‘I hope I don’t give the impression that I’m frantic,’ she replied, with her disarming smile. ‘If I were you, I’d enjoy it if you have a little breathing space. You’ll be busy enough when the new year starts, I’m sure.’
Registering how perfectly white her teeth were, I wondered whether she kept herself looking so spruce for a particular man in her life: my husband. With her quick smile and soft voice, she was an easy person to like, and clearly dedicated to her job, but I wondered whether her commitment was actually to the school, or to its head. Up until then Sue and I had developed a good working relationship. To be fair, I got on well with all of my new colleagues, which I hoped wasn’t solely on account of my position as the headmaster’s wife. I had always been too quiet and retiring to be particularly popular, but people generally seemed to like me well enough.
‘What about the arrangements for the end of term?’ I tried again. ‘There must be something I can do to help.’
‘It’s all under control. At least, that’s what I tell myself.’ She gave a little laugh.
‘That’s good to hear.’
What I would really have liked was her honest advice about what to wear for the Gala Dinner and Ball which was, by all accounts, a glamorous occasion, the most talked-about event in the school year. It was daunting, yet thrilling, to think that everyone would be looking at me, as the new headmaster’s wife. I might be attractive, but I needed to look like more than a trophy wife. I wanted to make Nick proud of me and, as his consort, to be the envy of every other woman in the room. It was vain of me, I know, but we had worked hard to achieve our status in life, and deserved to enjoy our success. Given her position as Nick’s secretary, Sue seemed an appropriate person to consult, yet I held back, conscious that she might actually be more to him than that. Before the silence threatened to become awkward, Sue spoke to keep the conversation flowing. In some ways she would have made a far better headmaster’s wife than me.
‘I think we’re nearly ready,’ she said. ‘Which means I haven’t packed yet. But Nick’s well prepared, of course. He’s checked his notes and they seem to be okay, which is a relief.’ She smiled and nodded agreeably at me.
‘Yes, he can be a bit of a stickler,’ I agreed, wondering what she was talking about and reluctant to betray my perplexity.
‘Anyway, I’m sure he’ll be brilliant,’ she added. ‘He always is. But you should know. You usually go with him to these conferences, don’t you? Of course, it’s going to be different this time, with him being a headmaster.’
She referred to Nick with a touch of what sounded like proprietorial pride, which made me uneasy. I realised she was referring to the coming weekend, when Nick would be going to a headmaster’s conference, giving his first speech as a member of that august group. He had been a deputy head for four years but was young to be appointed as a headmaster and was nervous about giving his first speech to his more-experienced peers. It had been a mutual decision for me to stay at home and, as Nick put it, “hold the fort”.
‘I want you to call me every evening,’ he had said. ‘Even if there’s nothing to report, I want to know that everything’s all right here.’
Sue had mentioned her own packing, so I assumed she was going away for the weekend as well. It made sense for her to take the opportunity to have a couple of days off while Nick was out of school. Her absence would leave me without her back up if anything should go wrong, but that wasn’t really a problem. The deputy head would be around, and he was a capable man, and besides, Nick was only on the other end of a phone.
‘So where are you off to?’ I asked breezily.
Her ready smile wavered, and I sensed it was her turn to be baffled. With a horrible jolt, I listened to her chatter on, confirming my sudden suspicion. I did my best not to look startled when the penny finally dropped.
‘Didn’t Nick tell you I was going with him to Derby?’
‘Oh yes, of course,’ I replied, speaking too loudly, and laughing to hide my consternation at the bombshell she had just dropped.
I left the room before she could see that I was upset. Nick had told me all about the weekend conference in Derby, but he had never mentioned he was taking Sue with him. That was a clear indication that he wanted to spend time alone with her, without my knowledge. I resolved to tackle him about it, head on, that evening.
‘You’re off to Derby this weekend, aren’t you?’ I asked him, in as casual a tone as I could muster.
He grunted.
‘Why don’t I come with you?’ I went on brightly.
I had thought better of confronting him directly about Sue, choosing instead to approach the issue in a more roundabout way. There was still a slim chance I had misunderstood the situation, but Nick’s frown fed my growing agitation.
‘I thought we agreed that you would stay here to be my eyes and ears while I’m away.’
‘If we did, I don’t remember.’
‘You said it was one thing coming with me to Japan, but Derby was just too far to travel.’ He chuckled.
Recollecting saying that the last time he had gone to London, I gave a noncommittal nod.
‘I can’t say I blame you,’ he went on. ‘Derby wouldn’t be my first choice of places to visit. I mean, the school itself is beautiful, but it’s stuck right outside the town, miles away from anywhere, and there’ll be nothing for you to do there. You’d be bored silly. No, I don’t blame you for not wanting to come.’
‘I just thought it might be nice to spend the weekend with you.’
‘It wouldn’t be nice,’ he replied impatiently. ‘You know I’ll be tied up all day in meetings, and at dinner in the evenings.’
‘So you’re going on your own?’
His eyes glittered as though he realised I was trying to catch him out, and was calculating his next move.
‘Sue’s coming with me. She’s been on a training course about data security so she’s the obvious person to attend a conference like this. In fact, I’ll be largely redundant as I won’t understand most of what they’re talking about. It’s all very technical, to do with General Data Protection Regulations and the internet, very boring stuff but essential. It’s a legal requirement so we have to get it right. It’s a nuisance and I wish we didn’t have to waste time on it, but everyone’s in the same boat and it’s got to be done.’
He was trying too hard to justify his choice and I knew then that I had been stupid, shutting my eyes to what had been going on under my nose. In themselves, his words could have been perfectly innocent but, under the circumstances, I was convinced he was lying about his reason for wanting Sue to accompany him to Derby. My attempt to dismiss any thoughts of Nick and Sue together vanished in that moment.
‘I hope it won’t be too dull for you,’ I said.
I have no idea how I kept my composure, while inwardly seething with rage and disappointment.
‘I expect I’ll manage.’
‘I’m sure you will,’ I muttered sourly as I stalked out of the room.
Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Nick sit down at his desk and switch on his laptop. I hovered in the doorway for a second, but he didn’t look up.
Maybe I overreacted. After all, a lot of husbands cheat, leaving their wives with two choices: end the marriage or tolerate the infidelity. But perhaps the only reason most women don’t plan a revenge like mine is that they lack the skill to carry it out.
Chapter 7
One of my roles in my previous school had been keeping track of pupils who went on the internet during lessons to visit social media sites, view inappropriate images, and communicate with their friends. Once in a while, a capable pupil would set up a fake account in order to visit unauthorised sites, or bully other pupils online. Trained in IT, I knew how to work my way around the system. In fact, before meeting Nick, I had considered pursuing a career in cyber security. The idea of becoming a government spook, tracking terrorist activity on the internet, had appealed to me. It might have been an easier life than st
ruggling to control classes of rowdy teenagers. Now I decided to put my knowledge to use once again, but this time I was going to exploit my expertise in secret.
The closed-access Edleybury site was relatively easy to negotiate, compared to an open public system. Having cracked the main passwords, my next task was to create a fake ID that couldn’t be traced back to any particular user. It took a while to set up, working around hoops that couldn’t be jumped through, but however circuitous a route I took, there was always a risk the IT technicians would be able to track me down. Eventually, after a series of adjustments, I was able to log onto the school intranet from my own laptop independently of the system, but there remained a risk that the source of my trespass could be traced. For what I had planned, I needed to become an anonymous intruder in the school intranet, leaving no trail, so that no one would even know I was there. Working like an invisible virus inside the system, it had taken me nearly an hour to get past the first security hurdle. It was crucial to the success of my plans that I moved around without alerting the IT support technicians to my presence.
If I could have been left alone in the IT office for just a few hours it would have been possible to set up my fake identity in such a way as to avoid detection, but I couldn’t risk anyone noticing me. Then it struck me that Nick would be away in Derby for two nights. This could be my chance to enter the IT office without anyone knowing, because staff only worked there during the school day. Very rarely were the technicians required to carry out maintenance at night; most of the routine servicing took place in the holidays.
Nick and Sue left for Derby on Thursday afternoon. Having waved my husband off, I went indoors and set my alarm for one thirty in the morning. It was an unnecessary precaution, as I didn’t fall asleep that night. Dressed in dark jeans and a black shirt, with a navy scarf covering my fair hair, I left the house at two o’clock and headed towards the main school compound. It was warm during the day but, after the sun set, the temperature dropped significantly. It may have been the slight chill in the air that made me shiver as I hurried across the moonlit grass.
My heart pounded as I stole between trees that bordered the path between our house and the main school site. Although I had done nothing wrong, and even my planned transgression wasn’t exactly illegal, I felt like a criminal. Had I been challenged, I would have said that I was taking a walk, unable to sleep while Nick was away. It would sound perfectly plausible. There was no call for me to feel frightened.
A few light clouds scudded slowly across a startlingly bright moon. I crept on, moving stealthily even though there was no one there to witness my silent progress towards the school. Suddenly a bird screeched. It must have been an owl that made the harsh cry, sounding like a terrified woman. I started and nearly let out a shriek of my own. Trembling, I stood perfectly still for a moment, struggling to recover my self-control. There was no reason why the headmaster’s wife shouldn’t take an innocent walk around the grounds at night, I told myself fiercely. And so far, I had done nothing else.
The clouds drifted across the moon as I reached the main school building, allowing me to walk towards the IT block in almost complete darkness, until my movement set off the security lights. Cursing my oversight, I pressed myself against a wall of bricks still warm after the heat of the day. There was no response to the lights coming on. If the security guard who occasionally patrolled the site had noticed, he would probably have assumed a cat, or perhaps a fox, was responsible. Fortunately for me, he spent most of his time indoors, relying on the alarm system to alert him to any intruders. All the same, I stayed close to the wall and tried to stay out of sight in case anyone happened to look out.
Reaching the main block without hindrance, I made my way around the side of the building to the computer suite. Fumbling in the darkness, I pulled on rubber gloves and reached out to switch off the alarm. For a terrifying instant all was silent and I was afraid someone else was there, but then I heard the reassuring beep of the alarm as it was deactivated, signalling that the office was unoccupied. I hoped no one would decide to try their luck at burgling the computer building that night, while the alarm was turned off. It had been a target for attempted break-ins in the past. But even if it was discovered that the alarm was not on, no one could point a finger at me as the culprit. I had my story ready, in case of disturbance, but no one challenged me as I entered the IT office.
Safely inside, I worked fast, and before five o’clock was back home, trembling but safe. No one had spotted me resetting the alarm and stealing away across the grass, leaving an invisible trace of my unauthorised intrusion, a false identity embedded in the system. I called myself Avenger which was not merely appropriate, but was the kind of name a boy might choose. The pupils gave themselves many such nicknames, but mine was the only one not linked to a real account. If someone happened to come across Avenger roaming around in the system, they would hopefully assume my fake identity was one of the many names innocently dreamed up by pupils. It was concealed in an army of names like Darklord, Warrior and Champion, along with the less imaginative accounts listed under the users’ real names: Partridge Jake, and Wolsey Daniel.
With everything in place, I waited until Nick was back from Derby before typing my first email, sending it to all the staff, both academic and ancillary. My initial sally was fairly tame; I just wanted to see what kind of reaction it would provoke: “Sue Ross is a dirty slut”.
Even though I was fully committed to what I had written, my finger seemed to act independently of my will, hesitating to touch the “send” icon. Then, with one tiny tap, it was done. A burst of elation surged through me, like a mind-altering drug. I may have actually laughed out loud. The sense of liberation was almost overwhelming. And then, just as rapidly, my mood changed. Aghast at what I had done, I switched off my laptop and concealed it under a pile of underwear in a drawer in my bedroom, telling myself that was the end of it, I had sent my email, and had my fun. But by the time I left the bedroom, my nerves had calmed, and I knew that my hate campaign had only just begun.
They say a murderer always returns to the scene of the crime. I hadn’t committed a crime, yet I felt compelled to see the effect my email had on Sue. With my laptop safely hidden, I walked to the main school compound to look for her, and found her seated at her desk. Even if I hadn’t known already, I would have realised at once that something was amiss. Usually cheerful and lively, Sue was staring in dismay at her screen, her face pale.
‘Are you all right?’ I asked, stifling my glee.
She didn’t respond.
‘Are you all right?’ I repeated, leaning forward over her desk and raising my voice slightly.
‘What? Oh yes.’ She sat up with a start, as though she had only just noticed me standing there. ‘Yes, some stupid nonsense one of the pupils is getting up to. It’s nothing.’
I pressed my lips together, forcing myself to act as though I knew nothing about the email.
‘What sort of nonsense? Is something bothering you? Sue, is something wrong?’
She hesitated, then beckoned me to go round behind her desk to look at her screen.
‘You’re going to see it soon enough anyway,’ she said. ‘It’s addressed to all staff. Everyone’s going to know about it before long.’
‘Oh my God,’ I blurted out, feigning surprise at what I had seen. ‘How stupid.’
‘Isn’t it just.’
‘What evil little minds some of these kids have, spreading insults like that. I’m sure Nick will find out who’s behind it.’
‘I hope whoever’s responsible for it is thrown out.’
She seemed far more upset than I would have expected if she were truly innocent. With any luck, she would think twice before messing around with my husband again.
‘I’m sure whoever did it will be expelled,’ I reassured her. ‘This is completely out of order. I’ll make sure Nick looks into it straight away and puts a stop to it. We can’t have emails like that being sent round.’
/> Sue thanked me for my sympathy and I gave an appropriately gracious response before walking out of her office, trying not to smile, and hugging my secret to myself.
Chapter 8
Already I was thinking how that one short email could be the start of an extended campaign, and it was going to be brilliant. In addition to the challenge of going undetected, revenge, I discovered, was fun. Any fleeting sympathy I had felt for Sue was quickly dispelled in a tide of jealous rage. A woman who slept with my husband deserved to be punished and, with any luck, her discomfort would drive her to resign.
Thinking up other messages I could send, I made my way to the staff room, a small brick building situated between the library and the science block. Under no circumstances were pupils allowed to cross the threshold, and that in itself was sufficient reason for most of the staff to gather there at break times. Unless they were on duty, they would sit indoors, whatever the weather, drinking tepid coffee, and grumbling companionably about the pupils.
Perching on a lumpy upholstered bench reminded me of my own years in the classroom. In some ways I missed the banter with pupils, but by and large I considered myself well out of it. Every year there had always been at least one pupil who had bugged me. I might only see that particular boy or girl twice a week, in a class of thirty other pupils, but that one unwelcome presence could be enough to cast a blight over my whole week. Knowing that I would never again have to handle my worst-behaved pupils gave me a frisson of relief.
The Edleybury staff looked increasingly browbeaten as the term wore on, and already an air of gritty exhaustion hung around them. Their complaints sounded familiar: an uncontrollable boy in Year Nine, a gang of bullies flexing their muscles in Year Ten, a disaffected sixth former, an incompetent head of department. Then there were the clusters of keen teachers discussing arrangements for outings and trips, while others argued earnestly about government policies and incessant syllabus changes from examination boards, devised by people who had never set foot in a classroom. One cabal of grey-haired men dropped their voices at my approach, and I knew they must be criticising my husband. I didn’t mind. It wasn’t long since I had been in their shoes. Pleased to have escaped from the classroom myself, I pitied them all. Even the newly qualified ones, barely out of the sixth form, spoke more cautiously than they had done at the beginning of the year, when they had arrived glowing with naive enthusiasm.
Suspicion Page 4