by CC MacKenzie
And he was relentless.
“That’s it, baby, come for me.”
Her scream coincided with Rafe gripping her around the waist to stop her collapsing and still he worked her.
Then her body’s release was too overwhelming, she couldn’t breathe as it gushed into his hand.
Coco’s world went dark.
Chapter Thirty Seven
As dawn broke, lying in strong arms, his deep breaths whispering under her ear, Coco stared at the ceiling.
Rafe was sound asleep and wrapped around her like a flag.
Her limbs felt as if they were weighed down with lead.
But what shocked her most of all was the feeling of intense relaxation and a deep, deep pleasure.
She’d read of la petite morte, the little death of orgasm, but didn’t believe it was real outside of her friend’s imaginations. But it actually existed. Who’d have thought it?
He’d made love to her so completely, so giving and caring that even now her eyes began to sting with unshed tears.
What on earth did it mean?
If she didn’t know better, she’d think he’d fallen in love with her.
But that was impossible and typical of the way she over thought things these days.
Over the past few months, during the darkest of days, she’d learned the hard way that a human being’s imagination can be merciless as it is relentless.
No way was Rafe ready to settle down and, more to the point, neither was she.
With care she moved her right leg trapped under his heavy thigh.
He muttered in his sleep and a strong arm gripped her around the waist, pulling her into his warm body as he turned towards her.
She loved being in his arms.
But she loved it too much.
What would happen when this was all over and she tried to sleep alone in her big bed?
Again she tried to move, but he held her even tighter.
“Baby?” he muttered, his voice all throaty and drowsy with sleep. “Stop pushing me away.”
“I need to visit the bathroom,” she told him in a soft voice.
He released her, rolled on his back as she rose and padded to the en-suite.
Rafe watched her through sleepy lids.
Her taut little bottom swayed as she moved towards the door.
She had a couple of bruises on her hips where his fingers had dug too deep.
His breath hitched in his throat.
He’d hurt her?
Blinking awake, he sat and scrubbed his face.
God, what a night. It had been intense.
His cock still ached with need and how was that even possible?
He’d come so many times and in so many ways it was unbelievable.
But God, he loved her so much, perhaps too much?
The question had him rub the spot above the jerky thud of his heart.
What the hell was happening to him?
Fear uncurled in his belly.
This was exactly what had happened to his father. He’d become so consumed with his love for his mother he’d got to the point where he couldn’t function. The more her mother pushed him away, the more his father craved her. And in the end that obsession had destroyed him.
Rafe had never understood how a real man could be broken by his love, his need for a woman - until now.
Wrapped in a white fluffy bathrobe, Coco stood at the entrance to the bathroom watching him.
Her skin was too pale, her eyes too big, too serious.
Those eyes found his and he read the same fear that gripped his heart.
“Rafe, I don’t understand what’s happening here. I don’t think I can cope with this.”
He nodded.
Well, that made two of them.
“We’re on dangerous ground,” she whispered.
She was right.
But it didn’t stop him trying to lighten the moment.
“Nothing new for you then.”
By the shake of her head, she wasn’t having it.
“I don’t need or want complications like this.”
So she saw him as a complication in her well ordered little life, did she?
Twin emotions of hurt and annoyance stung.
And that sting made him eye her carefully.
“I agree,” he said and saw her flinch and wasn’t sorry for it.
“Good,” she said in a cheery voice that made him want to strangle her. “So we agree that once this is all over, we go our separate ways and no one gets hurt.”
He wanted to tell her it was a bit late for that.
But he was a guy, a strong man, a soldier for Christ’s sake.
And soldiers didn’t have a lump burning in their throat.
“Sure.”
Neither spoke.
She should be feeling relieved, relaxed, that Rafe was lying there looking like a Greek God, all sleepy and mussed up after their night of hot, hot...
Her face burned as the memory of what they’d done to each other made her knees weak.
But the fact that he’d agreed they’d go on with their lives without complications didn’t make her relieved.
She felt depressed and miserable.
And he was watching her with an intensity that made her throat close tight.
“Get dressed,” he ordered in a tone she was more than familiar with and found she bitterly resented. “I’ll have a shower and we’ll talk.”
Coco sat at the kitchen table nibbling on slice of toast.
“Are you sure you don’t want an egg?” Rafe asked conversationally.
The thought of food made her shudder.
“No, thank you.”
Nerves sat like a heavy rock in her belly.
How could he be so laid back about what was happening between them?
He’d not bothered to shave and wore faded jeans with his favourite T-shirt.
And all the while he was acting as if nothing had changed.
If she lived to be one hundred, she’d never understand this man.
Her eyes went wide at the bacon and eggs and toast piled on his plate.
He slid into a seat across the table from her.
His dark eyes were watchful, thoughtful, as they studied her face.
“It’s been pretty intense between us. We’re cooped up here twenty-four-seven waiting for news.”
For some reason the way he wolfed down his food, while she found it hard to even swallow a mouthful of toast, aggravated her.
“This can’t go on for much longer. I’ve a life, people who rely on me.”
He nodded, sipped his coffee.
“True. But you won’t be much good to them dead and buried.”
The toast dropped out of nerveless fingers onto her plate.
“Don’t you think you’ve blown all this out of proportion?”
She sat there looking fabulous in a silk vest the colour of ivory and faded blue jeans.
In the hot, humid air her hair was drying into cute waves.
Big eyes, annoyed big eyes, stayed on his.
Rafe didn’t want to frighten her.
But the way she looked at him, as if he’d brought her here under false pretences seriously ticked him off.
Okay, he’d stretched the truth about her father being shot. That had been a mistake. And he winced now at the thought of how he’d hurt her. But over the past few days he’d come to realise that she’d absolutely no idea that Sergei Kandinsky was one sick puppy.
His fault he admitted now.
He’d wanted to protect her, not scare her to death.
And wasn’t he trying to shield her from a hard-to-take truth?
Exactly the way her father was shielding her from the painful reality about her mother’s death?
The time had come to give her the facts.
And he wondered how she was going to take it.
He wiped hands on a paper napkin, pushed away his plate, and picked up his coffee.
“If Kandinsk
y discovers it was you who helped his wife and child escape and he got his hands on you, what do you think would happen?”
The way she frowned, pouted, made him want to kiss her.
“I’ve no idea where they are. What’s the problem?”
Even Rafe didn’t know where Olivia and the baby were.
He wondered now just how much he should tell her.
“Okay. What if he didn’t believe you? Don’t forget he’s pretty pissed off at the moment. Bearing in mind that this is a man who’s happy to beat the crap out of his wife, rape her repeatedly and threaten to hurt an infant.”
Blood drained out of her face.
“How do you know that?” Her voice was no more than the thread of a whisper.
He sat back, relaxed, and told her the truth.
“Because Olivia has a therapist looking after her. Your father is picking up the tab. I receive daily reports. She broke down completely when they moved her for the third time. Samson was worried about her psychological state so he’s brought in a specialist from First Step and she’s staying with them. Olivia is going to take a long time to get over what the bastard did to her. She’s a very brave lady.”
Now Coco blinked. “Who from First Step?”
Slowly, he shook his head.
“He didn’t tell me. Why do you think I don’t know where they are?”
“I’ve no idea.”
“No. I realise that. Because if Kandinsky or his goons got hold of me, they’ve ways of making me talk.”
Her eyes were riveted to his and he watched them go wide with alarm.
“You mean torture?” she whispered.
He shook his head, sipped his coffee.
“Torture is a messy business. It can take time and even then you may not get to the truth. He wants information fast. So he’ll use barbiturates, sodium pentothal or something similar. I’d be singing like a canary.”
Then quite deliberately, keeping his eyes glued to hers, he leaned over, placed his hand over her cold fingers and squeezed.
“And what do you think he and his men would do to you, doll face?”
When her bottom lip trembled and those big eyes filled, he simply kept his eyes on hers and saw the moment she got it.
“They would hurt me.”
He slid his other hand across the table and their fingers clasped.
“While I have breath left in my body, that bastard is not going to get within miles of you.”
The way she took a deep breath straightened in her chair, bravely lifted her chin, had a wave of pride wash right over him.
Christ, he adored her.
Coco gripped his hands, stared into dark eyes filled with a determination that told her he was there for her.
Dear God, she’d endangered the lives of so many people.
“I can’t stay here forever.”
“No. But it’s not going to come to that. Let’s just say we have a plan for the man.”
Her mouth opened to ask him what plan, then she realised that of course he couldn’t tell her. Instinctively, she recognised he’d given her the abridged version of how a monster operated to protect her.
She was helpless.
And she’d involved herself, her family, her friends, even First Step in potential catastrophe.
What the hell had she done?
Rafe was sitting opposite, patient, caring and loving, waiting for her to wake-up and get real.
“You need me to trust you. Implicitly. No questions asked.”
Now he smiled, brought her hands to his mouth, pressed his lips to her fingertips.
“Bingo. And I have to say it’s been seriously ticking me off that you don’t. And you don’t trust me, do you, Coco? Not right deep down where it counts.”
Did she?
Remembering how he’d handled her, the way he and her father continued to manipulate her, for the first time she wondered if perhaps they’d had cause?
When her father had tried to explain why he didn’t think she was ready to serve on the board of Monroe Industries, she hadn’t given him time to say his piece, had she?
Now the memory of how she’d stormed out of the meeting brought a wave of shame over her cheeks.
She’d refused to listen, behaved like a five year old having a temper tantrum.
And she was the one who said no one listened to her. No one heard her.
Here she was, behaving in exactly the same way.
“I didn’t leave you any alternative but to take over, take away my choice in the matter, did I?”
“After what we went through after you were attacked, and now this? You fucking terrify me. And that’s the God’s honest truth. Come here.”
He pushed the chair back from the table.
Coco rose, moved to stand between his legs and looked down into that fabulous face.
Pulling her into him, Rafe buried his face in her belly, inhaled the scent, felt the too fast thud of her heart.
His arms wound around her waist, pulling her close.
Her hands slid over his shoulders, into his hair.
And he felt her press her lips to his forehead.
God he was wild about her.
Moving back, he lifted his face for her kiss, then stared into her eyes, let the terror in his heart show.
“You drive me fucking crazy. My inner caveman beats his fists on his chest and takes over. I can’t think when you get yourself into these situations. It’s as if no matter what we do to protect you, you’re fucking determined to find trouble.”
“You’re swearing.”
“No fucking wonder.”
The way he said it made her smile.
“I’m sorry. I was helping a friend. I’d no idea her...”
Her voice broke in a way that had him pull her down onto his knee.
His eyes held hers.
“I know, baby. You’re brave and caring. You did the right thing. But next time, I’m begging you, come and talk to me and I’ll help.”
“There’s never going to be a next time,” she said quite sincerely.
But he simply gave her big eyes.
“Yeah, right. Life with you will never be Dullsville.”
Her heart stumbled before racing.
What did that mean?
Her eyes searched his and what she saw there made her frown.
“I think I’m in love with you,” he told her. “So I’d appreciate it if you let me know what’s happening in your head.”
Utter shock had her simply stare at him.
But hadn’t they just had a talk about no complications?
“Are you serious? You agreed no complications and now out of the blue you’re saying, I think I’m in love with you so let me know what’s going on in your head?”
Those dark eyes stared into hers with an intensity that made her wiggle on his knee.
“I’m not a complication. And telling you how I feel is only fair to both of us. I’ve never really thought about being in love before.” He nuzzled her neck, gave it a lick. “It’s exciting. I’m not a fool, Coco. I know if you can’t or won’t or don’t feel the same thing for me it’s going to hurt, a lot. But I’m an adult. I’ll get over it. Maybe.”
Chapter Thirty Eight
Coco pushed to her feet and turned to the table, picked up his plate, moved to the sink.
Her hands were trembling and it seriously pissed her off.
One half of her was doing a happy dance, while the other half was having a panic attack.
She didn’t want to hurt him.
But no way could she commit to him the way she knew he’d need her to.
This was Rafael Cavendish.
He’d want all of her or none of her.
Having all of her was something that would never happen.
After placing the plate and cutlery in the dishwasher, she turned to him.
The way he was watching her, the way those dark eyes filled with possession, with arousal, made her frightened heart batter agains
t her ribs.
“I don’t want to get married or have a family. I told you this right from the beginning.”
Her voice was too high, too panicky.
He nodded. “Have I asked you to marry me?”
Now she frowned.
He hadn’t.
“No. But this is you I’m dealing with, Rafael. If you love a woman then the next logical step for you would be wedding and babies.”
“Not only are you being presumptuous,” he told her in a cool voice that didn’t disguise his hurt. A hurt that made her eyes sting. He continued, “But you’ve missed a step. The question is do you love me?”
Did she?
Her brow creased as her thoughts raced.
She didn’t want to answer the question.
A part of her would always love him, she admitted.
Certainly she was madly in lust with him, but she’d be insane to base a relationship with Rafe purely on physical attraction. Going down that road was a sure recipe for disaster.
What about First Step? For the life of her she could not imagine Rafe leaving her in peace to manage her business. Especially after the spectacular mess she’d made by helping Olivia and her baby.
And what if the press got hold of the fact Coco Monroe and Rafael Cavendish were having an affair? Their lives wouldn’t be worth living. And what about her father and her brothers? Christ, they’d demand marriage and babies.
And what about her friends?
Now some women loved to gossip.
They gossiped about clothes, shoes, cosmetics, handbags and eye-candy, aka men.
She didn’t have many close friends so the ones she did have meant a huge amount to her. Admittedly they were from her school days. But these were girls who knew her and who knew that ninety-five percent of what was written about her in the tabloids was crap.
They were girls who did everything they could to bring normalcy into her life. Girls who were going through their own heady romances, marriage and babies. Girls who were well aware Coco didn’t hanker after any of their happy-ever-afters.
What they didn’t know was why.