by Sera, Drew
“We’re not taking it off the list,” I reminded her.
“But what if a Dom expects me to clean and then when he finds out I have that on my list, he’ll get rid of me.”
“Stop, Sydney. It’s not going to happen. A Dom…Doms that I know, aren’t going to kick you to the curb if and when they find out you were intentionally made to bleed against your will and then left to clean it up,” I said to her. I realized that my tone sounded harder than I had intended but I was angry. Not at her but at what Howard did to her. I took a few deep breaths and looked at Anthony. He was rubbing his thumb over her wrists gently and looked sick and angry.
“Next one is sandpaper,” I read from the list and looked up at her.
“Sandpaper? Like real sandpaper or is that some title that means something else?” Anthony asked and looked at me. I shrugged and looked at Sydney for help.
“Sandpaper, like the stuff you’d use to smooth a surface,” Sydney said quietly. “He’d use it on my back. After he’d whip me. Right after, he’d put a square of sandpaper on the top of my back and slide it down. Just for extra measure.”
I just stared at her. Turns out Howard had multiple uses for sandpaper. While he had sex with her, he’d hold the sandpaper in his hands and grip her hips. Well, now we know why her hips look and feel like they’ve been rubbed raw. They in fact had.
Remembering that she was sitting right in front of me, I had to keep my emotions in check. I glanced at Anthony and could tell that he was ready to explode.
“Sunshine, that’s why your hips are raw, huh?” He asked her in a tone barely above a whisper. Sydney nodded but didn’t make eye contact.
“Sydney, don’t just nod. Verbally answer him. What if you and Anthony were scening and he couldn’t see your face to see you nod? You can’t rely on gestures and motions.”
I was trying to stay consistent with her regarding vocalization, as hard as it was to push her past her comfort level right now.
Anthony kissed her forehead and guided her head to rest on his shoulder while I made some quick notes on the sheets. When I looked up at them, Sydney looked like she was off somewhere else in her mind and Anthony looked about the same. This was difficult stuff we were talking about and it was difficult for me to not join them on the couch and cuddle up to her. We needed to get through this though.
“What about the cold, Sydney? Do you just not like the cold or is there something more to this?” I asked carefully. I knew there’d most likely be something behind it. Considering all that Sydney has gone through, I doubt cool temperatures really bothered her just because.
“He took me to one of his friend’s places during the winter. It was outside of the city but not out of the state.” She paused while her eyes moved from side to side. She leaned closer into Anthony and tightened her grip on his shirt. “He and his friend tied me to a fence and left me there all night. It was cold and I didn’t have any clothes. I remember being so cold that I shook and my teeth chattered. I’ve never been so cold. I’d prefer not to experience that again.”
Bile was rising in my throat. My handwriting got messier the more I wrote but they were important notes that I’d refer to. I couldn’t even look at Anthony. I knew a fire was building in him and if I looked at him, we’d fuel each other’s anger. I tried to push us forward. I looked at the next item and swallowed hard.
“You’ve also got food deprivation on the list.”
I felt this was important and we needed to know what the deal was with that. She explained that she wasn’t a very good sub, which I doubted, and said that Howard would sometimes tie her up for a whole weekend and wouldn’t let her eat. I stopped writing because there’d be no way I’d be able to even read my handwriting later. This shit though, I was committing to memory.
“Sunshine, what was the longest you ever went without eating?” Anthony asked her. I barely even recognized his voice because I knew he was trying to keep his emotions in check.
“Food, about three days but I was given water each day.” She said it in a way that made it sound like it was okay since she had the water.
I could feel Anthony’s eyes on me. When I glanced up at him I could see that he was near a boiling point. We needed to wrap this up. I wanted to ask her about the safe word though.
“Last thing I wanted to ask you, baby, is about your fear of having your safe word ignored. Was this also Howard or someone else?”
“Howard. I had known that safe words were to be used when things were getting to be too much and the scene either needed to slow down or stop. The first time I used it, it was because he tied the ropes too tight and, as he’d whip me, my neck was being pushed forward and it was becoming difficult to breath. He ignored it though and eventually I passed out.”
I couldn’t write anymore. I set her papers to the side along with the pen and rubbed at my temples. I took a deep breath and looked at her. She needed to understand that no one I knew played like that, nor was that kind of play tolerated at Irons.
“We abide by rules, Sydney. When I say “we” that means everyone I know and everyone at Irons. A safe word being ignored is grounds for permanent banning from Irons. It’s simply not tolerated nor acceptable. I don’t want you to ever fear that or ever be afraid to use your safe word when you start scening at Irons. Do you understand?” I looked into her sad looking blues and prayed that she believed me when I told her she had nothing to fear in that department.
“Yes.”
We were quiet again and I was trying to digest things she had said to us. Sydney has seen things and lived through events that human beings shouldn’t ever experience. I looked over at the paper on the end table and felt an overwhelming urge to hold her. My eyes darted back to her though when I heard her sniffles. She was crying.
Sydney was trying to curl herself up in a tight ball and pull away from Anthony. No, baby! Don’t pull away from him, let him comfort you. Anthony was right there though and moved closer to her and didn’t let her out of his arms. She reached out and took hold if his rolled up sleeve and hid her face on her knees.
I went to sit on her other side and rubbed on her back in a gentle circular motion. She was struggling with the recently opened emotional wounds and memories. This is probably the first time she has vocalized any of this. Anthony pulled her to sit on his lap. His arms surrounded her and she clung to him. But this was a good thing. She needed to know that she can go to him and he will listen and support her.
Anthony stayed the rest of the afternoon on the couch with Sydney. She had fallen asleep on the chaise and Anthony put the TV on mute. I sat in a chair off to the side and worked though some email for work. I looked up though when I heard her mumbling. She was having another bad dream. Anthony was on it and knelt down to wake her up. When she saw him, she looked relieved.
“You’re safe, sunshine. You’re here with Colin and I. All safe.” He bent and kissed her forehead and she snuggled against him.
I ordered take out for dinner from a restaurant close to the neighborhood and Anthony went to pick it up. While he was gone, Sydney took her bath and got into her pajamas. Showers were still painful for her because the harsh spray of the water would hit some of the welts and would sting.
We all ate and talked about training some. I was just going to start with simple protocol. But first I needed to talk to Evan and Seth. Both of them were interested in Sydney and I would work on some of their basic requests for their subs with Sydney. After dinner I sent the two of them an email asking for their input on what they're looking for in a sub.
Anthony stayed the night and he and I slept on either side of her. I hoped with both of us holding her that she wouldn't be bothered by nightmares. She had wanted to go in to work tomorrow, despite my concern. I gave in but said that I’d be checking in on her every hour and that if I felt she needed to go home that she wasn’t to argue with me.
Chapter 35
Tuesday, November 5th
Colin
Nightmare aft
er nightmare visited her through the night but Anthony and I were there to calm her down. 6:00 a.m. brought the alarm clock. Damn, I was tired. Sydney has been used to this shit on her own. I don’t even know how she’s been able to function. Anthony left right away though so he could go home and get ready for work.
I cleaned up her wounds, changed bandages and told her to find us something quick for breakfast while I showered and got dressed.
We quickly ate and headed to the office. While I drove, I told her that tonight at dinner Anthony and I would talk with her some more about training. I already had seen email responses from Seth and Evan and I’d get into them later.
The ladies in reception had decorated Sydney’s desk with a bouquet of flowers and a welcome back card. Sydney was completely surprised by it and immediately went over to smell the flowers and greet everyone. I love seeing her smile. I walked over to Sydney and told her I’d see her in a bit. Anthony had set a bag of M&M’s on her desk with another drawing of the sun. I smiled when I saw it.
Anthony was making his way up to his office as I headed to Dwayne’s office. I wanted to update him on her progress and healing state.
“How is she doing, Colin?” I took a seat in front of his desk.
“She’s getting better. Some of the wounds are healing but she still has a long way to go. The bandages on her wrists need to be changed every few hours. I’ll be down to help her take care of that.”
He commented that he was glad to hear she was doing better and also said he’d keep an eye on her. Dwayne and I promised to keep in contact regarding Sydney through the day. I told him that Anthony would be down periodically to check on her also.
“Dwayne, she tires easily. I worry that she’s coming back to work too quickly.”
Dwayne said that if she needed to do half days for a while, that would be fine too. I might mention that to Sydney this evening. I’d see how she did through the day.
As I made my way to my own office, I picked up the orange foam ball from Hannah’s desk and lobbed it at Anthony. I heard it bounce off his desk and then him swear. Things were feeling a bit back to normal.
I had tons of things to follow up on regarding the Cheng deal. I held a staff meeting this morning and thanked everyone for their support and understanding while Anthony and I were gone. Especially Mitch. Mitch had to hold the fort down while we were out. As a thank you, I was going to buy the office lunch today.
I worked solid until 10:00 a.m. and then headed down to check on the fragile kitten. I sent Anthony a text letting him know I was going to go see how she was. When I got down there, I didn’t see her and my heart rate began to race. I approached the desk and all eyes came to rest on me.
“Where’s Sydney?” My phone vibrated and I pulled it out. Anthony.
AG: Let me know how she is.
“Mr. Everett, she went to the bathroom,” Katie said.
I relaxed but stood and waited. Katie stood there too and seemed like she wanted to say something to me. I relaxed my expression and looked at her.
“What is it, Katie?”
“I just wanted to say that I’m glad you and Mr. Graves helped Sydney. She doesn’t have any family and is on her own. I hope Howard gets the picture and stays away. That guy is bad news and just upsets her.”
I nearly missed what Katie had said in my attempt to keep my eyes glued to the women's restroom door. I turned to look at her.
“Howard?”
“Yes. He’s that guy she was seeing or is seeing.”
I cut her off. “She’s not seeing him anymore.”
“That’s good. He would stop in to see her and get her all upset.”
I was being rude but couldn’t help it as I cut her off again.
“Howard, would come see her at work? Here?”
She nodded and I fired off a text letting Anthony know. I would be talking to security later today. I wanted to see how many times the son of a bitch would come in to harass her. I was growing agitated and needed to physically see Sydney.
“Katie, can you go check on her please.”
“Of course.”
The bathroom door opened and Sydney came out with Katie. Her arms were folded across her midsection. I started towards them and met them in the middle of the atrium. Sydney held up her arm to show me that her bandage unraveled.
“I was trying to change it and couldn’t get it back on.” Her voice was quiet and I know she wanted to keep this as private as possible. I understood.
I looked over her shoulder at Katie and smiled. Katie took that as her exit and headed back towards the reception desk.
“Come on. We’ll get this taken care of in my office."
“Mr. Everett, I have to be able to do this on my own. I can’t rely on you and Mr. Graves all the time.”
I looked deep in her eyes. I was so fucking drawn to her. She absolutely could rely on Anthony and I.
“Miss Burke, it’s not up for negotiation. Your wrist needs to be cleaned and bandaged properly. Come on, baby.”
Her pupils dilated and nostrils flared at my direction. It completely caught me off guard. Sydney likes being told what was going to happen. She thrives off that level of authority. For a moment I was lost in my thoughts but finally pulled myself together.
As we rode the elevator up, I was thankful no one else was in it. I turned to face her.
“Sydney, just because others have let you down, doesn’t mean that I will. You can rely on me and you can rely on Anthony.”
I ushered her through the tenth floor towards my office. We walked past Anthony’s office and I knew he saw that I had Sydney with me. Inside my office I led her over to the wet bar area and pulled down a clean towel and set her wrists on it. I went to my closet to retrieve the bag that contained her bandages and ointments. I turned around and Anthony was leaning on the wall next to her.
“How can I help?”
“Thank you Mr. Graves for the candy and drawing this morning.”
“You’re welcome, sunshine. And it’s Anthony.”
“Anth, take the old bandages off.” I motioned towards her soiled bandages. I took a damp cloth and pressed it on the wrist burns to soak up the excess liquid. I couldn’t help but shake my head as I looked at the damage Howard did to her. Sydney flinched and let out a little whimper. I let my thoughts get the best of me and wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing.
“Easy, sunshine.” Anthony soothed her and looked up at me.
“Sorry, baby. Didn’t mean to press so hard.”
Anthony and I cleaned and re-bandaged both wrists and she thanked us and then headed back down to the first floor. When she left, Anthony went to sit down on the couch.
“You look tired, Anth.”
“I’m alright.”
I sat down across from him and we talked about Sydney. She was all he and I could talk about anymore.
“She responds best when you’re around. Anth, I need you to be there for her.”
“I told you I would be.”
“No, I don’t mean for you to stop by every day or so. I need you at the house. Twenty-four, seven. This will be an uphill journey and there will be lots of breakdowns and tears. I have to push her each day and she’s going to need you for support.”
I realized that I was asking him to put his life on hold to help piece Sydney back together. As gentle and as caring as I will be with Sydney, as with any training there will come a time when I will have to push her to those limits and without knowing where those limit lie exactly, it’ll be rough. I don’t think that I will make it through that stage unless I know she has Anthony to turn to. I knew he’d do it in a heartbeat. He was just as involved with her well being as I was. I could always count on Anthony and knew he always had my back unconditionally.
“Alright. Let me get some stuff packed and I’ll be over tonight.”
“Thank you. I know it’s asking a lot.”
He shrugged and stood.
“It’s not asking a lot. She’s been
through hell.”
Anthony and I took Sydney to lunch at Vito’s and met Matt there. Matt and I sat next to each other while Sydney sat next to Anthony and had the view of the Las Vegas Strip just behind Matt and I. She commented on how much she enjoyed sitting outside on the patio in the sun.
“How is your first day back, Sydney?” Matt asked her.
“Good! I got flowers from the ladies in reception. They’re really pretty and smell great.”
“Glad to hear it’s going well. How are you feeling though? Any headaches or abdominal pain?”
Sydney looked down and away from Matt, which caught our attention. Was she in pain and looked away because she didn’t want to lie about it? Anthony was already on it though. He put his hand on her shoulder and she automatically turned to face him. Anthony set his sunglasses on the table and squinted as he looked in her eyes.
“Sunshine, it’s very important you tell us if you’re not feeling okay. You been through a lot and it’s okay to say, ‘hey I feel like shit and need help.’ Little subbies need help every now and then. It’s not a sign of weakness or helplessness, so don’t be afraid to say something.”
He winked at Sydney and drew a smile from her. It was starting to become a common reaction when he spoke to her. She’d hang onto every word he’d say, he’d wink, she’d blush and smile. I knew Matt was paying close attention to their interactions.
Somehow we made it through the day and at 5:00 Anthony and I made our way down to the atrium to collect our fragile kitten. The three of us walked out and made plans to meet at Pizza City at 6:30 for dinner. Anthony was headed home to pack up some stuff and would meet us there in a bit.
Chapter 36
Tuesday, November 5th
Anthony
As I rode the elevator up to my place, I pulled my phone out and began flipping on the lights to my condo. I hated walking into it when it seemed dead.