About three feet away from her office door, I stopped and turned around to see her as she stood there and watched me leave with tears in her eyes.
“Thank you again. By the way, check your email. I sent you something,” I said before I turned and left the building with the officer.
The ride back home to the Robinson’s was like no other car ride I had before. For once, I really felt free and looked forward to the future that lied ahead. Still, there was a twinge of guilt and worry in my heart, but the optimism that Lieutenant Black believing me brought, overshadowed that. I sat in the back of the car with the window half down and enjoyed the cold January wind in Memphis as it whipped across my face. It was like I was finally able to breath and see the beauty in the world around me.
I said nothing as we drove, I just sat back and enjoyed the scenery while my mind sat idle and let me have a moment of peace. By the time we arrived at the big blue house, I felt like the old Tisha again, hopeful and optimistic. I walked into the house elated with a huge smile on my face that took my foster mother off guard. Tania stood there for a second as she held A’Miracle tightly with a worried look on her face.
“What happened Tisha?” she asked me as worry lines stretched across her forehead.
I said nothing as I walked closer to her as she held my baby and kissed her softly on the head.
“Everything is going to be aite, ma. Everything is finally gonna be aite,” I said to her as I took A’Miracle out of her arms and left her there to go about my day. I went through the rest of the day high above the world, as I floated on a cloud of hope.
By the time Jerrod got off work and picked me and A’Miracle up from my foster parents’ house, I was ready to begin our new life together.
“Damn baby, you’re beautiful. You look like the old Tisha again. What did the cops say to you so good that you’re looking like this? Them muthafuckas went through everything to try and break me, but you know it wasn’t a chance. For a second though, I thought my ass was flapped then suddenly, they just came in and told me I could go. What happened baby?” Jerrod asked me as he cranked up the car and pulled away from the curb.
“Lieutenant Black is what happened baby. She believes me. She believes me and she’s going to make this all disappear. It’s just like you said baby. WE GONE BE AITE!” I said as I laughed and Jerrod joined in.
We drove home engulfed in happy chatter about the future, as we felt truly free to live for the first time. The two days that followed were the same as we settled into a happy little routine, in which Jerrod went to work every day, I cared for our daughter, and we spent the evenings wrapped up in loving family time. We were the family I had always dreamed of with intimate dinners and lots of quiet cuddle time. I felt like my life was finally my own, as I looked around at the beautiful family Jerrod and I had begun to build together.
Day three was the day of reckoning for me though, as I sat in the window close to the fireplace and held my daughter while she slept. The phone startled me out of my warm, loving trance as I got up to lay A’Miracle in her bassinette before I answered it. Once I answered the phone and put it up to my ear, I didn’t even get a chance to say hello before my aunt Betty started to talk and put a damper on my mood.
“Tisha, this Betty. I ain’t gonna talk long because I know you don’t like me and I can’t say for sure if I like you. However, I wanted to tell you and your sister that your help is needed with your mother’s funeral arrangements. We have it set for Saturday, which is three days away, but I still need some assistance with the programs and flowers and things. If you want to do it, you can call me back at this number because I’ll be in town until after the funeral. Okay?” my aunt said in that nasty, cold ass tone she had used my entire life.
I stood there for a second with the phone still up to my ear as I remembered the words my aunt had just said. I hated her even more than I hated my mother and what she had done to me because I couldn’t help but to think that she was the cause of some of my mother’s pain. Betty had hated and was jealous of my mother all of their lives, and she never had a problem taking her hate for Denise out on me and my siblings. That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to give her an answer at that moment, even though my heart told me it was the right thing to do.
“Hmmm, I’ll get back with you,” I said in a cold and dry tone just like hers, as she grunted and then hung up the phone.
I immediately called Terricka after that and told her what my aunt had said.
‘Fuck that fat, sloppy, miserable, bald-headed bitch. Fuck her and her dead sister. Tisha, you know I don’t want to deal with that shit at all,” Terricka said with hate as I stared at the phone.
I knew what my sister felt at that moment because I felt the same way too. However, I knew that it wouldn’t look normal if we didn’t participate in our mother’s funeral or even show up, like Terricka had said she wasn’t. I also felt we owed ourselves that much. We had to see her put into the ground to know that it was finally over.
“Terricka, I get it, I really do, but we gotta make sure we do the right thing. I don’t want to go into detail over the phone, but please come over, so that we can talk. Please sister,” I said to Terricka.
There was a short pause before Terricka agreed and then we hung up the phone. Within twenty minutes, my sister was there by my side as she had always been, and we sat quietly in front of the fire.
“T, I know you don’t want to have shit to do with this, but we have to in order to cover our ass. How would it look if we didn’t show up? I’ll tell you. It would look like we guilty as fuck. SO, I’m about to tell you like you once told me. SUCK THAT SHIT UP AND STOP ACTING LIKE A PUSSY!” I said as my sister began to cry.
I jumped up and ran over to Terricka and let her lay her head on my shoulder to release all of her emotions for the first time. Once my sister’s tears stopped, I handed her the letter our mother had written because I felt it was time. I couldn’t keep something so important from my sister because unlike my mother, I knew it was always better to know.
I went into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee as my sister sat quietly by the fire and read the letter. When I walked back into the room, Terricka stood in front of the fire as she watched the letter burn. I walked up beside her and put my arm around her shoulder as I tried to give her some of the strength she always gave me. I knew it was hard for my sister to learn such an ugly truth after we had already gone through so much. I really didn’t know what to say to her as we stood there head-to-head and watched the letter burn.
“T-” I began when my sister cut me off.
“You don’t have to say nothing Tisha. I’ve known about this my entire life. I heard the rumors at family functions and I remember the big chaotic scene that happened at grandpa’s funeral when mama told everyone and no one believed her. I still hate her Tisha, I can’t help it and I really don’t want to, but I do. At the same time, I know going would be best. Just let me think on this for a little while, little sister,” Terricka said and like that, I let it go.
I spent the rest of the afternoon with my sister, just talking while I enjoyed the fact that we were stronger than we had ever been. By the time Jerrod got home and we all sat down to dinner, I had made my decision.
“Baby, I think I’m going to take A’Miracle to your mother or Tania tomorrow, so that I can go help with my mother’s funeral arrangements. Part of me doesn’t want to, but the other part knows that I should. I have to see her put into the ground to know that it’s really over. So, do you support me baby or do you think I shouldn’t go?” I asked Jerrod that night as we laid in our bed and listened to the sound of A’Miracle, as she breathed loudly in the bassinette besides us.
I felt Jerrod’s body tense up a little as I laid on his chest and listened to him breathe. I knew that my mother had also caused him unforgivable pain and that would not be easy for him to forgive. However, like many times before, the man that I gave myself to completely fooled me and offered nothing but what I needed
at that moment.
“Baby, you know I support you no matter what it is. I get it Tisha, you have to do this. And guess what, I’ll be right by you side at the funeral. I’ll be by yo side to the end. As a matter of fact,” Jerrod said as he suddenly jumped up out of the bed and ran over to get something out of the dresser.
I sat up in bed with wide eyes as I watched him retrieve a small, blue velvet box before he walked back over to the bed and got on one knee. I couldn’t stop the tears that fell down my face as I looked down into the eyes of the man I felt God designed just for me.
“Shartisha Lewis, I love you with all of me. There is no me without you because you make me better. Baby, you walked into my life and gave me a reason to want to be a better person. Tisha, I know you think I saved you that night I picked you and Terricka up in the rain. But the truth is baby, YOU SAVED ME! I was on the verge of complete destruction, ready to crash the fuck out. Then fate brought you into my life and since then, everything has been better. I never want to know what a day feels like without you, so on this day Shartisha Lewis, I am asking, WILL YOU MARRY ME?” Jerrod asked as tears rolled down his face and he took the two-karat princess cut diamond ring in a platinum setting out of the box and prepared to slip it on my finger.
I felt flustered and overwhelmed with happiness as I stared into his face and my tears ran down my chest.
“Yes, baby. YES, OF COURSE I WILL MARRY YOU, JERROD. I LOVE YOU AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER,” I said to him as I wiped his tears and trembled while he slipped the huge rock on my finger.
Our kiss was so passionate and filled with love after that, I felt like nothing could ever bring me down. I fell asleep in his arms that night as he whispered our future in my ear.
“I’m gonna make you very happy Ms. Lewis, just wait and see,” was the last thing I heard him say as I slipped into a nightmare free dream.
I woke up the next morning refreshed as I rushed into the kitchen to make Jerrod a good breakfast before work. After we ate together, we all got dressed and left the house so that I could drop Jerrod off. At his office where he ran his own cellphone company, I kissed my soon-to-be husband deeply as A’Miracle laughed and cooed in the back.
“I love you, baby. Have a great day. And you, little princess, daddy got kisses for you too,” Jerrod said as he jumped out of the driver’s seat and opened the back door to kiss A’Miracle and I got out to take his seat.
I watched him walk in before I pulled off and drove to my foster parents’ house. The entire ride, I sang and smiled at my baby in the rearview mirror. Even though I had a nagging feeling in my stomach that told me the day wouldn’t be easy, I still had hope. I hoped it would all be over soon so that I could get to my life.
After I dropped A’Miracle off, I called my aunt and got the address of where she was. I pulled into the driveway of the small house she was at with a friend in South Memphis and sighed as I turned the car engine off.
“Okay Tisha, you got this. Do what you have to do quickly so that you can get back to life,” I told myself as I looked in the rearview mirror before I got out and went into the house.
My time with my aunt was hell, just like I expected, as she made crude remarks and expected me not to say anything. She was sadly mistakened though because every time she opened her nasty, hateful ass mouth, I hopped right back on her ass, shooting my vicious words like bullets.
“Look, evil bitch, I said what I had to say. Ivory colored flowers and add a part for me to talk and sing towards the end of the program. I really don’t care what you think of me, I hope you know that, so just shut the fuck up. And as far as you insinuating that my sister and I did something to your sister. A sister you hated and tortured all of her life, BITCH FUCK YOU! After this funeral, you and every other fake bitch in this family can just go to hell because you will never see me again. Okay?” I said as I got up and prepared to leave.
As I unlocked the door, I stopped to turn back and look at one of the most hateful people in the world. She sat there with a stunned look on her face as she held on to the piece of paper in her hand. For a second, I felt sorry for her and wondered what tragedy had happened in her life to make her heart so cold.
“I’ll pray for you, auntie because you need it,” was the last thing I said before I walked out of the door and left her.
I drove home with a numb feeling as I dealt with my anger for my aunt. I didn’t want to carry that hate around with me anymore, so by the time I made it home, I had let it go. I went about my day as normal as I fixed dinner early and cleaned the house. By the time I went to pick up A’Miracle and then Jerrod, I was back to my cheerful self. The two days that followed were peaceful as I began to feel normal again. When Saturday rolled around and it was time for my mother’s funeral, I felt emotionally spent as I stood in the mirror and stared at myself in my beautiful black dress and hat with veil to match.
“It’s gonna be aite baby, just a few hours of discomfort then we can get to our lifetime of love. I’m right here with you, we both are,” Jerrod said as he put his arm around my shoulder and put A’Miracle up to my face to kiss.
We left the house optimistic, but by the time we got to the church, I had mixed feelings. The service had just started as we walked in and every face in the room turned to peer at us. I could hear whispers in the aisles as we walked towards the front and a part of me just wanted to turn and run away. However, that stronger part of me said fuck it, as I took Jerrod’s hand in mine and proceeded to the front pew. I was surprised to see Tania sitting quietly in the second row as Jerrod and I took our seats.
“You know I couldn’t let you do this alone,” Tania said as she rubbed my shoulder and then Jerrod’s before she took A’Miracle and sat back down.
I felt relieved knowing that she was there and I had even more support than just Jerrod. I searched the sea of seemingly sad faces as I looked for my sister and the preacher put on an Oscar worthy performance. After not being able to find Terricka anywhere, I turned back around and rolled my eyes at the preacher as he lied.
“Denise Lewis was a good person. She was a great mother, called home far too soon. Now, if anyone else has something they want to say before I give this eulogy, come on up right now,” the preacher said as I squeezed Jerrod’s hand a little tighter.
I sat there stoic but fuming inside as person after person got their asses up in front of a room full of people and God, and lied their asses off. They talked about this loving warm mother who would sacrifice everything for others, which was a person I didn’t know. I had to look at the closed coffin and big picture of my mother as a teen that sat on top to make sure I was in the right place.
By the time the liars were done, I was so restless that I couldn’t sit still. I couldn’t wait until the end so that I could tell the real truth. I glared at everyone who got up to speak as I scanned the room again and none of them would meet my gaze. Just then, the doors to the church flew open and my sister walked in glowing as Buddy trailed close behind her. The same low chatter broke out as she walked down the aisle and smiled at me before sitting on my right side. She gripped my hand and whispered that she always had my back, while the pastor began his eulogy.
When he was done, I suddenly felt sick as the preacher motioned that it was my time to talk. I looked at Terricka and she winked her eye before she stood up to go with me.
“I am my sister’s keeper, remember?” she whispered as she transferred her strength to me and gave me the will to get up.
When Terricka and I got up on that podium, I didn’t even think about what I would say before I said it. I just looked at my sister and she gave me a nod, and I unleashed the ugly truth on everyone.
“I’ve been sitting over here this entire time listening to everyone as they talked about my mother. A mother who was the vilest, most hateful person ever born,” I said as gasps and mumbles could be heard all around the church.
The preacher stood up and walked towards me as I put my hand up and indicated I would say what I
had to say.
“No pastor, this is the house of the Lord and in here, the truth should always be welcomed. Whether it is or not though, I will say it. Every one of you in here know what my mother did to us. All of the rape and physical and mental abuse is apparent and I know y’all seen it every time we were in your presence. So, don’t sit here and lie before God and put on this phony act, like she was Mother Teresa because she was far from that. But Y’all are no better. You turned a blind eye to everything because you didn’t care. You had already failed her when she was molested all of her life and forced to have a baby by her uncle, so why would I expect yawl to save us? What I won’t do is let yawl spread ugly lies about us and make it seem like we caused her death, when in reality it was all of you. Yawl killed her long ago, so I would suggest you just pray that the Lord saves your soul. Now with that being said, my sister and I have a song. This song isn’t to our mother, it’s for us. Yes, a part of us hurts for the mother we lost. But another part is also relieved because no longer do we have to suffer. We finally found salvation,” I said as my sister hugged me and we began to sing.
“Nothing lasts forever what we hoping for,
No more pain so don’t you cry anymore.
Hold your head up high and dry your tears,
Let me help you through and erase your fears.
We’ll overcome it all if we stick together,
We just gotta believe nothing lasts forever (nothing lasts forever).”
My sister and I sang from our hearts and when we were done, tears streamed down both of our faces as we stared at the coffin in front of us. We walked down the stairs hand in hand like we had always done, just as the police burst into the church to take me, Terricka, Jerrod, and Buddy down to the station for more questioning. I walked out of the church with my head held high, confident that would be the last time I had to face anything ugly or sad. When we got to the station, I went through hours of interrogation before Lieutenant Black burst in and put an end to the entire spectacle.
SINS OF THY MOTHER 3 Page 17