by Hiawyn Oram
“Why didn't you TELL me a shake is a drink?” she hissed as she wigged one ear.
“Because I had no idea!” I hissed back.
“Well why didn't you? You're my Familiar. You're supposed to be Othersidewise,” she wigged the other ear.
Luckily Zinnia came in at that moment and asked her who she was talking to in a locked flush-it-away booth—which ended the wigging before my ears were completely wigged off. Mind you, getting a wigging in a bathroom turned out to be the least of my worries.
While HA and the girls were slurping (after the wigging), this is what I heard (from the JIM bag):
It was the Tulip girl. “Aggy,” she said, “as it's Saturday, Zin's allowed to sleep over at my place tonight. D'you want to come too?”
Well, I nearly jumped out of the bag Tulip's lap to tell her NO, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CAN “AGGY” SLEEP ANYWHERE TONIGHT. IT IS THE HEATS OF THE WITCH'S CAT STEEPLECHASE AND SHE HAS TO BE THERE TO VOUCH FOR ME OR I WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO ENTER!
Somehow I held myself back, only to hear HA say in a cooey voice:
“Oh, Tulip, that is SWEET of you.
Normally I don't like sleeping over.
But if you mean wearing a pink nightgown and watching TV all night on your sofa, then I should think so!”
At this Zinnia giggled and Tulip said, “Yes, though Zin and I wear jimjams. They're better for bouncing in. And don't forget your toothbrush because my mom makes us brush our teeth, even though she knows we have a midnight feast afterward.
So if you want to come, here's my address.”
Well, when we left that Shake Shop, HA started screeching with excitement.
“I'm going to sleep over! With Zin and Tu!
And meet a MOM.
And be told to brush my teeth before a midnight feast!
Oh I'm so excited, I could fly!”
I was SO embarrassed—there were passersby—but there was no time for that. I had to get her home triple-presto and talk some sense into her head about the importance of the Steeplechase Heats.
I mean, I've been training for this race for moons. I'm GOOD at Steeplechasing. THE BEST.
Oh, no … I have to go. HA is calling me to help her work out what JIMJAMS are. From which you can deduce that so far I haven't persuaded her not to sleep over at Tulip's house. Though I haven't given up hope that I will.
Much Later, So Late It's Nearly Dawning
Dear Diary,
Sadly, I have to report the following: HA DID go to sleep over with “Tu and Zin” and I DIDN'T get to enter the Heats because she WASN'T there to verify that I hadn't used any magic to make me fly faster.
This is how it went:
I BEGGED on all fours for her to attend.
She wasn't interested. “Oh, RB, borrow someone else's witch. Like that old frog-brewer next door …”
“She can't,” I protested, “she's entering Grimey. And a witch can only vouch for one cat.”
“Then find a witch who isn't entering a cat and ask her,” HA said. “Anyway, being invited to sleep over at Tu's is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and if you care about me you won't spoil it.”
With that, She was off in her Pink car, in her JIM wear under a jam-colored nightgown (the best we could come up with for jimjams) and carrying a toothbrush of finest elm twigs.
Of course, I should have gone after her. And deactivated the fly-mode on that car before she crossed the Horizon.
But I wasn't ready to give up on the Steeplechase. I fetched my best racing broomstick and flew to the Clearing where the Heats start, in the tad of hope that there was a spare witch who'd vouch for me.
It was while I was asking around if anyone knew of one that Grimey came rushing up.
“RB, I've been trying to find you to tell you. I was in the Deep Ditch last Ghastly night when the Hags' Familiars were tattlechatting about Haggy Aggy being more Other Side than This Side.”
“Tell me something new,” I sighed.
“So you know about the GENEROUS REWARD, then?” Grimey whispered. “Being offered by the Hags to anyone who can help CATCH HER IN THE ACT of being more Other Side than This Side?”
YIKES AND TRIPLE YIKES.
My blood froze. My fur stood on end. Pondernot hadn't mentioned A REWARD.
And I could guess why. She didn't know—because Sassy the Snoop hadn't told her.
She's kept that part of the tattlechat to herself because she wants to be the one who catches HA and claims the “REWARD”!!
Well, now I had a GIANT problem on my paws, didn't I?
I muttered thanks for the info to Grimey and wished him luck in the Heats.
“You too,” he said.
Before I could explain that I wouldn't be taking part, Sassy appeared at my side. “Rumblewick, hello again!”
she sniggered. “Aren't you entering? Or is your witch too busy—somewhere else—to be here and vouch for you?”
It was a case of SAYING ANYTHING to put her in her place, so I said, “No, Sassy Selfright, she's working on a new collection of New Moon spells. Working so hard she's too busy to be here.”
And wished I hadn't. Because in that tad of trice Pondernot was beside us AND SHE HEARD. Her face lit up like the evening star.
“Well, well! My Hagatha, working on a new collection of New Moon spells? How thrillingly willing! How richly witchly! Now, we must make sure the High Hags hear about THIS.”
“No!” I squealed like a trapped rat. “No one must know. It's still work-in-secret.”
“Oh, but she wouldn't mind me, her dear aunt, having a little preview?” said Pondernot. “It would so lift my spirit to find her reforming in the matter of spell-making and witchly willingness.” So I got tough. I said, glaring mostly at Sassy, “If ANYONE comes snooping before she's ready, HA has told me she will burn the WHOLE COLLECTION.”
Tell you more later. HA's come in from her sleepover and she's yelling for me!
HA Bubbles over and the Snoop Comes Snooping
Dear Diary
Well, in she breezed, kicking off her shoes and bubbling over with excitement.
Of course, first she had to blame me for what HADN'T gone right: why hadn't I told her when you go to a sleepover you don't GO in your sleepover wear? Why hadn't I told her JIM-age girls DON'T DRIVE CARS? Why didn't I tell her that a Mom is only a kind of High Hag but nicer who tells you to go to bed when you want to stay up watching TV?
And why did I give her twigs to clean her teeth and not a BRUSH?
But when she'd gotten all that out, she whipped off her nightgown—revealing herself in a pair of striped shorts and the shortest dress surely ever made—and became sweetness and light.
“Whatever, RB, I forgive you because I had such a supernova time. And look! These are jimjams!”
She twirled round, jumped onto the sofa, and started bouncing on it as she spoke, “Tu gave them to me because I didn't have any and she has seven pairs! Oh, and I learned to giggle which is SO all that. And to bounce on a bed like this a hundred and one times without falling off. And as for sleepover food! You HAVE to taste peanut butter at midnight. AND do you know what? Tu, Zin and me are now so close we're like THIS!”
She twined two fingers round each other and held them up. “And because we're like THIS, I'm invited to sleep over EVERY Saturday until the end of ever!”
Well, it was another YIKES AND TRIPLE YIKES moment. What did she mean “every Saturday night till the end of ever?” Had she gone bats on a broomstick in a burning belfry?
I was just considering the kindest way to tell her she couldn't go sleeping over on the Other Side AT ALL because the Hags were after her, when what caught my eye through the window?
Sassy—on a broomstick—flying past our house.
Then flying past again and landing behind the candleberry bushes!!
So, the Snoop had come snooping. To try and catch HAGGY AGGY OUT.
There wasn't a tad of tell to waste. I had to make a plan, triple-presto.
/> My Brilliant Plan
Dear Diary
I put a plan together fast enough, I can tell you.
First I closed the curtains and blocked up all of our thirteen chimneys.
Then I got HA to go to bed—which wasn't hard as, apparently, she hadn't slept a wink at the sleepover.
While she slept, I wrote a note to Tu and Zin in Otherside handwriting, which thankfully I had learned so well at school.
Here is a copy:
Dear Tu and Zin:
For your information Aggy is not what she seems. She is not a girl jimmer. She is A WITCH. A true and proper witch even if she doesn't always behave like one. Believe me, I am a highly trained Witch's Familiar and I know.
So if you are horrified—which you should be—and do not want a witch in your JIM class or at your sleepovers, my advice is BANISH HER AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY.
Yours truly
I'd better not give my name.
PS: If you don't believe me take a look in your garden. All the witch's artifacts you find there are HERS.
PPS: It will be best If you do not tell her you received this warning. Just say “you guessed” because of her supernova JIM—which, by way, has all been mightily spelled.
Next I filled two large ingredient-collecting bags with the following:
One foldaway broomstick
One Porta-cauldron
One full witch's all-black
Outfit, including hat
Three jars of allspell ingredients—dried slug slime, blagwork seeds, weasel earwax.
With the bags straddle my broomstick—and the Note safely tucked under my hat—I flew off toward the Tanglewoods, which are well-known collecting grounds. So if Sassy was watching from behind the candleberry bushes, she wouldn't think I was up to anything unusual.
Once I was sure she wasn't following me, I changed direction and sped back over the Horizon to Tu's house. (Luckily I' found her address under HA's pillow.)
Here I placed the contents of my bags in a convenient garden shed and pushed THE NOTE through Tu's bedroom window.
To be sure she got the message, I waited and watched until I saw her pick it up and read it!
Now all I had to do was get HA to one last JIM class—where SURELY Tu would say, “ZIN and I DO NOT want a WITCH for a BEST FRIEND or bouncing with us on our very own beds in our very own houses. SO GO HOME, WITCH, AND STAY THERE.”
And that would be the end of that. There'd be no more Otherside sleeping over for Sassy to catch her at!!
Brilliant, if I do say so myself.
My Brilliant Plan Continues
Dear Diary,
As I arrived home, I saw Sassy in the bushes covered in chimney soot!! Good, I thought, try all thirteen chimneys You won't get in that way. You won't get in any way. Because you won't be going anywhere. Especially, you won't be following HA to her last and all-important JIM class where—if everything goes according to my plan—she is going to be UNbefriended by her new, best, Otherside sleepover friend.
And so, the next day while HA was putting on her JIM wear, I grounded that selfrighting Snooper in the REAL sense of the word:
THE FAILPROOF-GROUNDING SPELL
Crush an old unflyable broomstick to dust and mix with pressed pine gum. Fly over the One to Be Grounded, sprinkling the mixture and chanting:
Wherever you wish to go
wherever you wish to linger
You cannot move a foot
A paw or little finger
wherever you wish to sneak
whether it's near or far
The very ground you stand on
Holds you where you are!
SMALL PRINT: This spell is failproof unless the One Being Spelled uses a spell to override it within two tads of tell of it being performed on him/her.it.
And, as Sassy wasn't expecting it, she didn't have an overrider ready to override it. So there she was—ACTUALLY STUCK IN THE MUD— in her Snoop's hideout behind the Candleberry bushes!!!
My Brilliant Plan Backfires
Dear Diary,
So that the grounded Sassy wouldn't look up and see HA flying off in JIM clothes, I offered to take her to the class myself—provided she COVER HERSELF UP in a cloak and hat.
I said there was a chill wind blowing and she wouldn't want to catch cold and not be at her best. She agreed without a fight, though with lots of moaning that I fuss too much.
Whatever, I didn't care. I was just relieved to deliver her to the door of the JIM building for what I felt certain was THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF OTHERSIDE SLEEPING OVER.
“RB,” she crowed, as I picked her up afterward, “Tu and Zin are SO EXCITED about having me for a best friend, they're asking all their other friends to the sleepover this Saturday night. To show me off! Now what am I going to WEAR for this SHOW-ME-OFF party?”
So excited? About having A WITCH for a friend?? Talk about a plan backfiring.
I mean, what were those girls thinking of, and now what???
The Grounding spell keeping Sassy stuck in the mud will have worn off by “Saturday” night. She'll be on A RAMPAGE OF REVENGE!! (And no doubt ready with an overrider in case I try to ground her again!)
Besides—and it's a GIANT BESIDES—this “Saturday” night is the night of the actual Steeplechase Race. Everyone will be there.
EVERY WITCH AND EVERY FAMILIAR.
If HA isn't, the High Hags will WANT TO KNOW WHERE SHE IS.
And if the Snoop follows HA to Tu's, which she will, she'll be able to lead the Hags straight to her.
HA will be caught in Act and Sassy will claim Reward.
And here's the thing, Diary—SNOOPING will have won.
So I better get rethinking because I'M NOT HAVING THAT!
“Saturday” Night—Nearly Dawning
Dear Diary,
I thought and rethought. The best I could come up with was to tell HA about the danger she was in.
But when I did she just brushed it all aside.
“Oh RB, let the Snoops snoop, let the Hags catch. Let them have their rewards. My reward—being shown off at a sleepover—is far the grater!”
“But what about ME,” I begged. “If you're caught at Tu's, I'll get the blame for letting you go—and probably sent back to Awethunder's to relearn my lessons!”
“Oh, those old Hags are so full of hot soup.” She laughed.
“They won't send you back to school—there aren't enough Familiars to go around as it is. So stop fretting!”
I shot my last arrow.
“Well, what about Pondernot? Think how RUBBLEROT she's going to make you feel.”
“She won't get the chance,” HA laughed, “as I'll NEVER drop in on her again!”
And that was that.
Haggy Aggy went to the sleepover. Not even covered up in a cloak and hat. Completely UNAWARE that Tu knows she is a witch because her Familiar (YOURS TRULY, ME) has told her. And with Sassy the Snoop certain to be following her!!!
YIKES AND TRIPLE YIKES! I had to face it: WHAT A GROTTLEPOTCH I WAS MAKING OF THIS.
So after moping about for some tads of tell, I decided I had no choice.
I had to go after HA on my own broomstick $$$1 to confess what I'd done and $$$2 to keep a lookout for Sassy.
Several times as I flew I thought I saw her and went in hot pursuit—only to find I was chasing shadows.
As a result, by the time I arrived at Tu's—and took up my observation post in a tree—the sleepover was in full swing.
Though, of course, not at all as HA was expecting.
Tu, Zin and “all their friends” were dragging her to the garden shed screaming, “come on, Aggy. Put on your witch's stuff. Show us how you ride a broomstick!”
“What do you mean?” HA gulped. “What witch's stuff? I am not a witch. What makes you think I am?”
“We guessed!” cried Zin. “From your JIM! Which is so magic you must be one!” They pushed her into the shed yelling, “PUT IT ALL ON. THEN RIDE YOUR BROOMSTICK. WE LOVE W
ITCHES.”
After a lot of thunderous snarling from inside, the shed door opened and HA emerged—in the black clothing I'd put there and holding the broomstick.
“Ride, ride!” cried Tulip. “Show us how you do it.”
HA turned green.
But she got astride the broomstick, shot up in the air, circled twice, and landed proudly—without so much as a double foot brake.
Now Tu and Zin begged to be taken up for rides.
How could HA say no to her best friends who were so close they were “entwined”?
Looking even greener, she took them each up for a spin.
Then, because the girl begged so hard, she took up one of the “other friends.” And I could see exactly what she was trying to do.
Buck her off!
At the same tad of tell I saw something else I'd rather I hadn't: the unmistakable shape of a Familiar on a broom against the moon.
Sassy!
My heart sank and then sank deeper when I realized the shape was heading AWAY from us.
She'd already been and seen and was no doubt flying back to tell the Hags where they could find HA being shown off by Otherside friends at an Otherside sleepover party!!
Now what? Go after her and stop her? Or save an unwitting girl-child from being bucked off a broomstick?
The girl started to fall. There was nothing else to do. I swooped out and caught her neatly on the back of my broomstick.