Three Months to Forever

by Hudson Lin

  Just when Ben was sure they’d meet in a kiss, Sai pulled back with a frown. He dropped his gaze as he pulled out his phone, and the ringing Ben had subconsciously ignored grew louder. Sai threw him a quick apologetic smile and answered it.

  “Wei?” he answered in Cantonese as his frown deepened.

  Ben turned back to the view and tried to enjoy it, even as Sai’s one-word answers became more and more curt. He seemed angry. But Ben couldn’t tell whether that was the sound of the language, or if the eye rolls, shifting feet, and barely audible sighs meant the same thing in English as they did in Chinese.

  Sai hung up, and Ben wasn’t sure if he heard the words for goodbye before Sai removed the phone from his ear and glared at it.

  “Is everything okay?” Ben asked.

  “That was my father.” Which wasn’t really an answer, at least not one Ben understood.

  “What did he want?”

  Sai kept glaring at his phone, head bowed, lips pressed so tightly together it was as if he was trying to keep something vile from spilling out of his mouth.

  “Sai?”

  His head shot up as if he’d forgotten Ben was even there.

  “What’s wrong?” It was so obvious. Ben couldn’t just keep on ignoring it.

  Sai let out a heavy sigh through his nose. Then took a deep breath and did it again. “It’s my father.” His voice was tight, barely restrained. “He’s being… unreasonable.”

  Ben cocked his head. He had a feeling “unreasonable” was a euphemism for something much worse. If he had learned anything in his two weeks in Hong Kong, it was the Chinese people’s ability to understate everything.

  “Unreasonable?”

  Sai gave him a hard look, dark eyes searching for something in Ben’s expression. Perhaps something to indicate he could trust Ben with whatever was bothering him. What did a trustworthy expression look like? Ben had no idea. But he tried his best—nonthreatening, nonjudgmental, positive and open vibes all around.

  Sai blinked, and the examination was over. But the sad smile that graced his lips and the small shake of his head signaled Ben wasn’t going to get the answers he itched for. “It’s a long story for another time.”

  What could he say? It wasn’t his place to intrude.

  “Look, the sun’s setting.” There Sai went again, changing the subject.

  Was it a Chinese thing to avoid talking about things? Or just a Sai thing? Maybe he could ask Jacques and Winston about it.

  Ben turned back to the view. Orange light shone across the sky and illuminated all the glass-covered buildings until the whole city glowed as if it were on fire. It was spectacular. There was no denying that.

  Next to Ben, Sai shifted and their shoulders brushed before Sai pressed firmly against him. They stood together as the sun set, the orange fire fading almost as quickly as it had flared. As the city descended into darkness, the buildings took on a life of their own, lit by a rainbow of colored lights. Down by the harbor, a light show began, with lasers tracing patterns in the sky and images projected onto the sides of buildings.

  It almost didn’t look real to Ben, more like something he’d see in a movie than with his own eyes. If he were honest, very little of the past two weeks felt real. Riding a wave of adrenaline, boosted by jet lag, every new experience felt like the best thing he’d ever encountered—Sai included.

  Their time together so far had been like a dream. Something just clicked when they were sharing the same space, like they could slip into roles written specifically for them, roles that brought out their true selves. Ben had never felt that way with anyone before, not even with his family, and certainly never with any of his ex-boyfriends.

  He hoped this connection wasn’t some figment of his overactive imagination, him seeing something that wasn’t there because of how much he liked Sai. It would be hard, he realized, if this whole thing turned out to be a one-sided relationship conjured out of nothing more than a couple of casual dates and a quick fuck. He was probably already more invested than was healthy. After all, he was leaving at the end of his three-month stint, so even if this was a relationship, where could it realistically go?

  For the first time in his life, the answer wasn’t immediately clear. He’d been lucky in the past, Ben knew. Most of his important life decisions had come easily: where he went to school, what he wanted to study, career choices, and even former relationships, everything tended to fall into place without too much trouble. But this thing with Sai? It made him want things he didn’t know he wanted, made him second-guess himself and pushed him outside of what was comfortable.

  “Ready to go?” Sai asked.

  Not really. Sai’s hot-and-cold behavior today was a bucket of cold water on Ben’s little honeymoon phase. A part of himself wanted to hit the pause button before real life started rolling in. Standing at the top of the world felt safe.

  He sighed. “Yeah, okay.”

  They took the tram back down the mountain and then jumped into a cab. Sai rattled off some instructions in Cantonese, and the cab took off in a lurch that had Ben bracing himself. The ride itself didn’t take long, and they soon stopped at a familiar street corner, the same one they had gone to after the horse race. All the restaurants had their sliding doors pulled back, and people loitered out on the street, holding glasses and bottles of alcohol.

  Ben blinked in surprise when Sai grabbed his hand. But Sai just smiled, eyes dark, lips tilting with amusement, and led the way into the fray.

  Chapter Seven

  SAI AND Winston were in a heated argument. At least that’s what it looked like from where Ben stood, pretending to chat with Jacques. Winston looked annoyed, with his arms crossed over his chest and an eyebrow arched so high Ben thought it might climb off his forehead. Sai scowled, stabbing angrily at the air and shaking his head. He had downed his gin and tonic almost as soon as he got it and was now waving the empty glass around so much that Ben was afraid he might drop it.

  He noticed belatedly Jacques had stopped talking and followed the direction of Ben’s gaze to where Sai and Winston were arguing.

  Jacques shook his head. “They do that every so often.”

  “Argue like that? It looks heated.”

  “Well, Cantonese is a heated language. But judging from Winston’s body language, they’re arguing about Sai’s job again.” Jacques spun around so he stood next to Ben, both watching the confrontation go down.

  “Sai’s job?” Ben glanced over at Jacques, who nodded. “What about it?”

  Jacques opened his mouth as if to speak, but then stopped short and snapped it shut.

  “What?” Ben frowned. He probably shouldn’t push the issue, but curiosity got the better of him.

  Jacques hemmed and hawed before giving in. “Most of Sai’s job is representing the friends of his parents—wealthy business people like the Leungs. He often gets asked to do… things he’d rather not do.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Jacques cast one last glance at Sai and Winston before turning around and lowering his voice. “Listen, it’s all over the news anyway, if you want to look it up.” He sighed. “The Leungs have a reputation for, ah… less-than-ethical treatment of their employees. There was an exposé in the newspaper a couple of years ago, and since then, they’ve been the targets of protests by human rights activists. There was one this past week. It was big. People were arrested. Whenever stuff like this happens, and it tends to happen regularly, Sai is called in to do damage control.”

  “Oh.” Ben wasn’t sure how to interpret this new information. “And he’s okay with that?”

  Jacques looked at him with a surprised expression. “No. Of course he’s not okay with that. He’d probably go and represent the protestors in court if he wasn’t already on the other side of the issue.”

  Jacques paused and eyed Ben for so long that Ben wondered what he had missed. “You know that Sai is one of those bleeding-heart liberals, right? He went down and joined all those student demons
trators a few years ago when they were protesting Beijing’s influence in local politics. He got in so much trouble with his father because of it.”

  “Oh.” Ben was confused. Why would Sai work for people he disagreed with?

  Jacques sighed, heavy and despondent. “The Chinese are great people, but there are some things I will never understand.”

  “What kinds of things?” Ben asked.

  “This argument that Winston and Sai are having?” Jacques nodded toward their friends.

  Sai looked calmer now, if more defeated with his head hanging low. His glass had disappeared, and he stood with both hands on his hips. Winston shook his head as he spoke.

  “I can’t count the number of times they’ve had this argument,” Jacques said. “It’s always the same: Sai complains about what the Leungs—or one of his other clients—are asking him to do; Winston tells him he needs to quit. But Sai doesn’t think he can quit because of some ridiculous edict his father handed down about what he must do with his life. Winston berates him for being too traditional, and then Sai storms off. Wait, watch, we’re almost there.”

  And sure enough, as they stood and watched, Sai threw a hand in the air, spun on his heel, and marched back into the bar, leaving Winston on the street shaking his head. After a moment, Winston turned toward them and caught Ben’s gaze. There was something in that look Winston gave him that made Ben feel like an outsider, like he had intruded into their lives, and Winston wasn’t sure whether he could be trusted.

  Ben dropped his gaze to the beer he was nursing. Who was he kidding? He was an outsider. What right did he have to have an opinion on Sai’s life?

  He didn’t notice Winston come over until Jacques spoke.

  “Same old argument?” Jacques asked.

  “Mostly,” Winston said and gave Ben a penetrating look. “For how much longer are you in Hong Kong, Ben?”

  Ben did a bit of mental math. “Two and a half months still. Why?”

  Winston didn’t answer right away, his normal exuberance so tempered that Ben worried that something bad had happened. Then he smiled—a little contrived—and turned to his boyfriend. “I need another drink.”

  Winston and Jacques disappeared inside, leaving Ben to ponder what he had just witnessed. Winston hadn’t said it out loud, but his meaning was clear—Ben was only there temporarily. The issues surrounding Sai and his job were longstanding, and Ben was just a blip in the timeline. What place did he really have in all of it? None.

  His glass was empty, and like Winston, he needed another drink. Pushing his way through the other customers, he found Sai still at the bar. “Hey.”

  Sai glanced at him, and for a moment, Ben could see all the weariness Sai carried inside, the heaviness of the burden and the frustration that came with living another person’s agenda—it was all written plain as day on Sai’s face. Then Sai hung his head, and when he lifted it again, all that emotion was gone. Back was the reserved but charming man who’d caught Ben’s imagination and wouldn’t let go.

  Ben’s heart skipped a beat when Sai straightened and lifted his head. The changes were so subtle that Ben couldn’t pinpoint what exactly they were, but all together, it turned Sai into a figure Ben could never say no to.

  “See? There it is again.”

  Ben barely heard the words, but his subconscious mind labeled the voice as Winston’s.

  “Are you seeing this? It’s so ridiculous.”

  “Yes, babe. I see it.” That was Jacques.

  “Hello? We’re right here!”

  Ben ignored them because Sai ignored them. And the way Sai was looking at him now, there wasn’t any way Ben could turn away, even if he wanted to. Sai slipped his hand over his—the simple touch warmed Ben’s heart—and they pushed through the throng of people until they found a cozy little spot on the dance floor.

  The music was good, electronic dance music mixed in with the latest top-forty pop songs in a variety of languages. When Sai smiled at him, teasing with a dark look in his eyes, Ben couldn’t help but move to the beat thrumming through him. He draped his arms around Sai’s shoulders and shuffled closer when Sai wrapped his hands around his lower back.

  All the unanswered questions about Sai fled to the back of Ben’s mind, unimportant as he stood in his arms. All Ben knew was there was something inside Sai that called out to him and drew him in with such intensity his head reeled.

  They danced all night, stopping for drinks and then dancing some more. Sai might not have been great at dancing, but he was a master at standing there with desire in his eyes, driving Ben to move his body until they were both panting with lust. By the time they got back to Ben’s apartment, he’d all but forgotten about Sai’s moodiness from earlier, the strange call from Sai’s father, and Jacques’s comments.

  Too bad that didn’t seem to be the case with Sai. He dropped onto the little love seat in Ben’s apartment, staring off into the distance. Ben got them each a glass of water and squeezed himself onto the sofa next to Sai.

  “What’s wrong?” Ben couldn’t ignore it anymore; he didn’t want to ignore it. Maybe this was only a three-month fling, but he wasn’t the type to just take what he wanted from a relationship and leave the other person to fend for themselves.

  Sai looked like he was about to deflect again, but Ben squeezed his hand. “Tell me. What’s wrong? Is it the Leungs?”

  Sai’s brows lowered. “What do you know about the Leungs?”

  “Jacques mentioned them.”

  Sai shut his eyes and pressed his lips into a thin line. “Fucking Jacques. He never knows when to shut up.”

  “Sorry.” Maybe Ben should have left that part out.

  “Don’t be sorry.” Sai squeezed his hand. “It’s all out there, anyway. The Leungs aren’t the greatest people.”

  Ben let out the question that had been bothering him from earlier. “So why do you still work for them?”

  Sai shifted as if Ben’s question had hit him with physical force. “It’s not so easy. I can’t just quit.”

  “Why not? No—” Ben straightened when Sai started to protest. “Explain it to me. I want to understand.”

  Sai did that examining thing again where he looked at Ben with assessing eyes, as if weighing how much he should share.

  “You can tell me.” Ben shifted closer. “I mean, as much as you’re allowed to tell me. I’m good at listening.”

  It took another second before Sai sighed, and Ben knew he had won.

  “Mark and Constance Leung. They have a daughter and a son who grew up with me and Winston. They are close friends with my parents. Uncle Mark and my father go golfing all the time. They own a manufacturing firm with some factories in Hong Kong. If you look them up, you’ll probably find an old article about the poor working conditions in those factories from years ago.” Sai shook his head, a frown marring his brow.

  “I worked with them to change things in the months after that article was published. We made really good headway. Conditions were improving, and we had labor department inspectors come in and do assessments. There were still protestors.” Sai shrugged. “They had a right to protest. Things were far from ideal.”

  Sai paused as if debating what he should say next. “Things were better for a while. But as with all things, people backslide.”

  “So conditions are bad again?”

  Sai winced. “To say they were ever really good is misleading.”

  “Why can’t you keep pressuring them to change? I mean, you’re their legal counsel. Your word must mean something.”

  The laugh that escaped Sai’s throat was anything but amused. “I may be their legal counsel, but I’m also the son of a friend. I call them Uncle and Auntie to show them respect. They have no reason to listen to what I have to say.”

  “But you’re the legal expert.”

  “You flatter me, Ben. I may be a legal expert to you. But to them I’m just a child with a law degree who can sign their papers and be their mouthpiece to the media.�
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  Ben gaped. Put that way, Sai’s job sounded really crude. But to a certain extent, Ben could understand. He had friends whose parents still treated them like children even though they were all adults.

  “It’s okay if you don’t understand, Ben. It’s one of those Chinese things that doesn’t always make much sense to foreigners. But that’s the way things are here.” He smiled sardonically.

  “No, I understand. But that doesn’t make it okay.” Ben frowned. “There has to be a way out; why can’t you just quit?”

  “I’ve tried before.” There was that unamused laugh again. “But they won’t accept my resignation.”

  “Probably because they wouldn’t be able find another lawyer who’ll bend the rules for them.” Ben spat the words before he fully formed the idea. The brief glimmer of pain in Sai’s eyes before he shut it down sliced through Ben as he realized what he had said. “Shit. No. I didn’t mean to say that you’d bend the rules for them or anything like that.”

  “It’s okay.” Sai squeezed his hand. “I do bend the rules for them.”

  “But you don’t want to!” Ben jumped to Sai’s defense.

  “True. But I still do it.”

  And the facts stood between them, as immovable as the mountain they’d visited earlier that day.

  “What was that thing with your dad?” Ben asked.

  “The phone call?”

  When Ben nodded, Sai winced. “He wanted me to fix a situation.”

  “The situation with the Leungs?”

  “Yes. There was a big demonstration at one of their factories last week, and several protestors were arrested. They were let out on bail, and, well, not everyone was happy about that.” Sai shook his head and sighed. “They just don’t understand. These people are allowed to protest. Maybe they crossed some lines, but going after them is only making the firm look worse than it already does.

  “And my father getting involved is…. He shouldn’t even know the things he does. He’s not covered under our confidentiality umbrella, so they would have had to break attorney-client privilege for him to know all those details. If the defendants’ legal team found out, we wouldn’t even have a case to argue.”