by Rosie Praks
“Fine, meanie,” Max said, poking his tongue out at Clarice, then turned to Elise. He gave her his biggest and cutest puppy dog pleading eyes.
“Don’t fall for it, Elise,” Whitney warned.
“Clarice, can I?” Elise asked, pulling out her wallet, while Max was smiling with glee at the money he was about to receive.
“Ahhh, if you come to my clinic with rotten teeth, I will not be held responsible.” Clarice took a ten-dollar note out of her own wallet and handed it to Max instead.
“Thank you, cuz. I knew I could count on you,” he said, jumping out of his chair. “And that’s what you call reverse psychology, ladies,” he added before smiling and turning his full attention to Elise. “And thank you, Elise, for helping out.”
“You shouldn’t do this, Elise. Always spoiling him,” Clarice said, watching her cousin enter the café.
“I adore him. He’s a good kid,” Elise said, smiling after him. “Anyway, I want to talk to you seriously about your plan for the future, with this man. Are you sure this is what you want?’
“Yes. I’m sure,” Clarice said.
“You won’t get lonely after having the baby with no father?” Whitney chimed in.
“No, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, guys. I know I’m old, and I know no one would consider me at this age.”
“Not that again, Clarice. You know you’re beautiful. You don’t need some guy to tell you that or to make you feel like an angel every morning.”
“I know. That’s what I’m getting at. I’m over being called ugly and teased in the past. I don’t care about that anymore. It doesn’t concern me. What I want right now is a baby. No room for love. I only want to give my love to my baby. But I don’t have time to wait. I feel like this is the perfect time. I need a baby now. If I choose Anton, then my chances are high. I can get pregnant before I turn thirty-five. I don’t want to wake up one morning and realize I’m too old to have a child.”
“You’re right there, but the big question is, how do you plan to go about capturing him?” Elise asked.
“Yes, obviously you can’t just… ask him.” Whitney gave her opinion.
“And that, guys, is where it all stops,” Clarice confessed. She knew she wanted Anton’s sperm, but the thing was she just didn’t know how to go about collecting that sperm. “I have absolutely no idea how to go about this.”
“Would it be better if you just go to the fertility clinic? It saves you from thinking of all these weird ways to capture his sperm,” Whitney suggested.
“I’ve just been to the clinic today. They won’t allow me to see the man’s face,” Clarice said. “I can’t have that. I need to see his face.”
“Clarice, wouldn’t it be better not to have a face to go with the sperm? I mean, what if you ended up liking your sperm donor and hunting him down, only to find he already has a family?” Elise said.
“That’s what the doctor said, but I kind of made a scene already, so I don’t think I’m can go back there,” Clarice said sheepishly.
“There are other clinics, you know,” Whitney suggested.
“I know, but my mind is set on this one,” Clarice spoke.
“Okay, how to go about it, then?” Elise asked.
“Go about what?” Max butted in when he returned with his apple juice.
“About capturing the perfect sperm for Clarice,” Elise explained.
“Why are we on to capturing sperm now? What did I miss?” Max asked.
“Nothing much,” Whitney explained. “Just that. To find a way to capture that sperm so Clarice can fall pregnant before the end of the year.”
“Oh, that.” Max laughed as if he were possessed by some unknown spirit. His eyes shot up and he stared at the three older women, suddenly serious. “Easy,” he said, “just pounce on him.”
“What?” Clarice was flabbergasted at her cousin’s suggestion. “Max, I’m not a lion stalking my prey.”
“What I mean is seduce him,” Max clarified.
“Seduce him? Like how?” Clarice asked in confusion.
“You know, so that one plus one equals one.” Max wiggled his eyebrows.
“No, one plus one equals two,” Whitney and Clarice both said at the same time.
“God, why are you two so naïve? You’re both mature women, but you don’t even know what one plus one is.”
“Max, I know my mathematics. One plus one equals two,” Clarice told her younger cousin.
“Mmm. I was good at maths,” Whitney said, nodding. “Even I can work it out.”
Elise began giggling on the sideline. “You guys, what Max said has nothing to do with mathematics. He means for you to sleep with Anton so you can have the sperm to make you pregnant.”
“What?” Clarice’s face bloomed pink.
“Don’t tell me you didn’t think about that avenue?” Elise asked with a quirk of her eyebrow.
“Of course not. I was just planning to ask him formally,” Clarice said.
“You could and see what he says,” Whitney added, because even she herself couldn’t even imagine Clarice sleeping with anyone. Love was a deal-breaking factor in that department.
“Obviously, he would say no, cuz.” Max provided his opinion. “Who in their right mind would donate sperm to a woman just because she asked for it? Unless you sleep with them, of course. And how is he supposed to deliver the live sperm to you anyway, if, hypothetically speaking, he agrees on your terms and conditions? Like when he gets his thing up and hard, then…” Argh, how could he explain this analogy to his cousin? Then he finally said, “You know that thing, and then he puts it in a petri dish for you.”
“Thing? What thing?” Clarice asked, looking even more confused.
Max sighed. “You know… his little brother, ding-dong, willie?”
“Urrgh, Max, that’s gross terminology.” Clarice winced in disgust.
“What am I supposed to say? Co—”
“Don’t even say it. I’ll make you wash your mouth out when you get home,” Clarice warned.
“Enough about the terminology, then. What I’m trying to say is the best way is just to sleep with him. Get it once and then it’s done. Just make sure he doesn’t wear a condom, that’s all.”
“Max, I’m going to smack your head in a minute. Stop suggesting such foul ideas.” Clarice’s cheeks burned even brighter.
“You don’t have to be shy, cuz. I know you’ve never done it before.”
“That’s it. Elise, switch seats with me. I’m going to give this no-good cousin of mine a full-blown punishment.”
“Elise, help me.” Max hugged himself closer to Elise.
“You know, what Max said is also true. I think he has a point,” Whitney said after pondering his suggestion.
“Whitney, how could you agree with him? You never agree on anything he says.” Clarice glared at her friend like she’d just grown a pair of devil’s horns.
Whitney and Max hardly got along, but now it looked like the ray of friendship was shining upon them.
“That’s because I didn’t want to admit he’s smart. This time, he really is smart,” Whitney said.
“Whitney. I love you. I am now officially your friend. Give me a hug.” Max got up from his seat and went to hug Whitney from behind.
“All right, enough now, little puppy. Let’s get back to business.” Whitney patted Max on the hand that he’d wound around her neck. “Now, be a good boy and go back to your seat,” she instructed.
Once Max went back to his seat as Whitney had ordered, she turned to Clarice. “You should listen to Max’s advice.”
“No, no. I’ve never done it before.” Clarice shook her head, not wanting to acknowledge the truth.
“If you want his sperm that much, then you’ll have to do it. I’ll help you,” Max added.
“No!” Clarice said. “I want a baby, but that doesn’t mean I have to beg someone to sleep with me. I still have my dignity, you know.”
“Fine,” Max grumbled
as he slid back into his chair.
Meanwhile, Whitney and Elise watched their friend’s sad face and wondered what they could do to help with her dilemma.
Chapter 12
“Yahooo!” Max shouted out to the pristine lake below, standing on the balcony, his arms wide apart like he was Moses parting the Red Sea. The wind blew cold upon his face, messing up his already brown mop of hair. “I am here, Queenstown. Wait for me. I’m coming for you tonight.”
“Max, shut up, will you?” Clarice hushed him while unpacking their luggage.
Clarice couldn’t help being upset. That talk she had with her friends and Max the other day was still rolling around in her head. She really wanted Anton’s sperm, but there was no way in heaven she was going to sleep with him. She guessed her next best bet would be to go back to the fertility clinic and apply for that sperm donor again.
“Hmm,” she sighed in sadness.
“Why are you so down, cuz?” Max asked, coming back from the balcony. “We’re in Queenstown. The air is fresh, the lake is as clear as the sky above, and we are breathing. We are alive. I am alive, Queenstown. Can you hear me? I am alive,” Max shouted again.
Somewhere down below their eleventh-floor hotel suite, they could hear a distinct shout of, “Yeah, we can hear you. Now shut up!”
“See, even the people downstairs are annoyed with your hyperactive mood.”
“So what? They just don’t know how to have fun.”
“Yeah right.” Clarice eyed her cousin, who didn’t seem to be affected by anything. Sometimes she just wished she could be more like him. She shook her head to dispel this dreary dilemma of hers and continued to unpack her bag in silence instead.
“Cuz, don’t say you’re still upset about that talk we had the other night.”
“I’m fine,” Clarice said to reassure him. She really didn’t want to think about that subject just now. They were here in Queenstown for her talk at the Dental Hygiene Conference and for a well-deserved break, so no talking about unhappy issues.
“You don’t look fine to me.” Max came to look at his cousin’s face. “Look, I’m sure all will work out. I promise. I have a good feeling about coming here. I feel all your dreams will come true.”
“What? Like having a baby?” Clarice jested.
“I don’t know,” Max said, quirking his eyebrows. “Just know it might happen if you really want it.”
“Really?” Clarice asked her sweet cousin. He always managed to put a smile on her face.
“Let me hear you say it.” Max teased her.
“Say what, you rascal?” Clarice smiled, shaking her head at her cousin’s childlike behavior.
“That you want your Mr. Anton’s sperm so you can make the perfect baby with your egg.”
“Max!” Clarice jerked her head up from the folded clothes to stare at her cousin, who still had that mischievous look on his face. “Shut up. I’m embarrassed.”
“Oh, come on, say it.” Max tempted Clarice to confess her desire for wanting a baby.
“No.” Clarice just shook her head and turned away from Max, but he was being persistent as he followed her around and around until she couldn’t take it anymore.
“Max, stop it. You’re starting to piss me off. If you continue to do this, I might not take you out for dessert. Remember your favorite gelato?” she warned.
“No, I don’t care about that gelato. I want to hear you say it. Say it, Clarice. Otherwise, I’ll continue to annoy you.” Max blackmailed his cousin.
“Okay! Okay! I want Anton’s sperm,” Clarice said just so he would shut his mouth. “Happy now?”
“Very happy,” Max said, then went to the door. “I’m going out exploring. Let’s have dinner at The Burger tonight at six after the conference, okay? Then we can go sightseeing and get that gelato.”
“Yes, sure. And be careful exploring. If you need anything, just call my cell.”
“I know. And, you, don’t forget to smile,” Max said, smiling cheekily at her through the cracked door. “Be happy now. Keep studying those notes. You don’t know when that cupid will arrange for your wish to come true.”
“Aye, aye.” Clarice nodded her head. When she heard the door shut, she lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. Suddenly, something Max had said struck her.
Notes? What notes?
Ah, the presentation notes for her appearance this afternoon.
Clarice took out her stack of notes from her bag. Except, along with the presentation notes came flying the lists and doodles she’d written for her “quest for sperm research.”
Clarice’s face bloomed red as she shyly picked up the papers that had dropped to the floor.
How did these notes appear in her bag? Didn’t she hide them in the safety of her locked drawer?
Clarice cast her mind back to the time when her friends were deep in discussion mode on the hot topic of “mission capturing Anton’s sperm.” After that conversation, despite being truly adamant about not going down the path of the devil, her mind would not stop thinking about it. She’d bit her lips and flung all caution out the window to study the art of seduction, just so she could get Anton to sleep with her.
So the research was underway, without anyone knowing of course. She started reading romance novels, her favorite genre, but that didn’t really explain how to get a guy into bed at all. So she resorted to reading erotic romance, which was definitely not her genre, but for the sake of research, she had to take one for the team. It was her habit to read every night before going to bed, and she’d been doing so for the past week. In total, she’d read five books and had even taken comprehensive notes.
But dearie, did it give her a nosebleed when she got to those scenes. When she read the first line, she almost threw the book across the room, but her curiosity for the unknown prevented her from burning the whole stack of books in the log burner. Her mind had now been corrupted with those steamy, jaw-dropping scenes, but they did give her a clearer understanding of what she must do.
Sitting on the bed and making sure she was comfortable, she started skimming through the contents again.
“First step,” she started reading, “to lure him in.”
She chuckled and shook her head. Yeah, it was so like her to lure Anton into bed. She could not, in a million years, see herself luring anyone into her bed, least of all Anton.
“Step two: say sweet things to him in a seductive tone, dripping with honey, to turn him on.”
Clarice pondered this statement. Sure she could muster the “sweet things.” Max mentioned she said sweet things to him all the time, so that wasn’t a problem at all. But to say sweet seductive things dripping with honey, she’d never done that before. Did she even possess such a voice?
“Step three: kiss him,” she read out.
Kiss him? Clarice shook her head. How does one kiss someone? Then the image of that Casanova popped into her head, like an uninvited gatecrasher at a party, of that one episode when they’d accidently smashed their lips against each other’s outside the bathroom at the Cambodian restaurant.
No, no, no. She shook her head to dispel the image. Definitely not, most definitely, definitely not. But she couldn’t help remembering the feel of those lips resting upon her own, so soft, as he tasted her, teased her, as if searching for something.
She touched her own lips, remembering the feel of Hunter’s on hers, tracing her index finger softly along. Yes, right there. Those lips touched hers right there, so silky smooth, so velvety, like the taste of a plum, ripe and juicy, deli—
“Clarice, stop it right now.” She snapped out of her delirium and slapped herself on the cheek when she realized she was fantasizing about Hunter. “Why are you fantasizing about that Casanova kissing you? Step four, step four, read step four.” Her hands were fluffing around in nervousness, trying to grab hold of the notes in front of her, and then when the words came into focus again, she read, “Step four: have seeex with him.”
Not used to saying the
word, her mouth just wouldn’t cooperate with her.
“Sex?” Clarice asked herself. “Have sex? How does one do that without love?” She pondered. Surely they needed to love each other.
What other reasons could drive someone to seek another person’s bed? Money? Boredom maybe?
Oh, what was she thinking? Clarice slapped herself again. What she-devil had possessed her to write this stuff down? It wasn’t like she was going to act out any of it. She was a woman, a woman with morals and dignity. She couldn’t go around seducing harmless hot guys like Anton for the sake of sperm. She would find other ways to get that sperm.
Happy with that thought, she quickly shoved the notes in the drawer out of her sight before she started thinking about it again. Then, picking up her presentation notes this time, she started reading.
It was only a one-hour presentation, so she should have plenty of time to dress up then meet Max at The Burger by six.
The Burger was a restaurant next door to Torque, one of the most prestigious nightclubs in all of New Zealand. She didn’t know why Max would want to eat there. It was just burgers anyway, and to get to The Burger, she’d have to walk past the nightclub.
She so wasn’t looking forward to it. The last nightclub she went to turned out sour. Then her dilemma about Anton, the art-of-seduction notes, and the potential baby sperm resurfaced in her mind again. She felt a nervous shudder run through her. She shook her head to free herself of this feeling. She was here in Queenstown anyway, the land of fun, so there was no use sulking and having panic attacks over these issues. She’d sort it out once she was back in Auckland.
Yes, let’s present this talk with dignity, poise, and confidence.
Who was she kidding, presenting the talk with dignity, poise, and confidence? Pah! There was nothing confident or poised about her right now as she eyed her audience, her nerves a shivering mess. Her hands shook like she was having an epileptic fit. Thank God she was standing behind the podium and her mini episode was unseen. Otherwise, an ambulance would be called and she would be admitted into Queenstown Hospital. And it wasn’t because she was scared of public speaking. No, far from that. She was actually nervous because Anton was here, at the Dental Hygiene Conference, sitting near the exit, talking to a few of the other hygienists.