Toward the end of 1997, I was contacted by a producer that was making a documentary about John. I agreed to be interviewed and was flown back to the San Fernando Valley where I was interviewed for Wadd [The Life and Times of John C. Holmes]. What I didn’t know was that Bill Amerson had his own part in the making of this film. Just about everything I said was twisted to make me sound bad. The Amersons told the audience that I had tricked John into marrying me while he was heavily medicated, a blatant lie. John and I had called Bill the night before we left to Las Vegas to be married and Bill gave us his blessing, a blessing I think he may have regretted because John, in turn, left his estate to me. I believe that Bill had his own plans in regards to John’s estate. This ruined everything for Bill. I believe that Bill had used this project as his own personal tool and vendetta towards me. The Amersons also stated that John didn’t wish to be cremated, but I cremated John anyway—another lie. I do believe the Amerson children were influenced by their father in their testimony. The first part of the movie was pretty good, right up until it suddenly became the “let’s smear Laurie Holmes campaign.” They had interviewed many of John’s long-time friends and business associates. During Bill’s interview he also stated that I was a prostitute. He claimed that between filming scenes, I would go out and hitchhike and pick up tricks. Then they showed a clip from the movie Dreams of Misty, where I was walking down the street dressed up as a young girl in an effort to confirm this statement, but failed to mention that this little clip was taken out of a movie. I filed a lawsuit against the company that made the film. After all, prostitution is a crime in the state of California and I have never been charged with such a crime. I ended up later dropping the suit as I believed witnesses had been paid to testify against me. I could never prove this, however, and was advised to drop the suit. The producer of the film has since apologized to me. I still occasionally receive hate mail from someone who has watched this film.
Toward the end of 1998 I left my hometown once again after another horribly failed and abusive relationship. My kids had gone to live with my parents and I didn’t know where else to go, so I headed back to the San Fernando Valley where I once again re-entered the business. AIDS testing had recently been established within the adult entertainment industry; otherwise I never would have started making movies again. They were also using a new test called the PCR/DNA HIV Test. This new test claimed to have a window period of only two weeks. It was still no guarantee, but the chances of catching HIV were much less with this test and in this program. Nobody was allowed to work without a test within the last 30 days. Shortly after I moved back and re-entered the business I met Tony Montana, a Colombian-born actor who had been in the business since the early 1980s. We began seeing quite a bit of each other, on and off the set. We had just fallen in love when he was suddenly ill stricken with hepatitis C. About a month went by before he began to feel better. Ready to work again, he went to AIM Healthcare to be tested for HIV. He, too, was given the grave news of his condition. Everyone thought I was just going to run out on him. I never ran out on John, why would I run out on Tony? I really doubt that many of those people have the first clue about loyalty. I was amazed at the different medications and treatment compared to when John was stricken. I considered myself educated, after all. Tony and I were married in the spring of 2001. We separated some time ago. We make better friends than we do married partners. To this day I remain uninfected by HIV or hepatitis C. I count my blessings every single day.
Sometime in 1999, I had discussed the audio tapes with my public relations person. He advised me to take the Wonderland portion of the tapes to the LAPD as the murders were still unsolved and an open case. I didn’t want to be sitting on evidence in an open murder investigation. We took the tapes to downtown Los Angeles, Homicide Division. The detective listened to the tapes and then said that they didn’t need them. I asked the detective about David Lind and if he was still alive as John had always worried about David Lind coming after me. The detective typed David Lind’s name into the computer and a rap sheet a mile long began to print, one violent crime after another. However, sometime in 1988 the rap sheet just stopped. He couldn’t or wouldn’t tell me if David Lind was still alive.
In 2000, a forty-page indictment was served on Eddie Nash in regards to The Wonderland Murders. John was once again mentioned in connection to the murders. Because I was sitting on the tapes which were used to compile this book and because I had gone to the LAPD just a year earlier, I didn’t want a gag order to be placed on the tapes. With my public relation person’s help, we leaked some crucial parts of the audio to the media. When the FBI heard about this, they seized the tapes from me. After reviewing the tapes, they cleared John once again of any wrongdoing pertaining to the murders. The FBI was concluding a five-year investigation on the Wonderland murders and incredibly, the LAPD never informed them of the audio tapes. The FBI agent was nice enough to return the tapes after their conclusion.
Shortly after the incident with the FBI, I was contacted by E-True Hollywood. They wanted to interview me as they were doing a “John Holmes story.” After talking to them as to what their agenda behind their project was, I came to the conclusion that I wanted no part in their story. I declined to be interviewed. I was mentioned in the flawed piece but other than that, I was skipped right over. I don’t regret not being interviewed, as I believe they would have attempted to misconstrue anything I might have contributed.
In 2001, I went to work for Sharon Mitchell at AIM Healthcare (Adult Industry Medical). I was initially hired for some data entry work but soon became a Certified Phlebotomy Technician. I was poking between 20 and 30 porn stars per day. I was later given the position of Office Manager. I really enjoyed my job and worked long hours to achieve the company’s mission statement of helping to ensure a safe work place for all performers. After all, this had been John’s dream long ago. However, in the spring of 2003, Sharon and I simply had irreconcilable differences and I left AIM Healthcare, forever.
Sometime in 2003, I received news of another movie being made about John and the Wonderland murders. The film was called Wonderland and Val Kilmer was to play the part of John Holmes. I contacted the producer and offered John’s personal tapes. However, the producer told me that he didn’t need or want the audio tapes. He claimed they already had their story line. Dawn and Sharon were telling their story. I feared the truth would be made far from clear and my suspicions were right. This was Dawn’s big moment to cash in on the John Holmes Story and she did just that. Claiming to be his victim, she continues the plot today, taking no responsibility for her own actions and continually contradicting herself. At the end of the movie, they showed someone in a scene beating the people at Wonderland with something that looked like a pipe. In a Rashomon fashion, the audience was led to believe that John had committed the murders. Never mind that John had been acquitted all those years ago, or that the FBI had again cleared John, some twelve years after his death. After all, this was Hollywood. The day the movie premiered at The Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Blvd., I received a phone call from long time friend, Ron Jeremy. He had tickets to the premiere and wanted to know if I would go with him. I thought, “Why not?” I was really curious anyway. We strolled down the red carpet and mingled our way through the crowd. I spotted the producer and asked him why he didn’t want to use the tapes. He claimed he never heard of them. I had a bad feeling in my gut and honestly, I was required at a birthday party elsewhere. I left before the movie began. Later, after I saw the movie, I was glad that I had left the premiere early. Had I stayed and watched this horrible movie unfold before my eyes, I probably would have been on the front page of The LA Times the following day and it wouldn’t have been pretty. I was devastated after viewing the movie, Wonderland. I became very depressed and fell further into my own addiction. Shortly after Wonderland was released, I was contacted by the same FBI agent that I had dealt with in 2000 over the audio tapes. He stated that he had just watched the movie Wonderland and
wanted to know what I thought of it. I told him that I didn’t believe the LAPD ever wanted to solve the murders and he agreed. He was shocked that they had practically made David Lind out to be the good guy in the film. The agent also commented that he thought everything about the film was wrong. It wasn’t until 2007 when I finally figured out that I had simply had enough. I was tired of my drug-induced lifestyle. I was tired of the “friends” that came along with it. I moved close to my family in the mountains of Colorado and cleaned up. I was determined to start a new life for myself, surrounded by clean air, clean water and new people.
Shortly after I moved to Colorado I was contacted by Jennifer Sugar and Jill Nelson. They were doing a John Holmes biography and wanted to interview me. I agreed to be interviewed only after I knew their agenda. Their agenda was to write a fair and balanced biography about John and they were interviewing many people. On August 8, 2008, John Holmes, A Life Measured in Inches was on the shelf. I attended the book signing in Hollywood, where I was greeted by many long-time friends of John’s and mine. Seka was unable to attend; however, she had written the kindest letter to be read out loud. She wrote:
I was so excited the first time I met John Holmes. Mr. Holmes was the KING for God’s sake and I was going to be working with him—yes, me—Seka and the KING.
The movie was Dracula Sucks and all of the heavy hitters were in that movie. It was enough to take your breath away. We got past all of the polite intros and then John came up to me and said, ‘Let’s take a little walk. I want to let you in on a few things.’ As we walked along, I was thinking of how nervous I was and then suddenly, I realized that I was not at all nervous. That was ‘THAT THING’ John had about him; the ability to put you at ease right off the bat. The most important thing I remember about that moment was something John said to me that day…
‘Look, Seka, do not ever do anything you, yourself do not want to do.’ Little did I know how important that single statement would be when it came to the set of that movie. There was something that I did not want to do and I remembered John’s words.
I DID NOT DO WHAT WAS BEING ASKED OF ME, AS I DID NOT WANT TO.
Thank you, John. Your advice has come in handy many times throughout the years.
To this day, I miss John very much. He is and was a wonderful person.
Laurie, you should also be told just how wonderful you are, as well, for I know John must have loved you very much. Thank you for standing by John through all the ups and downs and for staying strong for him then, as you remain strong for him to this day.
I love you, sister.
SEKA
Today I remain in colorful Colorado where I am dedicated to a drug and porn-free life. I work a normal job and get a normal paycheck just like everyone else. I try to remain somewhat anonymous about this story among my peers. What people don’t know simply can’t hurt me! Still, I struggle with this. After all, it’s everything you do in life that makes you who you are today. I have survived not only my own trials and tribulations; but also John’s. I have spent most of my adult life trying to commemorate the memory of my beloved husband. I continue to fight both of our battles. It’s a difficult journey to look down the demon of having a past in porn. Still, I hold my head up high and try to remember only the laughter. Approaching age 50 now, I doubt anyone can fathom the many miles of my grief. Someday, just like John, I too hope to look up to heaven and go in peace and someday I know he will be waiting for me on the other side.
I doubt that John would approve or think very highly of the industry today. It’s so ugly. The art of lovemaking has been lost somewhere in the many twist and turns the industry has taken through the years. There is no more “art” form; it’s mostly degradation and there are no more “stars,” instead a never ending appetite for new “talent.” The industry that John knew all those years ago is gone forever, as is the magic. I would discourage anyone from getting into the porn business today. I believe if John were still alive today, he would feel the same way. The porn business will chew you up and spit you out quicker than anything.
John was a fascinating, yet simple man. He had a heart of gold, but there were many times when John was lost somewhere between reality, fantasy, and the sexual revolution. He often spun wild stories of grandeur and elaborated on the truth. Like most of his peers, he found it difficult to live up to someone else’s fantasy. I will always remember the man that in spite of his own pain went out of his way to help a little old lady that was lost. The man that gave $20 to a homeless man and told him to go get himself a good Thanksgiving dinner; the man that comforted a little girl after her brother had been badly hurt in a car accident; the man that went to the pound to get a dog, picked one out one with every disease imaginable; bailed her and her six puppies out of the pound, nursed the dog back to life and found homes for every single one of her puppies. The man who became devastated after a pigeon he had tried to rescue had died overnight, the man that would run back and forth to the sink putting hot-wet towels on my tummy when I suffered from the cramps.
John may have made mistakes in his lifetime, but as anyone who really knew John can never deny—John’s best asset wasn’t his penis—it was his heart.
John C. Holmes 1944-1988.
The Monkey Tree
by John Holmes
In the Garden of Eden, the Bible tells us, there grew a tree with magical powers. Anyone who tasted its fruit was said to receive everlasting life.
In time the tree became a symbol of life itself; its roots representing the roots of mankind, its branches the many different directions that life can take. A tree can be shaken or struck by lightning. A limb can rot. Still, it stands strong.
Life abounds within the tree. Monkeys scamper about. Monkeys and man, we live on the lower limbs and outer reaches and soaring heights. No matter how sophisticated and intellectual we become, no matter what goals we achieve, we’re all monkeys in the same tree. Reaching, falling, climbing, searching, hiding.
There’s no escape from the monkey tree. We’re there always, placed somewhere by our own deeds and the opinions of others.
John F. Kennedy… Hypocrites… Charles Manson… John Wayne… Jerry Falwell. Where do they live in the monkey tree?
And John C. Holmes?
I’ll let you be the judge of that.
John’s poetry to his Lady Blue (Laurie) in May, 1987
Lady Blue
Though it seems ten lifetimes, it has only been ten months. And each day I spend less hours thinking of the things we’ve lost. It is only in the night when my thoughts are not my own When I can’t control my feelings—when my heart begins to roam. It’s these hours that I lay sleeping that my love returns to you. Can’t I let go these feelings—Oh how I love thee, Lady Blue.
The Charm of Youth
by John Holmes
When one grows old, his channels of interest are few: money, sex, security. But to be young and curious about everything is the energy and charm of youth. Whose searchings for knowledge satiate the thirsts of those who have found out such is the social structure of a race of beings still as surely locked into their primal past as those poor creatures whose own carrion fuels those who would devour its flesh. Is it wrong that like the mole who digs or birds that fly, we develop our particular talent for survival? But unlike the mole who learns to dig, then learns no more, or bird that is what is our gift leads us to learn. To learn, to seek and find is to fail—is to seek no more—is to teach those who seek. To fail there are no absolutes. To seek to find -- to seek to improve. Forever is never to lose the charm of youth.
Laurie Holmes, today.
Photographs
John Holmes… hands on promotion for VCA videos in 1983.
John, age 10, with his new pup in Ohio.
John, age 10, and his older brother Eddie.
John, age 7.
Promotion for VCX, Dreams of Misty
Misty Dawn, 1984 age 21.
John loved to fish off the Channel Islands, summer 198
3.
Misty Dawn, 1983, age 20 in Bill Amerson’s back yard.
With all that was going on in John’s life, he took as much time as he could to play in the mountains.
Misty (Laurie).
John and Laurie (young Misty) 1983.
John and “His Boy,” Ian.
John had thrown a pie in Misty’s face, she was laughing so hard she wasn’t able to get him back.
“Get the message?”
John—Just kicking back.
John loved to work outside with his hands. This picture was taken in Bill Amerson’s front driveway in Sherman Oaks. He often helped Bill around the house.
John and Misty just enjoying life.
John loved his kitty.
John and Misty—Watching movies in their bedroom in Encino, CA. John was a big movie buff.
John, 1979.
Just another day at the office.
John in front of the Penguin booth at the VSDA convention in Las Vegas.
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