He spotted his mom at a booth in the restaurant near the crowded bar. She was running her finger around the stem of her half-empty wine glass. Nervously he slid into the booth across from her. “Jack,” she said sternly when their eyes finally met, and the guilt he’d been trying to suppress all day rose to the surface. “How could you have done this?” she asked. “How could you have broken up with Kendall the day before your wedding?”
He bowed his head and closed his eyes. It was a horrible thing that he’d done. Unforgivable, really. And he felt sick about it. “Have you talked with her?” he mumbled.
“Not much,” his mom said. “Tina and Ellie picked her up from the house. She’s been with them all day. But she looked absolutely devastated when she left, Jack.”
He didn’t doubt it. He hadn’t given her a reason for calling the wedding off. And everything with them had been going so well. She must have felt completely blindsided.
“This is about Charli, isn’t it?” his mom asked.
He looked back up at her, faintly relieved to talk about it. “Yes,” he admitted. “Today is the day of our reunion.”
“I thought you had let that go,” his mom said.
“I had,” Jack stressed. “I’d mentally blocked out the date. I didn’t even know it was this weekend.”
“Until you found this?” his mom guessed, reaching into her purse and pulling out the to-go box from Hayden’s with the date and time of his and Charli’s reunion written on it. She must have gone rummaging through his room, looking for a clue to explain his behavior.
“Yes,” he admitted. “I’d thrown that in the back of my closet after I returned home from Charleston and left it there when I moved to Seattle.”
That was where he had gone. And where he had met Kendall. He didn’t meet her right away. His first year in the city he remained pretty brokenhearted, and the thought of dating someone else didn’t even cross his mind. All he could think about was Charli and the fact that she was dating someone else. It didn’t help his state of affairs that the job he landed in sales at Brooks Running Company was unfulfilling and left him questioning his decision to leave baseball. But he knew he couldn’t go back to Charli or to baseball, so he had no choice but to keep moving forward.
After a year of moping, he decided to mix things up and apply for a new job. He figured if he could find a job that he loved, his situation might improve and his spirits might lift, so he was relieved when he ended up landing a marketing position at Amazon.
It was there that he bumped into Kendall on his very first day. They rode the elevator up to their fifth floor offices together, and when their eyes locked, Jack’s numbness lifted for the first time since he’d gotten back from Charleston.
He struck up a conversation with her, eager to keep that good feeling going, and when Kendall learned he was the new guy in the building, she went out of her way to make the rounds and introduce him to everyone. He was impressed with how approachable she seemed, despite being a knockout and by the end of the day, he mustered up the courage to ask for her number.
He was so relieved to discover that maybe, just maybe, he could feel something again for someone, and over a late dinner at Figaro Café and Wine Bar that Friday night, his feelings for her only intensified. As they ate their way through crostini and a smoked prosciutto pizza, their conversation flowed endlessly like the wine they kept having their waiter pour, and by the end of the evening, Jack was sitting only inches away from Kendall in the wraparound corner booth. Intoxicated by the scent of her citrusy perfume and the four glasses of wine he’d had, he ended up confessing, “I’m not sure I want to be just your friend, Kendall.”
To his great relief, she had let her pinky finger graze the rough fabric of his dark-washed jeans and replied in a quiet, sexy voice, “Good, because I’m not sure I want to be just your friend either.”
They were exclusive a month later. It had felt a bit weird at first to be dating someone who wasn’t Charli, but it also felt nice to put his heartache in the rear-view mirror for a while and eventually, he grew to develop intense feelings for Kendall. Her quick wit, kind-hearted nature, and model good-looks made her a guy’s dream girl and he felt lucky that she seemed to be head-over-heels for him.
Looking back now, he couldn’t help but wonder if the intensity of their relationship was more a reflection of his desire to reassure himself that a life without Charli was possible rather than a sign of his compatibility with Kendall. Regardless of the why, after just a couple of months, he and Kendall had built somewhat of a nice, comfortable life together and their life remained nice and comfortable for the next two and a half years.
Charli eventually stopped crossing his mind, which he took as a good sign that he’d moved on. Although looking back now, he wondered if she stopped crossing his mind because he’d shut down emotionally on some level to protect himself from ever having to feel such an intense heartache again.
Clearly he was afraid of heartache because the reason he proposed to Kendall had less to do with the fact that he couldn’t picture a life without her and more to do with the fact that he didn’t want to lose her the way he’d lost Charli. A new guy had started working at Amazon a few months before he popped the question and Jack noticed him flirting with Kendall all the time. He couldn’t blame him, given how striking she was, but it made him feel insecure, tapping into that vulnerability he thought he’d left behind. So eventually, he proposed and Kendall accepted. He had every intention of going through with the wedding, until he saw that to-go box from Hayden’s that afternoon. Now he ran the risk of being a real jerk.
“Seeing the box triggered hundreds of memories of Charli,” he told his mom. “Memories that I’d blocked out. Memories that I tried to replace with new ones of Kendall and me.” He hadn’t planned on opening the box. If just seeing it made him care about Charli that much again, he couldn’t imagine what opening it would do. But he couldn’t help himself. And that was when he saw the date—that evening’s date—written at the top. What were the odds that his wedding weekend was the same weekend that his reunion with Charli was supposed to be? It gave him chills, and for a long time he sat on the floor just staring at it. So long that tears ended up on his cheeks.
But Charli probably wasn’t even going to show up for the reunion, he kept telling himself. And he had a wonderful woman downstairs who he knew loved him.
Maybe it was just nostalgia that he was experiencing, he considered. But it felt like more than that. A big part of him wanted to show up for that reunion. So badly in fact that it felt like an actual need. It was as if something inside of him had been lying dormant since he got back from Charleston and that something had suddenly been reignited within him. For the first time in five years he felt like his true self. What did that mean? Had he been acting this whole time he’d been with Kendall? It hadn’t felt like that. But perhaps in an effort to protect his heart, he’d tricked himself into believing that Charli wasn’t the love of his life and that he could be just as happy with someone else.
He hadn’t really had a plan when he called off the wedding. He just knew he had to, in order to sit with his thoughts and his feelings longer. He couldn’t keep playing the part of the happy fiancé, even if ultimately being with Kendall was what he really wanted.
“So, are you planning to show up for the reunion?” his mom asked. “Is that why you called the wedding off?”
“I don’t know,” Jack answered honestly. “I’ve been thinking about it.”
She nodded and took a moment, as if processing this. When she finally opened her mouth, he was prepared for her to advise him to go back to Kendall. He knew that she, too, was afraid of him getting hurt again by Charli. Plus, she had grown to care for Kendall during the years they’d been together. Whenever Jack brought Kendall into town, she and his mom would go out to long lunches or get their nails done together and talk for hours. They had even taken a girls’ trip to New York City to shop that past holiday season.
; But she surprised him by saying, “The decision is obviously up to you, Jack. I won’t think less of you either way. I’m dressed for the rehearsal dinner if you decide to try and get Kendall back, but I will also wait by the phone all night to hear from you if you decide to go to that reunion. You are my son, and I just want you to be happy. But there is something I think you should know before you make your decision.”
From the tone of her voice, Jack knew that whatever it was, it couldn’t be good. “What is it?” he said, bracing himself.
“I ran into Charli’s parents a few months back,” she said.
Jack stiffened. “How’s her mom?” he asked instinctively, hoping she was still in remission from the breast cancer she’d gotten when he and Charli were in college.
“She’s fine, health-wise.”
Jack nodded, then held his breath, preparing himself for the rest.
“They came back to visit their old house and see the old neighborhood,” his mom went on. “They told me that Charli is doing great. And apparently . . . she’s seeing somebody.”
His heart sank.
“Wendy didn’t mention anything about the reunion or about Charli wavering on her feelings for the guy she was seeing. In fact, she said that Charli seems pretty serious about him.” His mom looked up and reached across the table for Jack’s hand. “I just think that’s important information for you to have, honey, because it seems highly unlikely to me that Charli’s going to be there tonight. And I really don’t want to see you get your heart broken again.”
His mom was right. The odds were stacked heavily against Charli showing up for the reunion. And yet, surprisingly, it didn’t totally deter him from wanting to go to Hayden’s anyway.
He knew he couldn’t do both—show up to Hayden’s and see if Charli was there, and then go back to Kendall if she wasn’t. That would make Kendall his second choice, and he couldn’t marry someone he’d pegged as his backup. It wasn’t fair to him or to her.
No, he had to choose: go to Hayden’s for Charli or fight to get Kendall back. And he had to make his decision soon. It was six forty-five. If he was planning on going to the reunion, he had to leave for Hayden’s within the next five minutes to get there by the time he and Charli had agreed upon. And if he was planning on trying to get Kendall back, he had to find her and start apologizing as quickly as possible so that they could still hopefully make their rehearsal dinner at eight.
“What would you do?” he asked his mom. Never in his life had he wanted her guidance more.
“I wish I could tell you, honey. I wish I could point you in the right direction. But we both know this is your decision to make.”
He pictured himself fighting to get Kendall back and saying goodbye to any hope of a future with Charli. Then he imagined himself walking into Hayden’s to see if Charli was there and giving up all hope of a future with Kendall. The choice seemed impossible. “I’m not sure I’m going to be able to figure this out,” he said. “At least not in time.”
His mom slid the Hayden’s to-go box across the table to him. “You will. The right choice will come to you.”
She stood up and collected her purse from the seat. “You let me know if you need me to call everyone and tell them the rehearsal dinner is still on. I haven’t cancelled our reservation at Genoa yet.” She bent down and kissed the top of his head before walking out.
Frustrated and more confused than ever, Jack flagged over a waiter to order a drink to sip as he waited for an answer to come.
twenty-seven
NOW
IT HAD TAKEN some coaxing to get Charli to agree to come outside, but eventually Gianna had succeeded in convincing her. Charli still didn’t know exactly what she was in for—Gianna had just explained that Ellie was a therapist with a creative way to deal with heartbreak.
“I guess it beats going back to my hotel and being alone with my thoughts,” Charli had finally said and then followed them out.
The rain was so loud that Gianna could barely make herself heard over the sound of it. “The potted plant is this way,” she yelled, pointing up ahead.
They hugged the side of the restaurant, trying to get as much shelter as they could from the awning. There were five or six parked cars back here, and Gianna prayed that no one dashed out while the three of them were performing this ritual. She didn’t want people thinking that the owner of Hayden’s was some kind of loony.
As soon as they got to the plant, Ellie took charge. “Hand me the spoons,” she instructed, holding out her hand. “I’ll get started with the digging.”
“The digging?” Charli wrinkled her eyebrows. “What are we digging?”
Oh boy, Gianna thought, here goes the explanation. Either Charli was going to buy into this thing, or think Gianna was absolutely crazy for dragging her out here. Judging from the look on Charli’s face as Ellie explained the ritual of burying reminders of ex-boyfriend’s, it wasn’t hard to guess that she was thinking the latter.
Gianna jumped in once Ellie had finished in an attempt to change Charli’s mindset. “I thought this was crazy when she first explained it to me, Charli. But then I thought about it a little more and realized as out there as it was, it kind of made sense in a quirky way.”
“It really does help,” Ellie said. “Before my friends and I got here this evening, we buried one of my friend’s wedding dresses under the ground at a park down the street from Hayden’s because her fiancé jilted her today, the day before her wedding.”
Charli just stared at them straight-faced as the wind howled, and then finally she broke into an unexpected smile. “You two can’t be serious. You’re just trying to get me to laugh and lighten up, right?”
“No. This is a real thing we do,” Ellie said.
Charli was smiling wider now. “I don’t believe it.”
“You see, if you can part with the reminders of your Ex, it’s a start to parting with him,” Ellie said, sounding like Gianna’s own shrink. “If you hold onto the reminders, then every time you look at them, you’ll continue to miss him. That significantly drags out the grieving process. It might help you to get the closure you need if you bury a reminder of your fella in this pot right now. I was told you have a receipt with the date and time for tonight’s reunion on it. That would work.”
“Come on, Gianna,” Charli said, turning to her, the smirk still on her face. “This a joke, isn’t it? How much did you pay this woman?”
Although Gianna had been eager to tell Charli that yes—this was a joke—just a few seconds ago, now, after listening to Ellie, she was back to thinking the burial ritual was a good idea. How did the woman do that?
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Gianna told Charli. “But I do think it might help.”
“Come on,” Ellie encouraged her. “Why don’t you just bury it and see how it feels?”
“What? No. This is crazy.”
“So crazy it just might work?” Ellie challenged.
Charli laughed. “Look, I appreciate this injection of humor into my night, but really, I don’t need to do this.”
“I think you’re just not ready to let go,” Ellie said, refusing to let her off the hook. Gosh she was tough. Weren’t therapists supposed to be easygoing and not pushy?
“My Ex is marrying another woman,” Charli said. “Whether I want to or not, I have to let go. I know it’s over.”
“So why won’t you bury the receipt?” Ellie asked.
Gianna wasn’t sure if she should let this play out or interject and get Charli off the hook since she clearly wasn’t a fan of this whole burial idea. When Charli’s eyes turned glossy, Gianna opened her mouth to intervene, but Charli spoke up before she could.
“It’s just . . . I think I need a little more time to process all of this. I’m not ready to let go of the few reminders I have of my Ex quite yet.”
“You know the Jews bury their dead within twenty-four hours of the death,” Ellie told her.
“Yeah, well,
I don’t have a decaying body on my hands here,” Charli said, smiling tiredly. “Ladies, I appreciate this. I really do. But I think I’m going to just go back to my hotel, take a warm shower, pop an Ambien, and put this night behind me.”
Gianna stepped in before Ellie could push her anymore. “We were only trying to help.”
“I’m incredibly grateful,” Charli said. “To both of you. For everything.”
Gianna wanted to offer to walk Charli to her car, but she had to get back inside for Peter. She had made him wait long enough. It was time for her to accept his proposal.
Charli pulled her hood up over her head, and Gianna reached out and hugged her, wishing that she were her Fairy Godmother in this moment instead of her waitress and that she could swirl her wand around and made Jack appear in thin air.
“Well, here goes nothing,” Charli said, looking out at the rain. She sucked in a deep breath, met Gianna’s eyes one more time and then darted out into it.
twenty-eight
NOW
JACK KNEW WHAT he had to do about halfway through his whiskey and Coke. When he realized it, he couldn’t believe that he’d considered the alternative. His heart had been certain what he should do all along; he’d just been too afraid to listen to it.
And he was still afraid, he realized as he stood up from the booth and laid down a twenty-dollar bill to pay for the drink he’d ordered after his mom left. His server, Otis, was serving someone else, and Jack didn’t have time to wait for change, so he waved a quick goodbye and bolted out of the bar and through the hotel lobby, past its ridiculous orange couches and over-the-top chandelier.
Out on the curb he found the valet standing behind a platform desk holding an umbrella.
“Can you get me a cab?” he asked. He didn’t want to have to wait for someone to pull his car around or worry about parking once he got to Hayden’s.
Waiting at Hayden's Page 20