by AnnChristine
"Of course, you're right. I don't seem to argue with my dates. We rarely even talk. I don't know why."
"Airheads."
"What?" he asked.
"Your dates. They are all one hundred percent certified dummies, not meaning to be rude. Of course they could all be pretending. But why would anyone want to pretend to be stupid?" Lilly had turned her full attention back to Jacob.
He wanted to reach out and push a lock of hair from her eyes. But he didn't. He felt the need to reach out and pick up her hand, traced the lines in the palm of her hand, but he restrained himself.
"Who will I talk to when you are at Stanford and I'm at the Art Institute?"
"Call or text, night or day, I will always answer," she told him.
"You can't make that promise."
"Of course I can. We are BFF's. That is what it means to be friends forever. Whether you are sitting next to the person or thousands of miles away. You are their friend, forever." He absently toyed with his class ring. He'd never given it to anyone, never thought to, even though he'd had several girls gush about it. He knew they were hinting, and when it wasn't forthcoming, they would usually call the relationship a failure and leave him for what they probably perceived as better hunting.
"That is an exaggeration. We won't be thousands of miles away," Lilly said, turning her attention to the building where the school bus was pulling to a stop.
"When I can't drive to see you any time I please because you are to far away, feels like a thousand miles. You ready to party?" Jacob held his hand out to Lilly. "Take my hand and let's see what our parents planned for us."
She accepted his hand. Hers felt so warm and gentle--soft inside his own. He felt another stirring of conflicting sexual tension. A guy wasn't supposed to feel this way about a friend he saw as a sister. Were they? Did her really see her as a sister? He should really figure this out.
Jacob and Lilly walked hand in hand. He felt so right. Her hair ruffled by the breeze was an aphrodisiac to him. She didn't know how beautiful she was. He should have told her a long time ago, but he'd never thought she would believe him.
The kiss was unexpected. Jacob had seen Lilly on and off through the night. All the while he'd felt melancholy, excited, anxious, and wishful among a few emotions.
But at four am, when she walked by him, he reached out for her. She turned to look at him. In her eyes he read the same need he felt. The yearning he saw, the need to reach out and hold him, all written clearly in her face.
Before he thought, before he stopped himself, Jacob pulled Lilly into his arms. They gazed at each for a single moment then his lips descended on hers, softly, reverently. He traced the seam of her lips with his tongue. Lilly opened for him. He groaned low and in the back of his throat. She ran her fingers through his hair, bringing his head closer to her own.
This is so right, so very right.
They broke apart, the magic vanishing.
"You shouldn't have done that, Jacob."
Chapter Two
April 1, 2008
Two years later
"No!"
"No, stop!" Lilly cried out, her arms and legs flailing. Her heart racing, she grabbed for the door handle and shoved it hard. He reached for her, grabbing at her. A ripping sound followed as the sleeve of her blouse tore. Jerking away, somehow she managed to fling herself from the car and race through the darkness to the door of her rented apartment.
"Lilly, please," then "Damn," she heard but didn't stop.
Sobbing, she fumbled with the key, hoping her date would not come after her, praying he would take her 'no' for what she meant. No. Her breath came in short gasps. She didn't dare turn to see if he followed. He would be here, stopping her. Nothing but fear filled her. Behind her an engine roared to life. God, let it be Bentley's car.
Focusing on the key and the lock, she inhaled, willing her fingers to move with sure deft strokes. Tears streamed down her face. Tires squealed against the sidewalk and the car slammed to a stop so close she smelled the exhaust--heard the sound of the muffler.
"Insert, turn--insert, turn," her heart throbbed in her throat. Her fingers fumbled with the key. Swallowing her terror and the oversized lump, she heaved a heart-felt sigh as lights illuminated the front porch and the door swung open.
"No! Stop!" she heard from behind.
Lilly didn't turn to look at Bentley but she imagined the horrific expression on his face. "Not in this lifetime."
"Just wait a second," Bentley said more softly, but his voice grated on her frayed nerves and sent shivers down to her toes. The sound of the car door opening followed.
"Please turn…please.
"Amanda, omg. Thank you. I…"
"What…Bentley?"
Amanda's face was a study of confusion but she reached out, grabbing Lilly's arm and pulled her into the entrance.
"Did Bentley do something?"
"Close the door. Just frickin close the door now." Sweat dripped between her breasts and down her back. She held her hand at her throat, hoping the small gesture would help her breathe.
"Bentley, son of a bitch. For as suave as he appears, he can't do anything right." Amanda shut the door then locked it. Wrapping an arm around Lilly, she led her to the sofa.
"I…" Lilly couldn't force the words out--didn't want to admit even to herself that Bentley was pond scum--worse than pond scum.
"Sit. I'll get you a glass of water. Then you are going to tell me what just happened." Amanda gave her a quick hug before exiting to the kitchen.
Lilly relaxed back on the chair, her hand to her neck--rubbing in small circles. She closed her eyes and replayed the night's events in her mind. What did I do to make him think I wanted sex--wanted him that way? UGH! I know, I thought he was a gentleman. I believed he thought of me as a real person, not an object for him to use anyway he saw fit. I was soo… wrong.
"Nothing. Nothing happened." Her entire body shook. She didn't think she could stand without her knees giving way. Silence enveloped her in a thick murky fog. She didn't think she could find the way to the other side.
No, she could still smell his aftershave--could feel his hands groping--his lips and the rancid smell of his chocolate martini.
"Here," Amanda placed the glass of water on the coffee table. She stood in one spot, shaking her head and wringing her hands for a long moment before she sat down in a chair opposite Lilly.
"I have to wash him off. Be back--just give me a moment. Shower--have to get in the shower." Goose bumps ran up and down her arms a shiver of ice swept up her spine. Tearing off her clothes then stepping into the hot water, she poured bath gel onto a loofa. Lilly closed her eyes, letting the water rush over her, and hoping somehow the feel would soothe her tattered soul.
"You ok in there?" Amanda knocked on the door. "Is there anything I can get you? Lilly! Talk to me."
Lilly jerked from her thoughts and the soothing hot water. Her skin was beet red. "I'm as ok as I'm going to be for awhile. You can bring me something to wear." Leaning back, letting the water sweep over her again, she held her breath and counted.
"Honey, you've been there over thirty minutes. Don't you think you might be getting a little bit water logged? Besides, you are going to single-handedly run the apartment complex out of hot water."
OMG--thirty minutes. "I'll be out in a minute." Yet she didn't want to step from the shower. Scrubbing her skin raw wasn't enough to wash the feel of Bentley from her body.
"And I will have hot tea ready for you and your clothes in a jiffy," Amanda said a perky tone to her voice.
Towel wrapped around her hair as well as her body, Lilly stepped from the shower. Peering into the steamy mirror and wiping moisture from the surface, she saw her reflection. She looked the same but she was different now. Nothing would ever be the same. The long deep breath she slowly inhaled left a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach--an emptiness that left her exhausted. Thank god he hadn't raped her. She didn't know how she was able to escape that
fate. The element of surprise must have been in her favor. She'd had such high hopes about this relationship and now they were dashed to pieces.
In the living room, dressed in sweats and a tank top, Lilly sipped on the tea Amanda had made. Peering over the rim of the cup, she tried to come to terms with the events of the evening and what had transpired in Bentley's car. She wondered if she would ever forget.
"You going to talk this out?" Amanda's question held a ton of concern and a wealth of curiosity. "Look, I know something bad happened. Take your time. The best thing for you is to have dialogue. I promise I will just listen."
"I should have paid attention to you--you told me--I just didn't want to believe it. He's a turd of the nth degree." Lilly set her teacup down and pulled her hair back into a ponytail.
Amanda watched with slanted eyes and one perfectly sculpted brow skewed upward. "What did Bentley do? I'll kill him for you if he touched one hair on your beautiful naïve head."
"I am naïve, but I really didn't think I was stupid too. He thought he could have sex with me just because he bought me dinner. I said no." God, reliving this left her cold--her heart turning to stone. "My heart, well, he made me feel the same way I feel about Jacob. What happened? I thought…"
"He believes he is entitled. You know, money, power, more money, old money," Amanda said.
"It's his parent's fortune. He hasn't done anything positive in his entire life. But I never really had that impression from just talking to him." The hot tea did nothing to warm her frigid insides. The liquid slipped down her throat but was no cure.
"Doesn't matter. He is the only child and stands to inherit everything. He is a playboy," Amanda said, reaching over to take Lilly's hands in hers. "Look at me and listen. You must stay away from him."
"I never want to see him again." Lily's voice was firm and she felt resolve but the truth of the matter was that she would have a difficult time achieving this. Another tremor swept through her.
"He's in two of your classes. Bentley doesn't like rejection. He wants you and I'm pretty sure, if he stays true to form, he's going to try and get you alone. He let you go this time because I was there, but…"
"I won't go to those classes," Lilly said, mulling over what that would mean. "I can get audio tapes of the lectures. I'll make appointments with those professors and maybe they will understand."
"They take roll. You will drop a grade if you don't go. I don't see either of those teachers making an exception. They are very old school and you will have to tell them everything. Are you willing to do that?"
"Don't know. I can take a B. I don't care about my GPA if I have to see him to keep a four point." Lilly grimaced at both thoughts. In her entire school life, she had never received any grade below an A minus.
"Your scholarship."
"Thanks for reminding me. If I take two B's, I will still have a 3.5." Twisting her sweatshirt with one hand, tears filled her eyes. School, grades, success, had always meant so much to her. Grades didn't come easily to her. She had to work hard, but she was a perfectionist.
"Do the math, Lilly. Two B's and if one of those two A's is an A minus it does not make a 3.5 GPA."
"I'll have three A's. You forgot about my online class." Lilly wiped away the falling tears and sat up straighter as if the movement would grant her more courage than she had.
"Point taken," Amanda said.
"I have to call Jacob." Her abrupt statement caught her off-guard. I have to call Jacob. He'll know what I should do. He'll understand.
"It's past midnight."
"Doesn't matter," Lilly said. "I've made up my mind." He promised me and we are BFFs forever and forever.
"I'm going to bed then. Wake me up if you need me," Amanda said.
Lilly popped Jacob's name in her cell and listened to it ring, sure it would go to voice mail.
"Hello."
"Jacob?" Good Lord but he sounded sleepy and exhausted. She almost hung up but then--she'd already phoned him and he was up.
"Lilly?"
"Yes," she said, wondering now if she might have overstepped their friendship. A shiver of apprehension wiggled down her spine.
"What time is it?" Lilly heard the groan.
"Uh…2:28…"
"God, Lilly, what's wrong?"
"I… It's a long story. Had to hear your voice." She grimaced, knowing she'd frightened him and that was not her intent.
"Who is that?"
"A good friend," Jacob said to someone--a girl. Guilt and maybe a tab bit of jealousy made her tremble.
"Oh, man, I'm sorry. Can we meet?" Lilly asked.
"Sure, but it's a ways."
"I'll catch a plane tomorrow. Don't care what it costs." She blew a fly-away piece of hair from her eyes.
"If you need to see me that bad, I'll pay for it."
"Umm… can't let you do that. I'll call when I know what time the plane will arrive at PDX."
"K."
"And, Jacob…I'm quitting."
~ * ~
"You look awful." Jacob wrapped Lilly in his arms, giving her a gentle hug then wiping the lone tear from her cheek and holding her a little bit away from him as to study her. Her eyes were red and dark circles rimmed her eyes. She had pulled her hair back in a severe bun and the clothes she wore hung from her in a box shape. She appeared as if in hiding. He pulled the band from her hair and fluffed it up to frame her face.
"You would too," Lilly looked down, her hair falling forward to cover her from Jacob's view, "if you cried for two hours." She grabbed for the band but he pushed her hand away.
"That's not like you either." Jacob had never before felt so desperate. Understanding her situation seemed imperative and he wanted that knowledge yesterday not when she felt like telling him. "I want, no I need to see the old Lilly, my Lilly."
Once more he held her at arms length, studying her expression, trying to read her mind. She hadn't told him why. He knew she would but in her own good time. She had to settle in and remember how much she trusted him. With one finger he lifted her chin. A small wave of fear whispered over him and her saddened appearance.
"Listen to me, Kiddo. You are not dropping out of school. Your education means too much to you for that drastic measure." Frustration shimmied through Jacob. He didn't know what else to say to Lilly or how to convince her this was a horrible mistake. For a moment he focused on the baggage circling on the turnstile at PDX. But the blur of movement only made him feel more anxious and inefficient.
"I don't have a choice." Lilly shrugged slender shoulders. The hopelessness of her expression fed on Jacob's nerves.
"There is always a choice. Then you mean to let this demon of yours defeat you. That's not like you, Lilly. You have to fight this. I will do all in my power to make this happen. Do you need money?"
"You don't understand. And No, I don't need money. My scholarship pays for my tuition and my work-study pays for everything else. I saved over the years, you know."
"Try me. I know you and I know I can understand anything you tell me. Sorry to imply you might need money. You don't have to be offended. We are friends, and if you can't come to friends, who can you come to?"
Lilly sat down crossed-legged on the carpet and rested her chin on the knuckles of her hands. "Give me some time. You know I trust you but this is personal--too personal to just blurt everything out. It's--well--it's embarrassing." Lilly put her face in her hands.