“Yes, of course, but it sure doesn’t make sense. He decides to live in an assisted-living facility and my mom has apparently decided to travel. On top of that, at some point, she started attending church again.” She shook her head, turned toward him and explained, “None of that goes along with the two people I talk to on an almost daily basis. Something has happened, but I have no idea what.”
Gavin twisted and pushed himself against the back of the porch, his long legs stretched in front of him as he regarded her, undoubtedly weighing what he was about to say. And Haley fought the impulse to scoot over and sit right next to him again. She liked the way it felt having him beside her, and she shouldn’t. At least not as much as she did.
So she stayed put. And waited to see what her friend would say.
Buddy finished drinking and managed to get out of the water dish, then toddled across the porch, leaving wet paw prints in his wake. He climbed onto Gavin’s lap and Gavin ran a hand along his back.
All the while Haley remained in limbo, knowing he would say something about the church comment, if nothing else. But Gavin didn’t rush it. Instead he kept sitting there, looking at her and petting Buddy, as though debating whether to say anything at all. Finally she couldn’t take it anymore, so she blurted, “What are you thinking?”
Instantly she gave herself a mental slap. The only times she’d ever asked guys that question was when she knew something was wrong, when the relationship was essentially over but the guy in question simply hadn’t gotten around to telling Haley yet.
Gavin didn’t say anything to dismiss her. Instead he said, “I’m thinking...it’s pretty awesome that, in spite of the troubles she’s faced, your mom has found her way back to God.”
No accusations toward Haley on why she hadn’t found her way back. No judgmental remarks or even questions on why her mother—and Haley—had decided it was easier to think God abandoned them than to admit they still needed Him.
“Are you always like that?” she asked softly. “Seeing the good in things instead of the bad?”
He continued rubbing Buddy’s back. Bagel, seeing his sidekick getting attention, got up from his favorite sleeping spot on the porch and headed Gavin’s way. “Now, you know better than that. Do I need to remind you about the day you met me? I was hardly seeing the good that day.”
Which caused Haley to smile. He’d been a bigger grump than her grandfather. But then she remembered why. “It had been two years since you lost your family. You had every right to be...”
“A jerk?”
“A grouch. That was the word I was thinking.”
Gavin laughed as Bagel climbed into his lap to squirm into place beside Buddy.
Haley was struck by how comfortable he looked here, sitting on her porch in the late afternoon with two puppies in his lap. She could get used to this.
He may have been rattled and angry that first day, but he looked so peaceful now. And she presumed that this was the norm for him. Peace, rather than dissatisfaction with the hand life had given him.
The hand God had given him.
“How did you do it?” she asked.
“How did I do what, exactly?”
“How did you keep from blaming Him, blaming God, when you lost them? When you lost your wife and your baby boy, why didn’t you get angry at Him?”
“Who says I didn’t?”
“You’re at a children’s home, a Christian children’s home, you’re involved in the church and you have no problem at all talking about God at every opportunity,” she said. “And I have it under good authority that you take notes during the service and that your comments are worthy of being heard.”
He smirked at that. “Good authority?”
She lifted a shoulder. “Okay, Aaliyah.”
The smirk shifted to an easy smile. “I do all of those things now, though I’m not certain about the comments being worthy to be heard, and I do find it easy to talk about God now, but I didn’t then. In fact, I didn’t for a year and a half.”
He looked up at her and the orange glow from the setting sun cast a radiant gleam around him, as though God were telling her Gavin’s comments were worthy to be heard.
“Being angry at Him, staying away from Him, didn’t change what had happened, and it sure didn’t help me deal with the pain. I turned away from the only One who could help, until a kid in my class at Memphis asked me to come to his church, because he had a part in a church play and wanted me to see his performance. I never missed attending a student’s activity, but this was the first one who’d asked me to go to a church.”
“So you went,” Haley said.
“I did, and at the end of that service, they showed a video clip for Willow’s Haven, for the need for foster parents, adoptive parents...and counselors.”
The light around him seemed to grow brighter, or maybe that was because Haley was listening so intently. “You left teaching in Memphis to move here and be a counselor?”
“I knew that was what I was supposed to do. I didn’t have my wife or my son anymore, but I still had a chance to have children. The children at Willow’s Haven. I knew God put that on my heart, and that if I came here, I could help kids cope with losing...everything I had lost. Children who had lost their entire family, their entire world.”
“Kids like Eli,” she murmured.
He nodded. “Kids like Eli.”
She was awestruck with how he’d turned his life around and found a way to make something good from a bad situation. And it made her own reasons for staying away from God...seem rather lame.
Yet she knew enough about God to know He could have stopped the heartache, could have eliminated at least some of the disappointments. If He wanted.
Then there was the fact she was certain that, if she was truly going to turn back to God, He would want her to forgive her dad. And forgiving Pierce Calhoun wasn’t something she was prepared to do.
The sun dipped behind the mountains in the distance, the light that had illuminated Gavin fading, and a cold frisson trickled down Haley’s spine.
As if Gavin sensed the change in her, that she couldn’t say anything positive about her returning to God the way her mother had, he cleared his throat and started getting ready to leave. “You know, I’m sure the kids are back from the soccer game. I should head back so I’m there for the evening devo.” He put the puppies down and stood, Buddy and Bagel moving toward her with his impending departure.
“Thanks for helping me today. And for letting me talk.” Even if she knew he’d have liked for her to say more.
“Anytime.” He started to leave, reached the porch steps and then paused. “Haley?”
“Yeah?”
“I didn’t tell you what that sermon was about when I went to see that little boy in the church play.”
“What was it about?” she asked, though she wasn’t certain she wanted to know.
“How God never promised smooth sailing. He promised a safe landing.”
Chapter Twelve
“Miss Haley! Are you here? We’ve got some big news!”
Eli’s yell echoed through the clinic.
Haley walked to the front and spotted Eli crouched on the floor behind the lobby counter petting his favorite puppy.
“I found Buddy,” he said, and this time he didn’t yell, since Buddy was snoozing. Little did he know, if his hollering didn’t wake the pup, surely nothing else would.
“Yeah, he’s been keeping me company up here, since Miss Aaliyah doesn’t work today,” Haley said.
“He’s doing really good, isn’t he?” Eli asked.
“Yes, sweetheart, he is.” She crouched beside him as he continued petting the puppy, who indeed had experienced a complete recovery from the dehydrated, malnourished and neglected animal he’d brought in last week.
“Is he ready to go home now, t
hen? ’Cause that’s my big news.” He was working hard to keep his voice down, but his sheer excitement caused even his whisper to project as moderately loud.
Buddy stretched, his tiny mouth opening wide in a yawn before he rolled over and went back to sleep.
“What’s your big news?” Haley asked.
“I’ll let Mr. Gavin tell you,” he said, peering over Haley’s head.
She hadn’t needed Eli to tell her that Gavin was standing behind her. She’d sensed him, his bigger-than-life, abundantly masculine presence emanated from him, and somehow, Haley always knew when he was near.
And liked it. A lot.
“What’s the big news?” she asked, taking in the way he leaned comfortably against the door, arms casually crossed, hair slightly mussed, his smile...sending a trail of goose bumps down her arms.
“Brodie and Savvy heard from Candace Yost today. She’s the social worker for Willow’s Haven. And she said she got approval for animals to visit the home overnight.”
“Isn’t that great, Miss Haley?” Eli asked. “Buddy can come spend the night with me tonight, and he’ll get to be there for Ryan’s party.”
“Ryan’s party? Is today Ryan’s birthday?”
“No, ma’am,” Eli said, his little mouth sliding to the side. “He’s going to his new home and getting a new mommy and daddy.” He drew his hazel eyes upward to lock with Gavin’s. “But I’m not supposed to be sad, because it’s a happy party, and maybe I’ll still get to see him sometimes, ’cause he won’t be very far away.”
“That’s right, buddy,” Gavin assured him.
She could tell Eli was torn by the situation but was trying to be brave and strong and happy for his friend. Which made her feel even more compassionate toward this precious little boy. “I’m sure Buddy would love to go spend the night with you at Willow’s Haven, and go to Ryan’s party.”
“That’s great,” he said, but his voice didn’t seem quite as excited. Then he looked at Haley and said, “Ryan still loves his first mommy and daddy, but they’re in Heaven, so God gave him a new mommy and daddy to have, too.”
She blinked. Bit her lip. Worked hard to keep her throat from closing in completely. Those darling children at the home had been through so much—Eli had been through so much—and yet, despite everything, their faith remained strong and their hearts were still filled with hope.
“Miss Haley, can I have a purple balloon?” he asked, pointing toward the helium balloons she kept on hand for her youngest customers.
“A purple balloon?” she repeated, thankful that Eli hadn’t continued his conversation about Ryan leaving, and mommies and daddies going to Heaven. “Sure, you can have any color that you want.”
She moved to the sorting bin for the balloons and withdrew a floppy purple one.
“Here, I’ll help.” Gavin moved next to her and reached around her to get the scissors and curling ribbon. He brought his mouth to her left ear and whispered, “You okay?”
He had to stop doing things like that—getting so close to her, causing her to want to turn to him, to tell him how she felt each time he was near. Or ask if he could help. Or simply was...Gavin.
“I’m okay,” she said softly.
“Can I get a piece of paper and a marker, Miss Haley? I need to write something.” Eli had already moved to Aaliyah’s skinny side cabinet, the one with the clear drawers on the front where coloring books, markers, crayons, stickers and paper were easily visible inside. Aaliyah had stocked the tiny cabinet for children who ended up having to wait in the lobby awhile.
“Yes, of course, Eli,” she said, working the end of the balloon around the spout on the helium canister.
“Thank you.” He pulled out a piece of paper as well as crayons, stickers and markers.
“He’s such an amazing little boy, isn’t he?” she whispered to Gavin as she watched Eli draw a heart on a page before she filled the balloon.
“Yes, he is,” Gavin agreed. “And to have gone through so much and still know that God will take care of him, that’s pretty incredible, don’t you think?”
She knew what he was getting at, wondering why she hadn’t turned to God during her tough times. “I almost went to the church yesterday,” she said quietly.
He rested a jeans-clad hip on the counter beside her, leaned toward her. “I actually prayed for that.”
She wasn’t surprised. Over the past couple of weeks, she’d determined that quite a few people seemed to pray for her on a regular basis. She’d also determined that she didn’t mind them praying on her behalf, after all.
“What kept you away?” he asked, his words delivered as softly as her own.
She glanced at Eli, saw that he had now grabbed a pencil and started writing what appeared to be a lengthy message, or perhaps a poem, at the bottom of the page. “I wanted to go, but I wasn’t certain I should.”
“Why is that?”
She nodded at the thin blue paperback book her assistant had given her. “I’m certain God put it on Aaliyah’s heart to bring me that book. It’s about Joseph and forgiveness.”
He picked up the book, saw the page dog-eared near the middle. “Looks like you’ve been reading it.”
“I have. It’s tough, you know, to read the story of everything Joseph went through, and most of it due to his own brothers. And see how he forgave them.”
“It’s one of my favorites,” he said. “In fact, I’ve used it a couple of times already in the daily devotions with the boys at Willow’s Haven. Why is it tough for you to read?”
She knew he was smart enough to know why, but he must have sensed she needed to talk about it. And he was being a friend, caring and listening without judging.
“It’s tough because I know I should be forgiving my father, and I just haven’t been able to do it.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if I ever can.”
“And that’s what’s keeping you away from the church? Away from God?”
She’d let the balloon slip off the spout while they were speaking and she turned away from Gavin to put it back on. Not because she felt hurried to get the balloon ready—Eli was clearly working hard on his project and wasn’t paying them any attention anyway—but because she didn’t want to look at Gavin. He’d see too much. Know too much.
She didn’t want to voice the truth of her heart. That she felt she wasn’t worthy of God’s love.
His finger touched beneath her chin before she could start the helium and he lifted her face to look at his. “Hey,” he said quietly, “there isn’t anyone in that church who has it all right. That’s why we’re there, and that’s why we pray...and trust in Him to love us, imperfections and all.”
She forced a smile. “Maybe I’ll come to the next service.”
His finger still rested beneath her chin and he rubbed his knuckle gently back and forth as he leaned closer. “You don’t have to be in the church building to get close to God, but I’m pretty sure you knew that already.”
She did, of course, but she also hadn’t known how to pray to Him again when she was still so very angry with her father. And at life in general. Or at least the fact that her life hadn’t panned out the way she’d planned.
But then she scanned the scene before her. She was here, in her own clinic, with an amazing man at her side. No, he wasn’t her husband, which would have been a big part of her dream, but he definitely cared about her, not only emotionally but also spiritually. And—she looked at Eli—she had a precious little boy who she absolutely adored. No, he wasn’t her child, which would have been the other part of that dream, but she cared about him deeply.
And he cared about her.
She blinked. Her life wasn’t the picture-perfect situation she’d planned for age thirty.
But it wasn’t far from the mark.
“Miss Haley, I’m almost done. Is the purple balloon read
y?”
She swallowed, grinning at Gavin. “Almost.” Then she pressed down on the spout and filled the balloon. Deflated, the purple balloon looked almost black, but as the helium stretched it full, the black turned to a gorgeous deep purple. “How’s that look?” she asked.
“Perfect!” he said as he started folding the paper accordion-style, so that it became a tiny bow tie–looking form, with only snippets of his coloring and stickers visible on the creases. “Can you put a red and blue ribbon on it, Mr. Gavin?”
“Red and blue?” Gavin asked. He had already selected a bright gold streamer and was about to cut it. “You don’t want this gold one with the purple balloon?”
“No, it needs to be red and blue. Red and blue make purple, right?”
“That’s right,” Haley said, smiling as Gavin rewound the gold ribbon on the bolt and instead cut a long red and a long blue strand to tie on the end of the purple balloon.
Within seconds they had the balloon ready, completed to Eli’s specifications.
“Okay, Eli, here you go,” she said. “Do you want me to tie it to the chair here until y’all are ready to go?”
“No, ma’am. But can you tie this to it, like under the balloon part?” He held up the folded paper.
Gavin’s eyebrows lifted and he seemed as confused as Haley by the request, but she answered, “Sure.”
Eli got to his feet and brought her the folded page.
She took it, held it beneath the knot at the base of the balloon. “You want me to tie it here?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He watched as she looped the curling ribbon around the letter then tied it in place, making the purple balloon look as though it were wearing a bow tie. “Okay, now do you want me to tie it up so it’ll stay safe until you go?”
“No, ma’am. Can we take it outside now? Please?”
* * *
Gavin had sensed something going on in Eli’s mind this afternoon. He’d suspected it had to do with his friend Ryan going to live with the family that planned to adopt him. Gavin had been waiting for Eli to say more about it, or about the party planned for Ryan, but he’d hardly said anything at all...until they’d got here and he’d shared the news with Haley.
Finally a Bride Page 14