laughin’ at Momma’s expense.”
“You’re no fun, girly,” Julia pouts.
“Well,” Gunner says, clearing his throat. “We are walkin’ out of here now. Zane, it’s always a pleasure and make sure to put your foot down, okay. Faith, darlin,’ we’ll see you tomorrow or the next day.” Zane gives him a look. “Night, baby girl, and you too, Crazy Julia.”
After all the goodbyes, everyone files out, leaving Zane and me alone. Finally.
Well, here goes—
“Come here, Faith,” Zane says, sitting on the love seat. I go to him and he sits me on his lap. “Alright, give it to me. Lay it on me while I’m nice and fuzzy from Rylee’s words. Do it like a Band-Aid.”
“Okay, honey.” I pause and take a deep breath. “After Jake died, Rylee and I moved back stateside. With the money from Jake’s life insurance and the money I’d earned playin’ ball, we were set for a comfortable life. I had my pregnancy to keep me goin’ and I had Rylee, but it was still a very hard and dark time for me. Jake was no longer with me and I was—well lost. I went back to school for my master’s, but that didn’t make me feel any better, so I started helpin’ Gunner with Phoenix when he needed it. The company was still new and tryin’ to make a name for itself. I started out helpin’ him with paperwork and doin’ regular secretarial stuff, and then it turned to more. Working there seemed to bring me a sense of peace. It calmed me. I felt closer to Jake’s memory helpin’ build his dream into a reality.”
I pause and look at him. He smiles and nods in encouragement.
“Eventually, we started getting’ more and more job offers. Some of the jobs were people in need who couldn’t afford the high fees of the more established security companies. I started meetin’ with clients and organizin’ assignments. We discovered I had a knack for bein’ bossy and people listened to me after they realized I was serious and could get the job done. One thing led to another and I started takin’ more and more responsibility, until I basically took over the runnin’ of Phoenix. Of course, many thought I’d fail—mainly the heads of other companies and other people here and there. They said, ‘Women are weak, they have no place in this type of work,’ but I proved them all wrong.”
“How’d you do that?” He asks.
“I convinced the guys to train me. I already knew the basics of self-defense from having grown up with a military father and then bein’ an Army Ranger’s wife, but I wanted to know more. I wanted to know so that I wouldn’t be a hypocrite—I wanted to know the job I was sendin’ men out to do. I busted my butt off. There were times I couldn’t move because my body hurt so much, but I didn’t quit. I ended up goin’ on some assignments when Carmen and Jacob could watch the girls; the less dangerous ones. People saw the effort and dedication I put into the company and word spread that I wasn’t a pushover. It was enough for me to gain the respect necessary to be taken serious and things kinda went outta control from there. Jobs started comin’ to us from everywhere—word spread about the dedication and ability of the corporation. It seemed like overnight we were the new “it” company, the ones to hire, and we started recruitin’ more and more people. In the span of a few years, Phoenix has gone from small-time to being worldwide.
“Our main headquarters are here with me, where I meet with clients and look at all the jobs that come our way. I analyze and decide which we ones take on, and then I distribute them to the proper team. Jax, Damon, Duke, Zeke, and Gunner—they are located in different parts of the United States and each is in charge of their own team. When I agree on a job, I hand it off to the team it fits the most or whoever is closest—de
pending on the situation. We also specialize in quick in-and-out jobs that are extremely dangerous and often not wanted by other companies. As opposed to when the team members were in the military, at Phoenix they get paid a tremendous amount of money.”
“Why didn’t I know this before? I mean, how could I’ve not known? I—I had a friend watchin’ over you through the years and I never heard anything …”
“What I do within Phoenix isn’t a secret,” I tell him, “but it’s also not public knowledge. If you’re outside the business, then you couldn’t have known. I go by F.C. Duval and I try to keep my picture out of the public eye. I figured only those that do business with us need to know.”
“Or maybe he did it on purpose, that fucker,” Zane says. “He’d do something like this as a joke and have a laugh when I finally discovered the truth. Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“At first I couldn’t tell you,” I tell him. “I didn’t know you and everything was so new. After … well, I was scared.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was scared you would look at me differently. That you wouldn’t understand or you’d be intimidated. When I retired and started working at Phoenix, many didn’t understand. Then when I heard about you and Jake, I got scared.”
“Why’d that scare you more?”
“Because,” I reply, “you said you fell for the girl you heard so much about and met all those years ago. I’m no longer her, Zane. I’ve changed—there’s no more athlete or carefree young girl with stars in her eyes. The ruthless business woman I’ve become differs greatly from the woman you see. It’s not just about the money, but also the decisions I make, things I have to do, and the orders I give—they’re not always “nice.” When it comes to Phoenix, I’m not the sweet lovin’ family woman you see and I show the world. I have another side to me that only a few encounter. The power I hold within the corporation can be threatenin’ to some, and I was afraid you’d be intimidated or feel undermined. I’ve seen it happen before with Julia’s marriage—her fame and success became a problem—and I didn’t want that to happen to our relationship, especially since we had just begun. But mostly, I didn’t know how to tell you, and I’m afraid you won’t accept the person I am now.”
“Faith.” Zane looks me in the eyes. “I fell for your beauty and the emotions—the loyalty and love—you gave. I saw the look in Jake’s eyes when he spoke about you and how he knew you were always there for him. When he thought he was dying, it was you he thought about and I wanted that. I’d just been betrayed by my best friend and I needed to know there was still loyalty, honor, and love out there. You represented all that and I wanted it. Now, I love the woman you’ve become. I got to know you and yes, you’ve changed, but everyone changes. It’s how and why we change that matters.”
“You really believe that?”
“Yes, Faith,” Zane replies. “I believe that. You changed because you needed to survive. No matter how many people were there to help or how much money was at your disposal, your world was torn apart the moment Jake died—your dreams, your future were gone in a blink of an eye. Some people aren’t strong enough and they fall apart, but you’ve fought hard to keep goin’ and you’ve kept your family together. Not only that, but you didn’t let Jake’s dream die. You fought hard along with Gunner to make their dream a reality. How can I not love the woman capable of all this?”
“I don’t know, Zane. I have baggage just like everyone else.”
“Well, I do love you,” Zane tells me. “And you’re right; everyone has baggage, includin’ me, but I love you. Everything about you. And it’s my job to help you overcome any of your fears. I’d be a fuckin’ fool to walk away from you just because some things aren’t perfect. Perfect is overrated, if you ask me. I’d rather be fucked up with you than not have you in my life at all. I fuckin’ love you, Faith, and nothin’ is gonna change that. Like I told you that night at the club, I’ve got you now and I’m not lettin’ you go.”
“Are you okay with all this?” I wave my hand in a circle.
“Truth?” He asks. At my nod he continues. “I wish you were still playin’ because I’ve seen videos of you on the field and I’ve seen you play. I’ve seen how your face lights up and you’re fuckin’ incredible out there. It’s cruel to keep that talent from the world, and I know it’s what you love—your passion. But I’m not gonna demand you quit a company you’ve helped build. That would be me tellin’ you I don’t believe in you and that’s not true. I respect and support you in anything you want to do. I’m your man and my job is to be here for you when you need me and to love you with all my heart.”
“Thank you, honey,” I hug him tight. “You’re right, I do love playin’ and it’s crossed my mind to go back at times, especially when I see Rylee play, but there’s so much more to consider now.”
“Faith, anything you decide, I’ll support. If you remain the ‘Boss Lady’ at Phoenix, I’m behind you and if you ever decide to go back, I’ll be your loudest fan. Well, the next loudest followin’ Skylar because that girl sure as hell has a set of lungs on her.”
We both laugh at his comment because it’s true. Skylar is incredibly loud when she’s cheering for her family and friends. She may be little, but she’s fierce and loud.
“There are gonna be some changes around here,” Zane tells me. At my raised eyebrows, he continues, “Tomorrow I’m talkin’ to Gunner and I’m applyin’ for a job. It’s time for me to take the job offer Jake made sure was left open for me all these years.”
“But you like being a fireman, Zane,” I exclaim.
“Like, yes, but I don’t love it. I needed to become a better man after the way I was livin’ my life—I wasn’t a very nice person. I felt my soul was dark and I wanted to become a man worthy of you. One you’d be proud to be with and know.”
“Zane, I’d be proud of you regardless,” I tell him.
“I know you would. But remember, to me you were larger than life when I first heard about you and then when I saw you, I knew I wasn’t good enough for you being jaded as I was. Like I said, I felt my soul was blackened by a lot of the things I did—the way I behaved. I needed to accept myself. Every time I went through a fire, I felt my soul lighten and I grew to like myself. I could finally look at myself in the mirror and see a man worthy of a good woman. And as bad as it sounds, it gave me the adrenaline rush I missed from my days in the military.”
“I’m with you in whatever you decide,” I tell him. “If you want to go back into the military, because I know that is one life that’s hard to leave, I’ll support you wholeheartedly. I love you, Zane.”
“No, Faith, I ain’t goin’ back to that. I’ve done my time and I’m happy here with you and the girls—I want to be able to spend time in your bed and not be gone all the time. I want to be able to say no when I want to, and I think Phoenix might be the place for me. That and I’ll be able to see you at work and keep you out of trouble.”
“Oh! Now the real reason comes out,” I tease.
“Yeah, baby,” he says, laughing with me. “I need to keep my eye on you and know how you are. And I have an ‘in’ with the boss.”
“Well, I say you’re hired.”
“Babe, I have to talk to Gunner. I don’t want people to say I fucked my way into a job,” he teases.
“You’re such a dork! But I love you anyways.”
“Yeah, you love me and you’re gonna be mine finally, Faith.”
“Zane, I’m already yours.”
“Not this way, love.”
“What do you mean? What way?” I ask. He puts me aside and then he kneels in front of me on both knees.
“This isn’t the way I was plannin’ on askin,’ but I think this is the right time to tell you that I want you to be my wife,” he says, opening up a small black box. Inside I see one of the most beautiful rings I’ve ever seen, a Tolkowsky platinum engagement ring—my dream ring. “I’m kneelin’ on both knees for you, love, because you’re a woman that
deserves a man to grovel to even be in your presence, and I want you in my life forever. I want to live the rest of my life with you by my side. There will be times you’ll want to kill me, but I promise to make every one of those times up to you. I promise I’ll do my damnest to make you and the girls happy. I love you more than words can express—I love you with all my heart and soul. I’ll spend every day for the rest of our lives lovin’ you and workin’ my ass off to make you smile. You, the girls, and our future children are my world—my most precious treasures. I’ll protect y’all with my life. Marry me and make me the happiest and proudest man in the world. I love you, Faith. Always and forever.”
With tears running down my face and no more secrets between us, I look at the man who’s brought me back to living for myself. Before, I was a shell of myself—I existed only for my girls and Jake’s dream. That one knock, so many years ago, on my door brought my world crashing down around me. My dreams, my hopes, my future with Jake disappeared in the blink of an eye. If it wasn’t for Julia, my daughters, and Phoenix, I would have given up and gone into a dark, dark world. I loved Jake with all my heart—with all the love a young woman untried in the pain of life could give. I was so innocent, I thought I could plan my life, but I was wrong—so wrong.
Life had other plans for me. I was meant to change, to experience the loss of forever. Everything in life happens for a reason. You may never know immediately why but through time, the reason arises. Jake and I were meant to experience our forever for just a short amount of time, and I will always treasure our moments and memories. My life with Jake was an enchanting dream, similar to a fairy tale—he was my Prince Charming and our love was beautiful, but I took that life for granted. I assumed we had our whole lives together.
But now, I’ll never assume, I’ll never take anything for granted. Life can be short and it’s meant to be cherished and treasured—every second, every moment. Now, I’ll love harder. I’ll love fiercer. And I will not be afraid—I will take a leap of faith because love is an amazing, wonderful, and precious gift. I’ve been blessed twice in one lifetime with the love of two strong, courageous and protective men. I have a second chance at love and I’m going to take it. I want to show my girls that love will always find a way. And, Zane is a man who accepts me for me—the woman I was, the woman I became, and the woman he will help me become.