When Jane’s head hit the pillow she was out like a light, and this time there were no strange dreams to trouble her sleep.
Chapter 4
The following weeks were a blur of work and home life for Jane. She started taking the chill pills as soon as she went to work, to help keep her anxiety down, and all the people she worked with really seemed to appreciate her newfound attitude. Sure, sometimes Jane could be a little spacey on the medicine, but no one seemed to mind that at all. The old Jane was back! Or at least that was what she heard people telling each other when they thought she couldn’t hear them. It made her sad to realize how much she’d allowed her negative circumstances to change her, and also sad to know that she’d been letting the people at her work down this whole time by not seeking help.
Brad wasn’t so happy with the change in Jane, though. Within a few days he was done spending time by himself and reached out to her, only to find Jane flighty of thought and flaking on his plans for sometimes no reason at all, except that she “forgot.” From the texts that Jane read from him, she could tell that he had an idea that she was on medicine now and was very worried about her well-being. So finally, after a day of Brad texting her more than normal about it, she invited him over.
At first, Brad was pretty put off by the pills and their many bottles. He pulled out his phone and gasped when he read about a few of them, but Jane was quick to put him at ease by assuring him she hardly ever took those.
“I kind of want to see what it’s like,” Brad said. “You seem so calm now, like this whole thing isn’t affecting you at all. You do remember that not too long ago we were both informed that Kyle could be alive, in the country, and possibly trying to act as some kind of double agent, right?”
Jane nodded and told him that she remembered, and that she still worried about it, but just not as much now. Now things seemed either much more under control, or just out of her hands so she didn’t have to fret, depending on what medicine she was on. She showed Brad how she took the pills after crushing them in a spoon and pouring them into a glass of wine, making one for herself and one for Brad. At first Brad wasn’t too sure, as if he couldn’t handle it or something. But with a little bit of coaxing, he accepted the glass and sipped the wine.
Within the hour they were both on the couch very relaxed. Jane had her head in his lap and Brad was playing with her hair. It felt good for both of them to seemingly float free of all the moments that made up time’s steady march and to just be together. Soon Brad was running his hands all over Jane’s body and she was smiling and letting him, occasionally leaning up to peck him on the lips with a kiss.
Jane felt so good that all she could think about was Brad and what a great guy he was. She didn’t think about Kyle at all, or about how unfair it was that her life had changed forever when he’d gone missing. She didn’t think about how complicated it would be if he was alive, and how crazy it would be if he’d been someone turned to do ISIS’s bidding.
All of that seemed like static on the television in another room as Brad kissed her, slipping his tongue in her mouth. They made out like they were teenagers for the better part of an hour, kissing each other in a way that was first coy in its conservation of tongue and lips, but slowly evolved to some really hot kissing.
When they stumbled into the bedroom, hands undressing each other, they were so high on each other that there wasn’t anything else in the world that mattered. So when Brad ran his fingertips down and then back up the curve of her thigh, she couldn’t believe how lucky of a woman she was to have someone like Brad in her life. And when he rolled her over onto her back and kissed his way to her most private of parts to tarry there with his tongue, she gave herself wholly to the feeling, arching her back and moaning as he pleasured her.
Soon Brad was inside her, stroking back and forth with his hips as he stared into her eyes. They both were calm in a way that heightened the experience, as if reality had suddenly become overexposed by their senses. Jane felt better than she had in longer than she could remember—even better than when Kyle was still a part of her life.
For a second, she felt a distant pang of guilt as she realized that she’d just admitted to herself that she was happier now than she’d been with Kyle, but then it hit her that it was like comparing apples and oranges. What she really felt was just pure happiness, and any effort to try to quantify it would just reduce what it really was—bliss. And if ignorance heightened bliss, then Jane was willing to be ignorant as she felt her first orgasm coming on. She held Brad close as elation and ecstasy coursed through her being.
“Oh, Brad,” Jane said. “I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”
It was like she couldn’t say it enough, but she decided that those several times would have to suffice as her orgasm subsided. When her vision cleared and she could see Brad again she found herself looking at a man that was supremely happy. It was good to see him so.
“I love you too,” Brad told her as his tempo picked up. “And I’m getting close. Oh, baby, I’m getting close. My God, you feel so good. I can’t believe how good you feel. Oh, baby!”
Jane pulled him close again as his body clenched, then after a time slowly relaxed as if all his tension was unwinding inside of him.
Afterward they lay in bed and held each other close, knowing what had just happened between them was a tender and precious moment that not many people were lucky enough to experience. As they drifted off to sleep, Jane stroked Brad’s hair, hoping that he wouldn’t be so absent like he had been the last few weeks.
Just before she fell asleep, she wondered if it had really been her who had been absent the last few weeks, and she wondered why she hadn’t been reciprocating Brad’s efforts to be with her. Maybe she just needed time to figure everything out was all, or so she told herself as she felt sleep creeping into her limbs. But what if there was something else going on that she was blind to? What if it was the medicine that had become a part of her day to day life?
Soon enough sleep embraced Jane, and she didn’t dream this time. Instead, when she woke, she vaguely remembered hearing someone walking down a hallway from a long way away. She remembered that there hadn’t been any images, just the sound, and she also remembered trying to struggle out of bed to go and see who it was. But those were all just fragments of memory, and Jane didn’t know if what she had heard had been real. Perhaps it had been someone clomping down the sidewalk late at night in winter boots. Or perhaps it had all been in her head.
As Brad said goodbye and she got ready for work, she decided not to worry about it. Last night had been really good—great, even. They had both needed it and wanted it at the same time, and they had both been there for each other. It was something rare and beautiful, and she remembered how they had both told each other they loved each other. She thought that much had been obvious before now, but on the drive to work doubt started to creep in.
Was it really love, or was it two lonely, desperate, scared people taking solace in each other and not calling it what it really was? And could the drugs be playing into all of this somehow?
Jane shook her head as she watched a few of her coworkers walk into work. She couldn’t deal with this kind of stuff when she was on the job. The response her coworkers had given to the new “old Jane” wasn’t something that she was willing to lose. Work had been great the past couple of weeks, and she wanted it to keep going great. She didn’t want a bunch of pesky insecurities buzzing around her head the whole day while she tried to concentrate, do a good job, and be friendly.
Feeling around for a small pill box in her glove compartment, she could feel her hands tremble. She hoped that something hadn’t happened to the few chill pills that she’d left in the car in case of emergencies. And although she had already taken her daily morning dose, she found another dose in her hand and on the way to her mouth before she had time to think. She swallowed the pills with her spit and got out of her car.
By the time she walked into work everything
was right as rain; in fact, Jane had never felt so good at work before. Her entire day went by so fast and she loved every second of it. Not only did she love it, but so did everyone that worked with her. They told her as much over lunch break, talking about how happy they were for her that she was dealing with the tragedy so well. Jane nodded and smiled at the praise, quick to reassure everyone that the old Jane was indeed back and here to stay.
Only after work, on the way to her new doctor’s office, did she think about how some of her coworkers had exchanged knowing looks after they had nodded and agreed with her that the old Jane was back for good. Or had they? She wasn’t sure at all now, and wondered if she wasn’t just thinking into it. Before walking into the doctor’s office she popped another pill. When she walked out, it was with another bag full of pills, some of the prescriptions different than the last batch. Her doctor had told her how happy he was that she was seeing benefit from the drugs, and how that was what they were there for. He stressed that she was a widow in grieving, and that the healing process might take more time than usual.
When Jane got home and found herself on the couch staring at a television with a phone full of unanswered texts from Brad in her lap, it seemed to her that she had just appeared there. She felt like she had to look back across a great expanse. At some point, she stopped trying to remember how she got there and just sat watching the television.
“Jane, I’m just worried about you is all,” Brad said. He’d dropped by the house unannounced, which wasn’t really his style at all. He seemed earnest and upset.
Jane had just gotten off work to find him sitting in her kitchen, so she was still clear headed, although she couldn’t help but want to pop a couple of pills and drift off into the strange land of unfeeling where she’d been taking shelter so much recently.
“After we slept together last time, I really hoped that we would be able to move closer together as people,” Brad said. “But instead, you’ve retreated further than ever into yourself. I understand that what is going on is super fucked up and being able to do nothing about it makes us both feel powerless, but you have to keep your head on straight or you’ll lose yourself in all of this. I don’t know if I can handle losing you after Kyle!”
Brad started taking short, halting breaths as if he was going to cry. Jane didn’t think that was going to happen, but when tears started tumbling down his face she wasn’t at all surprised. Brad had been stressed lately that she had become so distant, and he did have a good point that she was spending too much time on chill pills and not enough time coping with the situation because, as her doctor was fond of telling her now, she would have to cope eventually.
“What is your doctor telling you about all of these pills anyway?” Brad asked.
“He’s just telling me to use them as I need them and that no matter what I’m going to have to work through all of this someday, so to not get the idea that the pills are a permanent solution.”
“And yet he still keeps prescribing you them even while you take them at a rate that is easy to tell is too much.”
Jane stamped her foot on the kitchen’s tile floor and looked at Brad angrily as he sat at the dinner table.
“What do you mean taking them too quickly? How do you know what is too much? I’m within the bounds of what the bottles say to take, so I don’t know where you get off talking to me like I’m some kind of junkie,” Jane said, her eyes flashing. “You know what? I don’t like this conversation at all. I think that maybe you should go and we’ll continue it another time.”
Brad’s mouth fell open and he crossed his arms.
“You’re really going to kick me out when all I’m trying to do is look out for you?” Brad asked. “That doesn’t seem the least bit like bad judgment to you? Jane, I’m your best friend and your lover. Do you remember that we told each other that we loved each other that night? Do you remember how amazing it was?”
Jane nodded her head yes.
“I remember,” she said. “And I still feel the same. But Brad, you have to understand that I’m going through a lot.”
Brad lowered his head to stare at the tiles.
“I do understand that,” he said. “I just wish that you would understand how this affects me as well. It isn’t just you this affects, and it never has been just you. I just wish you’d realize…”
But Brad had trailed off without finishing. Jane considered prompting him to finish but then thought better of it. If Brad didn’t want to finish his thoughts to her, then there was probably good reason for that. She had been genuine when she’d said that she thought it was best for him to leave so they could continue the conversation another time. They were both too heated to be entirely sure they’d be civil with each other instead of saying the wrong thing.
“You know what,” Brad said. “I’m angry and I’m going to say something I don’t mean. Just like you are stressed out and aren’t meaning to be rude right now. I’m just going to go before I say something I’ll regret.”
He stood up and left silently, quietly closing the door behind him.
Jane was left alone in the kitchen, wondering if she’d made the right decision. Without giving herself time to think about it, she went to the drawer where her medicines were and took a few pills. Quickly her mind settled, and quickly she started to unfeel everything that had just happened. Before she knew it, she was back in front of the television. She thought she heard someone knocking on the glass sliding door to her porch, but the sound seemed to come from far away so she didn’t worry about it.
When the hours had passed, she got up to get a glass of water before fixing a later dinner. She couldn’t believe what she saw on the glass sliding door. The words “I miss you,” were scratched into the frost, and a tiny letter was the only signature left by the author. The letter was just to the lower right hand corner of the u in you.
Jane walked over to the sliding door and looked through it to see the trail of tracks leading from and back to the small wooded area that bordered her property.
Who in the world would go to all the trouble to walk through the woods just to leave her a message that said they missed her? Jane’s mind was moving with the slow clarity that she’d come to prize so much. Her hands traced the message left on the other side of the glass, then looked closely at the tiny letter. It was a K, and not just any K, but the kind of K that had the same flourish that Kyle used to put on all of his Ks.
Jane wasn’t sure what to do. She started to shake like a leaf in the wind while clutching herself, as she crossed her arms. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. There was no way that it could be Kyle. Kyle was gone now, and whoever the joker was that had left the message behind was a cruel monster.
Jane broke down sobbing and sat crossed legged on the floor. Quickly though, she pulled herself together and stood. She’d take a shower and then call the police about the message. Whoever had done this needed to be reported to the authorities for harassment. But when Jane returned to the kitchen after taking a long, hot shower, the message was gone. It looked as if someone had smeared it into oblivion hurriedly with a gloved hand. Only the bottom half of the tiny K was left behind, and even that was barely legible anymore.
It was dark outside, and when Jane looked at the clock, it was much later than she had anticipated. Where had the time gone? Before turning in for the night, she texted Brad.
I want you to know that I appreciate you for sticking this out with me. And I also want you to know that there isn’t a day that goes by where I’m not thankful for you. I do love you, and I’m glad you’re in my life. Sweet dreams!
PS - We should go on an actual date soon!
Brad texted back that he would love to take her on a date. Jane smiled as she read the long text he sent that preached how he was the lucky one, not her.
When Jane looked at the glass door one last time before going to bed, everything was gone, and wiped clean without a smudge or smear. It made her wonder if it had been there at all. Maybe it had
been her mind playing tricks on her.
Jane put it all out of her mind as she went to bed and tried to sleep. The last nagging thought in her mind as she drifted off was of Kyle, and of where he could be—if he was, in fact, still alive.
SECRET BILLIONAIRE
Chapter 1
Ethan came into the bedroom with a stack of mail in his hands. “Hun, I found this on the floor by the kitchen garbage.”
She glanced up at him and then back at her nails. She touched up a corner with her nail file. “You really need to hire a better maid.”
“Jessica, this is an overdue phone bill.”
“So pay it, Ethan.”
“It’s for your cell phone.”
She sighed. “Ethan, you’re the multi-millionaire, can’t you pay for one overdue phone bill?”
Ethan’s eyes narrowed. “Jessica, I never agreed to pay your bills for you.”
She blew on her fingernails and examined them with a critical eye. She nodded and twisted the cap on the nail polish closed. Then she continued on as if he hadn’t spoken. “Oh, and the salon says you have to pay my tab before they’ll do my hair or nails again.”
“No.”
She looked up and batted her eyes at him. “Oh, sweetheart, don’t you know how expensive it is to look this good. And I know you love the way I look.”
“You’re beautiful. But you can pay for that yourself.”
“With what money? I hardly have enough for the necessities.”
“What about your job at the cell shop?”
She smiled, focusing her gaze on her blonde hair she was twirling around her long thin fingers, her voice turning overly cheerful. “Oh, I quit.”
“When?!”
“Weeks ago,” she said, languidly rising from her seat and draping her arms around his neck. “I knew you were going to invite me to live here soon and I wouldn’t need the job, so I quit. I wanted to be free to travel with you and spend time with you, instead of working that awful retail job.”
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