by Sara Brookes
“Stop blaming yourself.” He waited a beat before continuing. “I’ve only met you a few times, but that’s long enough to let me know how you feel about Marcus. How much you love him. To know you would do anything for him.”
She angled her chin up, her expression growing hard. “I fucked up, Enver. Big time.”
“No,” he corrected. “You were trying to help a friend.”
She deflated before his eyes, but he wrapped his fingers through hers to give her strength she desperately needed. “I should have...done better. For both of you. I missed the drone purchase when I was digging through his finances. Everything. I should have looked into how he got information before his release, but I caught another case and got—that’s just an excuse. I got fed bad intel. Rookie fucking mistake. Followed it through just like I knew I shouldn’t have and I believed every word I was told.”
“Like he knew you would. I don’t believe Davis Connelly was a stupid man, Zoie. I think he spent years in that jail cell plotting and calculating every possible scenario. There is no way you could have predicted how dedicated he was. Predicted the lengths he was prepared to go to in order to follow through.”
“It’s my job to.” Tears spilled over and tracked down her cheeks. “It makes me...gah. I feel like such a tool. A stupid rookie tool who doesn’t know her ass from her badge. I failed Marcus on a monumental level. Both as a cop and as his friend. Hell, I don’t even deserve to be called that anymore.”
“Oh, honey. That can’t be further from the truth. Right now you’ve got so much guilt and frustration filling you up that I can almost see it leeching from your pores. You sacrificed a big chunk of your life to dedicate it to helping others.” He gripped her hand tighter, commanding her attention with the gesture. “But I also see a strong, vibrant young woman who is willing to work her fingers to the bone, no matter how tough the job, in order to do her best. I see a woman who not only saved the man I love, but who also saved herself. Focus on that, ’cause I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”
“Neither am I,” Marcus added as he stepped into the room.
Enver’s heart seized for a split second the way it did each time he saw Marcus. That sensation would never get old, and he was grateful he was still around to experience it. Zoie tugged on his hand to let go, but he held strong, unwilling to let her go just yet. “So, what do you say, cunty potatohead?”
She giggled at the nickname, squeezing Enver’s hand. “Guess I’m stuck with you guys if you’re going to tie me down and force me.”
“I think there’s a little kink underneath all that Zoie-vanilla.” He burst out laughing at the horrified expression she shot his way, leaning forward to poke her in the side. A shooting pain erupted across his back and down his shoulders, reminding him why he was in the hospital in the first place. “Ah, that was a bad move.”
Marcus’s face grew tight with concern as he stepped toward the bed. “You all right?”
“Yeah, just moved too fast.” His stomach gurgled, bile stacking up into his throat. No matter how many times he tried, he couldn’t swallow it back. He jammed his thumb down on the button to lower the incline of the bed, sighing when the pain ebbed.
As he willed his stomach to settle, he listened to their murmured voices, losing focus a few times as he drifted in and out of sleep. God, he was tired. So, so tired.
When he opened his eyes sometime later, he discovered he was alone with Marcus. He glanced around the room, noticing the angle of the sunlight filtering through the blinds had changed.
“How long was I out?”
Marcus shrugged. “An hour or so.”
From the tone of his voice, Enver knew it had been longer. “Zoie head off?”
“She’s decided to take a much deserved, and needed, vacation. Don’t think she’s ever taken one. A real one at least. Her boss told her to take all the time she needed.”
“Good. She’s strung tighter than a coil.” Enver finally took stock of Marcus’s clothes, pleased to note they weren’t the same as when he’d left. His body language was still off. Though he wasn’t looking over his shoulder or flinching at every shadow, he was still agitated. “You get some rest?”
“If you can call it that.” Marcus stood, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”
Enver didn’t care for the tone of that statement, but he had a feeling he was about to be educated as to what had Marcus strung so tight. “Got all the time in the world.”
Marcus avoided eye contact, his gaze darting around the room even though he’d been there enough to memorize everything. “Do you remember what you said before the ambulance showed up?”
“I’m old, not senile.”
“I’m just... I’m not the right fit for you, Enver. You deserve to have someone who doesn’t come with all the fucking baggage I do. I almost got you killed.”
“What is it with you people?” Enver swore loudly, pushing back the pain stabbing between his shoulder blades as he shot up to a full sitting position. Even though he was weakened by the injury, he found the strength to grab the front of Marcus’s shirt in his hands and haul him onto the bed.
“News flash—I almost got myself killed. Wasn’t like anyone twisted my arm to shield you because it was the right thing to do.” Enver paused for a second, feeling the pain ebb for a split second as another emotion swamped him. That was a feeling he could handle and snagged it, allowing it to flourish. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat for you, Marcus. Over and over again if that’s what it takes to convince you how damn much I love you.”
Marcus remained frustratingly silent. Volatile emotion swirled between them, a building tempest that would soon combust if something didn’t break. Enver breathed heavily, feeling Marcus’s chest expand and contract against his. Each inhale and exhale caused the fire erupting across his back to wrap around his torso and made his shoulders tingle, his fingers buzzing with the familiar numbness that crept in when he’d spent too long working a piece at the forge. The agony firing across his back was almost too much to take. He’d always considered himself on the high scale for pain tolerance, but it seemed his body had reached the limit.
For long minutes, a stalemate hung in the air.
Finally, pissed, at his wit’s end and knowing he wouldn’t last too much longer, Enver spoke. “I get you need some time after everything you just went through. You have my permission to wallow and beat yourself up for as long as it takes to get BLINC up and running. Then...we’re going to have a long talk that will start with me revoking that permission. After that, it will be done. Over. And you will not wallow a second past that.” He paused for a second, allowing the words and tone to sink in. “Are we clear?”
Marcus nodded, his throat working as he swallowed.
“Good,” Enver forced out, muscling through the blinding pain trying to consume him. “Now, remember this, you stubborn, frustrating weaselhead fucknugget, I love you. I don’t love you despite your scars. I love you because of them. Because they are your life. And I want to be a part of your life forever. One day I hope you’ll be able to fully drop those walls that are restricting you from happiness and live like you deserve to.” Enver stared up at Marcus, not hiding the love and passion filling him. “I love you,” he repeated softly as blackness edged his vision.
He finally let go of Marcus’s shirt and succumbed to the pain.
* * *
Seconds after watching Enver’s head roll to the side, Marcus recognized the loud alarm filling the room. Just as he started to react, someone burst into the room and yanked him off the bed.
“What’s happening?” Marcus demanded as he stumbled backward, heart in his throat.
The nurse ignored him, checking the heart monitor that had a thin green line running along the bottom of the screen. She jammed her finger on the call button. “Code blue. Room four. Code blue STAT.”
/>
Marcus couldn’t process the flurry of activity that swarmed into the room. White coats, wheeled medical equipment. Shouting. They all kaleidoscoped around him in a dizzying array as he focused on the never-ending flat line. The pixels and lights that visually indicated his lover’s heart had stopped.
He hadn’t gotten to tell him. To swear his love in return. To confess how grateful he was that Enver had swept into that horrific situation with Davis and saved the day like some modern day superhero. He knew he shouldn’t have hesitated at Enver’s marriage proposal. Should have answered him as soon as he’d woken up from surgery. Maybe hearing the confirmation would have given him the strength to recover.
He’d been convinced he couldn’t give himself to someone because he couldn’t get over all the bad shit that had happened in his life. Didn’t want to wish that on anyone. But getting over it sounded so damn easy. Years and years of therapy, group and solo, had taught him that even if he wanted to, he couldn’t crack open his skull, scoop out the bad parts and light them on fucking fire. If a cure for his mental state was that easy, he would gladly watch the shitty remains of his life burn to the ground.
The question wasn’t if he loved Enver. He did in that truly, madly way others always talked about. He was honored to be gifted with those words and now he would never be able to return them. And Enver had loved him completely and honestly. Loved him with a passion and ardor that Marcus had no idea love like that existed. Never believed that kind of future was meant for him. And now it had slipped through his fingers...
“We’ve got a problem.”
Marcus’s head snapped up, his heart beating so hard against his rib cage, he was convinced it would shatter from the brutal force. He closed his eyes, waiting to hear the inevitable. That he would never be the same because Enver wasn’t there anymore. They’d shared a bond that transcended definition, and now...
When the scattering of soft chuckles filtered through the roaring in his ears, his eyes popped open. The doctor stood next to the bed, a wry smile turning up one side of her mouth as the bundle of wires plugged into the monitor dangled over her finger.
“Contacts got dislodged.” She eyed Marcus. “Must have come loose when he shifted around.”
When he’d dragged Marcus on top of him and declared his undying devotion.
The instant she reconnected the clamps to the diodes, the room was filled with the reassuring cadence of Enver’s heartbeat. Relief flooded Marcus, a cleansing rush of emotion that brought tears to his eyes. He sagged against the wall, grateful it was there to support him because he couldn’t keep himself upright.
Everyone filed out of the room except for the doctor. She made note of Enver’s vitals, nodding as everything returned to normal. She crossed to Marcus, touching his elbow. “Do you need to sit down, dear?”
Even though he shook his head, he sat. He dropped his face into his hands, breathing in and out a few times before he calmed down. His gaze met the doctor’s, finally noticing the astonishing contrast between her ice-blue eyes and her dark skin.
“Thank you.” He licked his lips, foolish emotion causing him to snort. “Still a little on edge.”
She set her hand on his shoulder, a comforting touch when he didn’t know he needed one. “He’s going to be fine.”
“Not sure I will.”
“You’ll both be fine.” She squeezed again before crouching down to bring herself eye level with him. A knowing glint shined in her eyes. “Just be careful not to dislodge them again when you’re...roughhousing. Also going to suggest holding off on any more of that.” She paused to clear her throat and level a look at him that clearly indicated she knew they were more than friends. “Until he’s healed. Going to be a few weeks.”
“It’s funny. We met because of those.” He gestured to the patches dotting Enver’s still exposed torso. “Not those exactly, of course, but I use similar units in my work.” He decided to forgo the aspect of his machinery that would probably make the woman’s toes curl.
“You’re a doctor?”
“Close. Programmer.” He gave her a brief rundown of BLINC and its capabilities, though he didn’t know why he felt the need to dump the information on her. Maybe it served as a distraction to keep his mind off the terror that had gripped his bowels minutes ago.
She crossed her arms, tapping her finger against her bottom lip as she stood. “Could something like that be used in an educational capacity? Give surgical students time with a virtual model of a human or specific organ while they’re still in med school? Might up their confidence level quickly.”
He immediately began thinking of the various applications the program could be adapted to. The original intention of the system hadn’t been to service people’s pleasures and kinks. In the beginning, he’d envisioned adapting it to immerse gamers for a true four-dimensional experience. Now he imagined users practicing extensive and complicated surgeries before they got near a patient with a blade.
“I don’t see why not. The technology is designed to fit the user’s needs.”
She pulled out a business card from her pocket, scribbled something on the back and then handed it to him. “Once your schedule clears, give me a call so we can talk more. I’m interested in investigating this further and explore the avenues I can use for my students.”
He’d forgotten the facility was also a teaching hospital. “I should be finished up with my current project in a few weeks.”
He paused to glance at Enver. He’d always believed he’d pack up and leave after he was done with the Noble House program. But now...his life was spread out before him with endless possibilities. However, now one commonality was in play.
Enver waited at the end of them all.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Marcus folded his hands in front of him and leaned over, pressing his knuckles to his forehead. The force did nothing to distract him from the reality that was about to happen. Nothing to it. You’ve already done this thousands of times. He breathed in and out a few times, pushing aside the various aromas that were starting to give the room its shape.
To make it his.
As the launch date for BLINC had approached, Kochran relocated the system to a dedicated room that Marcus had dubbed the Sanctum. Beta testing had been completed last week. Tonight, he would usher in a new phase for Noble House and welcome virtual reality to the list of services available for members. He’d already finished the scans of the first clients at around five that morning, and in just thirty minutes, they would arrive for the first full-scale run of the system.
His baby was finally, finally going public.
A familiar hand wrapped his nape. Another hand slipped between his hand and his forehead, giving him more cushioning. He forced out a quick breath, relieved to have someone there who knew him so well.
He sat back, tipping his head upward to stare into those gorgeous multi-colored eyes. “Hey.”
Enver leaned over, pressing a quick peck to his lips, wincing only slightly from the position change. “Ready?”
“No,” Marcus blurted as his stomach lurched. “I think I’m going to throw up.”
“You’re going to be fine.” Enver rubbed his thumb against the side of Marcus’s neck, the slow movement having the intended calming influence.
Marcus wasn’t convinced despite Enver’s reassurance. “No way I can just shut it all down and walk away, is there?”
Enver’s gaze grew hard. “Do we need to have a little session by ourselves first to convince you everything is going to be fine?”
The tone of the question added a husky thickness to the air, immediately calming him. And also reminded him that since the encounter with Davis, their sex life had been relegated to the virtual scenes inside BLINC. He longed to feel Enver’s skin against his, and more than just actually sleeping together, since that was all Enver was capable of during his recovery. W
ith Marcus’s work schedule, there hadn’t been much sleeping either. But now that the program was set to debut, a whole lot of his time was set to be free. And he intended to make up for all his late nights, missed meals and delayed conversations.
“No,” Marcus responded, already thinking about how being tied in Enver’s ropes for real would feel. “We still need to talk.”
Enver stood, stretching his arms out slightly and turning his torso to loosen his muscles. “And like I told you at the hospital, get past all this first. Then we’ll finish that talk.”
A heavy knock sounded, indicating the time for BLINC’s debut had arrived.
Marcus huffed out a breath, willing his heart to settle.
As the door opened and Enver ushered the first customers in, he set his hand on Marcus’s shoulder. “Believe me, I haven’t forgotten I want to shower you with everything you deserve. Fill in the missing pieces of your heart with my love. My attention.” He leaned over again, pressing his warm lips against Marcus’s ear. “My come.”
Marcus’s cock pushed against his pants.
Enver was clearly eyeing the bulge. “Mmm...going to take care of that later. For long, long hours. Until you’re writhing and pleading and screaming my name.”
Marcus went impossibly harder.
Enver licked his ear. “Done freaking out now?”
“Ass.” Marcus chuckled at Enver’s deep laugh. “Yes. Thank you.”
Wearing a pleased grin, Enver turned to face the two club members who had come in and were nervously looking around. “Come on over so Marcus can take good care of you.” As they made their way farther into the room, he directed his attention to Marcus again, all business this time. “I’ve got a meeting to get to. You going to be at Kochran’s soiree later?”
“Sure, I’ll meet you there.” Marcus stood, popping open the latches on the storage cases. “Let’s get you guys hooked up and started.”