Pulling my tattered wits back together, I mustered my resolve and rejected the stream of power I didn’t want. I gave it a firm heave. But it had no effect. Kicking the magic out wasn’t going to work. It was clinging to its future self, using it as a towline.
That left one other recourse: taking the magic I did want further inside.
Something about that didn’t strike me as good. But there wasn’t time to debate.
Directing my will at the flawed stream of magic, I commanded it. Down. I welcomed the auras, shoving and pushing; forcing the power further in. I kept nothing walled off or separate. I saved no little piece just for me. I opened my heart and my soul and offered the magic something we all wanted. Something that was too attractive to refuse. I gave it a home.
It accepted eagerly.
Slithering away, the power escaped to somewhere far inside of me. As it settled, the sensations of channeling shrunk away. With nothing to clasp onto, the grip of the original stream began to wither. As it snapped completely, I looked at Aylagar. In a handful of seconds the sword would plunge into her body. She would fall. I would cast and wake up in a graveyard full of bent, shriveled, empty shells. But for this one last moment, she was exactly like I wanted to remember her, vibrant, passionate, beautiful.
Whole.
I loosened my grasp on my past self. Darkness closed in. As I waited for it to take me I watched Aylagar spin away from an oncoming blade. She caught sight of me through the crowd and a devilish grin graced her lips. It broke into a full smile. She mouthed the words, “I love you too.”
My throat closed, then my eyes. And I left her.
FORTY TWO
I’d finished the rest of the bottle, but I could still see her face. I could see her lips forming the words that, back then, I would have given anything to hear.
Now, I wished I never had.
I got up for more wine. Retrieving another bottle from the crate Krillos delivered last night, I slumped back down on my blanket. As I popped the cork, I realized I wasn’t alone. Jillyan was a natural guess, but the shadow in the corner was the wrong shape. Neither did it belong to anyone else I might forgive for sneaking up on me.
My sword belt was beside me. I slid the weapon out from its sheath and pointed the blade at my intruder. “I hope you’re lost, because just about any other excuse is going to make me have to come over there and use this.”
The shadow answered. “I’m not lost.”
A woman? I didn’t recognize the faint voice. It was on the young side and without a noticeable accent.
“You might as well put the weapon down, though,” she said. “You’re not going to hurt me.”
“If a soldier draws on you, always assume he intends to hurt you.”
“Sound advice,” she said. “However, your current usage of it is merely to scare. Your voice is too even to feel threatened. Your breathing is steadier now than when you woke. You’re clearly more concerned with consuming the sweet-smelling liquor in that bottle than you are my presence.”
I grunted. “Cocky, aren’t you?”
“My apologies. It’s a family trait, I believe.”
“Is it now?” I laughed, but I didn’t put the sword down. “Why don’t you come out of the shadows and tell me what you’re doing here. A name might be good, too.”
My visitor stood and moved into the light. Wrapped in a brown cloak, her face was lost in the oversized hood that hung down to her nose. Her skinny legs, swathed in dark breeches and tall boots, protruded from the folds, with a somewhat hesitant gait. She came right up to me, stopping when the tip of her boot hit the edge of my blanket. Then she pushed the hood back off her head and stared down at me. She didn’t see me though. She couldn’t. She was blind.
“Lirih?” I said.
Her head dipped in a nod. I waited for an explanation, but her pause gave me time to finally get a good look at the girl. Young and cute, with a button nose and a slightly pointed chin, Malaq’s mysterious door-maker had a small, fair face that was almost doll-like. The only feature that argued that description was a set of well-defined cheekbones. Pale, but not quite white, her hair was thick and unruly. The cut revealed she cared nothing for fashion. Chopped short in the back, at about ear level on the sides and long in the front, a swathe hung down over the left side of her face to completely cover one blank, colorless eye. The other eye was aimed sightlessly down on my position.
“Your silence suggests my appearance surprises you,” she said.
“It does. You’re younger than I thought.”
“And…?”
“I’m confused. Beyond making doors for me when you’re told, you haven’t shown the least bit of interest in acknowledging my existence. And now you’re here.”
“My rudeness was not intentional. I simply prefer…”
“The shadows?”
“They even the odds.”
“You can’t see. So you like to be unseen. It makes you feel less vulnerable.”
Her body stiffened slightly. “I didn’t plan for you to be insightful.”
“It’s my secret weapon.” My blithe tone was obvious, but Lirih didn’t seem to notice. “So, you thought all this through, how it would be when we spoke?”
“Exchanges tend to go more smoothly when I anticipate the outcome.”
“Exchanges? You mean conversations?”
“Of course.”
“You don’t spend much time with people do you? Apart from Malaq.”
“Malaq is good company. And extremely funny.”
“He certainly thinks so.”
“Still, I find it easier to be alone. I don’t like most people. I don’t trust them.”
“That must drive Malaq crazy.”
“Not at all. Malaq is very understanding of my shortcomings. Is he not yours?”
“Oh, yeah. Malaq loves it when I’m rude.” I finished the bottle and tossed it. “Did he send you? Are you here to teach me how to make a door?”
“No.”
I waited, but she offered nothing else. Her fingers fidgeted with the folds of her cloak. Stiffness invaded her jaw. One minute of silence became two, then three. I didn’t want to lose my patience, but whatever the girl wanted couldn’t be as pressing as the situation I’d created for myself in the past. In trying to bring the crown’s power back with me, I’d locked it away inside myself. So deep, I couldn’t feel it. There wasn’t so much as an echo, or a residue of a vibration to grasp hold of. If I can’t channel it, I thought worriedly, how the hell am I going to get it out?
“It’s good to formally meet you, Lirih,” I said, “but I’m a little busy. Can we get back to why you’re here?”
“I believe it’s better to start with who I am.”
“I know who you are,” I said, irritation slipping in. “You’re a door-maker for the resistance. You’re also Malaq’s—”
“I won’t be anyone’s mistress,” she blurted boldly.
I smiled. I liked her spunk. “Good for you. I guess his marriage came as a blow.”
“It was unexpected and unfortunate. Equally unfortunate was that he lacked the courage to tell me until it was done.”
“One thing Malaq doesn’t lack is courage. He just didn’t want to hurt you. And sometimes, saying a thing out loud makes it more real than you’re ready for.”
“Is that a personal reference?”
“I suppose.”
“Well, it’s very wise.”
I rubbed a hand over my face. “We have to take this up later. I’ve got enough magic rolling around in me right now to sink this entire swamp, so…”
Her sightless eyes widened. “You found it? Queen Jillyan was correct in its whereabouts? Is that where you were just now, in the past?”
I looked at her sideways. “You knew about Jillyan’s plan to restore the crown?”
“I may no longer have Malaq’s heart but I still have his confidence.” Lirih’s enthusiasm waning, a frown came over her pretty face. “I don’t sense any mag
ic in the room, or any stress on your body. How can you channel so much and be so calm?”
“I have no idea.” Standing, I put a hand on her elbow. “But I need to get it out before my skin ends up looking like something that flew off a potter’s wheel.”
“I’m sorry, but this can’t wait. You need to hear what I have to say.”
“And you need to leave.”
“I can’t. Not yet.”
I barked at her. “Leave, Lirih.”
“It’s not Lirih.” Her back straightened. She tossed the heavy bangs out of her face. “It’s Lirih’nee. Lirih’nee Reth. And I’m not just a door-maker, Ian. I’m your daughter.”
I pressed a cup of tea in her hand. Her little nose scrunched as she sniffed at the steam. Taking a careful sip, Lirih’s brows went up as she swallowed. “This is good.” She sounded surprised at my ability to brew a decent tea. “It has an unusual flavor.”
“It’s a special blend.” Pulling over a cushion, I sat across from her on the ground. “I stole the ingredients from Malaq’s kitchen when I was in Kabri. Don’t tell him.”
“Promise.” She smiled slightly. “You blend your own tea?”
“It’s been a while. A long while in fact. My mother wasn’t much for cooking, but she loved her tea. As a kid I tried to impress her by finding the perfect combination of flavors.”
“And did you?”
“No. The woman was impossible so I stopped wasting my time.”
“Oh.” She got quiet then, like I’d upset her. I wasn’t exactly composed either as I watched her drink; trying to decide if I could see myself in her. The prominent bones in her face were familiar, but not the shape of it. She didn’t have my height or my hair. There were subtle nuances of color to the thick, shaggy strands that marked her as only half Shinree.
She can’t be mine, I thought firmly. She can’t be.
Can she?
“What makes you think that I’m your… That you’re my…”
“I don’t think I’m your daughter, Ian. I know. I saw it. I saw all of it. I was King Raynan Arcana’s oracle. I showed him the future through his eyes. I told him what I saw when I looked through yours.”
I strived not to sound as skeptical as I felt. “The breeders say erudite beget erudite. If you’re mine, that’s what you are. So why the door-maker act?”
“Malaq needed one.”
“And King Raynan? Did he need an oracle?”
“He had one in my mother. But her skills were weak.”
“So he made a better one?”
“I trained from the moment I was old enough to speak. My magic came early and the spells came easy. At five I was casting for him two or three times a day. I told him it was unwise to put so much faith in my spells. But Raynan Arcana wasn’t a man that took well to suggestion. He ran his kingdom by my sight for years.”
“If he was so reliant on you, why did he stop?”
“He showed up one night, drunk at my bedside. His inebriated state was nothing new. But this night he bid me to go back through the eyes of my grandmother, V’loria. He claimed to love her fiercely, but his jealousy was equally fierce. He wanted me to describe her affair with Jem Reth, to know when it started, if she loved him. He made me cast through the night. By morning I was drained from the effort. When I didn’t have the strength to go on, the King succumbed to a fit of rage. He tied me to a chair, beat me, and poured hot wax in my eyes so that I may never see for him again.”
The air left my body. A minute went by before I could speak. “Raynan Arcana blinded you?”
Her voice was disturbingly calm. “When I was ten.”
“Why didn’t you see a healer? What he did to you can’t be beyond repair.”
“The King put me on a high dose of Kayn’l that night and found himself another oracle. My injuries were an issue to no one for many years. Only recently, when I was taken off the drug, did I have access to a healer.”
“If you’re an erudite, you can heal. You could fix yourself.”
“I didn’t think it wise to try. I’ve had no training in the line.”
“Well, it’s time you learn. We can see Sienn right now. She can heal you, teach you. You don’t have to be like this anymore.”
“I’ve lived in the dark nearly half my life. I created the world in my mind; some from memory, some from imagination. I’m not sure I wish to see it any other way.”
I wanted to argue her reasoning. But even if I was her father, which I still had my doubts, it wasn’t my place. “I’m sorry for what happened to you, Lirih. If Raynan Arcana wasn’t already dead, I’d be looking to make him that way now. But if your mother was an oracle, then maybe you have the wrong man. I never indulged in those things.”
“You didn’t know her as such.”
“Then how did I know her?”
“As a whore. You indulged in those, I assume?”
Damn, I thought. She had a mouth on her. Maybe she is mine.
“You hadn’t been at war long,” Lirih said, “a month or two, perhaps, when Queen Aylagar awarded her best men with an evening of excess. She provided drink, food. Women. My mother was among them. She was part Kaelish. Do you remember her?”
I shook my head. There were many nights like she described. “I’m sorry.” I had to ask one more time. “Are you sure?”
“My mother was instructed to give her attentions only to you. It was her time.”
“Her time?”
“A standard breeding was out of the question. With the freedom the King had granted you, he knew you wouldn’t willingly oblige. And, as you said, erudite blood always prevails. So the line of the female didn’t matter. Only that she was ripe and pretty enough that you would find her pleasing. Clearly, that was the case.” I wanted to be offended, but I was too shocked. “The pairing was not expected to be successful, particularly on the first try. It’s a rare thing for an erudite to reproduce at all.”
“I’m not so sure that rule applies to me,” I said, thinking of Sienn.
“King Raynan believed it was the Kayn’l. You were the first erudite to live a life without it since the slave age began. He theorized that it taints the body, decreasing an erudite’s already slim chance of propagating. The longer it’s ingested, the more the chance decreases. Whatever the cause, it was the best thing that ever happened to my mother. When she was carrying your child, the Rellans treated her like royalty.”
“I seriously doubt that.”
“Our shared blood allowed me to glimpse her life. I saw the servants that cared for her. The house in the pine woods where the King kept her until I was born. They gave her beautiful gowns. It made her feel special.”
“You aren’t blind in your visions.”
“I can see through eyes that are not my own. But I don’t make use of the spell anymore. I have trouble holding onto the moments. The casting of visions reminds me too much of King Raynan’s cruelty.”
“Your emotions get in the way. I know what that’s like. What happened to her, your mother?”
“After my birth she was sold to a Rellan lord seeking laborers for his estate.”
“So much for royalty.”
“We are Shinree. We stay and go as others command and Fate decrees.”
“Bullshit,” I said sharply.
“I’ve disturbed you?”
“No, you pissed me off.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Then what did you mean? Coming in here, ambushing me like this.”
“I had planned to wait until Draken’s reign was ended. I thought revealing my existence during a time of celebration might lessen the shock. Then Captain Krillos returned from Darkhorne without you and…” Lirih took a breath. “I’d seen your life. I’d seen random pieces of your past. But I didn’t know it. I didn’t know you. And as the days went on with no word and Malaq began to fear you were dead…I thought I’d lost my chance. When you came back, I knew I had to tell you. Before a blade or a spell took you and it was too late.”<
br />
My pulse was skipping. I had a daughter. And the distant sadness in her voice as she talked about my presumed death, made my heart ache in a way it never had before.
I ignored the unfamiliar feeling and tried to lighten her mood. “You should probably get used to me being presumed dead. It happens every so often.”
I thought I’d made things worse. Then she giggled. The sound was charming and laden with relief. It was followed by a wide smile that dramatically softened the contour of her cheeks and made her entire face seem to glow.
Pride welled in me. “You’re beautiful.”
Lirih brushed a self-conscious hand through her hair. “Malaq used to say that.”
I bet he did, I thought, suddenly seeing Malaq’s relationship with his young door-maker much differently. “Does he know who you are?”
“There are records in Kabri, but I doubt he’s had time to look. Queen Neela knows, though it’s unlikely she will recognize me. It’s been many years. And I am careful to hide myself.”
“You shouldn’t. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“It’s not shame. I cover up so others don’t feel the need to apologize for my blindness. It prompts them to make allowances and overtures they don’t mean. I also didn’t want to startle you. I haven’t seen myself in many years and I was unsure if there was a great resemblance between us.” She paused, wanting me to confirm it, but I couldn’t, and she went on. “If my relation to you is discovered, we would both be treated differently. Your enemies would consider me your vulnerability and a prize to be captured.”
The girl was way ahead of me. “You’re right. It’s safer to keep it between us.” I looked her over again. “What are you, seventeen? Eighteen?” She gave a nod. “You and Malaq…how long were you together?”
Catching my insinuation, Lirih’s chin lifted. “You were seventeen when you spent the night with my mother.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“Why not?”
“Just answer the question.”
Her bow lips pursed. “I was taken off Kayn’l when Malaq became Regent of Kabri. As I said, he needed a door-maker. I needed a purpose. So I told him I carried the blood he sought. He treated me with kindness and regard. He quickly earned my respect. My heart, he won later. We worked together nearly a year before it became intimate.”
The Crown of Stones: Magic-Scars Page 35