by Hudson Lin
“Oh? What does it entail?”
His ears turned red. “Um, I’m not entirely sure.”
“Ben,” Maureen scolded. “Why are you erecting obstacles where there are none?”
A denial was on the tip of his tongue, but damn his mom for always being right. “I don’t know.”
He took a shaky breath and then let it out again. He loved Sai—there was no denying that. And he loved the idea of living with Sai, seeing him every day and building a life together. But there was a huge chasm between where he was now and that imaginary future he longed for, and he didn’t know how to cross it. Didn’t know if he could cross it.
“I think I’m scared?” Ben dropped his chin to his chest and fiddled with the edge of his sweater. “What if it doesn’t work out?”
His mom didn’t have the quick and pithy answer he was looking for. She didn’t seem to have any reassurances either. “That’s a risk you’re just going to have to take. That is if you love him enough to try.”
Did he? He hoped he did, but he would never really know unless he tried, would he? Ben lifted his head and took another fortifying breath. He shared a look with his mom and then nodded.
Chapter Seventeen
Tuesday, January 9
SAI STEPPED out of the terminal at Toronto’s Pearson International Airport and let out the vilest string of expletives he could think of in Cantonese. He thought he’d been discreet, but a middle-aged Chinese woman glared at him out of the corner of her eye, and he quickly mumbled an apology before scurrying away.
But fucking hell, he’d forgotten how cold it was. The miserable winters he had spent in New York State were a big factor in his decision to go back to Hong Kong and stay there. He hated the cold.
Blistering wind pierced through his clothes and burrowed itself deep in his bones. He threw himself into the first available cab and gave the driver Ben’s address. He just hoped to hell Ben was home.
It took about half an hour to drive from the airport into the city, and along the way, Sai stared out the window at the muted lights of the low suburban buildings and the vast expanse of inky black above. It was so different from the constant light pollution of Hong Kong that it felt like a vacuum to Sai.
As the city drew nearer, the buildings grew in height, and finally Sai saw some that might have competed with those of his home. Even then they were few and far between. The driver made a couple of turns along streets unfamiliar to Sai.
“33 Bay Street, right?” the driver asked.
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Should be that one there.” The driver pointed across the street to a nondescript entrance, but Sai couldn’t make out any address markings in the dark. “You want me to loop around?”
Sai scowled at the thought of wandering around in the dark—the cold dark. “Yes, please.”
It took another few minutes for the traffic lights to change and the driver to pull the car up in front of the building. He paid and climbed out, bracing against the cold as he waited for the driver to retrieve his suitcase from the trunk. He scurried to the building the driver had indicated, and as he drew closer, the building number engraved on one of the concrete blocks became visible. Thank God he was in the right place.
Someone came out of the building just as Sai arrived at the door, and he ran the last couple of steps to slip inside before he got locked out. A reception desk sat in the middle of the lobby, but no one was there, so Sai followed the strip of carpet that led from the main entrance to the elevators.
Thirty-fourth floor.
The higher the elevator went, the faster Sai’s heart beat until his hands were shaking. It must have been the jet lag from the flight or the sudden increase in altitude. But even as he stood in front of what he believed to be Ben’s door and took a couple of deep, calming breaths, he knew those were all excuses.
If Ben rejected him now, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Hell, he hadn’t even booked a hotel room for the night.
He knocked. Three times. Firm, solid knocks. Then waited. And waited. He leaned in close but didn’t hear any sounds coming through the door. No music, no TV, nothing. Shit.
“Sai?”
He jumped and spun around to find Ben standing behind him, black knit cap pulled low over his ears, cheeks ruddy from the cold. He looked gorgeous and Sai’s heart forgot how to beat.
“Oh my God. Sai.” Ben took two steps forward, then stopped. “What… what are you doing here?”
“I….” He had a whole speech prepared. He had even written it out like he did when making oral arguments in court. But standing there in front of Ben, with everything at stake, he couldn’t remember a single word. “I love you,” was all he could say.
Ben gasped and then let out a little sob, his hand covering his mouth. He took several deep breaths before stepping in front of Sai and unlocking the door.
“Come on in. You must be freezing. Is that all you’re wearing?” Ben shut the door behind him and ushered him farther into the apartment.
“It’s difficult to find coats in Hong Kong that are appropriate for Canadian winters.” Sai should know; he had spent an entire week scouring the city.
“Right. Of course.” Ben stripped his winter gear off, which to Sai’s amusement, required a good couple of minutes. And then he took Sai’s poor excuse for a winter coat and hung it up in the closet. “Do you want something warm to drink? I’ve got tea.”
The kitchen stood right off the main entrance. Sai followed Ben and leaned against the counter as Ben pulled out a package of green tea Sai recognized from Hong Kong. Then Ben filled a couple of mugs from one of those hot water dispensers found in every Chinese home. The entire setup made Sai smile in a way he hadn’t smiled in weeks.
“Come on.” Ben brought the steeping tea over to the living room and set them on the coffee table.
Sai sank into the couch, the aches of trans-Pacific air travel finally making themselves known. He accepted the blanket Ben offered him because even though it was warm inside, he could still feel the winter cold in his bones.
Ben sat down close and reached for Sai’s hand, rubbing it between both of his. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I can hardly believe it myself.” Sai chuckled.
“But… how?”
Sai couldn’t help it; it was too easy. “On an airplane.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “Yeah, of course, on an airplane. I meant why.”
“Because….” Sai brought Ben’s hand up to kiss his knuckles. The speech he had prepared came back to him in pieces. “Because I love you. And I’m miserable without you. You make me laugh, you challenge me, you take care of me when I need it, and you let me take care of you when I need that too.”
Ben’s mouth hung open, and his eyes were wide, glistening with unshed tears. Sai almost broke at that look, but he forged on.
“You were right about my job; you were right about everything. I don’t want to be that person, I don’t want to be someone you’d be disappointed in.” Sai took a deep breath. “So I quit.”
Ben’s eyes grew wider. “You what?”
“I quit. Kind of dramatically, actually. My parents haven’t spoken to me for weeks.” And Sai didn’t feel nearly as guilty about it as he thought he would.
“What happened? What changed?” Ben scooted closer, and their legs tangled together like they were two halves of one whole.
“I’m not sure, exactly. I got to work a little later than usual—”
“Because you were talking to me?” Ben interjected.
“Yes.” Sai acquiesced the point. “I was sitting at my desk, and the phone rang. I don’t know what came over me, but I picked it up and threw it across the room.”
Ben gasped. “You threw your phone across the room?”
Sai laughed out loud at the horrified expression on Ben’s face. “The office phone. The socket got ripped out, but the phone only suffered minor damages.”
“And then what happened?”
“And then….” Sai had stared at the phone lying on the floor with complete indifference, and he realized he just didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care about his clients and their agendas, and he didn’t care about trying to win his parents’ approval. “I went to the senior partner and told him that I was quitting.”
“They just let you quit?” Ben sounded incredulous.
Sai shrugged. “They don’t have a choice. I turned in all my work product and left.”
“Oh my God, Sai. I’m so proud of you.” Ben leaned in and settled his chin on Sai’s shoulder.
Sai’s heart thumped in his chest at Ben’s words. “I—” He cleared his throat before continuing. “I’ve already contacted legal aid about volunteering my legal services with them. And… I put down a deposit on a flat in the Midlevels.”
He left out the part about how it was big enough for the both of them. “I….” This was the hardest part, but he leaned into Ben and drew up all the courage he had left in his soul.
Keeping his eyes trained on their clasped hands, he ventured forward. “I know you have family obligations here. And I don’t expect you to change your mind on this. But when I started thinking about what I want my life to look like, I couldn’t imagine it without you.”
Sai shifted and dislodged Ben’s head from his shoulder. He missed the contact, but he had to say the next bit while looking at the man he loved.
A couple of tears had escaped down Ben’s cheeks, and Sai brushed them away with his thumb. Then he drew his fingers through the baby-soft hairs along Ben’s temples and down the back of his head to his neck.
“Ben Dutton. I love you. Would you… come back to Hong Kong with me?” It wasn’t the most romantic proposition in the history of the world, but it was the best Sai could do.
He held his breath and then lost it when Ben lunged at him and crushed their lips together. Sai gasped for air, only to have Ben slip his tongue inside his mouth. Oh God, yes, he had missed Ben’s kisses. How he managed to survive the past month without these kisses, Sai would never know.
“Yes, Sai Hei Kwok, yes.” Ben pulled back just enough to swipe at his cheeks. “Goddamn you for making me cry.”
“So does that mean…?” Sai needed to be absolutely sure.
“Yes,” Ben repeated, holding their foreheads together. “Yes, I love you, and yes, I’ll move back with you.”
“Really?” Sai couldn’t quite believe it was that easy. “But your family?”
“They’re okay with it. In fact, my mom’s the one who pushed me to reconsider.” He sniffled, then pulled away to reach for the laptop sitting on the coffee table. “My dad’s health is considered stable, and I spoke with his doctor, who reassured me that he doesn’t expect any complications with the rest of his treatment.”
He turned the laptop toward Sai, but Sai didn’t understand what he was looking at.
“Do you remember that job opening I told you about ages ago?”
Sai nodded.
“I sent in my application last week and had my interview for it this morning.”
Sai blinked as the full meaning of Ben’s words sunk in. When the pieces finally clicked, pure joy exploded inside his chest. He pulled Ben in for another bruising kiss, complete with tangling tongues and tugs on hair. But it wasn’t enough. Ben was his, by his choice and by Ben’s own choice.
Sai pushed Ben back until they lay horizontal on the couch, the laptop set aside at just the last moment. He pressed him into the cushions, reveling in the feel of Ben beneath him. Yes, this was right; this was how they were supposed to be. Sai ran his hands along Ben’s body, remembering the bumps and crevices that made Ben moan. Then he pinned Ben’s hands up above his head and basked in the full-body shudders that shot through his lover.
He slipped his knee between Ben’s thighs and brought it high enough to rub against the growing bulge at the juncture of Ben’s legs. Ben arched up, and Sai pressed him back down, growling into Ben’s mouth. He licked along Ben’s jaw and nibbled at Ben’s ear, then sucked on the delicate skin of Ben’s neck until Ben cried out.
“Please, Sai, please.”
Sai pulled back, eyes narrowed, gazing down at Ben’s lust-filled dazed expression. “I love you.”
Ben’s breath hitched, and his lips curled into a smile. “I love you too.”
HUDSON LIN was raised by conservative immigrant parents and grew up straddling two cultures with oftentimes conflicting perspectives on life. Instead of conforming to either, she has sought to find a third way that brings together the positive elements of both.
Having spent much of her life on the outside looking in, Hudson likes to write about outsiders who fight to carve out their place in society and overcome everyday challenges to find love and happily ever afters.
Hudson was a finalist and received an honorable mention in the 2017 Kayak Author Awards.
You can follow Hudson on Twitter and Facebook, subscribe to her newsletter for information on new releases, and visit her website for more of her writing.
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By Hudson Lin
Three Months to Forever
Published by DREAMSPINNER PRESS
www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Published by
DREAMSPINNER PRESS
5032 Capital Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886 USA
www.dreamspinnerpress.com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of author imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Three Months to Forever
© 2018 Hudson Lin.
Cover Art
© 2018 Brooke Albrecht.
http://brookealbrechtstudio.com
Cover content is for illustrative purposes only and any person depicted on the cover is a model.
All rights reserved. This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of international copyright law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. Any eBook format cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press, 5032 Capital Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886, USA, or www.dreamspinnerpress.com.
Digital ISBN: 978-1-64080-508-8
Digital eBook published July 2018
v. 1.0
Printed in the United States of America