by Penny Dee
In that moment, I wished that were true. More than anything in the world.
But the simple truth was, he was wrong.
CALEB
I woke up in a world of pain.
Jesus Christ.
I sat up and squinted. I was in the studio, on the couch, a painful pulse rocketing through my skull. Across the room, an empty bottle of bourbon lay on its side on my desk. I couldn’t remember fuck all about the night before, and I had a fair suspicion that empty bottle had something to do with it. I stood up but had to pause and wait for the wave of nausea to pass before heading out of my office and down the hall to the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror, I splashed water on my face, rinsed the stale taste of the night before out of my mouth, and took a moment for the dust to settle in my head. I looked at the mess looking back at me from the mirror. Bloodshot, tired eyes. Stubble. Messy hair. I was a wreck.
Last night was a mystery. But as I stood there, bits and pieces began to shift and move into place. Led Zeppelin on the stereo. A bottle of bourbon in my hand. The portrait of Honey in my sketchbook. Pandora turning up and telling me—
My head shot up.
—she was in love with me. Her straddling my lap and rubbing herself against me. Her grabbing my hand and shoving it into her wet, shaven pussy.
I straightened, feeling unsettled by the memory. All this time Pandora was the one sending me those gifts and carrying on like a psycho. The decapitated doll heads. Breaking into Honey’s apartment.
It didn’t make sense.
I looked at my watch. It was ten past eight. She would be arriving to work any minute and I needed to confront her and put an end to this behavior straight away.
As if on cue, I heard the key in the lock and the front door open. I splashed more water on my face and ran a wet hand through my hair, desperate to waken up and control the thumping pulse in my head before facing my secret admirer.
Pandora was at her desk when I walked in, her dress tight, her hair perfect, her makeup immaculate. She looked like the perfectly put-together ice queen she’d always been, except her shoulders were slightly slumped, and her expression was sad as she put items from her desk into the box on her chair. When she heard me walk in, I saw her skin flush and her eyes fill with tears. I wasn’t used to seeing her look so contrite, so… humiliated, and the empathy I felt for her caught me off guard.
We stood across the room from one another. An awkwardness hung in the space between us as I looked at her and she pretended not to notice I was there.
“We need to talk about last night,” I said hoarsely.
She looked up and dragged her white teeth over her bottom lip. “I don’t know what to say. I’m so embarrassed. I suppose you want me gone straight away.”
I felt sorry for her. I was prepared to be angry. Prepared to fire her on the spot for what she’d done—not for hitting on me, but for sending Honey the doll heads and for breaking into our apartment. But seeing her standing there looking nothing like the confident, outgoing woman I knew her to be, it tugged at my heartstrings and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. She would have to go. But I wasn’t going to throw her out on her ass. Years of loyalty demanded a kinder tactic.
“What happened, Pandora? I thought you were in love with Roger?”
“I am.” Her chin quivered and she couldn’t look me in the eye. “I just love you more.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“That’s the thing, Caleb. I do.”
I didn’t know what to say. I’d known Pandora for years. She was always the tough-talking ball breaker, the one who could handle a room full of foul-mouthed, uncouth bikers with one look.
She was only ever a friend.
And despite her love of the unusual, I never picked her to be a psychopath.
I sighed and dropped the anger as I approached her. “I could live for a million years and I would never have seen this coming. You know I care about you—”
“Please, spare me the I care about you speech.”
“But I do, Pandora. I do care about you. You’re my friend and if I ever did anything to make you think—”
“You didn’t.” She turned away and started putting her things into the box again. She picked up the stapler. “It’s like you never even noticed me. But I noticed you. Every damn day. And every day I’d tell myself not to love you. Not to want you. Not to notice how special you are. But my stupid little heart wouldn’t listen.”
She threw the stapler into the box.
“I’m sorry you feel that way. Fuck, the last thing I want is to hurt you. But, Pandora, this shit, it crosses the line.”
“I know. I crashed and burned.” Her tape dispenser joined the stapler in the box. Followed by the stationery caddy, pens, pencils, and a sugar skull coffee mug. “I’m sorry about last night. I made a fool of myself.”
“Last night I can swallow. We’ve all done things we’ve regretted. It’s the other shit that we need to talk about. The fucked-up shit.”
With a dramatic turn of her head, she looked at me.
“I sent you a couple of gifts. A hip flask. A picture. Tickets to Bob Seger—”
“And what about the worn panties?”
She pulled a face.
“What worn panties?” Her perfectly arched eyebrows drew in. “What the hell are you taking about? Do I look like I’d send worn panties to someone?”
I didn’t reply because I was confused.
And because she absolutely did look like she would send a pair of worn panties to someone.
But her embarrassment was running deep through her, so I didn’t press the point any further.
“What about the black flowers? The decapitated doll heads?”
“Decapitated doll heads? What the hell?”
“You also broke into Honey’s apartment. Stole her necklace. Pandora, that’s psycho shit.”
“Break in?” She thrust her hands on her hips “What the fuck are you talking about?”
I had to give it to her, she did look genuinely confused.
“Don’t try to deny it. You admitted to it last night. You’re the girl who was doing all this crazy stuff.”
“Sure, I sent you a couple of gifts. But breaking into your apartment and stealing jewelry?” She looked mortified. “Fuck you, Caleb, I may be a little crazy for you, but I’m not a fucking psycho.”
“You’re denying it?”
“Hell yes, I’m denying it. You’re right, that is crazy shit.” Her hands fell to her sides as she took a step toward me. “You might take my breath away, but you haven’t completely voided me of my sanity.”
A slow tingle began its ascent up my spine.
“You really didn’t send me that crazy shit?”
She cocked an eyebrow at me. “Worn panties? Decapitated doll heads? Fuck, Caleb. You need to ask yourself, who the fuck did you drive crazy?”
Her words burst like a confetti ball across my brain.
You know you always drove me crazy.
My breath left me as alarm ripped through me, and it was all I could do to rasp out her name when I realized what was happening.
“Honey…”
CALEB
I pushed my Harley to its limits as I roared back to Honey’s apartment, my mind crazed with worry.
All this time she had been watching me.
Watching Honey.
Waiting for the right moment.
And if I was right, last night Honey and I had given it to her.
Brandi.
She wasn’t back in Los Angeles.
She was right here. Getting ready to pounce.
Pulling up out front, I bounded up the stairs two at a time, and when I reached the top, a flare of panic shot off inside of me. The front door was slightly ajar, and through the crack I could see Honey and Brandi sitting at the table. Honey was sitting very still while Brandi was animated as she ranted, using her hands and her arms to drive her points across.
I pushed the door op
en and walked in. Brandi looked up and stopped talking, her face breaking into a big smile.
“Baby! Finally, you’re home,” she said, her eyes wide and bright with madness. “We’ve been waiting.”
My eyes shifted to the gun sitting in the middle of the table, and then to Honey. She looked terrified.
“Brandi, what are you doing?” I asked in a low, calm voice.
My ex-girlfriend looked at me with crazed eyes.
“Well, now that you ask, I’m here to tell this stupid bitch to back the fuck off from my man.” She stood up and came toward me. She looked like hell. Normally well put together with an air of confidence, her once luscious hair was in a wild tangle and her usually beautiful eyes were bright with a craziness that exceeded a bad mood. She was having a psychotic breakdown. She was maniacal.
She was dangerous.
I needed to get her out of there and away from Honey.
“Honey hasn’t done anything wrong. You’re angry. But you’re angry at me, no one else.”
“Oh, I disagree.” Her eyes were dark, her face hard and rough. She looked at Honey like she wanted to end her. “She’s done nothing but keep you from me.”
“That’s not true. This isn’t her fault. It’s between you and me. Let’s keep it that way. You need to let Honey go so you and I can talk.”
“And let her call the police so they can take me away? Because that’s what she wants, don’t you see that, Caleb? She wants me out of the picture so she can keep you all to herself.”
I looked at the gun on the table. “Why is there a gun?”
“Why?” She scoffed, like she was genuinely surprised by my question. “Because I’m sick and tired of being ignored, Caleb. And people tend to listen to you when you have a gun in your hand.”
“You don’t need a gun for me to listen. I’m here; I’m ready to hear whatever it is you want to say. Just give me the gun first.”
“I don’t think so. If I do that you’ll end this and go running back to her.”
“She’s pregnant,” I said. “Don’t put her through this.”
“Do you think I give a fuck? No, she needs to hear this. The bitch needs to know that you’re my man and not hers!”
I put my hands out to calm her. “Okay, I get that, but I need you to think about her condition.”
I decided to play to her reason. But it was a mistake because Brandi was so far gone she no longer had any reason left.
“You’re supposed to be having a baby with me!” she yelled angrily. “But now you’re having a baby with her.”
“No, he’s not,” Honey said quickly. “He isn’t having a baby with me. I got the paternity test back. I paid more and they put a rush on it.” Her eyes found mine and a prickly fear took up in the base of my skull as her mouth formed the words I’d dreaded to hear. “This isn’t his baby.”
I tried not to let it show, but her words hit me like a fucking truck.
This isn’t his baby.
“You’re lying,” Brandi said.
“Caleb and I had one night together. We used protection. Charlie and I didn’t. By the time I met Caleb, I was already pregnant.”
Even in this unfolding nightmare, her words shook me right through to my bones and my world—the one I’d fallen in love with— crumbled away.
So it was true. It was Charlie’s baby.
I felt furious.
Bitter.
Gutted.
Hell, I felt like crying because that wound cut fucking deep.
But I had to hide my true emotions from Brandi.
“Are you sure?” I asked, unable to hide the sharpness in my voice.
Honey nodded, and I could tell by the way her chin quivered that she was telling the truth.
My baby had never even existed.
“But you love her,” Brandi said, turning her attention to me.
I looked at Brandi, and then to Honey. “No, I don’t love her.”
Brandi relaxed next to me. While my words seared through Honey. I watched in agony as she closed her eyes slowly and processed what I’d said. But when she opened them again, she smiled. A big, sunny, fake smile.
“See,” she said brightly. “There is a future for the both of you. I’m not even in the picture anymore.”
Brandi’s eyes bounced between Honey and me. “Is it true, Caleb? Do we have a chance?”
I eyed the gun again.
“We should go somewhere and talk about it,” I said. “What about Cavalry Hill?”
“Where you and I used to go when we were dating?”
“It was always our special spot,” I said.
Brandi sighed. “I would like that.”
I stood up, with the intention of getting her out of the apartment. “Let’s go.”
“Is that a good idea?” Honey asked with a tight, strained voice. She looked worried, her brow furrowed, and her eyes pleaded with me not to go with my crazy ex-girlfriend.
Unfortunately, it set Brandi off. She frowned and picked up the gun from the table. I saw Honey stiffen and I felt a surge of panic rip through me.
“Stop. Interfering. You. Stupid. Fucking. Bitch!” She snapped. Her eyes had glazed over again, and I didn’t like the way she was spiraling even further out of control. It was like she could lose her mind any second and do something to harm Honey.
“Come on, let’s get out of here,” I said, stepping forward.
Brandi looked at me, and then jerked her head toward Honey. “And her?”
“Forget about her. She and I are done.”
Honey looked down, her face stiff with emotion. My words hurt her. But Brandi needed to hear them. I needed her to stop seeing Honey as a threat.
Brandi looked at me, and a small smile broke on her lips. “We’re going to be so happy, Caleb.”
I looked at the gun in her hand.
“I think you need to leave that behind,” I said.
But she just smiled and held onto it. “I don’t think so. You never know when I might need it.”
Before we walked out the door, my eyes met Honey’s. She was fighting back tears, her throat working hard as she swallowed deeply. Her eyes begged me not to leave and I wished more than anything that I didn’t have to, that I could stay. I wanted to tell her it was going to be all right. But I had a feeling Brandi would lose her shit if I showed Honey any kind of concern.
Plus, I wasn’t sure it was true.
Brandi had a gun. She was in the middle of a psychological meltdown. And she was desperate. All perfect ingredients for this shit to end badly.
I could take her. Take the gun.
But there was a slight chance it could go wrong and I wasn’t going to risk it when we were still at the apartment.
So we took her car. Brandi drove. After all, she was the one with the gun. It rested on her lap and I kept my eye on it, waiting for the opportunity to grab it.
“You need to slow down,” I said when she raced through the streets towards Cavalry Hill. But she didn’t hear me. She was too busy ranting about how happy we were going to be. How miserable she’d been without me. How crazy in love she was.
“Listen, we just need to take things a bit slow,” I said. “Starting with the driving.”
“What do you mean take things slow?” She glanced at me and frowned. “I love you. We can be together now. Isn’t that what you want?”
When I felt the car skid, but then right itself, I grabbed onto the seat.
There was a real chance we were going to have a wreck, and it just seemed so unfair, so fucked up for it to go down this way.
Feeling a surge of anger, I looked at my deranged ex-girlfriend. “Why are you doing this?”
Her eyebrows crashed together. “Really, Caleb? You really have to ask me that?”
A pendant of silver glinted on her neck. It was the tree of life symbol in a circle of diamonds.
Honey’s necklace.
“It was you who broke into Honey’s apartment, wasn’t it?”
; She laughed maniacally and it sent shivers through me.
“You think you could just move on with her? You think you could cast me aside and move on with another woman?”
“But why break into her apartment?”
She hastily wiped her eyes with her arm. “You have no idea how hard it was to watch you with her. Watch you kiss her. Date her. Watch you arrive on her doorstep and twirl her around in your arms. I was there, you know. That day. I saw you ride off and then come back not long later. When she opened the door, you took her in your arms and you kissed her so passionately. And it was such a promising kiss. Just like you used to kiss me, do you remember, Caleb? How you would kiss me with so much promise?”
I was ashamed to admit it, but I’d only ever kissed her with lust and a primal need to fuck her.
“So I had to see for myself. See what kind of whore had gotten her claws into you.”
“So you broke in and stole her necklace.”
She looked at me darkly. Which made me nervous for two very good reasons. One, the look was pure psychotic. And two, she wasn’t paying any attention to the fucking road.
“She took something of mine, so it was only right I took something of hers.”
She reached up and touched the necklace. Which was fucking great because now she only had one hand on the steering wheel.
“It was you who sent me the lace underwear and the black roses,” I said flatly.
She glanced at me, darkly. “Don’t forget the doll heads.”
I shook my head. “Why?”
“I’ve been watching you for months. I came back to be with you, but you had already moved on,” she scoffed. “After telling me you didn’t want a commitment, you went right ahead and took on the biggest commitment of all with another woman. A woman you didn’t even know for very long.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “You were supposed to have a baby with me!”
“I wasn’t expecting to meet Honey, or to be a father so soon.” Despite the disaster unfolding around me, I couldn’t help but feel an ache in my heart about the baby not being mine. “It was never a plan. I didn’t break up with you because I wanted someone else.”
Outside, rain started to fall.