by Lexi Blake
Was Big Tag right? Tag damn straight was right about a few things. He had thought he could make love to her and that would somehow magically fix her problems.
Because I don’t know who I fucking am, Wade. I have no idea. I was your girlfriend and getting ready to be your wife and then I was his. I’ve never once been me.
He’d been out in the world, figuring out who he was and what he wanted, and he was still fucked up. What was it like for Genny? She’d only known two men. One had been a boy who’d taken over her life. Yes, he’d done it with love and desire for her, but he could admit he hadn’t once thought about changing his life plans to suit her needs. He’d wanted to get out of Broken Bend. He could remember sitting up late nights with his friend Cooper when they traveled the circuit as kids during the summer. Coop had been the one to suggest going into the military. Hell, he’d said, it’s gotta be easier than tangling with bulls every night.
She’d had a full ride to UT Austin and he hadn’t once thought about her sacrifice.
And then she’d known Brock, who never gave a second thought to her plans either.
Sure, Brock had abused her, but Wade had marginalized her. In his mind, she’d been his wife and the mother of his kids, the keeper of his house and the woman in his bed. Now that he was older, wiser, he could see that he’d meant to get her pregnant as soon as he could. College had been a waste of time for her in his mind.
He was still thinking that way. He was thinking about marriage and kids and her making a home for them. He wasn’t thinking about what she needed.
Jesus, was this how real guilt felt? Had he made her small in his mind when she was everything?
Without a word he turned and walked out. He wanted to go straight to his truck and drive away. He could keep on driving. He didn’t have to stop. He would leave everything to her and just drift.
But he didn’t. He turned and walked toward the bar. He forced himself to open the door and find Hutch sitting at a big table and yes, he was already flirting with the woman who was taking his order.
Hutch looked up as Wade sat across from him. “Make that two and the onion rings. And thank you.” He waited until the waitress walked away and then turned serious. “I watched my father beat the hell out of my mom for years. The truth of the matter is I’m not even sure he didn’t kill her. He says he didn’t, that she fell down those stairs. He had a good alibi. He was in Afghanistan at the time, but he was scheduled to come home that week and I wonder if she didn’t look down those stairs and let herself go. I know technically that means she killed herself, but I blame him. I know that the wrong person can make life so brutal that it’s meaningless, that the fight doesn’t seem worth it.”
His gut clenched. He didn’t want that for Genny. “She left you behind?”
Hutch shrugged. “He didn’t hit me. I think in her mind I would be okay. In that way, she’s nothing like Genny. Genny would fight to the death to stay with her son. In other ways, she very much was. After she died, my father remarried and got himself another punching bag. I watched her, too. I watched her go from young and sunny to cold and unforgiving. She turned herself to stone. I think Genny could go that way if you push her too hard.”
Wade’s heart actually ached at the thought, but there was more to this situation. “She’s in danger.”
“And Big Tag will mitigate that as much as he can.” Hutch nodded as the waitress came back with the beers. “He’ll also convince her to stay at McKay-Taggart. Can I ask you when was the last time you did something for her without any thought to what it would get you? I’m not saying it’s bad to try to get into a woman’s bed. I do it all the time. Big Tag makes me take way too many STD tests. But that’s not the point. When was the last time you thought about what was best for her, even if that wasn’t you?”
Never. Never once. He’d loved her and then he’d hated her. The result of both emotions had been oddly the same for her. He’d left her alone. When she hadn’t complied with his orders, he’d walked away, heartsick, but away all the same. When he’d found out what had honestly happened, he’d moved her lock, stock, and teenaged son into his house, and in his head he’d been planning marriage and more kids, and soon because he wasn’t getting any younger.
He. What he wanted. What he needed.
“She needs time away from me.”
Hutch sighed. “I’m sorry, but she does. She needs more than that, and it’s going to take a master manipulator to get her the help she needs. Or just a big bastard who won’t take no for an answer.”
Big Tag. “He’s thought about this?”
“We’ve talked about it,” Hutch acknowledged. “She starts at the slightest sound. It was comical at first, until I figured out why she does it. She’s getting better about standing up for herself, but she still struggles to do it. Alex yelled the other day. He was pissed at something stupid I’d done and we found her in the closet, hiding. She pretended like she got turned around, but something about Alex’s voice set her off. She’s trying, but she needs more help, and pretending like she can go from one life to another without help, it’s a recipe for disaster. I spent a couple of months under Hope McDonald’s tender care and when I came out, it took Kai almost a year to convince me she wasn’t coming back for me. Genny spent fifteen years with her abuser, had a kid with him, and he’s not dead.”
A vision of Brock lying at his feet, blood running all over the place warmed him. “He could be.”
“And then her chance at happiness will be gone because you’ll likely be in jail,” Hutch pointed out. “Revenge is for you, not her, brother.”
His gut twisted again. He wanted to do something. “What if she can’t ever come back to me? What if our relationship will always remind her of what happened?”
“Do you love her enough to take that chance?”
That was easy. “Yes. She’ll be safe?”
“Safe as houses.” Hutch frowned. “What does that even mean? I spend too much time with Brits. Or watching Doctor Who.” Hutch looked up as the door came open, and then he was waving for the waitress. “Miss, as they say in Jaws, we’re going to need a bigger boat. Just bring one of everything on the appetizer menu.”
Wade turned and Shane Landon walked in, followed by Michael Malone, Theo Taggart, Deke Murphy, Bear Bennett, and Boomer. Wade had to smile. Boomer’s real name was Brian Ward, but no one called him anything but Boomer.
“One of each?” Theo asked, sliding in next to Hutch. “Boomer will eat one of each all on his own. The rest of us will be left fighting over the scraps.”
Theo had spent over a year with Dr. McDonald. Longer than Hutch had and he’d come back. He’d come back to his wife and son because Erin had been patient with him. Because Erin had put him first.
“I could eat,” Boomer said.
Deke rolled his eyes. “You can always eat. You are a bottomless pit, my man.”
Deke had been held for months by jihadists who tortured him. He’d found his way back because his sisters had been patient, never letting up on giving him their love and trust.
Did he love Genny enough to take the chance?
Fucking Tag was a manipulative son of a bitch.
“You okay?” Shane asked, sliding into the seat next to him.
He shook his head because he was done pretending. “Nope, but it looks like I’m going to have to deal with it.”
Shane nodded. “Okay. I’m here for you. Anything you need. And Dec is coming back into town in a couple of months. Suzanne is filming a few episodes of her show here in Dallas. He thought we might want to hang out and maybe play some video games. He said he needs guy time. Actually, he said he needs human time, but I ignore some of the weird shit he says now. He reads too many comic books. Hey, has anyone noticed that Big Tag is reading comics now? He tries to hide them, but he’s got a full run of something called Demonica in his desk. What’s up with that? Is he finally going to the dark side?”
It would be good to spend time with Dec and Shane. And
maybe he would invite a friend of his own.
He sat and listened to his brothers, joking and talking and basically being brothers. The sorrow was still there, but now hope bloomed inside him, too. His brothers had made it through that fire. And Genny would, too.
While she worked on her problems, he would work. He would find a way to be a better man. All he needed was a little patience.
Chapter Ten
Genny’s hand shook as she raised the coffee mug to her lips. It had been two whole days since she’d seen Wade, two days spent settling into another house. Two days spent pretending like she wasn’t dying inside.
Had he gone to the club that night and found someone who wasn’t damaged beyond all repair? She’d sat up most of that first night envisioning Wade with any number of gorgeous submissives. They could give him what he wanted. She wasn’t sure she could.
“Hey, how’s it going at the new place?” Charlotte Taggart walked into the break room. She grabbed one of the blue mugs emblazoned with the MT logo and poured herself some coffee.
How was it going? Somber. Sad. Ash had taken one look at her arm and hung his head. He’d picked out his room at the new house without another word. God, she would have felt better if he’d argued with her, cussed at her. Instead he’d been quiet and contemplative. She’d caught him on the phone once and had been sure he was talking to Wade but hadn’t asked.
“It’s good. The guest house is comfortable. Serena is a gracious hostess.” They’d been invited to meals and Jake had escorted her to the grocery store so she could cook for her and Ash. It had been odd to watch the threesome function as a family. Three people who needed each other, who picked up where one left off and never seemed to falter.
“You’re safe there. Is one of the guys taking Ash to school and you to work?” Charlotte asked.
“Jake,” she replied. “Adam’s been busy. He’s having some kind of trouble with that computer assistant thing of his.”
And speak of the devil. Adam stormed in, his eyes narrowed. “Charlotte, where’s your husband? Did he think I wouldn’t figure this out?”
Charlotte put the mug down. “Figure out what? What did he do?”
Adam’s jaw tightened and he held up his phone, pointing the camera at his face. “Tess, do a full facial recognition.”
Tess’s voice came over the phone. She’d gotten used to the sound. Adam used his personal digital assistant for everything. “The input from your peripheral device was not detected. Perhaps you should use a larger device.”
Charlotte shrugged. “I don’t…”
Tess wasn’t finished. “After all, that’s what works for Serena.”
Charlotte put a hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. “I will make him fix that.”
“It gets worse.” He changed the position of his phone slightly. “Try again, Tess.”
“Facial recognition complete,” the voice said. “One hundred percent match. Welcome back, Douchey McDouche Bag.”
Adam shook his head. “Do you know the sad part? I thought about changing her voice to a male voice because I almost found it soothing. It’s weird to not be here every day having my ass handed to me by Big Tag.”
Charlotte was smiling as she put a hand on his shoulder. “He misses you, too. Teasing you is his way of showing affection.”
“He needs to come up with another way,” Adam shot back.
Genny took that as her cue to leave. She stepped out and wondered if Wade was in his office on the floor below, or had he taken an assignment? She hated that she didn’t know, but she was right to leave.
That moment with Brock had let her know she was frozen and pretending everything was fine. She wasn’t ready for a relationship.
She’d let them all down. Wade and Ash. She even thought she’d let down her boss. He’d been kind when he’d driven her back to Wade’s and then to Jake and Adam and Serena’s place, but she sensed he’d been thinking the whole time. Likely about how to handle her, how to get a new assistant. She wasn’t his problem. She had been Wade’s and now she wasn’t.
She was drifting and taking advantage of people, and that would have to stop at some point.
There was a rose sitting on her desk. She stopped and looked at it. It sat on top of a book. A couple, actually. Dallas County Community College schedule of classes. There was a sticky note that said If you want to start small. And a thicker catalog for UT Dallas. Its sticky note said But you know you want to be here.
Wade. Tears made her vision watery.
She sniffled and set her mug down. She couldn’t go back to school. It had been too long and she was old now. God, she felt old today. She picked up the rose. It was a sweet gesture. Now that she thought about it, Wade had never been a hearts and flowers guy. He’d never actually given her a present. He’d taken her out and treated her well, but no gifts. They’d been young and poor.
It was the first time anyone had given her flowers.
“Harris, we’ve got a meeting. Grab your purse and let’s go. Quick because I’ve heard Adam’s here and I want to avoid him as long as possible. Tess hasn’t even said half the shit Hutch and I programmed her to say.” Big Tag was pulling on a jacket as he walked out of his office. “We’ll go down the back way. Adam’s loafers cost too much for him to ever let them touch a service elevator.”
She grabbed her purse and started following Ian, trying not to think about the rose she’d left behind. Ian pushed the button for the elevator. The big industrial doors slid open and they got in. As she turned, she saw Adam at the end of the hall.
“You asshole!” Adam started jogging toward the elevator.
Ian gleefully pushed the close door button. “Have fun with the new missus. We programmed her to come on in the middle of sex to grade your performance. I’ve heard she’s a harsh taskmaster, man.”
The doors closed before Adam could stop them. She could still hear the fuck you reverberating as the elevator moved down.
Ian smiled. “Damn, I miss that asshole.”
Sometimes she didn’t understand her boss.
He was quiet for the rest of the way to the parking garage, where she climbed into his massive Lincoln Navigator and settled in.
“Where are we going?” It might be good to get out of the office for a while.
“Not far.” He pulled out of the garage and into the light of the afternoon. “It’s only a couple of blocks, but Adam might follow me, hence the car.”
She didn’t think so. It didn’t matter. She would take whatever notes Ian needed her to take. She would get through the afternoon. If she got into her job enough, she wouldn’t think about Wade and the look on his face when she’d told him she was leaving.
The streets raced by and before she knew it, Ian was pulling into the drive of a lovely building. A valet opened her door, offering her a hand down. Ian slipped the man some cash and his keys before leading her into the building. “Ah, they’re right on time. And look, they brought the kid. Thank god. The last time I met with Julian, I had Seth with me and they gave me shit. Not Julian, those two assholes I trained and who have absolutely no respect for me. But Natalie, you look lovely today. Thank you for helping me out.”
Ian was talking to a young woman with bright pink hair. She smiled and stood up from the couch where she’d been sitting between two stunningly hot twin brothers. One was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, the other in slacks and a button-down, but one had an accessory. Slacks man held an infant against his chest, the baby holding her head up off the man’s shoulder and looking at the world around her with big, bright eyes. She could tell the baby was a girl because of the pink bow holding back her tuft of hair.
Natalie opened her arms and hugged Ian. “It’s good to see you. And you know Ben has the utmost respect for you. I can’t do anything about Chase. He respects no one.”
“Only you, Cotton Candy,” Slacks said.
Ian seemed to remember his manners. “This is my admin, Genny Harris. Harris, these are old friends of mine.
This is Nat and her husbands, Ben and Chase Dawson. They’re like Adam and Serena and Jake. She married Ben, and Chase came along for the ride.”
Slacks rolled his eyes and gently bounced the infant in his arms. “I told you, Tag, I saw her first. She was totally mine. Ben is the candy thief. He only got in because Nat thought he was me.”
Nat groaned. “I can’t believe we’re still arguing about this. Thank god. Kate, we’re over here.”
She turned and a lovely woman was walking in. She smiled and hugged Nat. She introduced herself to Genny as Kate Roberts-Scott.
“Mason and Cole are already in the gym, Ian. Welcome to the group, Genny. I think you’re going to like it. I’ll see you inside.” Kate walked toward a set of ornate doors. They were opened by a suited bellman, and Genny caught sight of a circle of chairs and women drinking coffee. Before the doors closed again, she could see the other women welcoming Kate.
“We should go in,” Nat said, gesturing toward the door.
Genny shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m here to take notes for Ian.”
Ian turned to her. “No, you’re here to go through that door. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but you do have to listen. If you don’t want to come back, we won’t. If it works for you, if you feel even the slightest bit better, well, I have a standing meeting here every week for the time being and I’ll be more than happy to drive you.”
She glanced back at the door where Nat was walking through. That was some kind of a therapy session. This was an intervention and with people she didn’t even know.
“Or I can call an Uber and leave here now.” Who the hell did he think he was?
“You can,” he admitted. “But you know you won’t ever get better if you continue down the road you’re on. I brought you here because I got better here. Oh, I’m sure Leo would say I didn’t get better until Charlie came back to me, but I didn’t murder anyone who didn’t deserve to be murdered, and I give Leo Meyer all the credit for that. He doesn’t run this group. His ex-wife does, but Janine is one of the best. Leo’s current wife is part of the group. New wife getting help from old wife should tell you how good she is.”