by Sybil Bartel
“Jesus fuck.” Both his hands rubbed over his face. “You’re too young to have those words comin’ from your mouth.”
In the darkness of the nowhere hours, I let my fear slip out. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You love him, Sugar. You love him as much as he loves you. That’s what you do.”
In that moment, love felt like the biggest burden life could throw at me. I pulled the cork out of the tequila and threw back.
“And the rest of the time, you drink,” he added, deadly serious.
I breathed through the alcohol’s slow burn and held the bottle out to him. “You’re shit for advice.”
“You get whatcha pay for.” Talon grabbed the tequila and took five long swallows.
Chapter Ten
The sun was streaming in through the windows and the house was quiet. My head pounding, I blinked my eyes open and looked at the empty bed next to me. I got up to brush my teeth and made the mistake of looking in the mirror. I looked like hell—red rimmed eyes with dark circles under them, my skin was all chalky and washed out. I ran a comb through my hair then left it loose because anything else was too much effort before coffee.
I padded through the house to the kitchen. The cold tile floors that were usually a blessing from the south Florida heat felt arctic. The kitchen was empty, the counters were clean, and the tequila bottle had been put away. A cursory glance in the guest room showed no signs of Talon’s stay. I checked the other rooms then the garage. Buck’s—my—Infiniti was parked but Talon’s Challenger was gone.
“Buck?”
No answer. I checked out by the pool and was coming back into the kitchen when I heard the front door quietly open and close. Buck walked into the kitchen in running clothes, covered in sweat. There was no bandage on his arm. Maybe because I’d already seen his head or maybe I was becoming numb, it didn’t freak me out. There was a jagged line of stitches, but mostly it was a burn wound that had scabbed over with bruising around the edges. It was horrific for sure, but it wasn’t life threatening.
Buck moved to the sink without acknowledging me. He took a glass out of the cupboard, filled it then downed the water in one swallow. His hands braced on the sink, he dropped his head.
“Where were you?” I didn’t mean to sound accusatory but I did.
“Running.”
I took a deep breath and tried like hell not to say anything but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. “Are you supposed to?”
“How come you’re not dressed?” he asked without looking at me.
Warning bells went off. “What?”
“Do you always walk around half naked in front of Talon?”
My heart rate kicked up. “Talon isn’t here.”
He turned his head and glared at me. “Did you know that when you came out in your underwear?”
I didn’t say anything. I held his stare.
He looked at me without an ounce of mercy. “You left last night.”
“I didn’t leave.” Technically, I’d stayed in the house.
“You got up at two-oh-six am, drank with Talon then came back to bed at three-forty-seven.”
I blinked.
He pushed off the counter and his hands went to his hips. “Drunk.”
“So what part has you all pissed off? The getting up part, the drinking part or the Talon part?” I asked flippantly.
“All of it, especially the Talon part.”
Jesus. I felt like a bitch. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I woke up and I couldn’t fall back asleep so I went to get a drink.”
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“You’re...” I stopped, I didn’t want to say injured, it’d only piss him off.
“I’m what?” Emphasis on the T, he knew exactly what I’d been about to say.
I skated around the obvious. “You needed sleep. I didn’t want to disturb you.”
Inhaling, he closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them again, they were more patient. “And you didn’t need sleep? What am I here for if you can’t come to me?”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” But now that he’d said it, I realized he was spot-on. It never occurred to me last night to wake him, in fact I’d carefully done the opposite, or so I’d thought.
“You meant it exactly like that.”
“I’m sorry, it was wrong. I didn’t think I’d woken you. I just, I knew I wouldn’t fall back asleep and I was still upset about you being injured so I got up for a drink. I wasn’t intending to go for the tequila but I did. I had no idea Talon was up when I went into the kitchen. We had a few drinks, we talked and I came back to bed.”
“What did he say to you?” His voice cold, his eyes hardened, he enunciated the what.
In that moment, I wasn’t looking at a merciless marine. I was looking at a man who was jealous. I took a tentative step toward him. “He told me to love you as much as you love me.”
His arm shot out and his hand curled around the back of my neck. His fingers fisted in the hair at the base of my skull and he pulled. I fell into his chest, my head tilted back and he slammed his lips over mine.
I groaned, loudly, and his tongue took possession of my mouth. Raw sexual need mixed with three months’ worth of yearning and I was on fire. I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my body into his.
I couldn’t get close enough—sweat, heat, the musky scent of him even stronger from running, I stood on tiptoe and frantically shoved at his shirt. My hands slid all over the muscles of his stomach and chest, careful to avoid the bandage at his side.
He pulled back, reached behind him and yanked his shirt off one-handed. Before he could claim my mouth again, I dragged my lips across his chest, nipped at his salty nipple and swirled my tongue across his hot flesh. He growled and a rush of heat pooled between my legs.
Faster than I could blink, he whipped the chemise over my head and lifted me onto the counter. Ice-cold granite hit my backside.
“You,” he snarled. “Are mine.” He shoved my legs apart.
Teeth gnashing, lips crushing, he kissed me. But he didn’t just kiss me. One hand in my hair, his other hand grabbing my ass and pulling me to the edge of counter, he was taking what was his. Freeing himself from his shorts, he stroked against my burning need once, twice, then he pushed inside me, hard.
Sweet pain shot through my core and for one breathless moment, it paralyzed me.
“Stretch,” he commanded.
Fearing he would move, terrified he wouldn’t, I forgot about the shock of the sheer size of him as he pulsed inside me. My Buck, my warrior, was home.
“Blaze,” I cried, gripping his biceps.
His chest heaving, sweat dripping, he pulled out and slammed back into me.
Wrapping my legs around his waist, tangling my hands around his neck, I held on for dear life as Buck picked me up and spun. His hands grasped the underside of my thighs, my back crashed against the fridge and he set a punishing rhythm.
“Mine,” he growled, biting the skin between my neck and shoulder.
“Yes.” Oh my God, yes.
With hard, frantic thrusts, Buck hit a nerve deep in my body. All the air left my lungs and I became nothing except exquisite sensation, coiling toward submission.
“Come,” he demanded.
As if my body was made for him to command, I came.
Buck’s roar broke through the kitchen and shattered the distance between us.
Jerking, his chest vibrating with the sound of his release, Buck leaned into me and came hard. I felt the tension roll off his body and his muscles turn fluid again then he grasped me tight and walked us into the bedroom.
Without a word, without pulling out, he gently laid us on the bed and tucked his head into my neck.
Overwhelmed by the intimate emotions swirling in my heart, I whispered the only words I had. “I love you.”
Still buried deep inside me, a tremor started at the base of his spine and crawled up his back. He sucked in a loud breath then went completely still.
Something felt off. “Blaze?”
He didn’t move.
A thread of anxiety splintered through my heart. I grabbed the sides of his face and tried to force him to look at me but he didn’t budge. “Hey.”
He finally met my gaze but he didn’t speak.
My fingers feathered a caress across his cheek. “What’s wrong?”
“Did I hurt you?”
An insane, selfish relief blanketed my fears and doused my anxiety. “No.” I gently touched the side of his head. “Are you okay?”
Impossibly pale eyes stared at me. One heartbeat, two... I was lost to everything except him. Time floated away, I forgot he didn’t answer me and his soft breath on my skin became my anchor. I wanted this moment, this closeness, to last forever.
“Don’t leave me yet,” I whispered.
His lips closed over mine and he kissed me—long drugging kisses as he surged forward and pushed himself deeper inside me. Possessive, gentle, his tongue caressed every inch of my mouth. Keeping a slow and torturous pace with his hips, he moved in and out of me in a mind-bending sea of pleasure. Wet and hot from when he came before, every thrust reminded me of his desire and fueled a yearning so primal, I didn’t have a name for it. Pushing inside till he was buried deep, he’d rotate just enough to drive me crazy then he’d pull out and do it all over again.
I was spiraling into an abyss of need, writhing under him, digging my nails into his flesh. I was desperate for more. His hard body, molded by war and years of physical conditioning, didn’t budge one inch under my protests. He controlled his every movement for my pleasure, driving me to the brink and holding me there. I had never, ever, been made love to like this before.
“That’s it, baby.” Buck pulled away from my lips just long enough to run his tongue along my ear. “Let it build.” His hips ground against mine then he pulled back.
“Please,” I begged. I needed release so bad I wanted to cry.
“Feel me inside you.” A slow slide in and another grinding twist. His teeth dragged across my ear.
“Yes.” Oh God, please. “I need—”
“I know what you need.” He buried himself deep and stilled. “And I’m going to give it to you.” He abruptly pulled out, stroked my clit with this thumb then drove back in. “Right now.”
Hearing his raw voice, grasping at his promise, feeling his weight pound into me, I went hurtling over the edge.
Buck slammed into me three more times, roared out my name then went completely rigid as he pumped inside of me.
Breathless moments later, I was too spent to notice his silence as he pulled out and rolled to his back.
His uninjured arm went across his face and when he finally spoke, there was no inflection in his voice. “I came inside you.”
“I know.” My body was still tingling.
“We haven’t talked about this recently.”
I stared at the ceiling, remembering all of his pretty words before he left for Afghanistan. “A little late for talking now.”
His head jerked toward me and he looked at me with something close to shock.
I backtracked but suddenly this conversation felt nothing like the elation I’d experienced when he’d told me he wanted everything from me. “We discussed this before you went on tour.” Before an IED stole my innocence.
His stare penetrated me like a knife. “No, I talked, you listened...then I did what I wanted.”
Tightness wound around my lungs. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying we didn’t discuss it.”
“Did you change your mind?” My voice was calm but my heart was racing toward an unknown finish line.
“No. I want it more now.”
Relief, sweet and bitter, released all my muscles. I reached for him.
“And I want you to marry me. I’ve asked, several times. If I thought you wanted this, I’d take you to the courthouse right now.”
My hands dropped. “You don’t think I want to marry you?”
He inhaled then his face softened and he stroked a finger down my cheek. “I know you’re scared. I can’t change the fear. I don’t want to leave you a widow any more than you want that to happen but I’m not afraid to die. I’m only afraid to die without making you my wife.”
I wasn’t sure why it mattered what my last name was if something happened to him. I would be destroyed no matter what. But I asked the question anyway. “Why?”
Buck looked away for a moment. When he turned back to me, and I saw the anguish in his eyes, I wanted to cry.
“I don’t want to cheat you.”
Swallowing past the despair in my throat, I forced the words out. “If something happened to you, I would be cheated.” There was no other reality to that.
He grasped my chin. “You’re more than this.” Tension creased his face. “You’re more than the woman in my bed.”
I closed my eyes, not wanting to think about losing him.
“Look at me, Layna.”
Jaw rigid, lips tight, his stare uncompromising, everything in his expression was hard. He was scarred and austere and he was the most beautiful warrior I’d ever seen.
He took my face in his hands. “You’re worth my name.”
I breathed in and tears welled.
“My name,” he repeated.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“Then trust me.”
My fingers fluttered across my abdomen. “What if it’s only me?”
Every hard line in his face let go. “If I have you, I have what I want.” His hand splayed across my stomach. Steady, sure, his fingers impossibly large, his touch heated my skin and sunk into my womb. “But do you know what this does to me? Imagining you carrying my child?” he whispered.
I dragged my eyes away from the site of his hand on my stomach and met his gaze. “No.”
“Like I won.”
The perfect moment vanished, stealing the air from my lungs. “This isn’t a game.”
“No, it isn’t. My baby inside you would mean you gave it all to me, your love, your feelings, all of your heart. You would belong to me.” His thumbs stroked my cheeks. “And I would belong to you. Forever.”
“Forever,” I whispered, doubt and insecurity threatening to drown me.
He caressed my face. “Let me give you my name.” He dropped his voice to a seductive whisper. “Marry me, Layna.”
My hands went to his chest and my fingers dipped and swelled over the ridges of his muscles. His breath drew in and out. His heart beat steady.
I let his conviction wash over me. “Now?”
A smile spread across his face, rich and breathtaking like a summer sunrise. “Right now.”
Chapter Eleven
I watched through the bathroom steam as Buck carefully took the bandages off his ribs and thigh. A hot flush hit my face and for a few seconds, the ringing in my ears threatened to take hold. I shook my head and focused on the wounds, not the man they belonged to.
Once I looked past the storm of bruises and ugly red welts stitched together like a cartoon, it was the puckered, burned flesh that surprised me most. His head wound had numbed me to the way they’d put him back together but the burns? He looked like he’d been hit with a spray of burning, jagged bullets and I had to force myself not to react to them.
He turned to the shower.
“Do you want to leave your side covered?” It looked bad, like getting it wet would hurt a lot, bad.
His torso twisted as he l
ooked at me and I almost gasped when I saw the reflection of his back in the mirror. He was bruised everywhere.
“I’m fine.”
I was ready to argue the point, even insist, but stopped myself when I realized there was no coldness to his voice. His tone wasn’t clipped. He didn’t even give me a warning stare. He was simply watching me.
I took a washcloth off the towel bar. “I can wash your back so you don’t get the wound wet.”
I waited for his mask to slip into place but it never came. Quick, before he changed his mind, I moved. “Turn this way.” I put one hand on the tight muscles of his stomach and grasped his granite bicep in the other. I ushered him into the shower with his good side hitting the water.
My heart pounding from his intense stare, I soaped the washcloth and gently began to rub it across the black and blue landscape that’d once been his back.
He stood perfectly still.
I took in every angle of his bulk. Despite the damage to his body, Buck was all warrior. There wasn’t an ounce of flesh on him that wasn’t developed. Football then Force Recon, Buck knew discipline. His breath moving in and out evenly, he was also a master at practicing control.
Angling his body under the water to rinse where I soaped, I blushed when I saw his erection. Despite the sweet soreness between my legs, arousal flared and my heart rate kicked up.
Raising my hands to wash his shoulders, I peeked up at him. Desire and need burned behind the icy depths of his eyes and for just a moment, I drank it in. I put that look on his face. The knowledge was a heady drug I was becoming addicted to.
“I can’t reach,” I whispered, running the washcloth across the back of his neck.
Slowly, he leaned toward me.
I swept the cloth across his chest, over his shoulders and across the uninjured side of his head. His breath hit my damp skin and I shivered.
“Done,” I whispered, dropping my hands.
Rising to his full height, Buck watched me with hooded eyes then stepped into the full force of the spray.
“Blaze!” My stomach and my thigh stung as if the wounds were my own.
Water beat down over his broken body, hitting every wound at once and he didn’t even flinch.