“Aren’t you coming?”
“No.” He shook his head. “No, I don’t need all the attention. You’re safe, my job is done, I’m going home to my peace and quiet.”
“Oh. I guess this is goodbye then.”
“I guess so. Goodbye Emily, it was nice meeting you, even if it wasn’t the best of circumstances.”
“Thanks for saving me Ryker. Thanks for everything.”
He nodded and disappeared into the trees.
I followed his directions to the rocks and made my way carefully across the river. As I made my way carefully downstream on the other side of the river I could hear Joel’s familiar voice.
“But she’s been missing more than forty-eight hours, they have to get someone down here. I don’t care how unlikely it is that she’s … hello? Hello? Damn phone!”
I stepped out of the trees and watched him for a moment. He was still wearing khaki shorts and his sandals and a polo shirt. His hair was carefully mussed and gelled in place. I glanced over my shoulder. Is it too late to go back into the bush and find Ryker? Is it too late to stay lost?
And then Joel saw me and it was too late. He stared at me, his eyes too wide. “Emily?”
I nodded. “I made it back,” I said, smiling lamely.
“You’re alive?”
I nodded.
He took a step in my direction and then his phone rang. He jabbed at the button and brought it to his ear. “Hello?” He paused to listen. “No, forget the cops, forget the helicopters, just get an ambulance down here now.”
“Joel, I don’t need an …”
He held up a hand to silence me. “She’s standing right in front of me! No I’m not imagining things. Just get the ambulance down here to take a look at her would you!”
He hung up the phone and ran to me. He hugged me tight. “Oh, Emily, I thought I’d never see you again. How did you survive?”
I thought of Ryker, alone in his cabin, alone and peaceful and happy, and I said, “Just luck, I guess.”
“Luck! I saw you get swept away, Emily. You weren’t moving, you weren’t fighting, you weren’t trying to swim, you were just floating away.”
“Well, I’m alive and fine and safely back here. Is my bag still in the trailer? I could use some clean clothes and some dry socks.”
He nodded. “Yeah, it’s still here. Buddy and Julia just took the truck back to the nearest town to find help because cell reception is so patchy here.”
He followed me into the trailer and sat on the bed while I changed. He’d seen me naked a hundred times but this time I kept my back to him. It felt like I was somehow betraying Ryker, but wasn’t it the other way around? Hadn’t I nearly betrayed Joel when I almost slept with Ryker?
When the ambulance arrived, just behind Buddy and Julia, the paramedics looked me over while Joel and Buddy and Julia packed everything up.
“How did you survive being swept unconscious down the river?” one of the paramedics asked.
They were less likely to take luck as an answer so I said, “There was a man camping down river from here. He pulled me out. He saved my life. He helped me find my way back to camp.”
“You’re very lucky then. If it was a few weeks earlier in the year I’d be worried about hypothermia but since you’re not huddled in a ball somewhere shivering I think you’re past that danger. You’ve got some serious bruises everywhere and I suggest going to a doctor when you get home to double check that goose egg on the back of your skull, otherwise you’re fine.”
“Thanks.”
The ambulance left and Joel wrapped his arm around my shoulders. He smelled like expensive cologne and city, even out here in the woods. “We’re going back a day early,” he said. “We’re all too tired and stressed to enjoy camping anymore.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “You don’t have to stop your trip just for me.”
“Sorry? Emily, you’re alive, that’s apology enough, okay? Let’s get you home, I’m sure you could use a hot shower and a real bed.”
“Oh, a hot shower sounds nice.”
“Was it really just luck that got you back to me?” he said.
He roughly pulled me close and kissed me. I touched his weathered cheek and smiled. I kissed him tenderly, letting each kiss linger.
“No,” I said. “There was a man camping down river from here. He pulled me out. He saved my life. He helped me find my way back to camp.” I repeated the lie word for word. I wasn’t going to tell anyone about Ryker. For whatever reason he wanted to be alone with the woods and the wild and I wasn’t going to send people flocking to his door for any reason.
“I wish I could thank him,” Joel said. “Why didn’t he come into camp with you?”
“He had to hike all the way back,” I said. “It was a very long walk and I had to cross the river and he didn’t want to get his shoes wet.”
“Well, I’m glad he got you back to me safe and sound.” He kissed my cheek.
“Come on!” Buddy hollered from the SUV. “We’re all packed and ready to go. Traffic’s going to be heavier on the highway because it’s Sunday afternoon so we should book it.”
“We’re coming!” Joel shouted back. He led me to the SUV.
Joel sat in the back with me and I sat leaned against his shoulder with my eyes closed and they let me pretend to sleep the whole way back. I already missed the peace and quiet of the wild but it was time to go home.
The Cabin: SEARCH
CHAPTER ONE
It was nice here beneath the ancient trees, quiet, I could hear the birds singing. The river sounded distant through the trees, a gentle bubbling, like a quiet brook and not like a powerful river capable of sweeping a person away. I glanced around seeing beauty in the way the fading light and deepening shadows shifted around us.
He smelled of man and wild and real, none of those fake smells that came with colognes and aftershaves, just fresh air and pine trees. He roughly pulled me close and kissed me. I touched his weathered cheek and smiled. I kissed him tenderly, letting each kiss linger. I ran my hands down over his shoulders and started fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. He pushed my shirt up and laid his worn, calloused hands on my sides. I grabbed his wrists, guiding his hands up under my shirt until they were over my breasts. He caressed them, his calloused palms made my nipples harden.
He was warm, but then I could feel my whole body heating up. Somehow I managed to twist around so I was straddling him. He was hard and straining against his jeans. I pushed down against him and he groaned into my mouth. His hands slid down to my hips and he ground me against him.
“I want you,” I whispered between kisses.
“Emily, did you hear me?”
I gave my head a shake and snapped back to reality. “Hmm? What?”
“I asked if you knew what you wanted to order. You’ve been staring at that menu for a long time.”
“Oh, ah …”
Around us his friends snickered. We were at a fancy restaurant, the kind with dim lights and richly coloured carpet and real wooden chairs with nice cushioned seats and tablecloths.
“What were you thinking about anyways?”
“Nothing, just lost in thought. The veal looks nice, I guess.”
He kissed my cheek. “Then get the veal.” He turned to one of his friends and the conversation moved on.
CHAPTER TWO
It had been three weeks since my camping misadventure. The doctors cleared me to go back to work within a week of returning so back to work I went. Waiting tables for thirty hours each week seemed like small change compared to hiking in the back woods with no trail to follow for ten hours every day. On the one hand I got through each day feeling less need to complain about the work, but on the other hand being in that little restaurant with the canned air and the TVs and the fake people with their fake smiles made me more tired than ever.
Sometimes I found myself daydreaming of campfires and clear skies and the sound of a harmonica playing softly nearby instead of cl
earing tables. Sitting at home I would picture Ryker’s face, deep in shadow and softly lit by firelight. His dark hair ruffled by the wind, his eyes soft and warm, and that rugged, start of a beard that made him look rugged and handsome and rough and sexy. He smelled good, his arms felt good, his body felt good. Part of me longed to be out in the woods with him, listening to birdcalls and coyotes and stories of the wild told in a soft deep voice that was as weathered as he was.
What had driven him out into the bush to live alone? What was he running from? Maybe it was nothing so dark, maybe he was just aching for a past life of pines and isolation, a simpler time without the noise of the city and the drama of modern civilization. Sounded nice. Sounded romantic even. Would be even better if it came with the occasional latte though.
Joel was on break so he and I spent a lot of my free time together and he always found a way to interrupt my reveries. “What are you always thinking so hard about, babe?” he said one day.
I flicked my hair back from my face. “What are you talking about?”
“You were staring off at nothing again. You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Is everything okay?”
“Just hard to believe how close I came to dying, it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around. I keep thinking about it. And how lucky I am that you didn’t give up on me.”
Telling him about Ryker was out of the question. I’d made a choice back there by the river, I didn’t really know it at the time that I even had a choice. I was safe, I had to go home, I didn’t realize that going home to reassure my parents was also choosing Joel over Ryker. I didn’t know I had to make that choice, but of course I couldn’t have them both. I just didn’t realize that I might not want to make the choice everyone thought I should make.
“Of course I didn’t give up on you, I love you. We should move in together.”
“I don’t know yet, Joel.”
“When will you know? Come on Emily, life is short, I thought you’d see that now. I could lose you at any moment. Or you could lose me. We should move in together, make a life together, no more waiting.”
“Joel, I just got back from a camping trip during which I got washed down river and nearly drowned. My mom is feeling a little overprotective right now. Maybe we could at least give her a little time before we start talking about me moving out, okay?”
“Okay, a little time. But I don’t think we should wait too long. We belong together Emily.”
The more he said that the more trouble I had believing him. The city was just too noisy. I didn’t want a little apartment with a little balcony and rich nosy pushy neighbours. I didn’t want to serve drinks to obnoxious business men who tried without subtlety to see down the front of my shirt. With every passing day the restlessness grew.
And that was why, on this particular day off, I didn’t phone Joel to make plans, I didn’t even tell him I wasn’t working. I just got up in the morning, packed a bag, and climbed in my little beat up car and started driving. Joanne had helped me map out the route we’d taken to the campsite. I’d told her it was part of my coming to terms with what happened, and that wasn’t exactly a lie. I needed to go back, on my own. I needed to sit in the woods and be quiet for a while. I needed to think without having to explain myself to Joel.
I found the turn-off, barely, and followed the pitted mud road through the trees. I found the campsite back and parked my car. I left the cellphone in the glove box, grabbed my bag, and locked the doors.
First I hiked to the top of the ridge where Joel, Buddy, Joanne and I had gone our first evening. The trees were still green, the birds still danced in the sky above the trees, and off in the distance there was a tendril of smoke. I smiled.
I walked back down to the campsite and then upriver to the rocks. I took off my shoes and socks and put them in my pack before carefully wading across. I couldn’t follow exactly along the river bank because of the terrain but I figured I could use the sun and the sound of the river to keep myself on track. I tried to keep a stiff pace as I started walking down river. As the day grew dark I stopped for food, bundled myself in as many layers as I could manage, and tried to sleep.
CHAPTER THREE
By the end of the second day I started calling Ryker’s name. I should have been close enough to his cabin that he’d be able to hear me. No one came so I ate the last of my food, bundled up again, and found a dry, sheltered spot to sleep. I woke up the next morning cold and hungry but I had to food so all I could do was start walking.
“I’m just walking slower,” I said out loud. “I’ll be there by the end of the day, I know it.”
Every once in a while I hollered for Ryker but there was never any answer. I kept walking, calling more and more often as the day wore on. Too soon it was getting dark again and I had to admit that I’d gotten lost, that my friends and family didn’t know where I’d gone, and that Ryker didn’t know I was coming. No one knew where I was, no one knew where to look, and I had no food or shelter or any idea how to get back.
I bundled up again and sat down on a rock and started calling for Ryker over and over again until I couldn’t keep my eyes open and my chin hit my chest.
I woke up in an uncomfortable heap on the ground staring at a pair of beat up hiking boots. Just beyond them were two hooved feet. I sat up. Ryker was standing there in front of me with his horse.
“What are you doing out here? Didn’t you come close enough to dying last time? You thought you could just wander aimlessly through these woods and stumble on whatever the hell you were looking for.”
“I was looking for you.”
“And you’re damn lucky I was out hunting or I never would have found you. You didn’t take the curve of the river into account, did you?” He shook his head. “How long have you been out here?”
“This is my third night,” I said.
“So you’re lucky the coyotes didn’t find you.”
“Coming out here wasn’t the dumbest thing I ever did,” I said.
“Ha. Go ahead, name me one thing that was dumber.”
“Going back to the city.”
“You don’t belong out here. You can’t survive out here.”
“You can teach me. You said I was a survivor, a fighter, remember?”
He shook his head. “I’ll take you back again. Don’t come out here again, okay? Leave me in peace.”
“The city is too busy,” I said. “It’s too loud. I don’t know why I ever wanted to go back there. I’m not sure that I did really. I just had to let my parents know I was alive.”
“And did you tell them you were coming out here?”
I shook my head.
“So I’m going to have search parties breathing down my neck any day now. Shit.”
“Ryker …”
“Why can’t you just leave me alone!?”
“Because I think I fell in love with you.”
I didn’t know if it was relieve or pain that flickered over his face but he turned away. “You don’t love me, Emily. Go back to your boyfriend and your job …”
I stood and grabbed his hand. “I came back to you. I’ve been lost in the woods for three days, I probably don’t have a job to go back to.”
“And your boyfriend?”
“I don’t want to move in with him.”
“Did you tell him?”
“No, I just left. I just needed to leave.”
Ryker nodded. “Let’s go then. We’ll walk back. The cabin isn’t too far from here.”
The cabin was just as I remembered it and once the horse had been taken care of Ryker got down to business cleaning his kills. I sat down nearby and watched in silence. When he was done and washed up again he came and sat with me.
“That night in the woods,” he said. “What did that mean to you?”
“At first I was just wondering what it would be like to kiss you. You’re so different from every guy I’ve ever met, so different from Joel. The night before Joel, he … look, I was doubting if I felt anything sexual o
r romantic for him anymore and I kissed you and you kissed me and it was fireworks.”
“And that’s it?”
“No. I wanted you, Ryker, because you’re you, because you’re free and strong and real.”
“You don’t know who or what I am.”
“That’s why I came back. I know what Joel is, I know what my life will be like if I move in with him, and I’m not sure that’s what I want, I wasn’t sure even before the camping trip but I didn’t know what else I could want.”
“You think you want this?” He flung his arm wide, gesturing to his little yard and the wild beyond.
“Maybe. Maybe I’m willing to learn how to survive all of this so I can have you.”
He scowled.
“Can’t we at least try? For a few days even? You can teach me, show me just how hard life is out here, and if I can’t cut it I’ll run back to the city and you’ll never see me again.”
His grin was fierce and feral. “Then I am going to work those hands raw. Come on, there’s always work to do.”
He had me wash laundry, by hand, in the freezing cold river until my hands were numb. He had me feed the horse. He had me gather kindling. He had me chop firewood until my shoulders ached and my arms were shaking.
I was carrying an armload of firewood to the stack by the cabin when a lightheaded feeling came over me. I stopped and focused on my breathing but my legs were starting to shake. A fierce cramp grabbed my stomach and I dropped to my knees spilling logs everywhere.
Ryker came around the corner of the cabin, his face was set in a smug smile. “We can leave for your car at any time,” he said.
I didn’t answer, I couldn’t. I stared at the ground, willing it to stay in focus but every time my stomach cramped I whimpered and my vision blurred.
“Shit.” Suddenly he was at my side. “When was the last time you ate?”
He lifted me but instead of getting me to my feet he set me on my ass. He ran off and came back with some sort of bread which he shoved in my hand.
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