by Sera, Drew
After dinner we took her into my playroom and I showed her around. I was trying to see if she had any knee jerk reactions to any of the furniture in there or implements on the wall. As we walked around and I explained certain pieces, I could see she was okay with the furniture. She didn’t get too close to the implements though. Anthony stood in the doorway and watched rather than come inside.
Chapter 54
Monday, November 11th
Anthony
She sat in my arms as I rubbed up and down her bare, naked arms. Sydney had just taken a bath and smelled like that sweet vanilla. I liked to rest my chin on her shoulder during our talks and enjoyed inhaling her sweet scent. It did something to me. Relaxed me, I think.
“What do you have for me tonight, sunshine?”
“I was wondering, do all Doms do that stuff afterwards? The stuff we saw at Irons with Will and Seth?”
“You mean aftercare?”
“Yes, Sir.”
I took a deep breath. I knew that Howard had played with Sydney many times and never practiced aftercare. So I knew she had at least a few months worth of no aftercare. Plus, Howard’s way of playing wasn’t really BDSM play but more like physical and emotional abuse. At Irons, she was uncomfortable when she saw Seth and Will caring for the subs after their play scenes. She was curious about it and I bet she would have welcomed some tenderness. She fucking deserved it. Prior to Colin and I, I wondered when the last time was that she was held closely and cared for after a scene.
“Sweetie, most Doms do some form of aftercare. Will, Evan and Seth are very good about doing that. Matt is too. He gives Gina lots of love.”
I could see her smiling when I mentioned Gina and Matt. I gave her a small squeeze. She is starting to let me touch her more without her getting jumpy or panicking.
“You like Gina and Matt?”
“Yes, Sir. Gina is really nice and she understands my interest. It’s nice to have another girl to talk to. And Matt really loves her. I can tell he’s good to her.”
I laughed a little and began stroking her left side with my thumb.
“Matt loves her more than words can express. What they have is something incredibly special.” I hope Sydney finds something just a deep as what Gina has with Matt.
“Okay, sunshine. Tell me about your nightmare last night.”
I sat holding her while she poured out the details of her bad dream. I reminded myself several times that it was just a dream. Yet I had a feeling so much of it had actually been done to her in real life.
I kissed her cheek as we settled down in bed and I told her to sleep well. But shortly after that, I was rocking her in my arms as she shook off another bad dream. I can’t stand seeing these things consume her. I want to help her so badly but I feel helpless. She kept reaching for her neck and that’s when I put together that she was probably having a dream about the burns on her neck. I heard her say, “fire” as I was waking up to help her.
For the next few days, Colin and I made it through the majority of the work day and hurried home like horny college guys to find Sydney kneeling in the entry way for us. Before dinner I’d spend some necessary minutes in the shower with my dick in my hand.
Evenings were spent with Colin working with Sydney regarding specifics Seth or Evan had. Colin is calm with her and patient. She has down a lot of the particulars Evan and Seth like, so I know a scene is on the horizon. I just am not sure that she’s ready though. Nightmares still plague her nights. I asked her last night if she had many nightmares when she was living alone. She said that she had and it gutted me to think that she woke up alone to deal with that.
“The other night at Irons, we were watching the scene with Charles and Edward and I noticed how open and accepting you seemed to be with it. Comfortable might be a better way of describing it, I think. Does anything rattle you there?” She asked me as we sat in our sitting room before bed.
“Does anything rattle me or make me uncomfortable? Not really. As long as the people involved are enjoying themselves and consented to the scene, then I see no harm in it.”
She was nodding but I had a feeling there was more on her mind regarding it so I pushed a little bit more.
“Sydney, I’m very comfortable with my sexuality and who I am. I don’t mind women playing with women or guys playing with guys or women topping men. I’m comfortable with it and am fine around it.”
“Can I ask you a really personal question?”
“Absolutely, sunshine.”
“What kind of stuff, or kink, are you into?”
I tightened my grip around her waist some and began rubbing my thumb over her stomach. I was into quite a bit of stuff and I wasn’t sure if Sydney needed to hear about all of it yet.
“I love rope. And control, which you already know about now.”
I wanted to tell her that Colin and I usually co-top with a sub and that I enjoy some rough play. It was the kind of rough play that she’s not really familiar with. I liked consensual, rough play. But I decided that we didn’t need to dive into that tonight.
Chapter 55
Thursday, November 14th
Anthony
This morning Colin and I took off from work so we could go to a follow up doctor’s appointment with Sydney. Thankfully Matt knows to be calm around her too. Sydney used to jump a lot if we’d make sudden moves. But she’s getting better. Or maybe we’re getting more aware and cautious of our actions and body language.
Matt thought she was healing up and she’s added a whole three pounds. Her stomach is still a bluish-purple in color and still bothers her quite a bit. Matt told Colin and I to keep our eye on it.
This evening I decided to push her some more regarding some wounds. I thought that if she started opening up more about them that maybe her nightmares will lessen. I can only imagine the pent up shit that she has running through her veins.
When she settled herself to sit between my legs on the floor I gathered her hair and swept it over one shoulder. This exposed some of her neck and I noticed that her shoulders pulled up. I counted a handful of tiny white burn marks and had to bite the inside of my mouth to kept from swearing. I had been a human ashtray to my step-father and knew first hand how fucking bad that hurt. Such delicate skin on her tiny neck.
I lightly placed my hand close to the burns on the lower part of her neck to see how she’d react. Her shoulders pulled up and I felt her lean away from me.
“Easy, sunshine.”
I counted about seventeen white spots and gently rubbed the side of my thumb over her skin. I looked at her face and her eyes were closed.
“Do they still hurt or bother you?”
“Not so much. But I think I am weird about my neck. Like when hands get too close, I panic.”
“Tell me, how did they happen?”
“They were punishments.” I bit down hard on the inside of my lip but tried to remain emotionless. “Howard, would do it if I wasn’t, um, performing well enough…orally.”
Fuck me. He wasn’t happy with her lips wrapped around his dick, so he had to burn her.
“Howard would tell me over and over how I wasn’t doing it right and went on an on. If he was pissed enough, he’d punish me with the cigarette burn.”
“Did he burn you anywhere other than your neck?” I cringed when I realized my voice came out sounding like a mad man.
“Just my neck. He knew my hair would hide it.”
Of course he fucking did. I set my eyes to gaze on the burns again and sighed. My poor sunshine was burned because that fucking asshole wasn’t satisfied.
“How did he do it?” I had to know. I wondered if she was held down like I was. I wanted to reach down and put my thumb over my belly button. I used to do that when I was little because I thought my stupid thumb would keep him from doing it again.
“Howard would pin me against the wall with his hips. He’d take my hair in his fist and hold my head against the wall.” She pulled her legs up to her chest for comfort.
I knew she felt vulnerable so I held her a little tighter. “He’d hold the cigarette inches from my skin and make me tell him why I was being punished and then he’d tell me that my behavior was forcing him to do this. I’d always tense up and try to bring my shoulders up to protect me. He’d draw it out and make a big production of it and would flick ashes at me. Sometimes I just wanted to scream at him to hurry it up and get it over with. Anyhow, he’d finally burn me and then he’d go.”
I needed Colin in here. I was going to explode. My breathing had picked up and I was overflowing with anger and disgust. I was making her uneasy though and finally snapped out of my daze.
“Sir?”
“Sorry, sweetie. I just am so sorry you had to endure that.” I wanted to tell her that I knew what it felt like to be burned but I knew that wouldn’t help her at all. Seeing how I just ripped open her burn wounds, I figured I’d ask her about the significance of her saying “fire” in her nightmares. I was pretty sure that they were associated but wanted to touch on that too.
“Sunshine, sometimes during your bad dreams, you say things. Usually it’s broken sentences or a word here and there. But almost nightly, you say the word ‘fire.’ Are you dreaming about being burned? Maybe with the metal and the heater or the cigarettes?”
“No, Sir. ‘Fire’ was my safe word.”
Mother fuck.
I was ready to yell at the top of my lungs. Each night, she says that word. She’s been tortured in life and then in her dreams as well. My mind was racing and the only thing that brought me back to the present was when something wet hitting my forearm. She was crying.
“Sunshine,” I collected her tears with my thumbs and turned her in my arms to face me.
She looked up at me and those pretty blue eyes locked onto mine and continued to drip. I kissed her cheeks and licked the salty trails of tears up to her eyes until she laughed and smiled.
“That’s better, sunshine. Come on, let’s get into bed. I want to hold you.”
She and I got into bed with her naked and me just in my boxer briefs. I kissed her cheek again and told her to sleep well, just as I had done for many other nights. I didn’t want to go to the club tomorrow night and see Evan. I didn’t want to talk to Evan about a possible scene with Sydney and I certainly didn’t want to think of him with Sydney. The thought of him touching her delicate skin or tasting any part of her body made the pains I already had in my stomach and chest seem much more intense. I needed to talk to Colin tomorrow about the safe word. Sydney wasn’t ready for anything with Evan.
Chapter 56
Friday, November 15th
Colin
Anthony was quiet during breakfast and looked tense. Really tense. He was driving us to work this morning but was in knots over something. Anthony isn’t a talker though, so I knew if I asked him what was wrong that an answer probably wouldn’t be in the works. I had to patiently wait for this one. Surprisingly I didn’t have to wait long though. At a stoplight he started telling me about his night and what Sydney told him.
“I found out what the significance of the word ‘fire’ is.”
He adjusted his sunglasses and looked stiff. I assumed it had something to do with her being cuffed to a hot heater. But no, it was much worse.
“It was her safe word.”
Fuck. I returned my gaze to look out the window but my attention was pulled back to him when he hit the steering wheel with both fists and yelled.
“It was her fucking safe word!”
I took a deep breath and didn’t know really what I could say to that. My head was swimming and I knew he needed to vent. But first, we needed to either get out of the car or wait to discuss this. He was a mess right now and he probably sensed I was going to say something about driving and calming down. He held his hands up and looked over at me.
“Sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. I’ll shut up now.”
“No, it’s fine. I know things are pushing down on you. We’ll talk when we get to the office.”
“I’m fine. I just wanted you to know about her burns and safe word. Since you’re training her and all.”
I knew Anthony well enough to where I could say with complete confidence that he wasn’t fine. I followed Anthony into his office and sat down on his couch while he paced around. This was new for Anthony. I certainly don’t doubt for a minute that the stuff she’s been sharing with him has been easy to hear. And I think it’s weighing on him so much because he cares about her. While he paced around he had his hand over his chest, which didn’t escape my notice. His face was red and he had rolled up his sleeves.
Seeing him like that worried me. I knew his blood pressure must be going through the roof right now. Maybe since I had lost my parents and brother at such a young age, I’ve known how precious life is. Here one second and gone in the blink of an eye.
“Anth, sit down. Stop pacing.”
He finally listened to me and sat on the opposite end of the couch. It wasn’t even 9:00 and he looked like he had been through a whole day. Anthony doesn’t stress out easily but he clearly was stressed out. I went to his mini bar area and pulled out a bottle of water for him and sat back down. He needed to vent. I’ve put a lot on him and he’s the one in there taking the brunt of everything.
“She’s been hurt badly, Col.” He leaned his head back to rest on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t think there is a spot on her body that hasn’t been fucked with. The worst are the wounds in her head. She doesn’t think she’s worthy of a good Dom, but desperately wants one. And by a ‘good Dom,’ I mean someone who won’t torture her.”
I knew she had self-confidence issues but so much of that, if not all of it, is from Howard. Self-confidence was something we were working on but after suffering under constant negativity for several months, it’ll take more than a few weeks to undo that. Anthony knew that.
“We’ll talk to Evan tonight. I think he’d be a good choice for her first scene. I want to talk with him and see what he has in mind for a scene. Then we’ll go from there.”
Anthony rolled his head to the side and stared at me.
“Fine,” he gritted out at me.
He got up from the couch and went to his desk. I knew he was getting Sydney under his skin. If I pushed some, maybe he’d come around. He’s perfect for her. The hard part is getting him to allow himself to believe it.
“Anth, how are you holding up?” I asked him as he began shifting things around on his desk. He looked more stressed than he was before we walked into his office.
“Fine. I’m fine,” he said with little or no emotion.
He’s stressed and upset over things with Sydney. We both are. I couldn’t push him anymore. I had already pushed and me asking him how he was holding up pushed him to the point of retreating. I knew he probably suffered some form of abuse as a kid and I hoped that listening to Sydney wasn’t pulling his demons out. Because honestly, I didn’t know how big and bad those were. I sighed and went to my office.
I worked until lunch, as best as I could. As usual, Anthony and I met Matt for lunch. Gina was going over to my house today to have lunch with Sydney. She was going to stay the afternoon until we got back from golf and then we’d go to dinner and Irons.
Anthony was quiet and moody at lunch, but I knew it was because of Sydney. He cares about her and it’s hard to hear the details of what’s happened to her.
“How’s Sydney?” Matt asked as we sat down.
“She’s well. She made a tasty breakfast this morning. Her stomach is still bugging her though,” I explained as I selected some bread from the basket.
Anthony was distant and looking out over the city while we talked. Matt picked up on it and pushed. Sometimes when Matt pushes him, he pushes too hard and I was hoping that wouldn’t be the case today.
“What’s up, Anth?”
He let his silverware clang down to his plate and leaned back in his chair. Before things escalated I jumped in.
“A
nthony found out last night that one of the words she’s been saying in her dreams was actually her safe word.”
“Shit,” Matt immediately softened his approach to Anthony now because he realized Anthony’s been listening to some heavy shit.
“Sydney also told him about the burns on her neck. That ass fuck would burn her with a cigarette if he wasn’t pleased with a blow job.”
Matt was disgusted, of course. Anthony continued to keep to himself during most of lunch and Matt left him alone.
“At least you’ve been able to get her talking about some of this stuff. That’s good. When is her appointment with Chris.”
I hadn’t actually made it yet. I thought she needed some time to try and re-group before going to sit and have more shit ripped open. Matt wasn’t pleased when he heard this though. And to be honest, until my talk with Anthony this morning, I would have held my ground with saying Sydney needed some time. But now that I know she’s being terrorized in her dreams at night to the point of saying her safe word, I decided to call Chris when I got back to work. This was something Anthony wasn’t pleased about.
Once alone in my office I pulled up the phone number Matt gave me. I pondered if I was making the right decision by calling. I thought back to the look on Anthony’s face after he told me about all the stuff Sydney’s been talking to him about in the evening. She’s such a strong young woman but she’s so used to dealing with all of this on her own. Enough of that though. I dialed Chris and sat down.
After a few moments, I was connected directly to him and wasn’t surprised when he told me that Matt had spoken to him last week and said that I might call. I was actually glad that I didn’t have to get into details because he already knew some stuff.
“I’m out of town all next week at a conference. However, if it’s all right, I’d like to take a look at her medical file. It’ll help me see to some extent what’s been going on in her life.”
“I understand. I’ll talk to Sydney tonight and get her permission. Then I’ll have Matt get in touch with you to release the file.”