“Do you think you can trust him?”
“I don’t know that either. I want to, though.”
Chris tapped the wheel in agitation. “What’s the worst thing that can happen if you don’t go in tonight?”
“Xander uses the leverage he has against me, and I lose my placement in my program and have to pay back the scholarship money.”
“But if you go in…” He let it hang.
“I don’t want to end up like Dee,” I whispered.
“That’s not going to happen.”
Parking in my spot, he cut the engine and slipped his hand under my hair, his thumb stroking a soothing line down my neck. “Want me to walk you up?”
I thought about that for a moment, about being alone in my apartment. It didn’t matter that Chris would be right across the street, that I could literally look out my window and see him through the Inked Armor storefront.
“Is it okay if I hang out at the shop? I don’t want to be by myself right now.”
He rubbed my neck in slow, tight circles. “Yeah, baby, of course. Ivy’s there too, so you’ll have company if you want. But you gotta be beat. Have you even slept?”
“I don’t know that I could fall asleep right now anyway.”
He regarded me for a long while. “When I have a break between clients we can come to your apartment, and I’ll hang out while you catch a nap.”
“Okay.” Though it made me feel needy, I agreed. I was serious about not being alone. I didn’t think I could close my eyes without seeing Dee’s body on that cold tile floor, or the look on Grant’s face when he’d realized how weak her pulse was.
When we entered the shop, Chris’s sister was behind the front desk, clearly fascinated as Lisa reviewed the various piercings and the gauges for each one.
They both looked up, and Lisa’s eyes went wide. “Heeey.” The are you okay was implied by the way she looked me over.
I looked to Chris, to see his reaction. He caressed my cheek with his fingertips.
“Rough night,” he said to Lisa. “Can you see about rescheduling my afternoon appointment? If I can free up a couple hours that’d be great.”
“I can do that.” Lisa picked up the phone, glancing between us.
“You don’t have to rearrange your appointments for me,” I murmured.
“I want to. Why don’t you spend some time with the girls while I get set up?”
“Okay.” This was what I needed—someone to tell me what I should do. I didn’t feel capable of making my own decisions at the moment.
He kissed me on the cheek. At my small, unintentional plaintive sound, he took my chin between his thumb and forefinger and brushed his lips over mine.
Lisa was quick about rescheduling Chris’s afternoon client, and when she hung up, she avoided asking all the personal questions I was certain she wanted to. Instead, she asked whether I thought a hoop or a stud would look better in Ivy’s nose. The normalcy was needed. I couldn’t get into anything heavy with Ivy here. I’d embarrassed myself enough this morning, and now I knew she was going through her own stuff. Sometimes pretending everything was okay was simpler.
“Should we get coffee? We could run across the street and grab one before clients start showing up,” Lisa suggested, alleviating some of the awkwardness.
“That’d be great,” I agreed. Anything to keep me awake and my mind off The Sanctuary.
After taking orders from the guys, the three of us headed over to Serendipity, the bookstore/coffee shop beneath my apartment. We stopped to say hi to Hayden’s Aunt Cassie before we crossed through to the café.
I was surprised when she came out from behind the cash register to hug Chris’s sister.
“Ivy, it’s so nice to see you again! I was just asking Chris about you last week. How’re you doing?”
Ivy seemed shocked by the affection. It might not have been something she was used to. She tentatively patted Cassie’s back in return. “I’m okay. I mean, I’m good.”
Cassie held her at arm’s length, tilting her head to the side. “And your mom? She’s good, too?” She sure knew how to cut right to the chase.
Ivy dropped her head and shifted awkwardly. “Uh... she’s okay. Sort of. I’ve been thinking it might be time to get my own place soon. Chris is letting me stay with him for a while until I get things figured out.”
“He’s a good brother, isn’t he?”
Ivy nodded, and a small smile appeared. “He really is. He slept on his couch last night so I could have his bed. I’m gonna have to figure things out quick since he only has that one bedroom, but maybe things’ll calm down at home…” She faded out at the end, clearly not believing that last part.
“You know, Tenley’s old apartment hasn’t been rented yet, and Nate just finished having the floors refinished and air put in.” Cassie pointed to the ceiling, indicating the apartments above us. “Maybe you’d consider moving in there. Then you could have Sarah for a neighbor.” She turned her somewhat-concerned smile my way.
“That’s actually a great idea!” Lisa clapped her hands.
“It’d be super convenient,” I agreed.
“That’s real nice of you to offer, but I work down by Midway, so it’s a bit far.”
“Oh. I thought Chris mentioned maybe you’d be interested in working at Inked Armor. Aren’t you looking to hire someone, Lisa? Or is Hayden being difficult again?”
Ivy looked confused, probably like I did, but Lisa’s smile was all devious excitement. “We hadn’t gotten that far yet, but I was planning on sweet-talking Ivy today.” She winked.
“Oops. Well, I guess that secret is out.”
“Does someone want to tell me what’s going on?” Ivy suddenly sounded a whole lot like her brother.
Lisa and Cassie exchanged a look. “It’s just an idea Chris was tossing around. No pressure. Something to think about,” Lisa said.
“Why don’t I show you the apartment, at the very least. There’s no rush, and you don’t have to make any immediate decisions,” Cassie suggested.
“Sure. Okay. That’d be nice.” There was a waver to Ivy’s voice as Cassie threaded her arm through hers.
She locked up the store, putting up a Be Back Soon sign on the front door, and we followed her upstairs to the vacant apartment.
Ivy got emotional over how nice it was. “I don’t think I can afford this place.”
“The rent is always negotiable,” Cassie said. “Especially when we’re talking about family.” She gave Ivy’s shoulder a squeeze and winked at me.
Chris really was an amazing person. All this time he’d been planning how to help his sister find her way to a better shot at life. He would’ve done the same for me if I’d let him, but I’d stupidly shut him out, instead.
When we came back to the shop almost an hour later, Lisa had a few things to take care of, so Ivy and I sat on the couch and leafed through one of the custom albums while we chatted.
“Chris is really talented,” Ivy remarked, running her fingers across a photo of a Celtic design on someone’s back.
“He really is. I keep trying to convince him to put some of his art on me.” I tried not to sound sad about it.
“Do you have any tattoos?”
“Not yet, but I know what I want. I just have to convince Chris. What about you? Do you have any ink?”
“I have one on my lower back, but it’s pretty bad. I got it for cheap from a friend.” Ivy surveyed the shop before she lifted her shirt to show me the poorly done cartoon character. “Chris would probably be pissed if he knew about it, so don’t tell him, ’kay?”
“I’m sure he’d be happy to cover it with something nice for you. He’s done it for Hayden before.”
“You don’t think he’d be mad?”
“At you? No. At himself for not being the one to put it on you in the first place is far more likely.”
Ivy chuckled. “You’re probably right.”
She flipped through the album and stopped at a tat
too of a stack of books. “When I was little, Chris used to come and get me from school. I was in maybe first or second grade, I guess? Anyway, he’d come get me and ride me home on his handle bars ’cause it was a long walk. Sometimes we’d stop and get ice cream on the way, or he’d bring me half a sandwich. They were so good, those sandwiches. I don’t know why I remember them, but I do. Maybe because we never had that kind of food in the house.
“He used to read me stories before bed when my mom worked nights and my dad would be out. Sometimes I had a hard time sleeping, especially when my dad was in one of his moods. Anyway, Chris would lay on the floor beside my bed until I fell asleep.” She was silent for a few seconds, maybe lost in the memory. “And then one day he wasn’t there anymore. I thought maybe I’d done something wrong... for a long time I was mad at him for leaving, but then he started coming around again, and well... I don’t know where I’d be right now if it wasn’t for him.”
I returned her sad smile. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“Do you love him?”
The boldness of her question shocked me, which my face must’ve indicated.
“Sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked that. It just seems like you do.”
“No. It’s okay. And the answer is yes.”
Ivy nodded. “That’s good. I hope one day somebody will love me.”
It was such an honest statement. And I understood in so many ways what she meant. People like us always had to fight to feel worthy of the things we weren’t sure we deserved. I reached over and squeezed her hand.
She looked at me oddly for a moment, and then smiled.
At some point we must’ve stopped talking, because gentle shaking pulled me out of sleep. Lisa stood over me. “Hey, why don’t we go over to your apartment?”
“I don’t wanna be alone,” I mumbled through the fog.
“I’ll stay with you. Ivy’ll watch the front desk for me.” She gestured to the jewelry counter where Ivy sat.
“Oh, okay.” We gathered my things, and Lisa took me back to my apartment.
“Chris said you had a rough night. He told me about Dee. Are you okay?” she asked as she slipped the key into the lock and let me into my own apartment.
“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
That’s what it boiled down to. I wasn’t okay with this anymore. As humiliating and devastating as it would be, I knew losing a scholarship and my degree was better than losing my dignity or even myself. I needed to follow Grant’s instructions to stay home tonight. He’d proved himself a better person than Xander. I had to trust he wasn’t out to do more damage.
I kicked off my shoes and followed her to my bedroom, flopping down on the mattress.
“I made some pretty bad choices. I let Xander drag me into things I never wanted to be a part of. I just want Chris to be able to forgive me for that.”
Lisa lay down beside me and tucked her hand under her cheek. I knew she understood only too well where I was coming from. “We all make bad choices, Sarah. I don’t think it’s about Chris forgiving you for whatever mistakes you have or haven’t made; it’s about you forgiving yourself.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It isn’t, but it’s necessary if you want to accept that what you and Chris have is more than some temporary thing.” She was quiet for a few seconds before she asked, “Do you think Dee will be okay?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. The doctors were talking about liver and brain damage. Grant is with her, and he said she’s hanging in there. I guess we just have to wait and see.”
“I hope she gets through this.”
“Me, too. I don’t know what Grant’s plan is, but I hope he can keep her out of the club. I mean, you got free, right? She and I should be able to, too.”
Lisa was quiet for a long while before she finally answered. “When I started working at The Dollhouse, Chris used to come and sit in my section. I think he must’ve spent half his paychecks on me. He never came to watch the girls; he just made sure I was okay. Or as okay as I could be with all the shit Damen and Sienna were feeding me. Every night I worked, he was there—especially when Jamie couldn’t be.”
“Jamie loves you.”
“He does. But sometimes it was hard to watch me spiral down. Chris was there when it was too much for him to handle.”
“What was Chris like back then?” Now that I’d begun to understand his past, I wanted to fill in all the information I could.
“Chris was always charming, but you have to understand, he’s spent his entire life trying to protect the people he loves from being hurt, and he lived in that house with Damen and all those girls. It was a messed-up situation. I know; I lived there for a while, too.”
“Messed up how?”
“There weren’t a lot of rules, but Chris wasn’t the kind of guy to take advantage of anyone. He was so young when Damen gave him a job, so talented, and he had no idea. The girls in that house wanted to take care of him the same way he wanted to protect them. He was like everyone’s teddy bear. He was safe.”
I could see him as a boy, verging on man, with softer features and a less ominous presence, baby-faced and broken. He would’ve been something to covet. He still was.
“Did you ever—” I hesitated, unsure whether I wanted to know.
Lisa shook her head. “I always belonged to Jamie, even when I didn’t.”
Lisa never talked willingly about her time at The Dollhouse, so I appreciated her sharing this with me.
“The sacrifices Chris makes are always to keep people safe. He tried with Candy, but she couldn’t see past the drugs.”
“So what does that make me? Another girl he wants to save?”
“It’s not about saving you; it’s about keeping you safe. Chris wants what we all want—to be loved.”
“I couldn’t seem to get past the armor with him until today.”
“He doesn’t really let people in, so you have to be patient. Give him time. How Chris sees himself and the reality of who he is are two different things. He has a hard time believing he deserves you.”
“Funny, I feel the same way about him.”
“We’re all broken, Sarah. It’s not always about fixing the parts that don’t work; it’s about making the most of the ones that do.”
I considered the accuracy of that statement.
“If you need to talk about what happened at The Sanctuary, you can, but I understand if you don’t want to.”
I tucked my hand under my cheek. “Xander got the upper hand on me, and I didn’t think I had any options.”
“People like him are good at making you think that’s the case. It was the same at The Dollhouse.”
“I wish I could take it back. I just want out.”
“I know. We’ll find a way.”
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. I wasn’t sure if the racing in my head would slow enough to let me go to sleep, but after a while, I fell back into darkness.
The next time I woke, Lisa wasn’t lying beside me anymore. Instead, a strong arm decorated with beautiful ink was wrapped around my waist. Chris’s broad chest pressed against my back, and his breath caressed my shoulder. I brushed my fingers along the grayscale patterns on his forearm and checked the clock on the nightstand. It was well into the evening. I’d slept for ages. I should’ve been at The Sanctuary three hours ago.
Anxiety ripped through me like an electric current as my phone buzzed from somewhere inside my purse on the floor. I tried to lift Chris’s arm, but it tightened around me.
“Let me up. I need—” I didn’t know what I needed. Before I’d fallen asleep I’d decided to trust Grant. Going to The Sanctuary wouldn’t do me any good now regardless, but I couldn’t stop the panic.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” Chris whispered.
I wanted that to be the truth, but missing this shift could change the entire trajectory of my life. Another buzz from my phone told me more messages were coming in.
/>
“I need to check that.”
He sighed. “I’ll get it.”
Chris lifted his arm and turned away. I shivered. When he rolled back, he had my purse in his hand. He dropped it on the bed beside me and wrapped me up again. I rummaged around until I found my phone, then pulled up the messages.
The first was from an unknown number. It was a link to a video. I clicked on it, my stomach flipping, all my worst nights at The Sanctuary replaying in my head. I was fully prepared for the bottom to fall out, and it definitely did. But not in the way I’d expected.
On the small screen played a Breaking News report no more than fifteen minutes old. I had to watch it twice to understand fully what I was seeing, because it was so much the opposite of what I’d anticipated. There’d been a takedown, and The Sanctuary was one of four area clubs that had been targeted.
A total of fifteen arrests had been made on a variety of charges, predominantly related to sex trafficking, as well as distribution of illegal narcotics, and Xander was among those in custody.
The investigation had begun shortly after The Dollhouse had shut down last winter as the dangerous link between the sex trade industry and strip clubs in the city came to light. Several undercover agents had infiltrated the clubs, compiling a mountain of evidence to take down four local operations on more than seventy-five violations.
“Oh my God.” I looked at Chris. “Does this mean what I think it does?”
Now the cryptic call from Grant made sense. He must’ve been one of the agents involved in the takedown. He’d been trying to protect me, in a way he hadn’t been able to do with Dee—not until it was too late. I had to wonder if she’d be okay after this, and if she and Grant would be able to make things work. I hoped so, because Dee deserved to have something good.
I both saw and felt Chris’s relief as he pulled me into his arms. “I think it means you don’t have to keep hiding in the dark spaces.”
I held on to him, still shocked by the sudden turn of events. He was right; that was exactly what I’d been doing—finding the darkest spaces in my life and clinging to them. Except with Chris. He was the opposite of all the things from a past I didn’t know how to shake.
I sat up and scrolled through more videos, most of them giving a version of the same information. The clubs were being shut down, and at the center of the plot was Xander. He was facing deportation, and several others were looking at serious jail time. Apparently they’d been following a trail he’d worked hard to cover up for years—changing aliases, moving around the country—until someone opened the doors and let out all the secrets.
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