“You are in a dream, sweetie pie.”
I stood and twirled around. The hospital room was dark, aside from the small nightlight above Collier’s head, but not so dark I didn’t see him standing there. Alive. In front of me, as real as the day I’d married him eight years ago.
“James.” My voice broke and I was unable to form additional words.
“Yes sweetie pie, it’s me.”
“But…b-but…you’re…“
“Dead. Yes, I know. But you’re not and neither is he.” He pointed to the bed where Collier lay unmoving. My heart broke, seeing him there, completely still. His head was bandaged from slamming into the window. Had we been driving a more sophisticated vehicle, side airbags would have prevented the swelling in his brain from the impact, possibly eliminating his comatose state.
“Are you here to take him?” I could barely form the words but I had to know.
“Right now, no. I’m here for you.”
“Me?”
His smile spread and reminded me of so many happy days, long ago, that I’d never have again.
“Yes. I’ve watched you these past years. Wanted so badly to help you through your destructive path. I’m here now though, to make sure you make good on your promise.”
“My promise?”
“At my deathbed, you promised you’d love again. You’ve done nothing but push his love away. He’s the only one since I left who has been worthy of your love. And now, here he lays, not knowing your feelings for him. Withholding your love from him is an unbearable torture.”
“But…you. I loved you so much. With everything I had. When you died, that part of me died, too.”
“No it didn’t. You just lost it for a while. He’s bringing it back to you. If he makes it through this tragedy, you must tell him.”
“If? You don’t know?”
“Oh sweetie, all things get worse before they get better.” He used an old saying that used to piss me off. Mostly because it always seemed to be true.
“I can’t lose him. I already lost you!”
James shook his head and his form flickered.
“Don’t go!” I screamed.
“I’m sorry. I only get to do this once. Those are the rules. I love you, London. Always have and always will. Please, don’t keep your love to yourself. It’s the most precious thing in the world to share. He deserves it.“
“Will I see you again?”
He shook his head. “No sweetie, but I’m never far.”
“James, I love you.”
He winked, a gesture he’d done a thousand times before. It warmed my heart and made me feel loved.
Then I blinked awake, still sitting in the chair next to Collier’s bed. I looked around. The room was shrouded in darkness and the only sound was the beeping coming from Collier’s heart monitor.
I set my broken arm on his bed and took his scratched up hand in mine. Exhausted, I laid my head on his hand, praying, hoping against hope that he’d wake up. That I could keep my promise to James and finally tell Collier what I should have said. What he needed to hear. Fear and love. The only two things in the world that can break you and I’d let one prevent me from enjoying the other. I closed my eyes and prayed.
A warm hand rubbed along my back.
“Bridge baby, wake up!”
Oh, Thank God! It was all a sick dream. I was home in my bed and Tripp was waking me up for coffee and a morning chat. When I opened my eyes, the ease I’d felt in the dream was obliterated. I was still in the hospital, clutching the hand of an unmoving man, one who I’d recently admitted I loved. One I never told. And now, I may never get to.
Tripp hauled me out of my seated position and into his arms. “I got here as quickly as I could. My phone was on silent. I called everyone else. They should be here any minute. None of us knew. God, are you okay? Your arm is in a cast!” His eyes filled with tears.
“Yes, I’m fine. Well pretty much. A few bruised ribs, bumps, and scrapes, a conk to the head.”
Tripp rubbed his finger lightly over the egg shaped bump on my forehead, then over each scrape on my face and the cut down the side of my lip. “Collier took the brunt of the accident.”
Tripp looked at my sleeping Englishman. “I can see that. He’s been through the ringer for sure. What’s his prognosis?”
Before I could respond, Aspen, Hank, Oliver, Dean, Emma and Nathaniel all came to the doors of the ICU. The walls were glass and I could see them yelling for an orderly even though I couldn’t hear them. Aspen put her hand to the glass as if reaching for me. Tears poured down my face as I stood and silently connected with my big sister. Nathaniel pounded the glass like a mad man, which prompted me into action.
I made it to where they were waiting. Aspen hugged me and I winced as the several bruised ribs screeched in protest to her embrace. Tears welled in her eyes at the sight of my bruised face and broken arm.
“What’s going on? What happened?” She asked. Hank put his arm around her and waited. Nathaniel didn’t.
“What’s wrong with my brother?”
“We need to see him!” Emma practically yelled.
“Guys, I don’t know everything. I woke from the accident a couple hours ago. All the night nurse could tell me was that he was in a coma.”
Emma started to cry and Nate pulled her into his chest. “What happened?” Nate asked again.
I took a deep breath and leaned against the wall, feeling nauseous and woozy from the pain meds. Hank brought a chair and helped me to settle.
“We were driving back to the hotel. It was really dark. Pitch black. Then, out of nowhere, standing in the middle of the road was this huge cow. It stood there unmoving and Collier swerved and we missed the cow but went through a fence. It was so dark…“ Tears leaked down my cheeks and Dean handed me a handkerchief. “Then all of a sudden, there was a tree. Collier grabbed my hand and everything went black. I woke up here a couple hours ago with this.” I gestured to my arm. “Then I left my bed and found Collier here. The night nurse told me he was in a coma. That’s all I know.” Tears poured down my face, wetting the hospital gown I wore.
“There you are!” A nurse ran over. “We’ve been looking all over for you. With that knot on your head, you shouldn’t be up and about. It’s dangerous.”
“I’m not going anywhere until the doctor tells me what’s wrong with Collier Stone.”
A man in a long white coat approached us. “I’m Doctor Johnson.”
Hank jumped in. “What can you tell us about Mr. Stone? He’s a friend of ours.”
“Friend?” The doctor asked.
“Brother,” both Emma and Nate answered.
“Can I speak with the two of you in private?”
“No. Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of them. We’re all close. This is his girlfriend. She was in the accident with him.”
I stood shakily and the Doctor eyed me, probably assessing my wounds. He didn’t seem to like the look of the one on my head. He came and inspected it. “You should be in bed. Have you had an MRI yet?”
I swatted his hands away. “I don’t care about me. Tell me about Collier.”
“I’m not going to sugar coat things. His internal organs have experienced great trauma. He has several broken ribs, a broken clavicle, a dislocated shoulder and some issues with his kidney.”
“That’s all fixable. Why is he in a coma?”
The group mumbled all in sidebar conversations but Emma was a wreck. She dropped to her knees and cried out. “No, no, no if he dies it’s my fault!” she screamed. Nate immediately helped his sister find her legs and embraced her.
“Mr. Stone only has one kidney. Due to the accident it has completely shut down. He’s going to need a transplant and soon. We’ve got him in a medically induced coma while we assess how to best treat him until a donor match can be found.”
The words “transplant” and “donor match” were like a knife shoved directly into my heart. I backed away, not capable of heari
ng more until I hit the wall and slid down into a crouch. My ribs and broken arm screamed in pain, but it was nothing compared to the hell that ravished my mind. Aspen came and tried her best to comfort me as the doctor continued.
“We’ve got him on a donor list, but in times like these, when siblings are accessible, they tend to be the best possible match.”
“But we’re only half. Ten years ago, Collier donated his kidney to Emma here. That’s why he only has one. I wasn’t a blood type match for her, but Collier was. Does that matter?” Emma shook and sobbed into his chest as I stood against the wall, listening to my worst nightmare, one I’d lived through already, come back to haunt me again.
The doctor’s eyes slid down, then closed. “Yes, it does. I’m sorry. If you’re not a blood match, you can’t donate an organ. Is there anyone else in your family?”
Hope sprang as Nate’s eyes filled. He shook his head and that glimmer of hope plummeted. “No. Collier and Em. Let me make some calls, see what we can find with extended family. There’s got to be someone, somewhere willing to save my brother’s life. Whatever the cost. We’ll pay!” Nate’s strength broke and tears slid down his scruffy cheeks.
“Me, test me!” I asked.
The doctor nodded. “First, we’ll see about blood matches and let you know. I’ll have someone brought over to schedule the tests.”
Over the next few hours, I sat by Collier’s side. The nurse informed me that I was not a match. She might as well have told me the sun was gone and the moon would forever light the earth because without Collier, I would be in perpetual darkness. Collier had B- blood. In the US, only two percent of the population shared that blood type. Organ donation by a live donor was rare. With a percentage that low, the odds of a deceased donor were small also.
I sat by Collier’s bedside in my hospital gown. I was cold but I didn’t care. If Collier couldn’t be warm, couldn’t live, then I didn’t care what happened to me.
James was right. Hell, everyone was right. I should have told Collier how I felt. Stopped being a scaredy-cat and admitted I had strong feelings for him. I outright loved the stubbornly sexy Englishman. Now I feared I’d never get to tell him. What then?
That would be two men I’d loved and lost.
What was the saying Collier mentioned on our first date? It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? Whoever said that was full of shit. They obviously never truly loved someone because it wasn’t fucking better. It was easier to go through life not loving someone. Then you didn’t feel mind-numbing, all over body pain when you lost them.
It was official. I was cursed. If London Kelley fell in love with a man, he was taken away. Twice. What are the odds of that? Really? Does God hate me? He must. I can’t understand why he’d take such beautiful men away from the world so young.
“Collier, I’m sorry. If you can hear me, I’m so sorry. I should have told you.” I looked at his face and swept that stray lock of blond hair off his forehead. He had cuts and bruises on his face but in his sleep, he still looked peaceful, as if he was going to wake up and melt my heart with his delicious accent. He’d call me Beauty and everything in the world would feel right again.
***
London? Where are you? Why can’t I see you? My eyes won’t open. Fucking open! I screamed but no sound came out. It was like being underwater, so deep that my screams never made it to the surface.
Her lovely voice pierced the darkness as I treaded water, submerged under a cloak of blackness. I tried to move a finger, a toe, my face. I just couldn’t. Nothing worked. Then her voice continued in a soft lilting tone, comforting, like salve on an open wound.
“Collier, I’m sorry. If you can hear me, I’m so sorry. I should have told you.”
Told me what, Beauty? What? I can hear you. I just can’t reach you!
“I have so much to be sorry for. Pushing you away--” Her voice cracked. I wanted to reach out to her, comfort her. Tell her it would be okay. That I’d take away her hurt. Make it better.
“You never deserved my leaving, running off after we’d shared beautiful evenings together.”
She had a point, but if I could just sodding reach her, I’d tell her, hold her in my arms and pet her hair, explain that we were past all that. It was different now. We made amends and had full lives ahead of us. Ones we’d spend together. Christ! Why can’t I fucking move?
“Every moment with you has been the best moment of my life.” I could hear her sobbing and it gutted me. “I just want you to know, that no matter what happens, I’ll be here for you. I love you, Collier.”
She loves me. My Beauty admitted she loves me and I can’t reach her. Jesus, I’m tired. So sleepy.
I love you, London. Please don’t leave me.
***
The bed jostled and I woke instantly, looking at Collier to see if there had been any change. Another day had passed and the nurse was shifting Collier and moving things around.
“You need to leave,” she said hurriedly.
“What? Why?”
“He’s going in for surgery in the next thirty minutes.”
“He has a donor?” That evil bitch Hope came right back to the surface and I hugged her for all she was worth.
The nurse smiled. “Yes!” I hopped up and ran out the door as I saw Tripp being wheeled on a hospital bed around a corner. Confused, I made it to his side, trying not to fall. Running in my condition was not a good idea. My stomach swirled and tightened with the effort of not vomiting. My cast was like an anchor, tugging my balance to the right.
“Tripp, oh My God. What happened to you?”
His hand squeezed mine. “Nothing Bridge. Everything is great!”
I followed the team as they wheeled him down a long hallway. The light hurt my eyes and I faltered, but nothing was keeping me from following.
“I don’t understand, what’s going on?”
“Today’s your lucky day!”
“I know! Collier’s got a donor!” I half-yelled in glee.
Tripp smiled the mischievous one that told me he was up to no good. “How does that explain why the hell you’re in this hospital bed? What is going on?”
“Guys, give me a second?”
“We need to go, Mr. Devereux.”
“I know,” he answered. “Just give me a moment with my girl so I can say goodbye.”
“Goodbye? What the fuck, Tripp. You’re scaring me!”
“None of this makes sense right now, but Bridge, I’m a match.” It took a few moments for what he said to sink in. The second it dawned on me, my smile turned into a frown.
“No, no, no, you can’t be! You can’t do this, Tripp!”
“Yes, I can and I have. Collier’s going to have a piece of me in him. I can’t wait to give him shit about it either!”
“Don’t make light of this. This is not fucking funny. You could die and I’d lose you both! There has to be another way. Tell them no. You can’t. It’s not…“ A sob broke me and I leaned over the bed. He held me. I held on so tight I worried I might have finished off those severely bruised ribs.
“Bridge, there’s no other way. All of us were tested. Miraculous, I’m a match. Go figure.”
“No.“ I cried. “You can’t. I’ll lose you both. I won’t survive if something happens.”
“Bridge, baby, you’re going to be fine. I’m going to be fine. Dr. Nicholls, an excellent surgeon, was flown in. Aspen made sure we had the best transplant team. She was throwing money at the crew, trying to get random people to sign up to be donors and get checked. The doctors had to shut that down quick before they received a lawsuit.” He chuckled.
“Oh my God. I had no idea.” A lot seemed to have taken place while I was standing guard next to Collier’s bedside.
“Yeah, she and Hank had words because she’s actually a blood match, too, but with the pregnancy…”
“Oh no. They’d never let her.” He nodded and pointed to his nose. “Yeah, she wanted to be tested an
yway. Hank fucking lost it. It was kind of funny.” My frown deepened. “Guess you had to be there.”
“Tripp, seriously. Why are you doing this? You don’t even like Collier.” My tears fell and dropped on our combined hands. He rubbed our hands with his fingers.
“I love you. And you love him. I heard you last night Bridge. Telling him how sorry you were for not admitting your love. I had just found out that I was a possible match. I was waiting for the rest of the tests to see if I was a sure thing. When I came to find you, you were hunched over his bedside and I’d never seen you so gone for a man. Even James. I had to help. And now I can.” Intense emotions jumped off him and slammed into me, proving his love and gratitude. “I want to give you back your life. Exactly what you’ve given me over the past few years. You saved me. Now it’s my turn to save you.” A tear slipped down his cheek.
There weren’t words but I reached for them anyway. “I love you.“
“More than anyone?”
“Right now? Yes!” We laughed.
“Alright driver, I’m ready. Let’s go get my girl her man back!” That actually made me smile.
“Tripp, thank you.” His eyes closed and he let go of my hand. The team wheeled him away to the surgery bay.
“See you on the flip side, Bridge.”
Moments later Collier’s body headed toward the same door Tripp went through.
Please God. You’ve taken James. Don’t take Collier or Tripp. Please.
I stopped Collier’s bed before it went through. Before the team of medical professionals could say anything, I leaned over his bed and pressed my lips to his. I detected a small pressure back before I pulled away.
“I love you, Collier. I’ll be waiting for you,” I whispered in his ear. With one last kiss, I let them take the man I loved away.
Chapter - 18
A standard kidney transplant takes approximately three hours if you have a living donor. Three hours doesn’t sound long, unless you have a room filled with freaked out Brits who spoke a mile a minute.
Meeting Collier’s parents, sister, brother-in-law and nephew under normal circumstances would have sent me barreling to the hills. Under the peril of their son possibly dying, right along with my best friend? Unconscionable.
London Falling (The Falling Series) Page 21