Ryan grinned. “Women stick together. You should know that by now.” He took a seat next to Nick and stared into the flames.
“Hope you don’t mind that I started a fire. This thing’s beautiful,” Nick said, pointing to the fireplace.
Ryan scanned the patio. “The place was a mess before Jane got here. I never came out here. But Jane loved it, right from the start, even when the only thing on the whole patio was a beaten-up table and a couple of chairs. She fixed it up and strung some old Christmas lights into the trees.” He smiled at the memory. “She has a knack for making a house a home. I had this fireplace built as a surprise for her.”
“You make her happy,” Nick said, and took a pull from his beer. “I was jealous as hell when she told me about you. She had a sparkle in her eye when she talked about you. I never made her sparkle. But you do,” he conceded, and held his bottle out to Ryan, who met it with a clink.
Ryan shrugged philosophically. “I never would’ve met her, if it hadn’t been for you. So I guess I have you to thank.” He set his bottle on the table. “I’m going to head back to the hospital. You’re welcome to stay here for the night, if you’d like.”
“I’ll take you up on that. I’ve got a flight out, in the morning.”
“If I don’t see you before you go, have a good trip.”
Nick stood up, looking sheepish. “Look, I’ve been meaning to thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being what I couldn’t.”
Ryan shook his head. “We all have times when we aren’t who we want to be. Sure, I was there for Jane when you weren’t, but maybe you’ll be there for somebody else when they need it the most.” He held out his hand. “See you around, Nick.”
“See you around,” Nick echoed, and they shook on it.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“Whoa there! Where are you going, Ms. Keegan?” the nurse called from behind the desk.
“To see my baby,” Jane answered, her gaze glued to the door leading to the NICU.
“You need to use your call button when you want to leave your room,” the nurse scolded as she scooted around the desk and grabbed a wheelchair.
Wheelchairs. Jane would be thrilled never to see one of those again, too. “I’m perfectly able to walk. I don’t need that thing.” She waved her hand dismissively.
“You gave birth just a few hours ago. We don’t want you passing out and hitting your head. Please take a seat, and I’ll take you right over,” the nurse insisted, maneuvering the chair into Jane’s path.
“Women have been having babies and returning to work in the fields for decades. I should be fine to walk a few feet to visit my baby,” Jane grumbled, but slumped into the chair. She hadn’t a clue when or where those legendary women were who went back to working in the fields after popping out their babies, but it was the only argument she’d been able to muster on such short notice.
“Wait just a second while I find coverage for the desk,” the nurse said, and headed around the corner.
Jane huffed out a frustrated breath and lowered her arms over the sides of the chair. Grasping the metal rims around the wheels, she pushed down.
A wave of accomplishment filled her as the chair inched silently toward the neonatal unit.
A dozen pushes later, Jane breathed a sigh of relief as she gazed through the window from the hallway and saw that Raya was exactly where she had been, a few hours before.
“There you are. You shouldn’t have left without me. Watch your hands,” the nurse scolded. She took over, pushing Jane into the NICU, where Doreen looked up from one of the incubators. “Call us when she’s ready to go back,” the nurse said to Doreen, and disappeared into the hallway.
“You’re back already. Couldn’t you sleep?” Doreen asked, as her fingers tapped away on the keyboard of her rolling laptop.
Jane grabbed the wheel rims again and rolled herself to Raya’s incubator, grateful that Doreen didn’t try to stop her from doing it on her own. “I slept a little, but then I woke up in a panic. I had to be sure she was okay.”
Doreen moved to Jane’s side and squeezed her shoulder. “She’s doing just fine. You can always call us from your room, you know.”
“I didn’t think of that. This is all new to me.” Jane shook her head. “My son Tyler was so much simpler. He was born, we stayed in the hospital a few days, I dressed him in his ‘going home’ outfit, my husband strapped him into his car seat, and we drove home. Back then, the only thing I worried about was when he’d finally sleep through the night.” She gazed at little Raya. “Now there are so many more things to add to the worry list.” Jane choked back a sob.
“You’re not the first mother to cry in here, and you won’t be the last. It’s okay. Sometimes it helps, just letting it out,” Doreen said. Her soft voice and Irish accent soothed Jane’s nerves. “I just made some tea. Would you like some?”
Jane smiled. “That sounds perfect. Thank you.”
Doreen patted Jane again and ambled off, returning a minute later to hand Jane a Styrofoam cup.
Jane took a sip. “This is delicious,” she said in surprise. “What is it?”
“A breakfast tea that’s only available in Ireland. My sister sends me some, every month or two. It’s the only tea I’ll drink.”
“I can see why. Do you get back to Ireland often?” Jane asked, taking comfort from the normalcy of the conversation.
“Not as often as I’d like. My husband, Nathan, and I left our families and came to the United States almost forty years ago. We promised to return and visit every year, but it didn’t happen. Back then, money was tight. Now, we’re too set in our ways to travel a lot. We go back for special occasions. Weddings. Funerals.” Doreen sighed. “Sometimes, life takes over our plans.”
Jane nodded. “I know that all too well. If anyone had told me, a year ago, that I’d be sitting in a Texas hospital, watching over my preemie daughter, I would’ve called them crazy.”
“Well now, no one expects to have a preterm baby, dear,” Doreen said.
Jane smiled at the older woman. “I didn’t mean it like that. About a year ago, I divorced Tyler’s father. When I married him, I thought we’d grow old together. He was perfect. At least, that’s what my mother told me.” Jane shook her head. “Eighteen years later, I found out he wasn’t the man I thought he was, and then I turned into someone I didn’t recognize. When we divorced, I thought that was it for me. I’d had my shot at love, and I didn’t expect another chance.” Jane sipped her tea.
Doreen leaned back in her chair. “You don’t seem the type to give up.”
“Oh, but I did. I gave up on love entirely … until I met a cowboy who smelled like fire and midnight. He reignited a flame that I thought had been snuffed out forever. It was that fire and his love that created her.” Jane tilted her head and stared lovingly at her little girl. “Raya is a miracle. Doctors told me, years ago, that I couldn’t have any more children.” Jane turned to face Doreen. “I never dreamed I’d be sitting here now, madly in love with two people I never knew existed a year ago.”
Doreen’s gaze moved from Jane to Raya. “That may be the most beautiful love story I’ve ever heard,” she murmured.
But Jane couldn’t help feeling a pang of guilt when she stared down at Raya’s tiny form. “But how did this happen to her? What did I do that caused her to be born so early? Maybe I worked too hard. Maybe I shouldn’t have carried the groceries. Maybe I shouldn’t have traveled so much.” A fresh batch of tears rolled down her face.
Doreen plucked a tissue from a nearby table and handed it to Jane. “Don’t do this to yourself, dear. You’re not to blame. No one is. For some reason we’ll never know, this was her time to be born.”
Jane dabbed her eyes. “How will I be able to leave her here?”
“It won’t be easy, but at least you know she’s in the best possible hands,” Doreen said with conviction.
“True, and I’m grateful, but I’ll worry about her when
ever I’m not here. I’ll never stop worrying.”
Doreen held her cup of tea between her palms, and smiled at Jane. “I’ve taken care of babies like yours for almost forty years. I’ve seen hundreds of them come and go. I’ve seen happy homecomings and excruciating heartbreak. I’ve come to know pretty quickly which babies will thrive and which won’t. I’m hardly ever wrong, even though at times I wish I was.” Doreen’s gaze moved to Raya. “This little girl is a fighter. She’s a survivor, just like her mum. Mark my words, she’s going to open those eyes and demand to breathe on her own, soon. She’s going to grow and gain strength, day by day. Before you know it, she’ll be home. Of course, I should warn you, she’s not going to be easy. This child has a fire inside her. She’s going to challenge you, every day. But it will be worth it. She’s going to grow up to do very good things. Very, very good things.”
Jane shook her head in amazement. “How can you know all that?”
Doreen patted her hand. “I’m not sure. I just do, dear. I just do. Now, let’s get you back to bed. You’re going to need your rest,” she said, and walked silently to the nurses’ station.
“Doreen?”
“Yes, dear?” Doreen asked as she lifted the phone receiver to her ear.
“Thank you.” It didn’t seem like enough. In the course of a single conversation, Jane had spilled out all the thoughts, worries, fears, and guilt she’d kept bottled up. Now, a sense of peace flowed through her body, and she knew in her heart that Raya would be okay. She had to be. There was no acceptable alternative.
Doreen nodded slowly as though she understood the richness of those two little words.
****
Jane pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie before taking the short walk to the neonatal unit. The nurses had finally stopped insisting on pushing her in a wheelchair. Jane was physically well enough to go home, and therefore was well enough to visit her baby on her own.
But her heart was heavy as she walked the short path from the maternity unit to the NICU for the last time as a patient. After she was discharged, she’d be required to check in at the reception desk in the lobby, then zigzag through corridors and ride an elevator up to see Raya.
Doreen smiled when Jane pushed open the door. “I almost don’t recognize you without your bathrobe.”
“It feels strange to be dressed. I’ve been on bed rest for so long, I’ve almost forgotten what real clothes are like.” Jane gazed at Raya’s incubator as she washed her hands and slipped into a paper gown. “Ryan’s on his way to take me home. I told him to meet me here.” She shook her head. “It’s so hard to leave without her.”
“Ah, but I have some good news to make it a little easier. Dr. Blake was just here, and she says Raya is cleared for you to hold.” Doreen raised her eyebrows. “What do you think? Are you ready to hold your daughter?”
Jane’s heart soared. “Really? Yes!”
“Well now,” Ryan’s velvety voice said from the doorway, “I haven’t seen that beautiful smile in a long time. What’s the occasion?”
She turned to Ryan and resisted the urge to run into his arms, since she’d just finished prepping to handle the baby. Instead, she flashed him a wide grin. “We can hold Raya,” Jane said, taking a seat in a nearby chair. She’d watched with envy as other parents of preemies held their babies, so she knew the drill.
Doreen reached over the top of the incubator, lifted Raya’s little body, passed her to Jane, and covered the baby with a blanket.
Intellectually, Jane knew that Raya weighed less than two pounds, but she was still amazed by how lightweight the baby felt in her arms. However, Raya’s body seemed to emit the warmth of someone many times her size. Her heat fueled Jane’s soul as she smiled down at the bundle in her arms.
As if in answer, Raya made one of those special baby noises Jane remembered from when Tyler was a newborn. Carefully, Jane pressed her index finger against Raya’s impossibly small palm, and felt her little fingers wrap around her fingertip in a way that tugged at her heart.
Ryan joined her, after Doreen helped him wash his hands and don a gown. “My two beautiful girls,” Ryan said, beaming at Jane.
“Would you like to hold her?” Jane asked after a few minutes. She knew there was a limit to how long Raya should be out of the incubator, and she wanted to be sure Ryan had time with her, too.
“I’m kind of nervous about it. You sure I can’t break her?”
“Nonsense. I’ve told you, this little girl is a tough one,” Doreen said, and took Raya from Jane so they could switch seats.
Jane’s heart felt as though it would burst with happiness as she watched Ryan take his daughter in his arms for the first time.
Their time holding her drew to a close all too soon, and Doreen returned Raya to the safety of the incubator, while Jane and Ryan promised they’d return the next morning.
Ryan wrapped his arm around Jane’s shoulder as they rode the elevator to the lobby. “We just held our baby,” Ryan said.
Jane nodded still feeling the warmth of her baby. “There’s so much life in her little body!”
“I felt it, too. She looks frail in the incubator, but, wow, holding her in my arms is a whole different experience. It was like she was telling me she’s going to be okay. She’s going to be just fine, Querida. She’ll be just fine.”
Jane looked up at him. “I know she will. Come on, my handsome husband to be. Take me home.”
Epilogue
“Your chariot awaits, Señorita.” Uncle Pascal smiled proudly as Jane approached the dock with Charlotte.
“Tu eres muy … guapo,” Jane said unsure of her wording. “You are very handsome,” she repeated, admiring Ryan’s uncle in a suit.
“Your Spanish is coming along. It looks like your lessons with Rosa are working.” Pascal’s wife, Rosa, had been helping Jane with her Spanish. Jane discovered Rosa knew how to speak English better than she’d let on when they first met on New Year’s Eve.
“Rosa’s wonderful. Thank you for suggesting it.” Jane kissed Pascal on the cheek before he helped the two women into the boat.
The last time Jane had ridden a gondola to Marriage Island, she hadn’t realized the significance of that short journey, just a few yards down the river. But as she glanced at Pascal busy rowing her to their destination, and at her own simple white dress which she’d purchased just a few days earlier with Charlotte, she realized her life was a maze of journeys, each with its own starting and ending point. Some had dropped her off in unfamiliar places, leaving her with a feeling she wasn’t supposed to be there, while others returned her back where she had started, but pushed her in a new and different direction.
She turned to Charlotte, sitting beside her. “You’re quiet. I thought you weren’t done saying ‘I told you so’ yet.” Charlotte had been a whirlwind of help over the past few days. Their shopping spree had borne fruit in the form of dresses, shoes, and flowers. Charlotte organized the wedding official, a three-piece blues band, and a photographer, all while chanting “I told you so,” every step along the way, or so it had seemed to Jane. Charlotte championed herself sole credit for Jane and Ryan’s paths meeting almost a year ago from that exact day.
Charlotte offered her a smile, with tears shining in her eyes. “I was trying to distract myself so that I wouldn’t cry, but then I stopped myself and my thoughts moved on to wondering what would happen if Pascal flipped the boat. What would we do? I don’t swim very well, you know.”
Jane peeked over the side of the gondola and spotted the floor of the riverbed. “Don’t think you have to worry about that, Char. I’m pretty sure you could just stand up, here.”
“Well, that’s a relief. Seriously, though, I was thinking about how happy I am about how happy you are. I was kidding around with you, saying I was the one who got you back in the saddle, but the truth is that you did this all on your own. You took control of your life at a really tough time, and you made something beautiful out of it. You deserve all the happine
ss in the world, my friend.” She wiped her eyes and shrugged. “You’re my hero.”
Jane blinked back a tear of her own. “Thank you. You’re always there for me when I need it most. I only hope I can return the favor, one day.”
Charlotte squeezed Jane’s hand as the hypnotic whoosh of the water pushed by Uncle Pascal’s paddle propelled them ever closer to everyone Jane held dear. Soon, he began to sing. It was soft, at first, but his rich voice grew louder as they approached Marriage Island.
His song was slow and filled with emotion. Jane understood bits and pieces of it, because he sang in Spanish. It had something to do with family, love … and maybe a cow, but it sounded lovely. Her glance moved beyond Pascal to focus on the old cypress. The island, she saw, had been decorated with yellow and purple flowers. She pointed and turned to Charlotte. “The flowers…”
“I can’t tell you how hard it was to find them on short notice, but I wanted them to match the painting on your patio fireplace.”
Jane smiled. “You are the best friend ever.”
The first faces she saw were the men she loved most: Ryan and Tyler. Tyler, so handsome in his suit, stood proudly alongside Ryan. The two had become fast friends. Tyler had taken Ryan up on an offer to learn the restaurant business. Even though he wasn’t old enough to drink it, he’d learned all he could about wine, and Ryan offered to take him on a winery trip to Napa Valley when he hit twenty-one.
Jane’s gaze scanned the group of wedding guests. It warmed her heart that everyone important in their life was in attendance.
She giggled as she spotted Isabel waving so frantically that her basket of flowers dropped to the ground. Tyler bent down to help her gather the petals back into the basket. She wore a white dress, similar to Jane’s, and Maya had woven tiny daisies along with ribbons into her hair.
Then Jane’s eyes met Maya’s. The younger woman stood stoically alongside her husband. Jane and Maya would always be connected by the secret Jane had promised to keep. Jane exchanged a heartfelt smile with her as they floated closer to the dock. Maya had surprised Jane when she asked her for help in completing an application for a teaching certification program at the local college. She couldn’t be prouder of her soon to be sister-in-law.
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