“What if she doesn’t choose a life of nobility?”
“Knowing she can choose is enough.”
Isabella tilted her head to the side, and her voice was soft when she next spoke. “You love her very much.”
He didn’t answer. There was no need.
“Is this all you need from me, then?” she asked. “A mother for your ward?” Her hands tightened around her waist. “What will happen when you tire of me? I will be no better off than I am now.”
“I’m not Emsley. I honor my word.”
Her eyes cast downwards.
He sighed. “Isabella, this is as much your home as it is mine. You will have all the rights of a wife.”
“Will I, sir?”
“Aye, lass.”
What kind of a man did she think he was? He would give her the respect due her station. Rising from the sofa, he picked up his quill. “Tom,” he said, scribbling a reminder across a sheet of parchment from his desk. “He’s my solicitor. I’ll have him open an account at the bank under your name. You wouldn’t ever have to ask for pin money, Isabella.” He scribbled with more vigor. “Virginia is usually given the monies for the household, Miss Conley, food and such. I’ll turn over next month’s pouch to you.”
“I’m not your housekeeper, sir.”
Nicholas’s hand stilled over the note. He had erred, thinking that turning over the pouch would give her more freedom as mistress of the house. He took pride in pulling his purse-strings. Isabella, he noted, thought differently.
Isabella sat up. “I think Miss Conley is capable of running the kitchen. I would, however, like to know what the expenses are.”
Nicholas nodded, glad his future wife wasn’t naive.
“What of the two employees from my household?” she asked. “I confess, I pay them a ridiculously small sum, but they depend on me for room and board. We’ve grown to look out for each other.” Her eyes softened as she spoke of her employees, fingers knotting together. The confidence he had grown to admire slipped away.
“Isabella,” he began.
“I’m sure we could make a place for them,” she said. “Any position at all…”
“Stop!” Nicholas pinched the bridge of his nose. “Isabella, they are your employees, and if you want them with you, we’ll find duties for them here.”
“Thank you.”
“My God, what type of malicious gossip have you heard, to think I’d turn away two people you care about?” He held up his hand, sensing her denials. He already knew her reaction to him was no one else’s fault but his own. If he’d been gentler and more refined, then perhaps she wouldn’t find him so distasteful.
“If we’re to have a marriage where we are not at constant odds, it’s best we lay our demands before the ceremony.”
“Is that all we’re to have then?”
Nay. The word weighed heavy on his tongue. She made him dream of possibilities. Ones he couldn’t have.
Holding her gaze, he reminded himself not to look too deeply into her question. It was more than likely her delicate way of reassurance that he’d keep his distance. He looked away. Did she also want reassurances he wouldn’t burden her with wifely duties?
“I’ve taken the liberty of acquiring special licenses.” Nicholas kept his expression neutral when she flinched. She must detest him. To set herself free from one cad only to marry another. If nothing else became of their marriage, he planned to give her time to settle her feelings for her paramour.
“What of my desires?” she asked. “Have you thought of them?”
Nicholas sighed. He had, more times than he could count. He moved beside her on the seat. “Surely you see the advantages of marriage.”
“What of my friends?”
“You mean Daniel?”
She nodded, eyes holding his.
“You will be free to…conduct your life as you wish.”
Her eyes watered before she hugged him.
She was going to be the death of him. The women he’d slept with had all had lovers, he’d not been their first. However, none had had lovers while they’d been involved. That was the only rule he’d ever extended to them, and for the life of him, he didn’t understand why he was making an exception for Isabella.
“I have two requests.” He shifted back, creating distance between them. “Care for my daughter.”
She nodded.
“I promise not to press you with husbandly demands.” He closed his eyes. “I have a home in the country, it is yours.”
“And you will live here?”
“I’ll be at sea often.”
She looked at him, then dropped her gaze. “Who will greet you on your return?”
Was that disappointment? Nicholas inhaled, stilling his pulse. His family traveled with him. This would be his first journey without Cassie. Except for the servants, no one welcomed him home, at least not the way Isabella suggested. The merchants wanted their goods, bankers their money. The servants fussed over Cassie while she relayed excited tales of bandits and pirates. Virginia awaited Harold.
“Everyone leaves, Isabella,” he finally said.
Nicholas looked away from the softening in her eyes. He had no use for pity, especially from Isabella.
“If I refuse?” she asked.
He leaned forward, their knees brushing. Heat burned beneath layers of clothing. “Do you have more terms, lass?”
“Don’t call me that.” Her whispered words held no conviction.
“In exchange for the care of one child, I am offering freedom and financial support.” His finger tilted her chin until there was little choice but to look at him. “Think on it. A wife has far more freedom than that of an unmarried woman.”
She trembled against his touch, her lips parting. “You ask for nothing more?” Clouded eyes searched his.
His hand dropped to his thighs. Even now, as she negotiated the terms of their marriage, he thought he felt her flinch from his touch. “Our marriage will be as you wish it. I only ask that we consummate the marriage. Endure my touch for one night, and you shall never have to endure another.”
“What of children?”
Hope surged again and he swallowed. “If you get with child, I’ll visit the bairn often, of course. On that we must agree.” His eyes held hers. He planned to be a different type of father, devoted and loving. By the Gods, nothing would make him abandon his child. “The country home would be yours. You’ll be free of me there to live a life at your discretion.”
“What if I don’t want to be tucked away in the country?”
“Separate dwelling will keep us from each other’s throats.”
“I can live here,” she suggested.
He searched her face before nodding. “If that would make you happy.” It would not be the first time he was driven from his home. This time, at least, it was on his terms. “Will you accept our bargain, then?” His breath held.
“Yes,” she whispered.
A slow smile tilted the corners of his mouth. “My brave lass.” Then, his lips brushed hers.
Fifteen
“I’ve sold my soul to the devil.”
“Surely you’ve saved a bit for yourself?”
“I’ve negotiated a portion for myself. But he intends to have it all.”
“A man like Nicholas is never satisfied with a mere soul, especially when he is challenged on every front,” Virginia teased.
Isabella groaned. The cup touched her lips and she took another sip of tea. Her discussion with Nicholas had not turned out as she intended. He still wanted to marry. Cassie—she had not expected his plea for Cassie. He was capable of love. He just couldn’t muster any of that for her. Nicholas was right about her need for protection, and he’d used those weaknesses to his advantage.
In a day, they’d be man and wife. She would be his. The thought both frightened and intrigued her. Her face grew warm and a slight rose tinted her cheeks. “I’m an expensive governess.”
“I very much doubt that.�
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“He desires more children, though he didn’t say as much.” She frowned. “I expected… Oh, I don’t know what I expected.” Isabella closed her eyes.
“It has to do with his childhood.” Virginia took a sip of her own tea.
Isabella opened her eyes. Nicholas spoke of his past rarely and readily accepted disappointments as though he expected them, except when it came to Harold and Cassie. He trusted them.
“He was made a man at the age of a boy. His father…” Virginia’s mouth pinched with sympathy. “…was…is an aristocrat who had no need for a son he considered below his station. I believe Nicholas means to give any children he sires what he never had.”
Isabella’s eyes lowered. Many wives did not love their husbands. In fact, many did not love their children. Children were unavoidable when one needed an heir.
Isabella’s fingers tightened around the hot cup. Her punishment for loving Emsley should not be a loveless arrangement to Nicholas. Could she marry him, knowing he did not love her? Could she watch day after day as she cared for their children, see the love in his eyes and know none of it belonged to her. That would be torture. How could she bear his children, lie in his bed, give herself over to his lovemaking without falling in love with him? “Oh, Virginia…”
Virginia patted her knees in sympathy. “Have you said yes to your arrangement?”
She nodded. “I fear the vessel connecting my brain to my lips was severed at the time.”
Virginia chuckled. “Nicholas has that effect.”
Her heart skipped as a new thought occurred. Did Virginia also harbor feelings for Nicholas? She stared at her new friend, then shook away her unease.
“I do believe he cares for you, Isabella.”
“I doubt that. I have what he wants, and in my current dilemma…I’m afraid he’s correct.”
“He also wants to restore your good name.”
“Only so his children may have the rights denied to him.”
Virginia sipped her tea. “Do you care for him? Could you love him, Isabella?”
“Don’t you understand? I’ve made the mistake once in being with a man who only desired what I could give, and I’ve grown to hate the bitter taste of it.”
Isabella brought the hot cup to her lips, welcoming the soothing flavor against her tongue. The warmth calmed her and she clung to the familiar taste. “When I’m not thinking of wringing his neck, I see how thoughtful and considerate he is. He’s made a family in his home. He is…overbearing, yet he’s offered freedom.”
“Yes, but could you love him?”
Isabella swirled the liquid in her cup. “I don’t know.”
“Oh dear.” Virginia set both their teacups on the side table. “I’ve known Nicholas for four years and he is smitten with you. Love doesn’t always come first in a marriage, especially among your class.”
Isabella’s heart leapt against her chest. “He’s made no promises.”
Virginia clasped both of Isabella’s hands in hers. “Neither have you.”
Sixteen
Nicholas sat at the table, his daughter at his right, an empty chair to his left. Harold had abandoned his seat for one beside Virginia. Isabella had not joined them for supper, and Nicholas wondered if she intended to avoid him.
Virginia asked, “Do you suppose Isabella would object to Cassie at the table?”
“In my house, we don’t have before the mast. Our family dines together, at the table.”
Looking at Cassie, he decided there was no good way to tell the child she would not join him on his next voyage. Jesu, he hoped the child took to Isabella, or at least saw Isabella as a new adventure. “Stop playing with your eggs,” he said to Cassie for the third time.
Elbow on the table, Cassie’s head rested against her small knuckles. The child was not excited to hear of her new mother. This, coupled with the fact that Isabella did not seek out Cassie after supper, deepened his worry. Even now, he saw the spark behind his daughter’s eyes each time she glanced at him. Cassie was an intelligent lass. It would not take her long to decide Isabella was not interested in gaining a new daughter.
“Jesu, Cassie, with such a long frown a mon would think I planned to toss you overboard.”
“She don’t like me!”
“Does not,” Virginia murmured.
“She doesn’t know you,” Nicholas said.
Cassie looked around the table. “She don’t like any of us.”
“It’s me she doesn’t like,” Nicholas said before Virginia corrected the child.
Cassie’s eyes widened. “If she don’t like my pa then I don’t like her. Send her away!”
“Cassie,” Virginia gasped.
“She’ll take you away.”
Nicholas’s chest tightened. Cassie was afraid of losing him and their time together.
“You don’t want me anymore.” Cassie didn’t look at him, her eyes focused on the pieces of food tossed about on her plate. “And I don’t want you.”
Pushing his chair back, Nicholas lifted Cassie from her seat, settling her on his knees. He hugged her. Her shoulders slumped, nose pressing deep against his chest, and she began to cry. Nicholas tightened his arms around her.
“Now lass, you know that’s not true.” He closed his eyes against the hurt he heard in her voice. “A wee lass needs a mother as much as she does her father. A life at sea is nay good for you. You should have never set foot aboard a ship.”
“But…”
“A mother can teach you things I can’t. Isabella knows of society, and politeness, and will have you accepted in circles that are closed to me.”
“I have Aunt Virginia.” Cassie turned in his lap.
When he looked at the aunt in question for help, he received a smirk in return. Both Virginia and Harold were enjoying the exchange at his expense. “And you always will.”
“And me, Cass, ye will always have me.”
“I know, Uncle Harold. You get me out of trouble.”
Harold twisted in his seat, he, too, not meeting Nicholas’s glare. Kissing the top of his daughter’s head, Nicholas eased her away from him. The smile Cassie sent his way would have melted his heart if he didn’t know better.
“Hire another governess, Papa.”
He folded his arms. “Nay.”
“I’ll be good, Papa.”
His eyes narrowed. “The first one called you possessed.” This was how Cassie came to travel with him. She’d cry for days if he spent long amounts of time away. Even as a babe, it was as if she knew she’d lost those closest to her and he could not refuse the little comfort she’d sought from him.
“And the second,” he said sternly, “couldn’t listen to any more of your tales of pirates and walking the plank.” What he didn’t tell her was that the woman had insisted on a heavy hand. He’d had no choice but to fire her. Possessed or not, no child deserved the punishment that governess had in mind. He’d even refused the letters of reference she’d insisted upon. “Jesu, Cassie, you told the woman tales of missing limbs.”
Cassie frowned. “Uncle Harold says not to forget the important bits. It wouldn’t be a good story without one-eyed pirates on ghost legs.”
“You weren’t supposed to frighten the woman, lass.” With his thumb, Nicholas smoothed her creased brow. “Do you trust me, Cassie?” He knew the truth of it, but needed to hear her answer. Sometimes they needed no words. He knew his daughter’s mind as well as he knew his own. A bond, he suspected, would only grow.
She nodded.
“And what of your Uncle Harold, do you trust him?” He intended to pay his cousin double for his role in the details of Cassie’s story telling.
Once again, she nodded without hesitation.
“As do I. It was your Uncle Harold who suggested I find a wife and you a mother.” Nicholas smiled when he heard Harold’s swift intake of air.
Holding his own breath, he waited as a range of emotions crossed his daughter’s delicate features. Confusion, betraya
l, anger—he recognized those quick flashes of fire like that of an explosion. Again, she buried her nose against his shirt. She was always a strong lass, ready for adventures, but now she seemed vulnerable huddled in his arms.
“Good morning.”
The room grew still. Isabella had chosen this moment to enter. Not sure how much she’d heard, Nicholas murmured a greeting in return.
“And you must be Cassie?” Isabella stood a mere foot from them.
“It’s not polite to ignore a greeting, lass.”
“My papa said you don’t like him.”
Aye, his daughter had found the source of her emotions, it only made sense she would direct them towards their cause. Isabella’s eyes held his for a moment, and, when she spoke, Nicholas held his breath.
“I admit, I didn’t like the way he asked me to marry him.”
He’d never lied to his daughter, and was grateful Isabella hadn’t sought to do so too.
“Did Papa steal you away?” Cassie pushed from his chest, glimpsing Isabella for the first time. Her eyes widened, though the reason was unclear.
“Cassie,” Nicholas warned.
“It’s alright.” Isabella pulled out the chair beside them and took a seat.
Nicholas’s shoulders stiffened. Was this some new game? Did she intend to use Cassie to free herself from him? He was about to tell her she needn’t bother. That she was free if only to protect Cassie.
“In a way, I suppose he did.” Isabella nodded.
Holding his breath, Nicholas’s eyes fixed on Harold. Damn his cousin for encouraging Cassie with wild tales.
Those brown eyes widened. “That’s what pirates do. My papa has the fiercest ship. Maybe we’ll take you on it one day, right Papa?” She turned to look at Nicholas, who nodded. He hadn’t expected the meeting to go so well, and he was willing to agree to almost anything to keep the peace between the two spitfires in his life. Cassie nodded and turned back to Isabella. “Tell me how Papa captured you.”
Harold coughed.
“Tell you what, I saw a beautiful pond from my window…”
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