How could Tracen not hang out with Emily? Was there anything he wanted more? What was he doing down at the river when he could be by her side — maybe even giving her a piggyback ride? He knew the two of them could take Howie and Honey in a game of chicken any day.
“Let’s go, Howie.”
Tracen didn’t even wait for his friend to keep up. Using boulders as stairs, he made his way to the woman he’d fallen for. She looked up hesitantly, as if afraid of more moody behavior, but he didn’t let that stop him. No, her hesitation pulled at him harder. Ignoring the heat of the pool after his icy dip, he slid into its scalding depths and sliced through the water with purpose.
She still held the boy on her back, but that didn’t bother him either. He wanted to reassure her that they were meant to be together. If he didn’t want to let her go, then he’d have to use everything he had to fight to keep her.
Impatient with the weight of the water slowing his pace, he reached forward and dragged Emily to him.
“Wee,” said the kid.
Expectancy lit her eyes. She wanted to be with him as much as he wanted her. Her skin slipped against his as he threaded his arms around her then between her spine and the kid’s stomach. Mercy, she felt good.
“Hi,” she said, as if she’d been waiting for this side of him to show up all afternoon. And as if there wasn’t a child watching their every move from close range.
“Hi,” he whispered in return just before pressing his mouth to hers. The kid could swim away. Nothing was going to stop him from showing Emily how he really felt.
So why did it feel as if he were kissing her good-bye?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
TRACEN COULDN’T DO IT. EVEN AFTER Howie’s sermon and the amazing kiss he laid on Emily the night before, there was no peace with his decision to act as if nothing was bothering him. It had bothered him all night, in fact.
His stomach sloshed, as if he might be getting the flu, and his body ached with fatigue. How was he supposed to live like this for an undetermined number of months?
Long distance wouldn’t work, especially if the distance led Emily to Hollywood. Some said distance made the heart grow fonder, but the more accurate saying would be that distance made the heart wander.
He couldn’t deal with Emily having a wandering heart. He needed a commitment from her. A tangible commitment. A commitment requiring more than words.
Was it too much to ask? No, she’d already planned to move. All he wanted was for her to follow through on their plans together. If she cared for him enough, she would.
A few months of playing Wonder Woman couldn’t compare to a lifetime of love. That’s what people in love did — they compromised to make things work. If she couldn’t compromise now, then a relationship would never work. And giving up the role of Wonder Woman might the best thing she could do — get out while she was ahead. Like Michael Keaton in Batman. The first Wonder Woman had been such a hit that it really couldn’t get any better for her.
Still, the pending conversation cloaked Tracen in dread. Weakness filled him as if he were Superman wearing a pendant of Kryptonite. How would she react? Would she understand? Or would she crush his one last attempt at hope?
A surge of energy raced through his veins as Emily’s rented SUV crunched into the gravel parking lot outside the restaurant window. He’d invited Emily to eat breakfast with him before her filming began for the day. They should continue the tradition even after the film crew left. Breakfast once a week at The Point.
And what kind of car would she drive then? Would she bring some sporty convertible from California, or would she want a vehicle that complemented his rusty truck in the driveway of their new cabin? He could always fix up an older car for her. Like a vintage Mustang or a classic Thunderbird. Make it a wedding present for her — big red bow and all.
Tracen smiled at the thought. Life would be sweet. Emily knew that. She wouldn’t leave him.
The tinkling of a bell announced the opening of the front door. Emily beamed when she spotted him across the room. Tension eased from Tracen’s shoulders. This was right — nobody could argue the fact. Not even Honey, who watched with a small smile from where she was eating breakfast with Howie as Emily sailed across the room toward his table.
“I missed you,” she said as she sank into the seat facing his.
Her words soothed his soul as if they were a gentle caress. What had he been worried about? Reaching across the table, he wrapped his fingers over her tiny hand.
“I missed you too.”
Emily flipped her hand so their palms pressed together, then twisted to lace her fingers with his. “Are you sure you won’t come back to California with me? It’s going to be so hard to leave you behind.”
His stomach turned to lead. Leaving him behind must not be as hard as he’d hoped if she was still planning on making the movie. But at least she’d given him a bridge to broach the subject that haunted him. Otherwise he would probably have put it off until after breakfast. And then until after filming. Possibly until the day she was planning to leave. But this was better. Wasn’t it? He could share his concern, and she would reassure him. Then he wouldn’t have to live in the shadow of his fears.
“Don’t go.”
Emily laughed. “Okay.” She said the word as if she were doing the voice of Dopey from The Seven Dwarves. “Instead I’ll get a job where I could work for the rest of my life and never earn the same amount of money as I could in a few months playing Wonder Woman.” Her eyes twinkled just thinking about the opportunity. Her tone returned to normal — sweet and enthusiastic. “It’s called playing a part. Of course it’s hard work, but with as much fun as acting can be, the term play really fits.”
Tracen froze as Emily slipped her hand from his and picked up a menu. Not quite the reaction he’d been counting on. She made it all into a joke. But he couldn’t be more serious.
“Em.” He waited for her eyes to rise. Such clear, sky-blue eyes. Would they cloud and grow stormy when she realized that he wasn’t kidding? How could he phrase his thoughts without sounding too demanding?
“Which means more to you?” The question came out before he had time to consider the options. Might as well move forward — finish what he started. “Me or the movie?”
Emily’s menu dropped. She shifted in her seat and stared, her soft lips parting as if she wanted to reply but didn’t know the correct answer. Her hesitation tore at him like a dagger wound — stabbing into his heart and spilling his blood.
“You should know the answer to that.” She spoke carefully, as if he’d laid a trap for her.
But now he held back, afraid he was the one being tricked by her non-answer. “I thought I did.” What had he been thinking?
Emily leaned forward, expression earnest. “I told you I don’t picture myself with any other man.”
He wanted to believe her. Let her draw him in. But… “It’s not another man I’m worried about. It’s the seduction of Tinseltown.”
“Oh.” Emily leaned away now, problem solved in her own mind. “I’m moving up here, remember? This movie is one last hurrah. It’s not that I’m seeking out fame like…” Some things were best left unsaid. “I’m merely accepting the offer that’s been given to me.”
Tracen swallowed through a constricted throat. She was accepting. Didn’t he get a vote? “What if I ask you not to accept?”
****
EMILY BLINKED. “WOW.” THE guy didn’t trust her. This was a much bigger issue than he realized, than she realized. How did she respond?
Tracen’s eyes grew dark and intense. “I’ve been researching teaching jobs for you. I want you to help pick out colors for the cabin. I even looked up your birthday online and bought tickets for a dinner train. But you don’t even think twice about leaving all this. You’re ready to fly away the moment your agent calls.”
Emily’s heart fluttered. He’d thought to look up her birthday? And he wanted her to decorate his cabin? Yes, she wanted all of t
hat. But why did he have to wait to spring it on her like a hostage in hostile negotiations?
Darn him. “You’re not being fair, Tracen.”
Tracen slammed back into his seat. “Fair?” As if noticing Emily scan the room for possible lurking paparazzi, he leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Is expecting you to keep your word unfair?”
Correction. These weren’t hostile negotiations. Tracen had simply chosen not to negotiate at all.
Emily lifted her hands into a frozen shrug. What language was Tracen speaking? Her intentions hadn’t changed. She wanted everything he offered. But she had to bring her current life to a close before she could start a new one. “I’m going to keep my word.”
“Key words: going to. That doesn’t mean much. I need to know when, Emily.”
Tracen shifted his jaw from side to side, his glare demanding. She’d never seen him like this. Was he even talking to her? Or was he seeing Serena when he spoke? Now that was unfair.
She needed to reconnect, calm him down. And she’d have to do it before she got too offended. With the way she was starting to feel, she might be able to play the role of another superhero — The Hulk.
Deep breath. They could work this out. The volcano starting to erupt inside her would soon turn dormant. A few years down the road and they’d be laughing at how ridiculous they’d been to almost break up. She simply had to give him a timeline to go with her promises. That’s all.
Sliding her fingers across the polished log table, she gripped his rough hand once more. Tense, yet lifeless. Waiting before he would respond. She sought words to reassure.
“I told you.” She spoke the gentle reminder. “I’ll be back by Christmas.”
His face didn’t relax the way she expected it to. He pulled his hand from hers and looked away. The distance between them grew a disproportionate amount compared to his small movement. “Will you, Emily? You won’t be called away for interviews or premieres?”
Now he was asking too much. That was part of the biz. The fun part. Getting to travel and meet new people. Why did it bother him so much? “Yes, I’ll have to do some of that stuff. But it works. Demi Moore lives in Idaho, you know.”
Tracen’s eyes jumped to meet hers, and she almost jolted in her seat at the impact. “Yes, I know. But it doesn’t matter. What works for her isn’t going to work for me. I want stability. I want commitment. I don’t want to have to change our plans whenever Wonder Woman gets a phone call.”
She’d heard of this happening. What drew a couple together became the same thing that pulled them apart. But with the way Tracen kissed her the night before — not caring about the circumstances, such as a little boy on her back — she couldn’t believe he would pull such an about-face.
“Tracen, you can’t ask me to give up the role of Wonder Woman.”
He wouldn’t do that. He was falling in love with her. And love was unconditional. She had to make him understand.
Tracen closed his eyes. More distance. He really was pulling away. And as if they’d been glued together, he took part of her with him. The loss shot throbbing pain through her core. Her throat constricted, but she wouldn’t cry. Not in front of him anyway.
If he couldn’t make compromises, then they never would have worked out anyway. Oh, she had to make it work. They were so close to their happily-ever-after. How could he throw it away like this?
“Emily.” He stopped there, as if he couldn’t get the rest of his sentence out. And if it was something she didn’t want to hear, she hoped it got stuck inside him forever. “Emily,” he started again, firmer now. Oh no. She wanted to run away so she didn’t have to hear whatever it was that he was having trouble saying. “I can’t live my life in limbo. If you — if you choose to make the movie, I can’t wait for you.”
Emily’s stomach rolled over. What did he mean he couldn’t? More like wouldn’t. She must not mean as much to him as she’d thought she did — as much as he meant to her. “You’re giving me an ultimatum?” What a horrible start/end to their relationship.
“No,” Tracen said without pausing to consider. After a moment he added, “I’m setting boundaries.”
That was a nice spin on things. He threatened to break up with her if she didn’t do exactly what he wanted, and then he gave his actions a nice Christian term. “Good idea. You wouldn’t want me to mess up the safe little life you have going on here.”
She hoped her words hurt. Woke him up to his reality. But not likely. He’d just use her outburst to confirm his decision.
Tracen looked around in exasperation, his lips parting as if he was speechless. Nope. He found his voice. “You said you liked my ‘safe little life.’ You said you wanted to be part of it.”
She did. More than anything. But he was making her choose between his life and who she was created to be. Not that she was created to be Wonder Woman, but she was created to be active and spontaneous. If she let him squelch that part of her now, would it cease to exist completely? Her breathing grew shaky.
“I love Sun Valley, Tracen.” She loved the mountains that surrounded it. She loved the rivers that roared past it. She loved the laid-back lifestyle. But more than anything — she loved Tracen. The realization came like a slap in the face. Now that she knew, how could she let him go? “But home is where the heart is. If we are together, then it doesn’t matter if we are in Sun Valley or not.”
Tracen stiffened even more, if possible. “It matters to me.”
It mattered more than her. She could twist this whole conversation around. He’d asked her what mattered more, him or the movie. Well… “Which means more to you? Me or Sun Valley?”
Goodness. Now she’d given an ultimatum. And the worst part was, she already knew his answer. His pause only confirmed her fear.
A chill swept over her. Her limbs trembled. But that was nothing compared to the way her insides shivered. Why was she putting herself through this?
Gigi trotted over, chomping on gum. Emily watched as if from a distance. And Gigi’s statement made it sound like she was really on another planet. “You two look so cute over here. What can I get you this morning?”
Anything Emily might consume would certainly make a reappearance with the way her stomach gurgled. And it wasn’t like Tracen wanted to spend more time with her anyway.
She shoved backwards from the table and spoke over the scraping of chair legs on scarred wooden floors. “I’m not hungry anymore. Thanks, Gigi.” Standing at attention, she slowly looked down at Tracen. She’d never had to look down to talk to him before, but she got no satisfaction from the fact she was doing so to say good-bye. “Thank you for the conversation, Tracen. I’m really glad we had it now.”
Was she? Wouldn’t it have been better to live in blissful ignorance for another week? But then it might have hurt even more to realize Tracen had been planning to dump her the moment she made a decision he didn’t agree with.
Grabbing her purse, she forced her feet to walk. And he let her go. That’s what really hurt. He watched her leave him, and he didn’t care to do anything about it.
She yearned to hear him call her name over the pounding of her heart in her ears. She willed him to chase her down. Nothing.
Why hadn’t he wanted to work things out? If only he had worded things differently.
She made it to the lobby, not able to continue farther in case he changed his mind. In case she changed her mind.
She sank onto the couch barely out of Tracen’s line of sight and tried to make sense out of jumbled emotions. Did she really want to be in another movie so badly? At the moment she didn’t even want to finish filming the movie she was already in.
If she loved him, and she did, then shouldn’t she be the one to compromise? Maybe she’d overreacted. She could look at their situation from his perspective. He’d had his heart broken before — and he feared it would happen again.
She would never do that to him. She was no Serena. And if they were ever going to make a relationship work, she�
�d need to prove it.
She’d give up the movie.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
HE WAS GOING TO STICK BY his decision. It would be too easy to give in. Too easy to let her convince him that living a thousand miles apart could work. Too easy to apologize and ease the pain she’d tried to hide by blinking tears away. Too easy to hope that she would come back to Sun Valley.
No. Giving into hope would only lead to heartbreak. Better to rip the Band-Aid off quickly. He could get over her. That’s what he told himself, anyway. He’d gotten over Serena. And he hadn’t even known Emily a month, whereas he’d dated Serena all through high school. If he could get over his ex in ten years, then he could get over Emily in… ten thousand.
The ache in his chest filled his entire being with remorse. Which was worse? Letting go of Emily or trying to hold on to her in the first place?
He should have listened to Honey. He should have listened to his mom. They knew a movie star wasn’t likely to move permanently to Sun Valley. No, those mansions were only occupied two months out of the year by the rich and famous. She didn’t belong in his tourist town any more than he belonged in her Hollywood.
She was a bird. He was a fish. Lonesome Larry. It wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t trying to fly away. She was simply created to soar.
She had so much to offer, and it wasn’t fair for him to want her all to himself. Though that’s what he needed. He needed a friend, a lover, a wife, who would stand by his side. Who would be content rafting and fishing and skiing and raising their children.
It was a good life. Just not the life for a famous actress, no matter how hard they had tried to convince themselves it was. Yeah, she’d been dreaming with him. She’d made it seem so believable.
Finding Love in Sun Valley, Idaho (Resort to Love Book 1) Page 17